


Don't Know What You Got ('Til It's Gone)

by HQuinn



Series: Don't Know What You Got [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic Violence, F/M, First Love, Kidnapping, Oral Sex, Second Chances, Sex, Smut, Stalking, Threats of Rape/Non-Con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 21:12:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 37
Words: 130,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10344660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HQuinn/pseuds/HQuinn
Summary: Nathaniel Howe had it all-looks, charm, a promising career in law and a beautiful fiance. Then his father committed a crime so horrendous that is sent Nathaniel’s life into a spiral and he lost it all.Eight years later, with his life back on track, he returns to Denerim for a fresh start. Then he runs into her again, and realizes what has been missing from his life all these years.If only her last boyfriend, Raleigh Samson, would let her get on with her life.**I put in the DV warning, any chapter that has it will have a warning in the author notes for that chapter.There is the Rape/Non-con warning. There won't be rape shown, but warnings on chapters that could be a trigger.**A big thanks to my amazing, incredible betas.TurboNerd&hellosweetie17Thanks toSingingMom1716for keeping me focused and having fun with the story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title Song: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i28UEoLXVFQ>
> 
> Friend me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bella.abraham.946  
> I'm on tumblr: http://wardenari.tumblr.com and nathanielhowelove.tumblr.com

**Eight Years, 11 months Prior**

Cara Cousland took a sip from her water and looked around the table filled with her boyfriend and her two best friends, Alistair Guerrin and Leliana Michon. She had known Leli since 7th grade when Leli moved from Orlais. Alistair she met just last year in college, but they quickly bonded, and he and her boyfriend of four years, Nathaniel Howe, had also become friends.

She’d had a nice lunch earlier in the day with her parents, her brother, and his family. They’d gathered to celebrate her nineteenth birthday, and while the gifts were nice, what she really liked was the conversation. As was tradition, they shared stories of birthdays past. The topper was her sister-in-law Orana telling her that she was expecting, only two months along, early still, but Oren would be a big brother.

Everything seemed so happy and light, no indication of the horror and destruction that the upcoming year would bring. Of the loss that would destroy it all.

Tonight was what she’d really been looking forward to -- dinner at a fancy restaurant (well, fancy for four college students). Even though her parents had wealth, they took care never to spoil their children. Cara’s tuition was paid along with her books, but money for her apartment, food and spending were up to her to earn. Her parents believed it was important to learn a good work ethic. Of course they’d be there to help in an emergency, and their fortune would be split between her and Fergus one day, but it did mean she had to learn things some of her counterparts didn’t know -- like how to budget, balance a checking account, and learning the value of things, like friends that dressed up and spent a little extra to celebrate her birthday with laughter and love.

“Thank you all for coming out tonight.” Cara beamed at her friends.

Alistair had a goofy grin on his face that made Cara wonder what he was up to. Every time they made eye contact, Alistair would practically giggle and look away. Cara started to wonder if Leli had slipped something in his drink with the way he was acting. Nathaniel squeezed her hand and gave her a smile that warmed her. The future looked so bright for the two of them, he was in his second year of law school, and she, well she was in college and would figure out what to major in at some point. But she loved Nathaniel, and she had no doubt that he loved her too.

“I think it’s time you open your gifts,” Leliana suggested, handing over a wrapped box.

Cara opened it to find the most beautiful pair of blue shoes, nearly the same color as Cara’s eyes. They almost looked like they had jewels on them, as shimmery as they were. And knowing Leli, they’d be comfortable as well. “They’re beautiful, Leli. We’re going to have to go out soon so I have an excuse to wear them.”

“Oh, I’m sure we can come up with _something_ you can wear them for,” Leli replied and Alistair covered up a snort in response. Seriously, what was up with those two? She looked at her boyfriend, to see if he had a clue about what was going on, but he didn’t even seem to notice, instead he was speaking to the waiter.

They’d been together four years, since her sophomore year in high school, his senior year. She had worried he’d lose interest when he left for college, but he hadn’t, coming back to see her every break and calling her every night. She adored him, he was kind, smart, and incredibly sexy as far as she was concerned. She could get lost in those blue-grey eyes of his. Cara brushed the strands of her long blonde hair behind her shoulder and turned to look at Alistair.

“Gimmie.” She teased, holding her hands out.  Alistair placed a small box on them, wrapped almost too pretty to tear. Almost. Cara ripped through the paper and pulled out a beautiful silk scarf, blue, like the shoes.

“Oh Alistair, it’s wonderful. Thank you so much.” She put it around her neck, loving the feel of it.

“You’re quite welcome.” Alistair gave her the first normal smile he’d had all night.

Cara turned slightly in her seat to show the scarf to Nathaniel. Which was when she noticed that he seemed to be moving closer. Wait, why was he sliding out of his chair? Why was he starting to kneel on the floor? Cara quickly glanced over at Leli who was now grasping Alistair’s hand in the air and they looked like kids on Satinalia. Cara looked back at Nathaniel, surely he couldn’t…

Nathaniel took her left hand in one of his, kissing the back of it and not letting go after. “Cara, you are my best friend. Someone I want to share all my successes with, the person I want to reach out to when life kicks me down. You make every day better just by being there. Cara Alison Cousland, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife? And please answer soon before Alistair explodes.”

Cara giggled as she cast a quick glance at her friend, who did, in fact look like he might burst with excitement. She looked back down in time to see Nathaniel slip a rather large diamond on her ring finger. Tears of joy started filling her eyes as she looked at him. She then realized he was still waiting for her answer.

“Yes,” She sobbed. “Of course, yes Nathaniel, yes.”

He pulled her arms around his shoulders as he kissed her.  He then moved back to his seat, but took her right hand in his and didn’t let go.

“Well clearly you knew about this,” Cara giggled as she looked at Alistair. “Never play Wicked Grace, you’ll lose miserably.”

Alistair laughed and shook his head. “I’m just so happy. You two are just so _good_ together. Congratulations.”

The rest of the night was filled with toasts and laughter. Nathaniel and Cara had to support each other as they walked up the stairs to his apartment a few blocks away later that night, both so intoxicated. Cara couldn’t wait to call her parents tomorrow to tell them the news, but for tonight all she wanted was to undress her sexy boyfriend, no, _fiancé_ , and celebrate alone.

***

Cara awoke in the morning to kisses on her shoulder. She rolled on her back, looking up at Nathaniel, who brushed the hair out of her eyes. “Good morning, beautiful.”

Cara ran her fingers through his chest hair and blushed at the way he was looking at her.  She noticed the ring on her finger and sighed yet again. He seemed to notice as well as he leaned his head down to kiss her, slowly crawling over her, his naked body lying on top of hers as she dug her fingers into his hair. The kissing became heated, breathing turning into moans as they welcomed the day in their own way.

***

“Let me see.” Orana playfully pulled at Cara’s hand. “Oh my. This is quite the ring. Very nice.”

“He said it was his grandmother’s.” Cara admired it on her finger.

“I am so excited. You will let me help with planning, yes?” Orana asked.

“Of course,” Cara hugged her sister-in-law while her father and Fergus were talking to Nathaniel, congratulating him and both beaming with joy. They both adored him, even before the two had been dating, he was nearly always at the Cousland home.

“I have a wonderful dressmaker we can go to.” Eleanor came up behind her daughter and put an arm around her. Cara leaned her head on her mother’s shoulder as she did.

“Thanks, ma. I’m just so happy.” Cara felt like her face might break from smiling so wide.

“And we’re ecstatic too. Nathaniel is a wonderful young man. I cannot wait to officially have him as family.”  Eleanor gave Cara’s shoulders a squeeze again.

***

**Eight years, 10 months prior**

Cara entered the nightclub as Nathaniel paid the bouncer. Her eyes scanned the floor looking for her friends and she smiled to herself as she felt his fingertips dance along the bare skin on her lower back.  She had hoped he would like the dress she and Leliana had picked out earlier that day. Well, really more Leliana with Cara just trying it on. It was a black skater type dress that just came to the top of her thighs. The front was a low v-neck and in the back, the spaghetti straps criss-crossed into a bow on the lower back. She’d learned long ago that Leli just had an eye and to go with it. Due to the fact that he couldn’t seem to stop touching her since he’d picked her up half an hour ago, she felt fairly certain he liked it.

She spotted Leli along with their friends Solona and Morrigan and waved. Nathaniel’s lips brushed along her upper cheek. “Go, I’ll be at the bar with the guys.” She looked over and spotted his friends there.

“Save me a dance,” Cara turned to look at him.

Nathaniel’s eyes skimmed over her body, lingering on her cleavage. “Definitely.” His voice practically a purr.

She loved Leli!

As she approached her friends they all took turns hugging each other. “Wow, that dress is beautiful” Solona smiled wide.

“Based on the smoldering from the bar, I’d say you’re not the only one who thinks so,” Morrigan teased. They looked over to see both Nathaniel and his friend Vaughn ogling her. His friend Oswyn was also there, but he only looked over with a cursory glance, being respectful. She liked him, but Vaughn Kendalls gave her the creeps. He was always a little _too_ interested in her for someone that was supposed to be Nathaniel’s best friend.

“Leli, you’re a genius.” Cara linked arms with her as she turned her back to the bar.

Leli chuckled. “One of my many talents.” She caught the eye of a red-haired woman near the dance floor. “If I’m lucky, I’ll get to demonstrate some of my others with her tonight.” She left the group to go talk to the woman.

“Mi amiga.” Cara smiled as Zevran put a friendly arm around her shoulders. “Happy birthday bella.”

“You’re a month late,” Cara teased.

“Ah, then I am the first to wish you so for next year.” He smirked and gave her cheek a sweet kiss. His eyes lit up as she spotted a rather attractive man across the room. “If you ladies will excuse me, I see something I would like tied up in a bow for myself.”

“Come on, let’s hit the floor too.” Solona tugged on Cara’s and Morrigan’s arms after Zevran went after his prize.

“Her cheerfulness is hard to overcome,” Morrigan said with mock annoyance as they headed to the floor.

“No Alistair tonight?” Solona asked while looking around for him as the three of them danced.

Cara and Morrigan shared a knowing look. Solona clearly had a crush on the man, but both of them were way too shy to act on it. “He had to work.”

“Oh,” she failed at playing it off like she didn’t care.

As the first song blended into the next, Morrigan tilted her head towards Cara’s. “Incoming!” She had to practically yell into Cara’s ear to be heard over the dance music.

Cara turned when she felt a hand brush along her upper arm intimately, expecting it to be Nathaniel. She was disappointed when she turned around to see Vaughn instead. He hadn’t removed his hand from her, his fingertips brushing along her shoulder. “Dance with me.” He seemed to be telling her rather than asking.

Cara’s eyes looked over at the bar, but Nathaniel’s back was turned, watching the baseball game with Oswyn.

“He won’t mind, and you look too good in that dress to ignore.” Vaughn’s fingers played with the strap on her shoulder.

“But I might.” Cara pushed his hand off of her.

A look of anger flashed across his face before quickly changing back to the seductive look she was sure worked on plenty of other women. “Don’t you know, he and I share. _Everything._ ” He whispered the last word into her ear, his lips brushing along it as his fingers danced very close to her ass..

“She’s not interested, dance with me instead.” Cara wanted to hug Morrigan who was clearly taking a bullet for her. She knew Morrigan had little interest in Vaughn either, but if Morrigan knew anything, it was how to seduce a man. She wouldn’t be surprised if those two wound up in bed together tonight, Morrigan’s take on sex was more open than hers.

“Let’s get a drink.” Cara took Solona’s hand once Morrigan had led Vaughn away. She was creeped out and couldn’t get to where Nathaniel was quick enough.

He turned when she approached and gave her a smile as his fingers brushed along her arm. Unlike with Vaughn, Nathaniel’s touch sent a pleasant shiver down her.

“Sol, this is Oswyn. Oz, Sol,” She introduced the two of them.

“Hi,” Solona nodded with a smile.

“Hi,” Oswyn looked at Solona with as if he couldn’t believe she would talk to him. Cara could see the blush starting on his cheeks. He wasn’t unattractive, short, dirty blonde hair and clean shaven. Unlike Vaughn, Oswyn was respectful and generally shy. He clearly liked the long haired brunette before him. “Can I buy you a drink?”

Solona looked at Cara for a moment, who nodded to her. “Sure.” She moved to sit in the stool he had vacated for her.

Nathaniel’s fingertips had journeyed to her back by then. “You look tense. You ok?”

She felt as if she was vibrating from the circles he was drawing along her back. “Just Vaughn.” She took the drink the bartender handed her that Nathaniel had ordered. Being only nineteen, it was just a diet soda. “He said you two share everything, and he hinted that included women.”

She worried her lip a little. Even though they’d been together for four years, and even though she now had his ring on her finger, she still worried sometimes that he’d lose interest. He was tall, incredibly sexy with piercing grey eyes, and charming. On top of that, in little over a year, he’d be a lawyer, which meant money. He could have any woman he wanted and she often pictured women closer to his age throwing themselves at him. He didn’t fit the mold of other sons of those in their parents’ social circle, he had more of the ‘bad boy’ edge to him. She sometimes worried what he was up to on nights she didn’t see him even though he’d never given her any actual reason to worry.

“That’s true about sharing, but not women.” Nathaniel’s hand that was not on her back brushed her cheek. “When it comes to them, there’s only one I’m interested in, and I’m definitely not sharing.” His fingers slid under the fabric of her dress slightly at the low cut back as he bent his head to whisper into her ear. “Should I demonstrate just how much I am yours?”

Cara nodded, staring up at his eyes in a daze. He had the look in his eyes that always turned her knees to jelly.

“Oz, we’ll be back,” Nathaniel said to his friend as he took Cara’s hand. Oswyn just nodded, not taking his eyes off Solona. Cara smirked, wondering if that was the start of something.

Nathaniel led her through the crowd, his hand gently holding onto hers, their fingers interlinked. He seemed to be looking around, but she wasn’t sure what for. He turned to the right sharply having found whatever it was he had been searching out. A moment later he was leading her down a hallway and opening the door to a storage room, pulling her in behind him.

“Nathaniel?” she chuckled as he started to nuzzle her neck with his lips. “We’re in a closet.”

“The music is so loud, they won’t hear us, I promise.” His right hand slid under her dress and reached into her panties, searching out her clit while his left started to pull down one of the straps on her shoulder, his lips following the path the strap took.

Cara moaned as he started to rub circles onto her clit while another finger ran along her lower lips, gathering the moisture their. She clung to his shoulders as his head began to move down further along the top of her breast. His left hand slowly released her breast from the dress and he moved his lips down to take the hard peak into his mouth. His tongue teased at it while she moaned his name. She gripped onto his shoulders trying desperately to keep from falling over as she could feel her orgasm quickly approaching. She found the thought that at any moment someone could open the door and find them there, her with her dress half off and his fingers inside of her, added to the excitement.

He seemed to sense her impending topple as he stood and pressed his lips to hers, his left arm now supporting her around her back. “You look so amazing in this dress. I’ve been wanting to fuck you since I saw it.”

Cara whined, needing to feel more of him. She nibbled on his neck as her shaky hands reached for his belt buckle as he continued to drive her higher and higher towards her peak. “Nathaniel, please,” she whined into his throat, feeling just about ready to topple.

He removed his hand from where he’d been teasing her, eased her panties off and lifted her up onto a nearby table. She wanted to scream in frustration that he had stopped. His hands quickly undid his belt and she helped him pull his slacks and boxers down far enough for his cock to be free. He stood between her legs, pulling her head gently towards him for another kiss as Cara wrapped her legs around his waist. Nathaniel lined himself up and a second later they both moaned as he pressed into her,

“We need to be quick, but I swear I’ll take my time with you later tonight.” His hot breath fell onto her neck as he spoke.

Cara nodded and nibbled at his ear, her nails digging into his shoulders, trying to not tear his shirt as he grabbed her hips and began to pound into her. He was not being gentle, but they’d been together long enough for him to know that was exactly what she wanted. Her moaning increasing in volume, and her nails digging into his back told him that as well.

Nathaniel kissed and licked along her neck, slowly pushing her slightly back as he did to give himself more access to her. His lips travelled down her collar back to her exposed breast, which he again took into his hot mouth, this time biting instead of using his tongue.

“Maker, Nathaniel,” she screamed as her insides clenched around him.

A moment later he came, burying his nose into her neck. He held her like that, still inside of her while he caught his breath. He raised his head up, kissing her again, slowly this time. He pulled out of her and helped her down, handing her back her panties as he redressed himself.

Once they were both dressed, he put his hand on her jaw and ran his thumb along her cheek. Nathaniel leaned down and kissed her softly again. “I’m serious, Cara. You’re it for me, there is no one, and I mean no one you ever have to worry about.”

Cara sighed happily and nodded at him, “I love you.”

“Move in with me,” he took her hand with his.

“What?” She blinked unsure she’d heard him right.

“I said move in with me. We’re getting married anyway, and I don’t want you to worry. Besides, I probably need you around to keep me in line,” he smirked.

Cara broke into a large smile and rose on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his shoulder. “Yes.”

***

**Eight Years, 7 months Prior**

 

> _Breaking news - Arrest Made in Last Week’s Brutal Murder of Cousland Family_
> 
> _Business mogel Rendon Howe arrested just hours ago in connection to last week’s brutal murders of Bryce, Eleanor, Orana and Oren Cousland in the family’s home.  Crow hitman, Taliesen, charged last week in the killings named Howe as the contract owner.  Howe has been charged with embezzlement of funds from Highever Industries and hiring the hitman. The media has already dubbed Howe as the ‘Butcher of Highever’ due to the calculated and cruel manner the family was killed. Prosecutors will be seeking the Death penalty for him.  Lone remaining members of the Cousland family, Cara and Fergus - children of Bryce and Eleanor, and father and husband to Oren and Orana - are expected to be in attendance during the trial._

***

**Eight Years, 3 months Prior**

Cara handed over the latte to the customer waiting. “Large caramel latte,” she repeated the order as she placed it on the counter.

The young woman stared at her for what seemed like a good minute before taking her order. Cara wished that was odd, but sadly, that was par for the course. She wondered if the day would ever come where people would stop staring at her. Where she’d no longer be ‘the girl whose family was murdered’ and go back to being just Cara.

The last four months had been anything but easy. The deaths of her beloved family were hard enough to deal with. In those early days she often felt underwater, drowning in her grief. Adding salt to the wounds, Nathaniel’s father had stolen her family’s fortune; the money was gone. Cara had to now work two jobs and find loans to continue to pay for school. On top of that, her brother Fergus was not handling the loss of his family well. He’d been in a psychiatric hospital the first several months, only being released two months ago. He still was not the same man she had known before the murders. Where he had once been strong, full of laughter and her protector, he was now thin, pale looking and somber. She hadn’t seen him smile even once in all this time. He was a shell of who he had been, leaving their positions reversed, her now being his protector, needing to care for him. She had to even go so far as moving him to Denerim so she could keep him close while she was still going to school.

“Do you want to go out tomorrow night?” Leliana, who also worked at the coffee shop, asked her as Cara was getting her purse and leaving for the day.

“I’m not sure yet, I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know,” Cara answered, exhaustion evident in her voice. Sixty hour work weeks plus full time schooling was taking its toll on her, but it was the only way to make ends meet and keep a roof over their heads.

Cara walked the mile to her apartment, having had to sell her car to pay for Fergus’ care some time ago. Once in the tiny apartment, she put her purse on the hook by the door along with her coat. It was cold, but still warmer than typical for being only a week before Satinalia. She walked into the kitchen and sighed. Empty beer bottles were piled on the counter, a few dirty dishes sat in the sink. Well, at least he’d eaten. She shouldn’t be surprised he hadn’t cleaned, but still, it would have been nice.

She walked into the living room, more beer and wine bottles around. Nathaniel was passed out on the reclining chair. She didn’t even need to bother checking to know he was drunk. Cara quietly gathered up the bottles, carrying them back into the kitchen. She put those and the others from the counter into the recycle bin. Once done, she turned on the water, and waited for it to heat up to clean the dishes. Her mind wandered as she focused on the water falling from the spigot. This wasn’t what her life was supposed to be. She was supposed to have it easy. She should be planning for her wedding right now, her mother beside her as she finished all the last minute details. She was supposed to be awwing over how cute Oren looked in a tux in preparation for being the ring bearer. She should be holding her new niece that she’d never get to meet now. She should be blushing while people asked her when her and Nathaniel were planning to start having their own. He should be having a bachelor party, be preparing for the bar exam to become an official lawyer. Instead everything fell apart with his father’s arrest.

At first it was a few drinks and she let it go, knowing he was heart broken. He’d loved Cara’s family, was even Makerfather to Oren. He’d been Fergus’ best man at his wedding. To have his own father be responsible for the deaths of those he considered his second family ate at him. Soon those few drinks turned into entire twelve packs of beer in a night. It got worse after his father was given the death penalty. He dropped out of law school with only a few months left and quit his page job at the law firm. He even stopped working on his beloved 1970 454 LS6 Chevelle that he’d been restoring for the last three years. It now sat abandoned in his brother’s garage. In short, he’d just stopped everything except drinking.

Cara cried as she washed the dishes. This was not the life she wanted, it was not the life her parents would have wanted for her. She loved Nathaniel. To see him like this broke her heart. She’d tried interventions, tried begging, blackmail, anything she could think of, but he just refused to see he needed help. She was stuck, tired, trying to keep her grades up in school while working all the time. Trying to support them both, trying to keep moving forward, all while watching helplessly as the man she loved slipped further and further away from her. Watching him just give up was killing her. Cara turned off the water, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. This was far from the first night she’d spent crying to herself, feeling hopeless. Alone. She’d stopped wearing her engagement ring two months ago. Her friends noticed right away. Nathaniel never gave away any indication that he’d noticed.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket pulling her from her thoughts. She looked - a text from Fergus.

 **From Big Brother:** Are you there?

 **To Big Brother:** I am. What’s up?

 **From Big Brother:** Today was the first time I could look at this picture and smile. I miss them. Maker knows I miss them so much. But I smiled at this, remembering this day.

The attachment was a picture of Fergus, Orana, Oren and Cara. Oren was in Cara’s lap, they were all smiling at the camera bright. It was Oren’s sixth birthday, they had all gone to the amusement park to celebrate.

 **To Big Brother:** Thanks for sharing that. I remember that day too. It’s nice to remember the good times. I’m off tomorrow, how about an early lunch.

 **From Big Brother:** Yes. I’ll see you then. I love you pup.

Cara looked at the photo some more. She was happy, full of hope for the future. The diamond ring on her finger blinged in the photo. So much love and promise in that picture. She kept staring at her own face in the photo. It was one she no longer recognized. It felt strange to look at a picture of herself and feel like it was a different person. She missed that girl, she missed smiling, she missed just being able to have fun, she missed not feeling like there was always a boulder pressing on her chest. She wanted that again. She felt the sting of clarity in realizing what she needed to do, what she’d been avoiding for so long.

She walked into the living room and watched him for a moment. Her voice soft but firm when she spoke. “Nathaniel, wake up, we need to talk.”

***

Nathaniel woke up, his neck feeling stiff from having fallen asleep on the recliner. The light coming in told him it was probably mid-day. He stood up and stretched, walking into the kitchen. He got a glass of water and looked around listening. There was no sounds, but it was Cara’s day off, where would she be? He walked into the bedroom, but the bed didn’t look like it had even been slept in. He ran his hand through his hair and went back into the living room. That’s when he saw the note on the table. Sitting back on the chair he began to read.

_**Nathaniel,** _

_**I’m guessing after I left that you drank to the point of blacking out, so this is to repeat what I said.** _

_**I can no longer sit by and watch you slowly kill yourself. I know your father’s actions hit you hard, but this is too much. I love you, that has not changed, but I can no longer do this to myself. I need to take care of myself. I feel like I’m drowning and the one person I want to reach out to I can’t because you have shut yourself off from life.** _

_**Please, please get help, get clean. Your father already destroyed my family. Don’t let him destroy your life too.** _

_**I’m leaving, well by the time you are reading this I’ve already left. Please do not look for me, do not try to find me. I need to move on, I need to change the direction of my life, and I cannot do that with you in it. Please find help, please find some happiness for yourself.** _

_**Goodbye,** _

_**Cara** _

 

He read the letter twice more not believing the words. He looked at the table and noticed a velvet box there. He didn’t need to open it to know what was inside...her ring. Nathaniel dropped the note, his hands covering his eyes. His heart hurt, crushed. He rose up from the chair and strode into the kitchen, swinging open the refrigerator door and pulling out a beer. The second he popped off the top he started guzzling the drink needing to drown out the pain he was feeling. Slowly flashes from the night before came back to him.

Cara telling him, “I’m leaving you. I can’t do this anymore, you need help but won’t get it, and I can’t sit by and watch this anymore.”

He flashed to watching her pack, begging her to stay, to give him another chance. He remembered trying to grab her arm to get her to just stay, just _talk_ to him.

The door closed behind her, with a promise that she’d send someone for the rest of her things the next day.

Nathaniel sat hard back on the seat and stared at the box sitting on the table just taunting him. His elbows rested on his knees, his hands covering his face as he cried, wanting nothing more than for a hole to open in the ground and swallow him forever.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Present Day**

He stepped off the jetway and into the Denerim International Airport, adjusting the strap on his shoulder for his laptop bag. He hadn’t been back here in years. He’d been happy living in Gwaren, a place where his name didn’t carry any baggage, where he was able to set up a nice life, quiet and peaceful. But then the firm offered him a Junior Partnership, the youngest in the history of the company, in exchange for moving to the Denerim office; it was too good to pass up.

He passed through the security exit looking for his friend, laughing when he caught site of Hawke holding up a sign like a limo driver would with the words “Mr. Bigshot” on it. Hawke was about 6 feet tall, not overly muscular, but not skinny either. He had short black hair with a full beard and mustache.

“Welcome back to Denerim, Nate.” Hawke held his hand out, pulling Nathaniel into a hug as soon as they shook hands.

“Nice sign, Garrett,” Nate chuckled.

They walked over towards the baggage claim still talking. “Fenris is excited to have you staying with us.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever known Fenris to be excited about anything.” Nate smirked.

“He said something about how he was hoping having another sensible person in our home might rub off on me,” Garrett snorted. “Good luck.”

“I really appreciate you both letting me stay with you. I promise it won’t be long, I’ll find my own place soon.” Nate pulled one of his suitcases off the baggage claim.

“It’s not a problem. Just have to stop at a friend’s place to pick up the air mattress. I promise it’s one of those expensive comfortable ones,” Hawke reassured him, taking Nate’s other bag off the claim. “You certainly didn’t pack light.”

“Wait until you see what’s being shipped,” Nate chuckled as Hawke led the way to his car.

“So when’s the last time you were in Denerim?” Hawke asked as he paid the parking fee and pulled out towards the highway.

“I was back just about seven years ago right after my niece was born, but eight since I lived here last,” Nathaniel replied looking out the window. The trip on the highway was short (only two exits) and then they pulled into what appeared to be more of a neighborhood and less city. Apartment highrises gave way to actual homes and yards as they proceeded.

They pulled into the driveway of a pale yellow two story home. Hawke pulled out a set of keys and Nathaniel raised an eyebrow. “You have keys?”

“They’re Fen’s. He’s...well sort of her nanny.” Hawke explained.

“I can’t picture Fenris as a nanny,” Nate smirked.

“I know. I’m as shocked as you. Turns out he’s much less prickly and grumpy when it comes to children, or at least this one in particular,” Garrett answered amused.

As if on cue, they both turned hearing a child screaming excitedly, “UNNNNNCCCLLLLEEE GARRETT!!!!”

Hawke bent down just in time to pick up the young girl who threw herself at him. He stood up holding the child in his arms. She had short, blonde hair with ringlets throughout and amber eyes. She threw her arms around Hawke’s neck and kissed his cheek. “Is Fenris with you?”

“Not today, Meg. But he’s looking forward to your adventure tomorrow.” Hawke bounced her in his arm as they began walking towards the house. He turned to explain to Nate, “they’re going to one of those make-and-take ceramic classes tomorrow.”

“I’m gonna make something for Mama and Daddy.” Meg smiled proudly.

“Meg, this is my friend Nate. He’s going to be staying with me a little while.” Garrett introduced her, and she promptly grew shy, sticking her nose into Hawke’s neck to hide. He chuckled and shrugged at Nate as he opened the front door.

“Hey I found this child sneaking around your front lawn. Want me to call the cops to come take care of her?” Hawke yelled out as they walked into the kitchen.

“Would you please? She keeps insisting I feed her and buy her pretty shoes.” A female’s voice called back from further back in the house. Meg giggled in Hawke’s arms in response. “I’ll be out in a minute, Garrett.”

Nathaniel looked around. From where he stood he could see a kitchen with an island in the center and near the front of the house was the living room. It looked well put together but comfortable. A stuffed animal sat on the L-shaped couch and a few toys were scattered around the floor. There was a bookshelf full of not only books, but knick-knacks. A plate with a blue handprint on it and something scrawled underneath- a child’s based on the size-sat on one shelf. It looked familiar to him, but he couldn’t figure out why. Nate walked towards it to get a better look as Hawke and Meg talked while waiting for Hawke’s friend. He got close enough that he could now make out the scribble: “Oren”. The breath froze in his throat when he realized what that plate meant.

“Sorry, getting a late start today. Summer break and all that, we’ve become lazy.” He heard the woman from before talking, her voice getting closer.

Nate walked back towards his friend, and saw a woman with long blonde hair looking down as she walked, wrapping her hair into a bun.

“The bed is beside Meg’s room. Should be all set for yo…” She stopped talking mid-sentence as her eyes fell on Nate’s face. She shook her head as if realizing she’d stopped talking. “Meg, why don’t you show Uncle Garrett where it is.”

Hawke motioned to Nate, “Cara, this is…”

“I know who he is,” she quietly interrupted. Nate just watched her, taking the sight of her in. It had been so long, but she looked just as beautiful--no, more beautiful, then he had remembered. It still took his breath away to look at her. He only wished the look in it now was the one of love that used to be there, instead of the hurt and uncertainty he saw now.

Hawke looked between the two of them noting the odd expression on both of their faces. Shock on Cara’s face and something he couldn’t place on Nate’s. “Ok peanut. Let’s go to your room,” he spoke to Meg, leaving, but not before giving them both one more long look.

“You...you look…” Nate stumbled with what to say and shifted his feet, his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “It’s good to see you.”

Cara frowned slightly. “You look well, a lot better than last time…” she trailed off.

Nate ran his hand through his hair. “I am. I’m sober, for a long time now.”

Cara let out a small breath and nodded. She reached out and touched his arm affectionately. He knew her well enough to know she was nervous by the twitch of her eyebrow. “Good. That’s good Nathaniel.”

“Nate,” he said. When she looked confused, he explained. “I go by Nate now.”

“Nate.” She nodded.

“Is it safe to come back in?” They both turned to see Hawke standing at the top of the stairs with a bag containing the air mattress slung over his shoulder.

“It’s fine Garr.” Cara gave him a warm smile. Nate wished she’d given him that smile. “We’ll see you tomorrow morning then.”

“Ok,” Hawke replied, sounding unsure as he reached the bottom step, eyes still moving between Cara and Nate as if they might give up their secret. He walked towards the front door. “Thanks again for the bed.”

“Anytime.” She nodded, watching him go.

“Cara,” Her eyes flew to Nate when he spoke, as if she’d forgotten he was there. “Could I...can I call you? Just to talk?”

Cara looked over his face before speaking. “I don’t know. Let me think about it.”

Nate nodded, disappointed, but taking hope in the fact that it wasn’t a definite no.

Nate sat in the car while Hawke popped the bed in his trunk, and then sat in the driver’s seat without saying a word. He didn’t say anything until they’d been driving nearly ten minutes. “Sooooooo. You going to tell me how you know each other?”

Nate looked at Hawke for a moment and then out the window watching the passing houses. “She was the best thing to ever happen to me.” He continued looking out the window. “And I screwed it up. Looks like she did just fine without me.” His voice was sad, wistful.

“Hmm. You’d be surprised,” Hawke answered but gave no explanation. Nate wondered what Hawke could mean by that. From what he could see, she had it all. A nice home, beautiful child and, he guessed, a husband or boyfriend from the way Meg had spoken of her father. It was all the things he had wanted with her, and everything he’d thrown away for nothing.

***

“Goodnight, peanut.” Cara kissed Meg’s head while tucking her into bed.

“I want to call Daddy,” Meg yawned.

“He’s working tonight, remember. You’ll see him Saturday. Then you have him for almost a month when you go to the beach at Estwatch with him.” Cara squeezed her daughter’s hand. “No more stalling, sleep now or you’ll be too tired to go out with Fenris tomorrow.”

Meg rolled on her side, pulling close her stuffed rabbit that her father had given her. She yawned, her eyes falling heavy and Cara knew she’d be asleep soon.

Cara went back downstairs and picked up her phone to see if her friends were up for hanging out.

 **To Dr. Hottie:** Why are you listed as ‘Dr. Hottie’ on my phone?

 **From Dr. Hottie:** I claim innocence. Maybe your phone just felt it needed to be honest about me. I am rather dashing

 **To Dr. Hottie:** No, what you are is insane, Anders. :P What are you doing?

 **From Dr. Hottie:** Nothing really. Leliana and Bela are here, just watching tv.

 **To Dr. Hottie** : Any chance you 3 would move the party over here. I had a weird day, could use some friends now that the munchkin’s in bed.

 **From Dr. Hottie:** Give us fifteen and we’ll be there. Red or white?

 **To Dr. Hottie:** Red. Definitely red.

Cara busied herself with straightening up the downstairs while waiting for her friends. Anders was only about a ten minute walk away so she figured it wouldn’t take them long. Sure enough, less than fifteen minutes later there was a soft knock at her door. She looked through the thick security glass beside the door and smiled. When she opened the door, Anders was waving a bottle of red wine in his hand and smiling. “The calvary has arrived.”

Cara returned the smile and stepped back to let her friends inside. She and Anders walked to the kitchen. Cara handed him a corkscrew while she pulled out four wine glasses. Leli and Bela were snuggled together on the couch flipping through channels on the tv when she and Anders returned. Cara sat beside Leli. Anders poured their glasses and then sat on the other side of Cara.

“You ok, Care?” Leli looked at her with concern. “You look like you saw a ghost.”

Cara took a large gulp of her wine and settled between her friends. “Sort of. Nathaniel was here.”

“No!” Leli gasped. “How? When? What happened? I mean did he just show up out of the blue?”

“Earlier today. He was with Hawke when he came by for the bed,” Cara explained. “It was strange, I mean, a shock mostly. I come walking out of the bedroom to find Nathaniel Howe standing in front of me after almost nine years.”

“Wait. Nate _Howe_ is THE Nathaniel?” Anders sounded shocked.

“You know him too?” Cara asked.

“Met him through Hawke several years ago. Never realized he was the same guy as your...uh… You ok?” Anders abruptly changed direction of his conversation not wanting to cause issues as he wrapped his arm around her. Cara shrugged and leaned into the hug.

“How did he look? What did he say?” Leli didn’t seem to share the same concern as she asked her questions.

Isabella just watched, not saying much. She’d heard once about Cara’s ex, but not enough to have much to contribute.

“He...he looked good. He wanted to know if he could call me.” Cara shrugged. She was trying and failing to not think about just _how_ good he had looked.

“What did you say?” Anders watched her.

Cara shook her head and took another sip. “I said I had to think about it.”

“Do you want him to call?” Leli tilted her head.

She always knew too much, and Cara had the feeling that Leli was currently seeing right into her thoughts.

“I don’t know. He said he’s sober, but I don’t know if I can trust him. I moved on, made a life, and I have Meg now. I don’t know if I should welcome him back into my life.” Cara leaned back against Anders who gently squeezed his arm around her.

“Hawke knows him pretty well. He could tell you if what Nate said is on the up and up.” Anders offered.

“Maybe. I don’t know.” Cara looked at Leli. They were supposed to be talking her out of this, not telling her to do what she wants, maybe Leli would get the message if Cara looked at her long enough.

“Whatever you want, I’ll support you.” Leli squeezed Cara’s hand. _Dammit._

“Thanks Leli.” Cara leaned up and took her phone from the coffee table handing it to Anders as she leaned back against him. “Fix the name please.”

Anders chuckled, but took her phone to change his contact info just the same.

They found some old movie on the tv and watched it, Leli snuggling with Isabela as Cara sat beside Anders and tried to decide what to do.

Leli and Bella left after the movie was over, but Anders stuck around and helped her clean up the dishes. She loved Fergus, with all her heart, but he was no longer the brother she had known growing up. He couldn’t even really take care of himself. Anders had filled that role for her, and he had no family, his parents having shipped him off to a group home after his magic appeared. So for him, she and Meg had become his family.

“So, are you really ok?” He was leaning against the kitchen island as she washed the glasses.

Cara turned off the sink and turned around to face him. “I don’t know. At this point I don’t know what’s instinct and what’s fear.”

Anders reached out and pulled her towards him into a hug. “You still having trouble sleeping?”

Cara rested against him and nodded. “Every little noise makes me jump, convinced he’s trying to break in.”

“Have you seen him recently?” Anders asked looking down at her. He was nearly a foot taller than her, often calling her pipsqueak.

“No, but that doesn’t mean he’s not around, not watching. You know Nate, should I talk to him?” She looked up at him as she spoke.

“I don’t know, I’m probably a bad judge of things seeing as how I thought Samson was a great guy.” Anders shrugged.

“I still trust your judgement more than my own.” Cara sighed and leaned against him for another hug.

After he left an hour later, Cara climbed into bed, her head still spinning from the day’s events, and a bit fuzzy from the wine. She picked up her phone and looked up the name she needed.

 **To Hawke:** You awake?

 **From Hawke:** Yup. What’s up buttercup?

Cara rolled her eyes as she started typing.

 **To Hawke:** Please don’t ask me why I want to know, just tell me, is he really sober?

 **From Hawke:** Who? Nate?

 **To Hawke:** Yes

 **From Hawke:** Yes. Over eight years now. He asked me to find him a meeting before he arrived so he’d have them to attend here. You really not going to tell me how you know each other?

 **To Hawke:** Why don’t you ask him?

 **From Hawke:** Already did.

 **To Hawke:** And?

 **From Hawke:** He didn’t say much, only that he screwed up the best thing in his life.

Cara blushed reading Hawke’s words. A small part of her took comfort that Nate would say that about her, that she _had_ meant something. The voice in her head reminded her not to fall for pretty lines. She reminded herself that she’d nearly ruined her life on him before, and that this time she had her daughter to think about.

As she stared at Hawke’s message the phone buzzed in her hand, a local number she didn’t recognize.

“Hello?” she asked with concern of who was calling her so late.

“Hey, it’s me. Sorry, had to borrow a phone. I’m on a quick break, just wanted to see how Meg’s appointment went.”

Cara relaxed recognizing his voice. “She did fine. They said her height and weight are normal. Hearing and eyesight good. They did some bloodwork, standard stuff they said, but expect no problems there either. I’m afraid we have a perfectly normal hyperactive six year old,” she chuckled.

“She gets that from your family,” he snickered. “Fergus said you were a terror.”

“My brother is a slanderer. I’ll sue,” Cara laughed. “She’s looking forward to your trip, counting down the days on the calendar. She got a new bathing suit and sandals today and won’t stop talking about it.”

“I’m looking forward to it too.” She heard someone say something to him and a muffled response from him so she knew he must have had his hand on the phone. “I have to run, we just got a call. Tell her I love her.”

“I will. She knows,” Cara smiled into the phone. “Be safe.”

“I promise. Sleep well Cara. Love you.”

“Love you too. Goodnight.”

Cara fell asleep shortly after. Hearing his voice on the phone helped quiet her mind. He’d always had that effect on her. While she was the one to get emotional, over react, he was always the calm voice of reason, the steady one. _Thank goodness_ , Cara thought with a chuckle. Poor Meg if she had both parents act like Cara.

***

Nate sat on the edge of the air mattress unable to sleep. The mattress itself was fine; Hawke was right that it had been comfortable. But his mind refused to rest, instead focused solely on Cara Cousland. He held an old photo in his hand of her Senior prom. He’d come back from college to attend it with her. In the photo she was leaning back against him, his arms were around her waist. They both looked so happy, so in love. Two years later he would destroy it all.

Until he had seen her up close today, he had honestly believed he was over her. But the second her eyes met his, he knew he had been fooling himself. Despite how distant she was with him, she still made him feel like he was floating. Like she was a goddess and he was a mere mortal just wishing for a moment in her light. He hadn’t even considered the possibility he’d see her when he took the job in Denerim. What were the chances out of the hundreds of thousands of people living here? Then again, what were the chances he’d be in her home within the first hour of his arrival? But now that he had, he realized how much he missed her.

He wanted to be able to pick up the phone and hear her voice. He wanted to see her smile, hear her laugh. He wanted to see that he hadn’t destroyed the light that had once been in her eyes. Maybe hear her say his name with affection just once.

He wondered if she was thinking about him at all. She’d probably not given him a second thought after he and Hawke left her home. Why would she? She had everything she’d wanted, a nice home, an adorable little girl and probably some handsome husband that doted on her. What would she want with him when she already had someone to make her smile and feel loved and adored. It was one of his biggest regrets, right after choosing alcohol over her. He regretted that he’d been too wrapped up in what made him happy to ever make sure she knew just how much he loved her. He never held her just for the sake of holding her, never did something just to make her smile. There was always an ulterior motive. Either it was to get himself out of trouble, or to put her in the mood. Back then he seemed to care about his desires more than making sure she knew just how much he actually worshiped her, just how much he was in awe every day that somehow she loved him. He hoped whoever this man in her life was, that he did that for her. That he treated her better than Nate ever had.

Had he been a real man, that night at the club, instead of doing what _he_ wanted, which was taking her in a closet, he would have decked Vaughn for placing his hands on her. It was one of a hundred things he wished he had done differently when it came to her. She was probably much better off without him.

Nate laid down on the mattress closing his eyes. He tried to think of something, _anything else_ , but her. Instead he was back at the prom, holding her close, her arms wrapped around the back of his head as she looked up at him. He could smell the andraste’s grace from her lotion, feel the tickle of her hair along his jaw as she leaned against him, the brush of her lips along his neck, how his hands tightened on the small of her back in reply. Later that night they went to a hotel room for her first time, a memory he cherished.

One day in the city and he was already doomed.

 

**Cara's Home:**

****


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know that anytime you leave kudos or a comment, a kitten gets a new toy? You don't want to deny a kitten a new toy, do you?  
> Seriously though, I love comments, feel free to blab at me all you want :D

Cara placed the bowl of cereal in front of her daughter. “Eat up, or we’ll be late.”

She brushed the girl’s hair while Meg ate, taking care not to pull on snarls caused by the ringlets. “Ouch,” Meg said quietly when she caught one.

“Sorry. Blame your father for your hair,” Cara teased as she tickled the girl’s side, causing Meg to squirm and squeal with delight, forgetting about the pulled hair.

Cara finished Meg’s hair and stood on the other side of the kitchen island drinking from her coffee. Meg looked up from her cereal. “Will Daddy be at dinner tonight?”

“No honey. He is working doubles this week so that he can take time off for your trip. I think he’s on a case anyway.” Cara brushed her hand on daughter’s forehead, pushing back some hair.

“Oh,” the girl sounded disappointed.

“Maybe we can call him tonight so you can say goodnight, ok?” She tried to appease the pouting six year old. It seemed to work when a smile lit up her face and she nodded. Cara noted that the bowl was nearly empty. “Ok, go get your shoes on. Quick quick.”

Meg scrambled to her room while Cara washed the dishes from breakfast. She knew she’d have several minutes as Meg was still learning to tie her shoes and was still having issues doing so but determined to do them on her own just the same. Cara picked up her phone and sent a text.

**Peanut wants to call you to say goodnight tonight, is that possible?**

_I’ll call at 7. Sorry I have to miss dinner._

**It’s ok, I explained it’s so you can go on your trip. She understands. TTY tonight.**

_Tonight._

Meg skipped down the stairs, her shoes tied, although the loops were very uneven. They left the house, and drove to Hawke’s.

Meg burst through the door to the apartment. “I’m here!!!!” she yelled out as she ran through to the living room collapsing on the floor beside Hawke’s mabari. “Hi Lady,” Meg squealed and began to pet the dog who rolled on it’s back for a belly rub.

“She’s a little excited for your outing today,” Cara laughed as she joined Fenris in the kitchen.

He looked up from his tablet with coffee cup in hand. “I couldn’t tell,” he smirked.

“Thanks for taking her today, it’ll let me clean out the classroom and take care of a few other things.” Cara looked around as she spoke.

“My pleasure. You can stop looking, he’s not here.” Fenris took a sip of his coffee and gave her an amused grin.

Cara straightened out her t-shirt. Why did she care if he was around? “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re a horrible liar. And you know Hawke tells me everything,” Fenris raised an eyebrow. “He’s out looking at apartments. He’ll be back later if you’re hoping to see him. Are you?”

Cara sighed and leaned against the counter. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. It’s just...it’s weird, you know. Seeing someone after eight years that you used to see every day. I’m not sure. There’s a lot of,” she waved her hands around her head, “emotions.”

Fenris nodded. “If it makes you feel better I think he’s feeling the same confusion.”

“Why? What did he say?” Cara asked.

Fenris snorted. “Should I pass him a note in math class? Talk to him if you want to know. Now, if you excuse me, I have a date to get ready for.”

“I don’t like you anyway.” Cara swatted at him playfully as Fenris headed to the living room to see Meg.

“Have fun, I’ll pick you up later this afternoon.” Cara waved to them both as she left. Meg was so enthralled with the mabari that Cara was sure she hadn’t even heard her leave.

Once parked in the school parking lot, Cara pulled a few boxes from her car and carried them to her classroom. She was in the middle of removing some posters from the bulletin board when she heard a knock at the door. Turning she smiled, it was Merrill, the art teacher.

“Hey,” Cara nodded, turning back to continue her work.

“I thought I saw the light on down here. Any big plans for the rest of break?” Merrill joined her and started helping with removing the items from the board as well.

Cara shrugged, “Not much. Meg’s going to the beach with her father next week. Maybe we’ll go to the zoo or park at some point. How about you?”

“I’m going back to my commune. We have a summer celebration, dance and food and everyone comes back. It’s like having a huge family reunion.” Merrill looked wistful.

“It sounds wonderful.” Cara placed the last of the posters in the box. Merrill helped her put them into the classroom’s closet and looked around to make sure nothing else was left out of place.

Cara turned and she and Merrill hugged. “I’ll see you at the end of summer.”

“Since I won’t see you before then, have a happy birthday.” Merrill chirped, waving as she left her friend to return to her room.

Cara stopped by the office on the way back to her car to let them know the room was put away and ready for the cleaning staff the school had hired to do a deep cleaning over the summer.

She drove across town, pulling into the driveway of a small one story house. She grabbed the box of cookies on the passenger seat and walked into the house. In the kitchen stood an older woman, long white hair pulled into a bun. She was there preparing lunch and turned with a warm smile seeing Cara.

“Hi, Wynne.” Cara nodded keeping her voice fairly low. “How is he?”

“Today’s a good day. He’s looking forward to seeing you, and if those are chocolate chip in that box, he’ll be even happier.” Wynne continued to smile. “He’s in the sun room. Go join him and I’ll serve lunch in a few.”

“Maker bless you, Wynne,” Cara sighed. She didn’t know what she’d ever do without the wonderful nurse.

She found Fergus sitting at the patio table there reading a newspaper. Looking at him, it was easy to think all was normal, to forget about his bad days.

“Hey big brother,” she greeted him warmly.

Fergus stood up, a large smile, and pulled her into a hug. “Pup! It’s so good to see you. Is Meg with you?”

“Not this time.” She leaned up to kiss his cheek. “She’s out with her sitter. I’ll bring her by when she gets back from her vacation in Estwatch.”

Fergus nodded and looked at the box she’d put on the table. His eyes lit up like a little child. “Are those cookies?”

She chuckled, “They are, _after_ lunch.”

“Meanie,” Fergus teased, looking up as Wynne brought sandwiches out to them. “Thanks Wynne.”

Fergus motioned to the newspaper as they ate. “They’re dedicating part of the Botanical Gardens to Mother. She would have liked that.”

“She would have,” Cara agreed, squeezing Fergus’ hand.

“They said it’ll be next Sunday. Could we go?” Fergus looked at her expectantly.

Cara felt a pang of sadness that this was just another reminder that her brother wasn’t the same strong man he’d used to be, that he now had to rely on her or Wynne to take him anywhere. For that reason she very rarely denied him a request. “Of course.”

Fergus was clearly getting sleepy after lunch so Cara left with a promise that she’d see him Sunday for the dedication.

***

Fenris opened the door when she knocked. He had a yellow splotch of paint on his cheek. Cara chuckled, “Seems you had fun.”

Fenris quirked an eyebrow, confusion on his face. Cara was merciful on him and pointed out the new coloring. “I’ll go get Meg. She’s down for a nap,” he said, glancing towards the living room for a moment before departing for the bedroom.

Cara turned to see what Fenris was looking at in time to see Nate standing up from the couch. “Cara,” his voice was soft and she tried to ignore the desire to smile. _Do not fall for him Cara. You don’t need another bad boy._

“How did the apartment hunt go?” she asked as he walked closer, trying to calm the butterflies in her stomach. How was it that he still had that effect on her? _Stop staring at his mouth, Cousland. Stop thinking about how good of a kisser he is. Stop thinking about what he used to do with those lips. Maker, WHAT is wrong with you?!_

“Not so well,” he shook his head. It was still surreal getting to actually _see_ her, much less talk to her. His heart beat faster. It felt like he was fifteen all over again. He’d dated a few women in the last several years, but none made him feel that rush he was feeling just being close to Cara. He’d had a restless night’s sleep, memories of her haunting him. His thoughts had alternated all night between good moments and every time he’d failed her. “Have you given any thought to…”

“I’m not sure, Nate.” She looked down, then back up, and sighed. He watched her with piercing grey eyes, patience and hope reflecting in them. She reminded herself that for years he was one of her best friends, her confidant that she could tell anything to. When she spoke again it was barely above a whisper but it was to that Nate she spoke. “I’m afraid.”

“I promise you have nothing to be afraid of from me.” It hurt him that she felt that, but he understood why she’d feel that way. The destruction of their relationship and friendship was solely on his shoulders. “How about coffee?”

Cara looked down but said nothing. She hadn’t been lying about being afraid. After how bad her last relationship ended, she wasn’t sure if she could trust him or not. She’d told Anders the same thing, but even his reassurances hadn’t helped her reach a decision.

“Mama!” They both turned to see Meg running down the hall towards Cara.

“Hey Peanut. Did you have fun?” Nate watched as Cara’s whole demeanor changed the minute she had turned to her daughter. She was more open, her smile bright. She seemed to be standing taller. Motherhood suited her, he thought.

Meg nodded excitedly. “I made something for you and something for Daddy. Do you think he’ll bring it to work?” She held up a penguin painted purple and pink.

“I’m sure he will,” Cara nodded. Nate felt a sting thinking about her having a family, a whole life that he knew nothing about. A whole life that he was not a part of. “Get your things and say goodbye.”

Meg ran over to give Lady a hug around the neck, Lady placed a large lick on her cheek in response. She ran up to Fenris and gave him a hug. “Thank you, Fenris.”

“You are most welcome, Meg. Have fun on your trip,” Fenris said, petting her head.

Meg skipped back to her mother handing her the box with her ceramics in them. “Goodbye Mr. Nate.” She waved to Nate who waved back and gave her a small smile.

Cara opened the door to the apartment and turned to look back before she walked out. “Tomorrow. There’s a place called Grind. Hawke knows where it is. I’ll be there at two.” She then closed the door before she could chicken out and take her answer back.

Nate nodded and let out a sigh of relief after she closed the door behind her. It was no small thing that she’d even allow him that and he was grateful for it. His stomach flipped at the thought of getting to see her again tomorrow. He knew it wasn’t a date, but his heart didn’t seem to be getting the message.

***

Meg sat on her bed while Cara combed her daughter’s wet hair to prevent snarls and tangles in her sleep. Her cell phone rang and Meg bounced excitedly. Cara handed her the phone which Meg answered with her usual excitement.

“Daddy!”

“Hi Princess. I called to say goodnight.”

“I made you a present today with Fenris,” Meg explained as Cara helped her get under the covers.

“Well I can’t wait to see it. You all tucked into bed?”

“Uh huh. Did you catch any bad guys today?”

“I did,” he answered with a chuckle.

She yawned, “Will you tell me a story?”

Meg held the phone to her ear as she listened to the story of the three little nugs. Her mother sitting by the bed waiting patiently. Her eyes got heavier and heavier until she eventually wasn’t opening them at all.

“I’ll huff and I’ll puff…”

“She’s asleep.”

“Thank the Maker. I was starting to get some weird looks.”

Cara closed the door to Meg’s room and walked down the stairs towards the living room.

“So how much pink is on whatever she made for me this time?” he teased.

“Enough. But you have some purple too,” Cara laughed.

“Oh, she’s expanding her palate, how exciting,” he snorted. “So what’s wrong?”

“How do you know anything’s wrong?”

“Because you have that clip to your voice. I’m a cop, I’m paid to notice these things.”

“Stop knowing me so well.” Cara rolled her eyes as she plopped onto the couch.

He laughed again, “Too late. So what is it?”

“Nathaniel’s back.” Silence answered her. “Are you still there?”

“Sorry, that just...that was very unexpected. What do you mean he’s back?”

“He’s the friend Hawke has staying there. I walk out of my room when Hawke came to get the air mattress and Nathaniel Howe is standing in my living room.” She shook her head even though he couldn’t see her.

“Are you ok with that?” His voice was concerned. Sometimes his protectiveness drove her crazy, other times, like this, it was sweet. She took comfort in knowing he was there to look out for her, to keep her safe.

“Yes. I think so...maybe. I don’t know.”

“Well that’s definitive. Is he at least sober?”

“Yes. Hawke confirmed he has been for over eight years.”

“That’s good, then.”

“He wants to meet for coffee tomorrow. Just to talk. I don’t know, maybe I should cancel.”

“Do you want my opinion? Or is this one of those times I’m supposed to shut up and just let you talk it out?”

Cara rolled her eyes. She knew he was right to ask, but it was still annoying. “Yes, what do you think?”

“Go.” _That_ was not what she expected to hear from him. He was supposed to tell her to stay away from him. That if Nathaniel came around again he’d deal with it. What was wrong with everyone? “You need closure. Hear what he has to say. I think it would be good for you.”

“Maybe. I’m not sure…”

“Are you scared of what he’ll say or what he won’t say?”

“Maybe a little of both. And again, stop with knowing me oh so well,” she sighed.

He chuckled again, “It’s just coffee, I think it will be ok. You don’t owe him anything. If he says something you don’t like, get up and leave. But I think it’ll do you good to hear what he has to say.”

Cara sighed quietly. “Ok.”

“Call me tomorrow if it doesn’t go well and you need to talk, ok?”

“Ok. Goodnight, be safe.”

“I will. See you Saturday.”

***

“Hey, big brother.” Delilah’s voice carried the smile over the phone that he was sure she wore.

“Hey. I wanted to check that we’re still on for dinner Saturday night.” Nate rested back against the couch.

“Absolutely. Lena is over the moon that her Uncle Nate is going to be so close now. She can’t stop talking about dinner,” Delilah chuckled. “So how’s it being back in Denerim?”

Nate sighed.

“That bad?” his sister asked.

“No, good,” Nate explained. “I saw Cara. We’re having coffee tomorrow.”

“Oh, Nate. Please tell me you didn’t track her down.” She sounded more worried than upset.

“It’s not like that, Del,” Nate reassured her. “She’s friends with Hawke. We happened to stop at her house from the airport. I didn’t even know it was her place until I saw Oren’s plate.”

“And she agreed to have coffee?”

“Not at first. But I have a lot to set right with her, a lot to apologize for.” Nate fiddled with the bottom of his shirt as he spoke.

“I just...I don’t want to see you setting yourself up for heartbreak, Nate. She may not feel the same about you as you do about her. It’s been a long time,” his sister fussed.

“What do you mean how I feel? It’s just coffee.” Nate sat up, confused.

“Oh please. You really don’t realize that every woman you’ve dated since her had blonde hair, or blue eyes, or both, and nearly everyone looked like her?” Del laughed.

Nate opened his mouth to object, and then realize she was right about them. “Crap.”

Del laughed on the other end, “Just go slow. Coffee may be all you’ll ever get.”

“Ok. See you tomorrow night. Love you.” Nate knew when he was defeated.

“Love you too, Nate. I’m really happy you’re back,” she told him before hanging up.

Nate stood from the couch just as Hawke entered the apartment with Anders, both of them carrying bags from the local diner. Nate followed them into the kitchen where they pulled out burgers and onion rings, enough for everyone.

“Game’s on tonight, figured we needed sustenance,” Hawke chuckled.

“So, I was told you knew where there was a coffee shop, Grind?” Nate asked as he put together a plate for himself. He had offered a few times to cook, but Hawke insisted he was a guest and should just enjoy the stay.

“Yeah, I know where it is. You looking for good coffee?” Hawke asked.

“He has a date,” Fenris smirked as he entered the kitchen.

“Oooooo,” Hawke squealed. He loved romance.

“It’s not a date,” Nate shot Fenris a stern look. “I’m meeting Cara for coffee is all. Just to talk. _Not_ a date.”

Anders looked up, his eyes on Nate but said nothing. Nate felt as if he was being judged, which was odd given how many years he’d know Anders.

“Aww, you’re protesting too much,” Hawke sighed.

“Hawke,” Fenris warned, gently ushering his boyfriend out of the kitchen.

After they walked out Anders finally spoke. “I know about your past with her. I’m just going to say this once and let it drop after that. As someone that thinks of her as family, be careful and don’t hurt her. She’s had enough of that this year.”

Nate nodded, not understanding what Anders referred to about her being hurt, but understanding the feelings behind it just the same. “I don’t plan to. I really do just want to talk, there’s nothing between us.”

“Not for you, maybe. But trust me, someone doesn’t talk about an ex and hurt eight years after the fact unless they still care. She cares about you even if she keeps trying to deny it. You’re important to her. ” Anders plopped an onion ring in his mouth.

Nate nodded, trying to keep the happiness out of his expression at hearing that he _did_ mean something after all. “It’s recently been pointed out to me by my sister that I may also not be over her. But I swear, tomorrow is just to talk. Just to apologize.”

Anders sighed, “You’re a good man Nate, don’t get me wrong. I just know she’s still dealing with shit. Shit she shouldn’t have to deal with. You may find everyone around her is overprotective. Don’t take it personal.”

Nate was suddenly feeling more nervous about tomorrow knowing that she still had feelings for him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cara and Nate meet for coffee and to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww, thanks for the sweet comments and love <3
> 
> As a side note, feel free to let me know if you notice any typos. My betas do an amazing job of fixing most of them, but sometimes one still slips in.

Cara dropped Meg off for a play date at one of her school friend’s homes with a promise to pick her up before dinner. She returned home and tore through every outfit in the closet. What did one wear when having coffee with their former fiance/best friend?

The Maker must have loved her, that was the only explanation she had for Leli. Cara continuously tried on outfits, sending pictures of them to her friend who would quickly reply with feedback. She didn’t want to look  _ too _ good, that might send the wrong message, but she didn’t want to look like she didn’t care either. Finally they landed on a summery blue over the knee skirt with white flowers on it and a beaded white t-shirt. Leli assured her it was the perfect blend of dressy yet casual.

“It sends the message of I don’t take this lightly, while also saying I hope you are eating your heart out seeing what you lost,” Leli chuckled over the phone.

Cara grimaced. She didn’t want him to pine over her. This was just coffee; she’d hear what he had to say and then never see him again. This was  _ not _ a date. She repeated that to herself the entire way there.

She entered the coffee shop, knowing she was early and wasn’t surprised to see Nate wasn’t there yet. Approaching the counter she saw who she was looking for and visibly relaxed seeing a friendly face.

“Hello, CC.” Bela flashed her large grin. “Your regular?”

Cara nodded and looked around again.

“You expecting someone? Oh, is it that man you all were talking about the other night? A little afternoon delight?” Bela winked. Anyone else, Cara probably would have told them off, but she was used to Bela just being one big walking sexual innuendo. Plus she made Leli happy, so Cara was willing to overlook her flirtatious nature.

“It’s not like that. Just talking.” She handed over her money.

“Put that away, you know better,” Bela said, hand on hip. “You’re nervous.”

“It’s complicated,” Cara sighed. Somehow being called out made her feel more relaxed. She stuck the $5 into the tip jar instead.

“The best relationships always are.” Bela looked at her sympathetically. Her look changed to nearly predatory as she looked behind Cara. “Tell me that isn’t him so that I can go get that for myself. Leli would love that all wrapped up in nothing but a bow.”

Cara turned around and her breath caught in her throat. No man had any right looking that good dressed casual. He wore black jeans that were just tight enough that she knew if he turned around she and Bela would be able to admire the behind she knew was amazing. His black t-shirt showed off how well built he was. Eight years ago he had let himself go, too busy drinking to stay in shape. He’d apparently made up for lost time. A thin leather jacket was over the shirt. Cara’s mouth was dry and when did it become warm in here? She cursed her traitorous brain, she was absolutely under no uncertain terms attracted to him, she reminded herself.

“You lucky dog,” she heard Bela say behind her.

“Shhh.” Cara blushed and playfully smacked Bela’s hand. “Not helping.”

Nate spotted her and gave her a smile that made her want to melt into a puddle right there. It was the same smile that she and Leli used to giggle about when she had been a fourteen year old with a crush on him. This was not fair. She was supposed to meet with him, say one or two nice things and then never see him again. She wasn’t supposed to be blushing, or wondering if his kisses were as good as they used to be. Definitely not wondering how his arms would feel around her.

“Here.” Bela shoved her iced mocha into her hand, which Cara immediately sipped due to her mouth going dry.

“Hey,” Nate said once he stood in front of her. She could swear his eyes were twinkling. Since when was this a freaking Disney movie? How dare he look so damn attractive.

“Hey,” Cara smirked, hoping she wasn’t blushing. When had she become a shy teenager again trying to talk to the cute senior boy? She heard a cough behind her. “Oh. Um, this is Bela, Leli’s girlfriend.”

“Hello tall, dark and sexy,” Bela purred as she offered her hand. Cara gave Bela a  _ knock it off _ look in response.

Nate gave the usual cautious, closed off look he gave anyone he didn’t know and shook Bela’s hand, seemingly unphased by her. “Nice to meet you.” His attention turned back to Cara and his expression softened. “I see you got your drink already.”

Bela smirked as she watched them staring at each other like two lovesick puppies. Leliana had told her about how the two of them used to be, and she could see now what her girlfriend meant. 

“Just a small black coffee for me,” he said to Isabela without looking away from Cara.

Cara went to find them a table in the back of the coffee shop, away from Isabela’s sight. Ironic, given her reason for choosing here in the first place was to have a friend around for support, but suddenly she wished she was somewhere more private.

“You hurt her, I hurt you,” Bela said to Nate as she handed him his coffee. “She’s reached her asshole quota for the year.”

“Fair enough,” Nate nodded, wondering if he was going to get worse from Cara. Anders warning about others being protective of her kept him from being offended by Bela’s threat. 

He saw her fidgeting in her seat. He couldn’t help but admire her as he walked to the table. She was just as beautiful as he remembered. And her skirt showed off just enough leg that it was a distraction, remembering how it felt to run his hands along them, the feel of them wrapping around his hips... _ and _ he needed to concentrate and not head down that line of thinking.

He sat at the chair opposite her and noticed her nervous smile again. “Thanks for meeting with me.”

Cara nodded and sipped from her straw. “You look good, Nate. Much better than before.”

Nate sighed, “I was a mess last time. I don’t know how you put up with me as long as you did. That’s why I wanted to talk with you.”

“I kind of figured,” Cara said softly, shifting again in her chair. 

Nate noticed how she kept fidgeting and looking around. He wished he could figure out how to reassure her that she didn’t have to worry, he wasn’t there to hurt her.

“Your leaving was me hitting rock bottom. At the time I thought it was the worst thing to ever happen. I wanted to just give up. But now I realize it was the best thing you could have done, for you or me. It forced me to look at what I’d become, how far I’d fallen that I could lose you, and I didn’t like what I saw. I got into rehab two weeks after you left. I haven’t touched a drink since.” Nate looked at his hands around his cup, unable to meet her eyes just yet, afraid of what he might see there. 

“I’m glad you got help, Nate.” Cara reached out and touched his hand, causing him to finally look up. “Despite everything, I always hoped you’d get better.”

Nate nodded and gave her a small smile, “I wanted to apologize. In support they tell us we need to make amends to those our drinking hurt. I can’t think of anyone I hurt worse than you. You were more than my girlfriend, you were my best friend, my future, my world. I destroyed it all because I tried to cover up my pain about my father with alcohol. I nearly destroyed you in the process. I can never say I’m sorry enough for what I put you through. Seeing you now, seeing how you’re that same strong woman I remember, that you are happy, that you have a family. It helps, knowing I didn’t kill that in you. Cara, I’m sorry, for everything, but most of all for the hurt I did to you.”

Cara had a tear in her eye when she took his hand again. “You’re forgiven, Nate.” She felt some disappointment. Had this just been about his healing and therapy? “You can cross this off your to do list.”

Nate didn’t let go of her hand, instead his thumb brushed along the back of her fingers. “It is more than that Cara. I miss you. I know you’ve moved on, I just...I miss having your friendship. I’m not looking to cause you any problems with your husband, I just, I hope maybe we can be friends again at some point. I miss being able to call you on the phone just to say hi or tell you about something funny I saw.”

“My what?” Cara looked confused.

“Your husband. Or boyfriend. Meg’s father.”

Cara relaxed and sat back in her chair. “I’m not married, Nate. Not even dating anyone,” she shook her head. “The last serious boyfriend I had, he turned out not to be who I thought he was.”

Nate sat up a little straighter, and realized that it was probably inappropriate that what she said made him so happy. “But I thought…”

Cara shook her head and sipped her drink again. She didn’t usually talk about this, but somehow, now that the apology was done, she felt relaxed around him. Like he was her old dear friend that he had been for so long. She felt safe opening up to him. 

“No. He and I were never together, not really anyway. I met him about six months after...well after. Alistair had this roommate his junior year. He and I got along well enough. His parents had died in a car accident five years earlier and we sort of bonded over that. Since their death, his older sister and brother had looked out for him. His brother was a police officer, and would come to the campus at least once a week. Sometimes just to see him, sometimes he’d take all three of us out to dinner, sort of treat the poor college kids type of thing.”

“You don’t have to talk to me about this if it makes you uncomfortable,” Nate tried to reassure her when he saw her fidget again. He wanted to hear about her, but he wasn’t so sure he wanted to hear about some other guy.

“No, it’s ok. It’s sort of nice, telling you about me.” Cara gave him a shy smile as she brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “ He was cute and nice. He was about five years older, and had a job, so he seemed sophisticated to me. We flirted back and forth, but never acted on it. Then at a party we both had a little too much to drink and one thing led to another. We both sort of figured it was a one time thing and tried not to make a big deal of it.”

“So then what happened?” Nate relaxed some. This was going better than he had thought. She had forgiven him, and it appeared it wasn’t just lip service. And now she had opened up to him like old times. It felt comforting, relaxing. He’d missed this, just getting to talk with her.

“Then the stick turned blue. He offered to marry me. We tried living together in an apartment for a while during the pregnancy, tried to have a real relationship, but it just didn’t feel right. We got along fine, but it was clear to both of us that there just wasn’t any spark between us. Marriage would have been a mistake. He moved out before Meg was born. But he’s still my closest friend, we talk all the time about everything. He’s a wonderful father to Meg. We love each other, we’re just not  _ in _ love.” Cara grinned as she spoke of everything. Nate understood how important family was to her, having lost hers. “We try to do right by her. Other kids, they have to feel pulled between mom and dad fighting. She never has to feel any of that. She has two parents that love her, that are always there for her. She never has to feel like she has to choose between us. We try to make sure to give her as much normalcy as we can. Even have a standing family dinner together every Thursday.”

“That sounds nice.” His smile was soft.

“It is. He really is my closest friend. I...I wasn’t sure about today.” She nervously wrung her hands as she spoke. “Even after I told you I’d meet with you, I was still scared. He’s who encouraged me to come, to hear you out. I’m glad he did.” Cara smiled, a real smile this time, looking at him under her lashes, her head tilted down to hide her blush.

“I am too.” Nate noticed the color on her cheeks. His hand itched to hold hers again, and he wiped it on his leg to try to distract himself.

“What about you? What had you moving back here?”

“Work. I went back to law school. Found a good job with the Gwaren office of the Denerim Law Firm. They offered me a promotion to Junior Partner for moving here,” Nate explained. “So here I am. I start a week from Monday, but still no place to live besides Hawke’s spare room.”

“Congratulations. Junior Partner is very impressive.” Cara smiled proudly at him. She had always hoped he’d cleaned up. But to see not only that, but that he was thriving, it made her really happy.

“Would it...Cara would it be too much if I asked to take you out? Just dinner?” Nate immediately regretted the question. She just started talking to him and already he was jumping ten steps ahead. He could picture Delilah smacking him in the back of the head in response. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that.”

“Just…” she paused for a moment and looked at her drink. “I’m not saying no, but let me think about it.” 

Cara felt those butterflies kicking off in her stomach. This was not how today was supposed to go. Suddenly she wished she didn’t have to leave to get Meg, and was already mentally preparing for what to wear when they went to dinner. This was not in the plan.

“Of course,” he nodded.

Cara looked at her watch. “I have to go get Meg. But, well,” she grabbed a napkin and jotted something down on it. “Here’s my cell number. I’ll let you know about dinner.”

Nate looked at the napkin, her number reflecting brightly at him. He stood and motioned to the door. “Let me walk you to your car.” He once again found himself feeling like that awkward seventeen year old boy trying just to not embarrass himself in front of the object of his affection.

***

“So, how was coffee earlier?” Leli poked Cara with her foot as they sat at the dining room table while Meg played in the living room.

“Like Bela didn’t call you five seconds after we left,” Cara shook her head while smirking.

“Of course she did, but I want to hear your version,” Leliana winked.

Cara looked over to the living room to ensure that Meg was out of hearing range. She leaned her elbows on the table, and lowered her voice. “Who the hell has any right looking that good in jeans and a t-shirt?”

“Oooo. Bela said you left together. Was there a reunion?” Leli raised an eyebrow.

“No,” Cara answered curtly. “I haven’t seen him in over eight years. It’s unlikely there’s anything between us at this point.”

“That’s not what I heard,” her friend teased. “I heard you two couldn’t stop staring at each other, and that there was enough heat in his eyes to start a bonfire.”

“Your girlfriend exaggerates,” Cara shook her head and sighed. “Besides, men are nothing but trouble, I’m better off just being alone.”

“Oh, Nathaniel Howe is definitely trouble, but the good kind.” Leli playfully pushed on her arm. “Live a little, Care. You deserve it after the year you’ve had. I doubt he’d object to a little tumble.”

“Ugh. I am not jumping into bed with him just to prove I’m ok,” Cara rolled her eyes. “Besides, he’s not just some guy, he’s...well he’s Nate.”

“Yeah,” Leli replied with a knowing smile.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Cara shook her head.

“It means I think you’re full of shit,” Leli whispered to keep Meg from hearing her curse.

Cara sighed, “He asked me on a date. At least I think it was a date, he wanted to take me to dinner.”

“I told you. So are you going to accept?” 

Cara shrugged, “Like I said, it’s been eight years, I know nothing about his life now really. I think it’s best we just stay friends.”

***

Nate flopped onto Hawke’s couch after entering from an afternoon of unproductive apartment hunting, letting out an exasperated sigh.

“Searching going that poorly or was it the coffee?” Anders asked from the recliner he was in.

“Both.” Nate ran his hand over his face.

“Did she yell at you? She blew up at me once, scared the crap out of me,” Anders chuckled as he turned back to watching the football game.

“No, she said I’m forgiven.” Nate sat up slightly, taking the can of soda Hawke handed to him as he walked into the room and sat on the couch. “Thanks.”

“So then why so glum?” Hawke looked on with confusion.

Nate put down the can on the coffee table and buried his face in his hands. “It was fine. Then I had to open my stupid mouth and ask her out to dinner.”

Anders let out a loud laugh while Hawke cooed. 

Nate gave them both a dirty look and collapsed again against the back of the couch.

Anders continued to smile. “Did she say no?”

“She said she’d need to think about it, which means no but she didn’t want to say it.” Nate looked forlorn.

“I doubt that. Cara’s not one to sugar coat something. If she wasn’t interested, she’d have told you so right out. If she said that, it means she’s still trying to decide,” Anders tried to reassure him. “You’re not sunk yet.”

“I just don’t know what I was even thinking. My mind just went from zero to dinner in thirty seconds.” Nate shook his head and took the can back up.

“It’s because she’s your kindred,” Hawke sighed.

“Hawke,” Fenris finally spoke from where he sat on Hawke’s other side, “watch the game and stop harassing Nate.”

Hawke pouted but sat back. Fenris put his arm around him and kissed his cheek to soothe his love addicted boyfriend.

***

_ “Cara, please. Please don’t leave me,” he begged her as she tossed things in a bag while they stood in their apartment. He was shaking, tears flowed freely down his face. He never cried, not even when his mother died, but the thought of losing her, it scared the shit out of him. _

_ Cara turned to watch him. “Nathaniel. I love you. That’s why I can’t just sit by and watch you destroy yourself anymore. I’ve tried to get you help, but you won’t go.” _

_ “I’ll stop. No more drinks ever. We can dump everything in the sink now. Find me a meeting, I’ll go now, just please, I need you Cara,” he took her hand in his. _

_ She stopped her packing and looked at his hand. “Promise me. Promise me no more, that you really mean it.” _

_ “I swear. On my life I swear it.” He tried to keep the hope from his voice that she might give him a chance. _

_ “All right,” She nodded. “But this is it. No more chances.” _

_ He let out a sigh of relief, “I promise. Starting right this moment. I swear it to you.” _

_ Cara wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his chest. “I love you.” _

_ “Thank you for staying.” He wrapped his arms around her. _

_ Everything blurred around him, and suddenly he stood beside a Chantry Sister. Beside him stood Oz, Alistair and Vaughn. Across were Solona and Morrigan. Leliana reached the end of the aisle and took her place beside her friends. The music changed and his heart beat faster. He looked down the aisle to see Fergus with his arms linked with Cara’s. She wore a flowing white gown with a long train. She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen and she was walking towards him. _

_ Flashing ahead the Sister spoke, “Nathaniel Howe, you may kiss your bride.” _

_ The kiss was sweet, soft, and full of love. All their problems were in the past. He was sober and as of thirty seconds ago, she was his wife. He’d never felt so much love as he had at that moment. _

_ He turned to walk her back down the aisle and suddenly he was walking through the door of a home. He quickly recognized it as Cara’s home. Entering the living room he found her and Leliana excitedly chattering with each other. Cara turned and gave him such a huge smile. _

_ “Uh oh, what scheme do you two have cooked up now?” he playfully teased. _

_ Leli just grinned wide while Cara bounded from the couch into his arms. “Nathaniel.” She wrapped her arms around the back of his head and kissed him.  _

_ “What has you so happy?” He kissed her nose. _

_ “I’m pregnant.” She giggled as he lifted her in the air and spun her around. He was so happy, it was so perfect. They were in love, and now a child. _

_ “Daddy, look at the penguin I made you.” He turned to the blonde haired girl who was proudly holding up her prize to him. _

_ “Meg, this is beautiful. Thank you so much.” He hugged her. _

_ “I love you, Daddy.” Meg kissed his cheek. _

Nate sprung up in a cold sweat. It was still dark out. 4:07 AM according to the alarm clock in the corner. His heart was beating hard and he wiped his face, feeling tears that he’d apparently cried in his sleep. He flopped back down on the bed, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. His dream had been sweet bliss, showing him everything he had wanted, but waking up had brought back the reality that all of it was a fabrication of his mind. None of it was real. He’d lost her, he’d lost her love, probably for good. There was no home, no child. Those belonged to some mystery man that was not him, that would never be him. He laid there in the dark room, no longer fighting the tears for the loss he felt for something he never had to begin with. It wasn’t until the sun started to rise that he got up to start his day.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meg's father picks her up for their vacation. Cara and Leli attend a party for a friend's anniversary and Cara runs into Nate there.

Cara looked up from where she was cleaning in the kitchen when she heard someone enter through the front door. She knew who it was without having to look since he was the only other person with a key to the house. When he walked through the front hall doorway, he was holding a bakery box and a yellow rose. Cara gave him a warm smile. 

“I brought breakfast.” He waved the box.

“Smells wonderful.” Cara could smell baked apples from whatever was in the box.

He held the rose up to her and kissed her cheek.

“What’s this for?” She sniffed the rose as she took it.

“We’re going to be away during your birthday. I wanted to make sure you had something from me.”

Cara leaned up and kissed his cheek in return. “Thank you, Cullen. That’s sweet.”

She pulled down a glass from the cabinet to fill with water for her flower. “Meg,” she called out, “your father’s here.”

There was the sound of little feet clambering down the stairs. “Daddy, daddy, daddy,” Meg cried out as she came running.

Cullen bent down and scooped her up in his arms, spinning her around. “Hey Princess. Did you miss me?”

“Yes!” Meg said with enthusiasm, squeezing her arms around his neck in a hug.

Cara pulled out some plates and put one apple danish on each while Cullen and Meg talked. 

Cullen put Meg back down on the ground and handed her a plate. “Carry this carefully to the table. I need to talk to Mama alone for a few minutes ok?”

“What’s up?” Cara asked once Meg was out of earshot.

Cullen reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box, handing it to Cara. Inside was a simple but beautiful diamond engagement ring. Cara put her hand over her mouth and grinned wide.

“Oh, Cullen. It’s beautiful. Evelyn is going to die when she sees it.”

He rubbed the back of his head and sounded unsure, “Do you think? It’s not too plain?”

Cara closed the box and handed it back to him. “She loves you. She’s going to love it. And if she doesn’t, “ Cara took a bite from her danish, “I may propose to her. Anyone that can make danishes like this is a keeper.”

Cullen chuckled as he put the box back in his pocket. “Get your own baker.”

“Are you going to ask her during your trip?”

“That’s my plan. She’s not getting there until next week, has too many orders this weekend to close up the bakery. I don’t want to keep this from Meg, but…”

“No, that’s wise. She’s awful at secrets,” Cara laughed.

“So, how was coffee?” Cullen asked with a raised eyebrow as he ate his danish. Cara blushed a little. “Oh, that well,” he teased her with a knowing grin.

Cara shrugged, “He apologized for pretty much everything. Seems like he’s really doing well, not just clean but he got his life back on track.”

“That’s not why you’re blushing. What happened?” He elbowed her playfully, still smirking.

“He asked if he could take me to dinner.” Cara couldn’t help the smile that broke on her face even though she tried to hide it by looking away from him and at her feet. She brushed some hair behind her ear.

“And?”

“I don’t know. I told him I’d think about it,” Cara replied, still looking down.

“Are you just afraid or do you not want to and are just not wanting to tell him that?”

Cara shrugged, “This wasn’t the plan.”

“You can’t control everything, Cara, no matter how much you want to.” Cullen put down his plate and turned to face her fully. Ever since he knew her, she tried to plan everything, control was important to her. At first he found it annoying, but once he realized it was in response to the death of her family, he was more accepting of it.

“What if…” she sighed, “What if he doesn’t mean what he’s saying?”

Cullen pushed some hair that fell in front of her face behind her ear and tilted her head up to look at him. “He’s not Samson, Cara. You can’t worry that every guy you meet is or you going to be alone. What do you want? Do you want to give him another chance or are you just feeling like you  _ should _ ?”

She knew he was right. Still didn’t make it easy. Cullen reached out and pulled her into a hug. She sighed, her head resting against his chest. Like always, he made things okay. “I think I want to.”

“Then there’s your answer. That reminds me, I have something for you.” He reached into his coat jacket on the counter once the hug ended. When he turned back around he handed her a white rectangle with a button on it and not much else except a clear plastic cover to keep from the button being accidently pressed.

“You got me a button?” She looked at him confused.

“The restraining order isn’t going to keep him away, he’s already proven that. They rarely work anyway. If he comes around, or there’s other trouble, you press that. It’ll trigger an alarm on my phone that will tell me where you are.” His tone told her this wasn’t really up for discussion as far as he was concerned. “I have it hooked up to Cass’s phone while I’m out of town.”

“You’re such a cop,” she teased him, but leaned up and kissed his cheek again to show she appreciated it.

“I just want to know you’re safe. Thanks for not fighting me on this.” He leaned back against the counter.

Meg came skipping around the counter. “Can I give Daddy his present now?”

“Of course, sweetheart,” Cara smiled at her.

A moment later Meg came running up with the pink and purple penguin, presenting it proudly to Cullen. He bent down to her level and looked it over as if a fine work of art. “This is amazing. You did this?” he asked as if in awe.

Meg beamed proudly and nodded, “Fenris didn’t help or anything. Will you put it on your desk?”

“Absolutely. Miss Cassandra is going to be jealous when she sees it,” Cullen kissed her. “We should hit the road soon. Where’s your bags?”

“They’re in her room,” Cara told him. “Do you think...what should I tell him?”

“That’s up to you. Sorry, but you’re on your own this time.” He left to go upstairs to get Meg’s things.

A few minutes later he came down carrying her two small bags, Meg following, holding her stuffed rabbit. Cara bent down in the front room.

“I’ll miss you munchkin.” She pulled Meg into a hug and kissed her cheek. “You have fun with Daddy and Evelyn. Bring me back something.”

“Ok Mama.” Meg gave her a squeezing hug around the neck.

“We can video chat this week with Mama if you want,” Cullen offered which Meg nodded emphatically to.

Cara stood back up, “Have a safe flight. Tell me how it goes with that thing.” She gave Cullen a hug, sighing when he wrapped his arms around her.

“Ok, Peanut, into the truck.” Cullen ushered her out the door. He turned back to Cara once Meg was out of earshot. “Call me if you need. Do what you want, what you really want. Don’t hold back because of fear, don’t let what Samson did keep you from being happy.”

He gave her hand a quick squeeze and headed to the truck. Cara watched from the porch as they backed down the driveway. Both of them gave her a wave as they drove off.

Cara busied herself with straightening up the living room and moved to cleaning the kitchen, trying not to think of the fact that Meg would be gone for three weeks. The longest she’d ever been gone before was when Cullen took her for four days to see his sister, Mia, in South Reach. She knew this was good for her, bonding time with her father and Evelyn, but she still missed her the moment their truck had driven away. She was grateful to be going to a friend’s anniversary party tonight to keep her mind busy.

“I’m here.” She heard Leliana call out from the porch. Cara smiled and met her friend at the front door, unlocking the lock and letting her in. “How are you holding up?”

“Two hours and no breakdowns so far,” Cara gave her a half smile.

“I brought a dress for you to try for tonight.” Leli held out a hanger with a garment bag on it. Ever since they’d met in seventh grade, Leli had been dressing Cara up. Since Cara was not into fashion herself, she was more than happy to allow it. Leli was never wrong with what she chose and it was always something that looked amazing on Cara, so how could she complain?

Cara took the dress and emerged a few minutes later from her bedroom beaming. It was a white, flouncy layered, off the shoulder dress with a floral embedded mesh trim along the bottom edge of the dress and the top layer. “It’s beautiful.”

“Have I ever let you down?” Leli smiled as she sipped her coffee, nodding in approval at how Cara looked in the dress. “Can you believe Oz and Solona have been married five years already?”

“Seems like just yesterday we were sitting on the couch helping her get ready for their first date,” Cara chuckled. “I never would have thought of those two as a match. Now here they are two kids later and honestly, I can’t imagine either of them with anyone else now.”

Leli gave her a knowing smile, “I know the feeling.”

Cara gave her a look, “We’re friends, that’s all, Leli. Let me get changed back and we’ll go grab lunch.”

***

Nate knocked once and let himself into his sister’s house. “Hey, Del,” he called out to let her know he’d arrived.

A bright eyed, almost seven-year-old brunette girl looked up from the floor where she was reading and her smile grew large. “Uncle Nate,” she squealed with delight as she rushed to get up and scramble to him.

“Hey, Lena.” Nate scooped her up in his arms and gave her a hug. It still marveled him just how much she looked like Delilah at that age.

His sister entered from the kitchen and pulled him into a hug even though he still held his niece. She placed a kiss on his cheek. “Nate, always good to see you. Lunch will be ready soon.”

“Great, that’ll give me some time to hang out with this one.” He tickled Lena’s side causing her to giggle. No matter how rough of a day he was having, she was always excited to see him or talk to him on the phone. She always made him feel special and adored, and he returned the sentiment.

“Well then, don’t let me disturb you two. I’ll let you know when it’s ready.” Del headed back into the kitchen.

“So, what are you reading?” Nate asked as he put Lena back down on the ground.

“It’s about a princess who has to become a warrior to protect the country from an invading supernatural army.” Lena ran over to get the book. “Can you please read with me?”

“Sure thing.” Nate headed over to the couch and she climbed up into his lap the moment he sat. Several pages in, Del came back out to announce the food was ready.

“So, any luck finding a place of your own yet?” Del asked as she sat in her seat. Lunch was chicken salad sandwiches, deviled eggs, and chips. Her eggs were always wonderful, and Nate found it a happy surprise that she had made them for today.

“Unfortunately, no. Everything is either too small, too noisy or more than I want to spend,” Nate shrugged. “I’m sure something will show up.”

“You can share my room with me, Uncle Nate,” Lena offered up cheerfully.

Nate smiled at her, “Thanks kiddo. I’ll keep that in consideration.” 

“So, how was coffee with Cara?” Del acted nonchalant about it, but Nate knew his sister well enough to know she’d been dying to ask since yesterday.

“Who’s Cara?” Lena watched them.

“An old friend of mine and Uncle Nate’s,” Del explained.

“It went well,” Nate answered, deciding to skip over how he’d done exactly what she had told him not to do and rushed right into asking her out. “She accepted my apology and we talked about what’s been going on with our lives. She said she wants to be friends.”

“That’s good.” Del patted his hand, knowing how much guilt he’d carried around over the years about how their relationship had ended.

“Why’d you have to apologize, Uncle Nate?” Lena tilted her head.

“I wasn’t very good to her a long time ago. She deserved much better,” he told her in simple terms, figuring a six year old didn’t really need to understand that her beloved uncle had drank too much.

“Then it’s good that you apologized. Daddy said you should always say you’re sorry when you do something wrong,” Lena nodded.

“Very wise advice,” Nate winked at her.

After lunch Delilah chased them both off to the back yard while she cleaned the dishes, despite Nate’s offer to help.

“Watch this, Uncle Nate.” Lena was clearly excited to have a chance to show off for him. She hadn’t seen him since Delilah’s family visited him in Gwaren six months earlier. 

Nate watched as she did a handstand and walked slowly on her hands. Nate chuckled, remembering his brother, Thomas, doing the same thing as a child. He hadn’t heard from his brother since about a week after their father was sentenced. Thomas left the country after that, not telling anyone where he was going. Days like this he missed him more than anything. Did he even know he  _ had _ a niece, Nate wondered. He called out to Lena, “Very impressive.”

“Are you going to stay for dinner?” Delilah asked as she joined him on the back steps.

“No, I have plans. It’s a friend’s anniversary.” Nate turned his head to look at his sister. As much as he loved Gwaren, it was nice, having her so nearby again.

“That’s good, that you’re making it home here already. Have I mentioned how good it is to have you back here?” She wrapped her arm around his.

Nate chuckled, “Once or thirty times.”

***

Cara and Leli entered the restaurant and were impressed with what they saw. Oz and Solona had rented the entire thing for the night, and everything was decorated to the tee. Waiters in tuxedos carried trays of horderves, weaving their way around tables covered by white table cloths with flower centerpieces. About twenty other guests were milling around, some Cara knew, others she did not .

Cara looked at Leli, who wore a knee length, sleeveless black cocktail dress, the upper part covered in black sequins, with a faux-diamond broach on the side. It complimented Cara’s white dress beautifully. They spotted Solona at the same moment she spotted them and walked across the room to their friend.

“Oh you two look wonderful. Leli, you did wonders.” Solona hugged them both.

“Hey, I could have picked this out myself,” Cara teased.

Solona raised an eyebrow and chuckled. “No, no you couldn’t.”

“You’re right,” Cara giggled. “Happy anniversary, Sol. This place looks great.”

Sol sighed, “I’m just happy for a night without the kids. I mean I love them, but getting to talk to real live grown ups and eat food that I don’t have to cut up for someone else, that’s the real treat. Where’s Isabela?” 

“She’s meeting me here, should be soon,” Leli explained.

“How about Morrigan?” Cara asked.

“She’s in Orlais on business,” Solona shrugged. Something caught her eye. “That’s my sister-in-law, I need to go say hi and thank her for taking the kids for the night. Catch up with you two later?”

“Absolutely,” Leli nodded. She and Cara walked over to the bar and ordered sodas, sitting on the stools with drinks in hand.

“Cara, I’m so sorry,” Solona was back by their side a few minutes later. “I didn’t know Oz invited him, I didn’t even know he was in town.”

“Who?” Cara asked looking around.

“Nathaniel,” Solona touched Cara’s arm, looking upset.

Cara shook her head, “It’s fine Sol, really. He and I already talked, we’re ok.”

Solona’s look changed to one of surprise. “You did?”

Cara laughed. “Yes. It’s really ok, I promise.” Solona let out a sigh of relief in response.

\-------

“This place looks familiar.” Nate looked around as he stood next to Oz. “But I’m certain I’ve never been to this restaurant before.”

“Sure you have,” Oz elbowed him. “This is where Sol and I met.”

Nate’s eyes were wide with surprise, but as he looked around he realized that he recognized the long bar, and the layout that had once been a club. He looked behind where the bar was to the hallway leading to that storage room he knew so well. Looking away from that, his eyes found Cara. She turned away and blushed, telling him she was recalling that same night.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Nate said to his friend as he started to walk away.

“No, it’s fine. Only my anniversary, nothing special. Just try to stay out of the closet this time,” Oz teased as he chuckled at Nate.

“Hey,” his voice was warm as he talked to Cara.

“Hey to you,” Cara smiled warmly at him.

“Oh there’s Bela, go ahead and take my seat,” Leli said to Nate. Once behind him, she gave Cara the thumbs up sign. Cara had to keep from rolling her eyes in response.

“Is this ok?” Nate asked before he took the seat.

“Yes, of course,” Cara smiled again.

Nate tilted his head slightly and looked at her with concern. “Are you sure? You look upset.”

Cara shook her head, “No, I’m fine. Meg left with her father today. They’re going to Estwatch for vacation. She’s going to be gone for almost a month. The longest she’s ever been gone was when he took her to South Reach to see his family for four days. It probably seems silly to you.”

“That you miss your daughter? No.” He itched once again to reach out and touch her, but was uncertain if it was welcome, so he grabbed onto his leg. His eyes wandered back to that far away hall again and he looked when he heard Cara snicker.

“You have a dirty mind, Howe,” she giggled.

Nate smirked, “That wasn’t what I was thinking. I mean it was, but not how you’re thinking.”

“Oh?” she raised an eyebrow and gave him a curious look.

“That night,” his eyes went to his water and he took a sip, his mouth suddenly dry. “I should have done things different. I should have decked Vaughn for daring to touch you instead of just listening to my hormones.”

Her hand touched his and his breath caught slightly at just how good the simple touch felt. “That’s sweet Nate. And I appreciate that. But I’m not going to complain about how the night turned out.”

“No?” He looked up and met her eyes, his thumb brushing along her fingers that still held his hand.

“No,” she blushed as she shook her head. “You weren’t as horrible of a boyfriend as you seem to think.”

\--- 

“What’s going on over there?” Isabela indicated with her head where Nate and Cara had been sitting for the last ninety minutes. They appeared to be holding hands, and Nate’s other hand occasionally would brush along Cara’s arm.

“Absolutely nothing. She’s not interested in anything but friendship,” Leli snorted.

“She know’s she’s full of it, right?” Solona smirked.

“If those two aren’t back together by her birthday I’ll wear sensible shoes.” Leliana gave Solona a serious look.

“You must be confident,” Isabela chuckled, as she put her arm around Leliana’s waist, “because I know you never joke when it comes to shoes.”

“Well who knew this party would turn out so interesting.” Solona laughed again and raised a toast with her friends.

\---

“Hey, sorry to break this up, but I’m her ride.” Leliana walked up to Nate and Cara. They hadn’t moved from where they were the entire evening. Oz had brought them over food earlier when it was clear they hadn’t noticed it had been served.

“Oh, is it that late already?” Cara looked at her watch. “Wow, I guess so.”

Nate stood and held her hand to help her jump down from the stool. “I had a good time tonight,” he told her, ignoring that Leliana was only a few feet away.

Cara brushed some hair behind her ear and looked up shyly. “Yeah. Me too. Good night Nate.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek, practically rushing off with Leliana and Isabela before he could respond.

“Well, looks like Nathaniel Howe has not lost his charm with the ladies,” Oz teased him as he walked over to him.

Nate just let out a low chuckle and drank from his water, watching as she walked out with her friends, clearly being teased based on how she was playfully pushing Isabela.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay, finally a date <3  
> Plus some artwork :)

Cara plopped on her couch, cup of coffee in hand. She decided to enjoy that she could just relax and do nothing rather than think about missing Meg. As she turned on the TV, her phone buzzed with a message. It was a number she didn’t recognize.

**I really did have a good time just talking with you last night. I’ve missed that.**

She stored the number and stared at the phone for a few minutes. _Don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid._ She hit the call button taking a deep breath to steel herself.

“Hey,” Nate’s voice was warm, he sounded happy. She realized in that moment just how much she had missed the sound of his voice, even though she had just talked to him the night before.

“Yes,” she answered.

“Yes?” he sounded confused for a moment. “Wait, yes as in dinner yes?” His voice switched to hopeful.

“Yes,” Cara felt that smile crack her face again.

“Are you...I know it’s bad form to assume you’re not busy, but are you free tonight?” He sounded eager, it made Cara feel warm all over, familiar but excited all the same.

“I don’t have any plans at all today,” she nearly giggled. She felt light, the fear she’d carried since yesterday floated away the more they talked. This was _Nathaniel_ she realized, the same man she’d known since she was five, there was nothing to fear from him.

“Would you like to get together earlier? Maybe go down to the market square for old time’s sake?” His voice was a little shaky. Was he nervous? The thought that he might be emboldened her a little more.

“I’d like that.” Cara pulled her knees up to her chest to keep herself from bouncing, nervous energy flowing through her.

“Ok. I’ll pick you up at four, if that’s ok,” Nate replied. She could hear his smile through the phone.

“That’s perfect, I’ll see you then.” Once she hung up she flopped back on the couch, a mix of anticipation and nerves running through her.

 **To Leli:** Emergency. Need help with an outfit. I have a date.

 **From Leli:** Seriously? I love being right. Ok, give me two hours and I’ll be there.

 **To Leli:** Thanks. And shut up.

 **From Leli:** Nope. And of course I’ll help. We’re going to find something to knock him for a loop. <3

*******

Leli sorted through Cara’s closet as Cara sat on the bed. She’d also brought over a few of her shirts that she knew would fit.

“So what is the goal of the outfit?” Leli asked without turning around.

“Goal?” Cara sounded confused. It had been a many years since she’d had a first date, having been with Samson for over five. Even longer since it was a date with Nate. Her head spun and her heart pounded too much to make sense of anything.

Leli turned and gave her a crooked smile, she held up her hand and ticked off a finger for each option. “Do you want to a) make it clear that you’re just friends and that’s it, b) make sure he’s regretted every past sin and that the goodnight kiss makes your toes curl, or c) have mind-blowing reunion sex?”

Cara could feel the blush running through her cheeks. “Somewhere between b and c. And comfortable shoes, we’re going to be walking around Market Square.”

Leli nodded and turned back to the closet. Cara loved that she was so supportive and non-judgemental about this. Leli had said she’d support her in whatever choice she made, and it appeared she meant it. The whole scene in her home right now reminded her of something from years ago.

_The two of them hunting through gowns, well mostly Leli. She’d flip through the racks, occasionally handing something off to the waiting attendant while Cara just watched in silent admiration. She was also flipping through the dresses, but finding nothing. After a half hour, Leli grabbed her hand._

_“Come on, Care. There’s enough to start at least. Narrow down what you do and don’t like,” Leli encouraged her._

_Each dress she tried on was more perfect and beautiful than the one before. It was like Leli just KNEW what Cara wanted even without Cara knowing what she wanted._

_The last one she tried on though was THE one. Her mother and Leli both gasped when she came out of the dressing room in a strapless, form fitting, lace dress._

_“That’s the one,” Her mother told her with tears in her eyes._

_Cara looked at herself in the mirror again. She couldn’t help the large smile. “You’re going to make me cry, Ma,” she teased her mother._

_“You’re getting married,” Leli squeezed her arms._

“Hey, you there Cara?” A hand waved in front of her eyes.

Cara blinked, “Oh, sorry.” Her mind was still recalling the dress she had to eventually sell to help cover rent and food for several months when Nate stopped working.

“Where were you? Oh, oh what’s wrong?” Leli sat beside her on the bed.

“What if this is a mistake? It could all end in disaster again. Am I setting myself up?” She rested her head on her friend’s shoulder.

“If it is, then Anders and I come over with a gallon of ice cream and put on sad movies and all snuggle on the couch. But I don’t think that’s what’s going to happen.” Leli put an arm around Cara and squeezed her shoulder.

“You don’t?”

“No. He spent the entire evening just talking to you and no one else at the party last night. The way he was looking at you, it was as if you were his salvation. I don’t think he’s ever stopped loving you, Care. And I think part of you still feels the same about him,” Leli reassured her.

“Cullen said I should take a chance. Not be afraid,” Cara looked at her hands. “That I shouldn’t think about…” She touched her cheek but said nothing more.

“I always thought there were some brains behind those good looks of his. Sound advice. Just take a chance, if it’s not working, call me, we’ll meet up for drinks and trash him, ok?” Leli watched her. She worried for Cara. She’d been beating herself up for the last six months over her last relationship, even though it hadn’t been her fault. He’d fooled them all into thinking he was a good guy, even Cullen. While she was shocked that it was Nathaniel Howe of all people to make Cara finally decide to reenter the dating field, she was happy just the same to see her finally moving forward.

“Ok,” Cara nodded and took a deep breath. “I can do this, it’s just dinner.”

“Here, try this on, you’ll feel better.” Leli gave her a reassuring smile while handing over an outfit.

Once again, Leli had not disappointed. Cara looked at herself in the mirror turning to one side and then the other. She wore white jeans, adorable white flats and a green sleeveless top of Leli’s with a thin belt in the middle.

“I love it,” Cara beamed. Just the change in clothing was already making her feel better.

“I knew you would,” Leli looked proud. “Come on, let’s have a little coffee since there’s time to kill.”

***

Cara paced her kitchen; it was a quarter to four. Was she supposed to be ready to head out the door the second he arrived, or should she be on the couch watching tv as if this was no big deal? Why did she suddenly not know what to do with her hands?

Her phone buzzed. She jumped when it did and read the message.

 **From Dr. Disco:** I understand I’m on standby with ice cream? Doubt you’ll need it. He’s a fool if he doesn’t fall at your feet.

 **To Dr. Disco:** Doctor Disco?

 **From Dr. Disco:** Because I have all the right moves.

 **To Dr. Disco:** Lines like that are why you’re single. And this is NOT what I meant when I said to fix the name in my phone, Anders.

 **From Dr. Disco:** Ouch! Your words cut me. Just for that you’re getting vanilla ice cream. None of that fancy stuff for you.

 **From Dr. Disco:** But seriously, have fun.

 **To Dr. Disco:** Thanks. If I can remember to breathe.

 **From Dr. Disco:** It’ll be ok. You’re not the only one nervous about tonight.

Her doorbell rang and Cara put the phone back in her purse. Through his teasing, Anders had managed to distract her from her freakout, although she was uncertain what his last sentence meant. She put the purse strap over her shoulder and headed to the front door. The sight that greeted her did not make the aforementioned breathing any easier. He was dressed in black dress slacks, a white t shirt and a grey blazer over it.

“You look amazing,” Nate smiled at her and the butterflies jostled in her gut. He had meant what he said; she was stunning and he had to fight the urge to touch her, to press kisses to her bare shoulders. He had to remind himself he no longer had that right to just act when he wanted to.

“Not so bad looking yourself.” Cara smirked, turning to lock the door. When she turned back around, Nate had his hand out to her. She took it, feeling instantly more at ease as his fingers laced with hers. Walking down her porch steps, she felt like she was floating. Suddenly she was no longer afraid of whether this was right or not. The moment he took her hand, she knew without a doubt that all her fears were unfounded. Leli’s words from earlier floated in her head, and she realized her friend was probably right, she’d never stopped loving him. He wasn’t Raleigh, the Nate she knew would never do that to her.

Once they were at the sidewalk, Cara stopped up short. Nate looked in her direction as she gasped. “You finished it!”

Nate beamed proudly as she looked at his car. It was a black, 1970 SS 454 Chevelle with two white stripes on the hood. He had bought it when he was seventeen, and it was a heap of junk then. She remembered all the time he spent on it as a teenager. He’d stopped when the drinking got heavy, and she just assumed it had been abandoned for good.

“My sister kept it in a garage for me. I had it sent to Gwaren about five years ago and finally finished it,” he smiled. “It was kind of cathartic. She rides smooth, you’ll love it.”

Nate led her to the passenger side door and held it open for her until she settled in the seat. Cara looked at the interior as he walked around the front. Her hand ran along the black leather bench seat. The console practically shimmered. It was clear this was a work of love. Nate sat in the driver's side and looked over at her. He reached out and touched her cheek gently, as if needing to reassure himself that she was actually there.

“You ready?” he asked. Cara nodded and he started the car. It practically purred as he backed out of her driveway, and she watched him with a dreamy smile, realizing that this really was the old Nate she knew. Well, no--an improved version. He seemed more confident, self assured. But there was something else, too. She hadn’t thought about it until Leli had said something. He’d always been sweet to her. Even when drinking, he was never cruel. But now, the way he looked at her, the way he’d held her hand earlier. It was as if she was precious, as if he was in awe just to be in her presence. It was something new, something wonderful.

Market Square was a unique outdoor market with shops interlaced with carnival game booths. It had been a popular hang out in their teen years. They wandered the shops, looking at little knick knacks and laughing at some of the gaudier ones.

Cara found a small stuffed halla and purchased it for Meg. “She loves hallas,” she explained to Nate.

They walked through the carnival part of the Market. Memories of the two of them and Fergus wasting entire weekends here flashed through his mind as they wove through the stands. Nate noticed the small smile on her face and it caused him to grin, wondering if she remembered, too.

As they passed a softball toss, Cara giggled, “I remember when you spent 20 silver to win me a stuffed animal that couldn’t be worth more than 5.”

“I remember it more like trying desperately to impress this girl I liked before Marcus Grant could steal her away.” Nate took her hand in his as he spoke. Cara felt tingly as he did. When they started walking again, she found herself leaning closer to him, their fingers interlaced as she placed her head on his arm.

Nate felt like he could soar. Being here with her, holding her hand, her leaning into him. It was more than he dreamed would be possible. When he saw her again, he’d hoped, and only barely, that she would hear out his apology. That she would maybe one day think of him with something other than anger and disappointment. He never imagined he might possibly be given a second chance. He’d spent so many years trying, but never succeeding, to push her out of his mind and heart. He’d dated several women over the years, but his sister Delilah even pointed out to him that he had been clearly looking for another her. For so long he’d scolded himself anytime he would dream of her or fantasize about holding her in his arms, or of falling asleep with her in his bed again. And now...here she was so close that he could smell the andraste’s grace from her shampoo. _Please, please don’t let me screw this up again,_ he said in a silent prayer to the Maker.

As they passed a photo booth, Cara started tugging on Nate’s arm. “Come on, the latest picture I have of us is almost nine years old.”

Nate nodded. There wasn’t anything he felt he could deny her, especially not something as simple as pictures. He put the money in the slot. The first photo was just the two of them smiling at the camera. He assumed the second would be the same, but then she kissed his cheek just as the photo snapped. The third was her sitting in his lap, her head resting on his shoulder, his arms around her waist. He felt like he never wanted to let go, to just hold her there to him, to enjoy the feeling of familiarity and warmth of holding her. The fourth picture was the two of them facing each other, eyes closed, foreheads pressed together.

When the pictures printed out, Cara tore the sheet in half, giving the left two to Nate, and putting the other two in her purse. He immediately put it in his wallet. If he never got more than this night with her, he would at least have a memento of it.

He watched her out of the corner of his eye as they headed towards the restaurant. She still held his hand, leaning on him on occasion, other times looking around at the sights. He could almost feel like he was twenty-one again, his best girl beside him and the future bright. He could almost forget all the hurt and distrust he probably had to make up for, all the pain he knew he caused her, even without knowing for certain. He had no idea how he’d managed to convince her to even go out with him tonight. She’d mentioned Meg’s father encouraging her. If that were the case, he’d build a monument to the man.

The arrived at a Ravini restaurant he’d never been to, but Anders and Hawke had assured him earlier that day that it was casual but nice with excellent food. Nate held the door open for her, and the hostess sat them at their table.

When the waitress came by, Cara handed her the wine list. “Please take this away,” she said with such kindness and care, not even looking at him as she did. She made it such a casual thing, even though he knew it was for his benefit, and it made him fall even harder. That she would even think of such a small detail. He wasn’t tempted, not even a little, for a drink, especially knowing to do so would ruin any chance of reconciliation with her. But that she worried for him, cared. It meant something. He remembered Delilah’s words when he had talked to her just a few hours ago. _Go slow. Accept that she may not want what you want, her forgiveness may be all you get, and if so, you have to learn to live with that. If you do get more, don’t push it too quickly. Let her set the pace or you may break both your hearts again._

After they ordered, Cara spoke, “What kind of law are you practicing?” Her fingers fidgeted on the table and he realized she was once again nervous. Somehow, knowing that she felt as he did was reassuring.

“Mainly things having to do with inheritances. Generally large ones. Not so much wills and all that. More like after it’s been distributed, helping people secure what they received. Sometimes helping them defend against others trying to stake a claim to it,” Nate explained.

“What do you mean big? Like uber rich?” Cara felt like she just wanted to know everything about him now.

“Not usually no. A lot of times the ‘big’ is someone inheriting a family business. They themselves may not have much money, but the business could be worth hundreds of thousands in gold. I help them with finding resources to keep the business in the family if that’s what they want. If it’s not, I help them with making sure all the papers are in order for them to sell it. Either way, it’s helping people. It feels like I’m helping them move through their loss.” He took a sip of his water. “So what is it you’re doing?”

“I teach second grade at a private school. I love it. At that age the kids love to learn and they have fun with it too. I mean, sure there’s always a troublemaker here or there, but for the most part it’s a bunch of really good kids.” Cara’s face lit up as she talked about her job. “And there’s the added bonus that I’m not working on school holidays and the summer when Meg’s out.

“Does she go to that school too?”

Cara shook her head, “She could, I get a really amazing discount on the tuition for her. But I wanted her to get to just be her, not Ms. Cousland’s daughter. Who wants their mom at their school full time? She attends the public school and seems to be thriving. She’s having some trouble with subtraction, but Cullen and I are working on that with her. We try to make a game of it when we can so that it doesn’t seem like Mom and Dad are just being annoying trying to teach her.”

Nate noticed Cara looked a little sad, which struck him as odd since she was so happy a moment ago. “Cara?” He reached for her hand.

Cara looked at their hands joined and sighed a happy sigh. “Sorry, just missing her I guess. I know she’s having a wonderful time with her father and getting to bond with him and that it’s important that she do so, I’m just having a hard time with knowing she’s going to be gone so long.”

“I hope tonight is at least a little bit of a distraction.” He rubbed his thumb along the back of her hand.

Cara knew she was blushing again and silently cursed herself for it. “The best kind.”

As they ate, Nathaniel told her about how he was an uncle now, showing her pictures proudly of his niece, Lena.

“She’s adorable,” Cara cooed.

“She has me completely wrapped around her finger,” Nathaniel chuckled. “Pretty sure she knows it too.”

Cara could picture him as a doting uncle and it warmed her heart to imagine him as such. He’d always been great with Oren, but with him it was wrestling and fake sword play with empty paper towel rolls. According to Nate, his niece sounded like Meg in that she was also into shoes, and princesses and dress up, although Cara was fairly certain that in Meg’s case, the obsession with shoes came from Leli’s influence.

“What about Thomas? Have you heard from him at all?” Cara asked.

Nate shook his head, “No, he just cut us out. I guess it’s what he needed to do to take care of himself. Neither Del or I have heard from him. So, besides Leliana, do you talk to anyone else from back then?”

“Some,” Cara replied. “Zevran’s off traveling the world and writing about it for a magazine. Alistair moved back to Redcliffe after his Uncle Eamon fell ill. He sort of oversees things there. We had a minor falling out before he left.”

“I can’t picture you and Alistair not getting along. Before I got to know him, I was actually a little jealous of him, I thought maybe he might turn your head.”

Cara shook her head and smiled. “He wasn’t happy about me and Cullen splitting. He couldn’t understand why if we got along so well we couldn’t just get married and raise Meg together. He felt we were doing her a disservice by not staying as a family. I’m sure that was more about his childhood than about our relationship. We get along, but it hasn’t really been the same since.”

“Would it be horribly selfish of me to say I’m glad you didn’t marry?” Nate titled his head.

“Yes. But I wouldn’t be upset if you said it.” Cara smiled as she sipped her soda.

***

As they left the restaurant Cara shivered and looked around.

“Is something wrong?” Nate asked, concerned.

“No. I just...it felt like I was being watched. Silly I guess.” Cara wrapped her arm around his and leaned her head on him as they walked to his car.

As he pulled into her driveway, Nate felt remorse that this was the end of their night. He wanted to just hold her close, not let her go ever. But he remembered his sister’s words and kept those thoughts to himself. He turned off the engine and just looked at her, moonlight lighting her features.

“I had a good time tonight. It was nice to spend time with you like that again.” He reached out and brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek.

“I did too, Nate. I wasn’t sure before, but I’m glad I came out.” She leaned slightly into his touch.

“I’d really like to see you again if I could.” He tried not to sound too hopeful.

“I would like that too,” Cara smiled at him, looking shy all of a sudden.

Nate slid across the bench seat to get closer to her. The fingers that had been on her cheek slid back into her hair, gently caressing the back of her head. His lips brushed hers, hesitant at first, barely a whisper. He kissed with more conviction as he realized she wasn’t pulling away.

Cara’s hand slid along his shoulder and onto his bicep as his lips moved against hers. It had been so long since he’d kissed her last, that this felt almost like a first kiss again. She melted under it, finding that she never wanted it to end, feeling right for the first time in so long, she was just simply _home._ His tongue ran along her lips and she opened to him, his tongue swiping into her mouth. His hand tilted her head slightly more, deepening the kiss. This felt so good to her, so safe, protected really. She wondered what she had ever been afraid of. Kissing him, it felt natural.

The kiss continued, and she started to feel warm from it. She needed to be closer to him, to feel his body pressed against hers. Her hand returned to his shoulder as she quietly crawled onto his lap, straddling his legs with hers. She was so grateful for that bench seat.

One of Nate’s arms wrapped around her back, holding her in place as his hips pressed slightly against hers. His lips moved away from hers, and traveled down her neck. Each press of his lips sent a delicious shiver down her body as she remembered how they felt on other, more intimate, parts of her body. She pressed her hips closer to his, wanting him as near as possible and wishing for less clothing on both of them. Her hands travelled down his chest, feeling the hard muscles underneath his shirt, how they flexed under her touch. She wanted to see for himself how he looked, wanted to feel his bare chest against hers. Her breathing sped up at the thought of pulling him into her bed, of his weight pressing her down into it. His lips were now caressing her bare shoulders and she reached his waistline and began gently tugging to pull his shirt up, just enough that she could touch bare skin.

“Nate,” she moaned, barely above a whisper. She hadn’t felt this turned on in so long and she needed _more_.

Nate pressed his lips back to hers as he gently pushed her back to her seat. When he pulled away they just looked at each other, heat and desire reflected in both their eyes. “Come inside,” she offered.

Nate gulped and shook his head. “I want to. Maker, Cara,” he leaned over and nuzzled his nose around her ear. “I’m going to be hard most of the night just thinking of you,” he whispered into her ear, feeling her shiver in response. Her hand tightened on his bicep.

He pulled away again, just enough that he could see her face. “But I don’t want to rush this. I want this to work between us, I want to get it right this time. Let me walk you to your door.” He kissed her nose to soothe the disappointment he could see in her eyes.

Once to her door, she turned to face him again, her arms wrapping around the back of his neck as his hand fell onto her hips, holding her close. She kissed him again, slow and seductive, sucking on his bottom lip. It took all of his resolve to turn her down when she again offered for him to stay.

Once inside, Cara leaned along the wall, feeling its coolness against her heated skin. Tonight...tonight hadn’t gone anywhere near according to plan, but never before had she been so glad to let go of the wheel and just _feel_. She had little doubt her dreams would be of him and of that kiss. Her smile didn’t leave her face until she’d fallen asleep.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cara spends the day with Anders. There's some unplanned gardening they have to do (you'll see why), and later she gets to talk with Meg and Cullen.

**To Cara:** Based on the stupid grin Nate just walked into Hawke’s with I’m guessing tonight went well.

**From Cara:** You are officially off ice cream standby.

**To Cara:** That’s good, cause Fenris already ate half of it.

**From Cara:** Tell the bastard I’m docking it from his pay.

**To Cara:** He stuck out his tongue, said to remind you he’s paid by Cullen, and then said something in Tevene that was probably not very complimentary.

**To Cara:** You deserve to be happy. If anyone does, it’s you. I know I didn’t know him back when everything went to crap with you two. But the Nate I’ve known the last 5 years, he’s a good man. I know trust is hard for you, but you can trust him sweetheart.

**From Cara:** Dammit Anders, you’re making me cry. It’s hard to have faith, but I’m trying. I do, I trust him. I’m just scared. You know?

**To Cara:** I know. It’s ok. Just don’t let it hold you back, you’ve been doing that for too long.

**From Cara:** Thanks. I’m going to sleep now. 

**To Cara:** Breakfast tomorrow?

**From Cara:** Sure, come by at 9.

Anders put away his phone as he heard Nate and Hawke enter from the kitchen, a soda in each of their hands. 

“So, I may have some good news,” Hawke said to Nate as they joined Fenris and Anders in the living room. “The upstairs neighbor, she’s moving out before the end of the month. Landlord said it’s yours if you want it.”

“Really? That would be a load off. You’re sure you don’t mind me staying here until then?” Nate asked. Tonight seemed to be going his way all across the board.

“No trouble at all. So, how was tonight? Will there be a second date?” Hawke asked.

Nate’s smile widened before he even answered. “Tuesday after work. Tonight…” He got a far away look in his eyes that caused Fenris to let out a low chuckle and elbow Hawke. “Tonight was more than I deserved and better than I could have hoped. It was... it was as if no time had passed and it was just the two of us again, like it used to be.”

“If it went that well I’m surprised you’re back here,” Anders winked at him.

“Trust me, that decision wasn’t easy. I just...I made such a mess of it last time. I want to make sure I get it right now that I have the chance. The last thing I want to do is hurt her again.” Nate leaned back comfortably against the couch.

Hawke found a replay of an earlier football game and all eyes turned to watch the game, except Anders who was watching Nate. He, like her other friends, had become protective of Cara after all she’d been through the last six months. He was happy to see she’d found Nate. He seemed to care more about her happiness then his own. It was exactly what she needed, he just hoped Nate was true to his word about not wanting to hurt her. 

*** 

Cara heard Anders knock at the front door as she was cracking eggs into a bowl to make them scrambled eggs, while the corn beef hash was keeping warm in the oven. She wiped off her hands and went to let him in.

“Smells good in here,” he nodded as she opened the door. She could tell by the look on his face though, that he was disturbed about something.

“Something wrong?”

“Um,” Anders looked at his feet for a moment, “maybe you should come outside for a minute.”

Cara nodded and followed him as he led her back outside. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary as she walked onto the front lawn. “I don’t see anything, what did you want to show me?”

He took her shoulders gently and turned her around. Cara gasped. All the flowers in her garden had been ripped out and someone had chopped down the large rose bush that had been there.

“That bastard,” she growled.

“Cara, I’m sorry,” Anders sighed.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I had a feeling someone was watching me last night. But this!” She threw her arms towards the destroyed garden. “How does he think ‘Oh I know, I’ll destroy her flower garden. That’ll make her come back to me.’?”

“I’ll help you clean it up,” Anders shrugged.

“Yeah, sure, but after breakfast. Seriously who pulls up flowers?” She shook her head and sighed as they walked back into the house. “What the fuck is wrong with him?”

“You mean besides the lyrium addiction and the stalking?” Anders smirked at her.

“Exactly, besides that,” Cara chuckled.

“You sure you’re ok?” Anders squeezed her shoulder.

“Yeah. He and I put the garden together. In a way it’s sort of symbolic, me replacing it with something new. I’ll be fine, I’m just a little frustrated is all.” Cara smiled up at him, grateful for his care.

He helped her get breakfast together by making toast as she quickly made the scrambled eggs, then put them with hash on plates for them both. Soon enough they were sitting at the table together.

“So, how was last night? Will there be a date number two?” Anders smirked at her as if her non-stop smile hadn’t already told him the answer.

Cara blushed, “I hope so, but I may have scared him off by practically jumping him at the end of the night.”

Anders burst into laughter. It was one of the things Cara adored about him, how quick he was to laugh. “Trust me, based on how he’s been talking pretty much ad nauseum about you lately you have nothing to worry about. I don’t think a raging bronto could scare him off at this point.”

Cara snorted, “Don’t make me laugh with my mouth full.”

“So what’s the protocol here as honorary big brother? Am I supposed to put the fear of the Maker into him?” Anders asked. “Tell him you’re as pure as new fallen snow and that if he touches you I’ll break his arm?” Anders wiggled an eyebrow as he said that.

Cara pushed him playfully, “No.”

“Oh good,” Anders smirked, “Because I’m pretty sure he could kick my ass in a fight. I’ve seen him without a shirt on, he’s built.”

“That is not helping me,” Cara gave him a pleading look.

“Hey, it’s not my fault you’re a bundle of raging hormones.”

“Anders!”

He chuckled in response.

After breakfast she finally looked at her phone for the first time that day. That’s when she noticed there was a text and a voicemail. She looked at the text first, hoping nothing was wrong.

**From Cullen:** Skype tonight? She’s missing you.

Cara quickly replied that would be fine. A small part of her felt elated that Meg was missing her after two days. She then listened to the voicemail, the automated voice telling her the call had come in at around one-thirty a.m..

“Hey, it’s me.” 

Cara smiled. Nate’s voice was raspy, giving her chills at just how sexy it sounded to her.

“I know you’re already asleep. I just...I needed to call you, even if it was just to hear your voice on the outgoing message. Maker, Del would kill me if she knew I was calling you right now. ‘This isn’t taking it slow, Nate.’”

Cara chuckled as he imitated his sister’s voice.

“I just…” she heard him sigh. “Tonight was good. Getting to spend time with you, to hold your hand. Getting to hear your laughter again. I’ve missed that. And kissing you…” he sighed again. “I can’t tell you how many times over the years I’ve thought about that. I wish you were here, in my arms. I know I said I want to go slow, and I meant it, but Maker Cara, just...I need you to know you’re important. Also know I can’t wait to see you again to kiss you, I...I hope you’re still listening to this, hopefully I haven’t just scared you off. Please say I haven’t. Except you’re asleep right now so I guess you can’t say anything. Goodnight Cara. I’m sure you’ll be in my dreams tonight.”

Anders walked in just as she was saving the message. He grinned at the blush on her cheeks. 

“Did you get a dirty call?” he teased.

“No, just reassurance that I didn’t scare him off after all.” She failed at trying to control her smile.

“Told you,” Anders winked at her. “Come on, let’s go hit the greenhouse, get the garden looking good as new before the day’s up.”

Cara nodded but first sent a text.

**To Nate:** I feel the same. Spending the day with Anders. Will talk soon.

They walked into the nursery and Anders grabbed a cart. They hadn’t yet started walking down the aisles when they were greeted by the owner. He was tall and skinny, with pale skin and shoulder length light blonde hair.

“Hello, Cole,” Cara smiled at him.  

He lifted the brim to his oversized hat and nodded. “You need to make a new garden. Something that is a statement.”

“How does he know that?” Anders looked at Cara, shocked.

She shrugged, “He just does. It’s sort of his thing.” She then turned back to Cole. “What do you suggest?”

Cole looked lost in thought for a moment. “Chrysanthemum for starts. It represents optimism.” He put a few in her cart. Cara followed him as he walked through the greenhouse, Anders behind her with the cart. “Daffodils for new beginnings,” he said as he placed a few in the cart. “Protea for change and transformation. And Andraste’s Grace.” He placed all those in the cart.

“What does that symbolize?” she asked.

“Nothing,” Cole smirked, “I just know they are your favorite.”

Cara smiled warmly and thanked him as she paid for the flowers, before loading them in Anders’ car. It took the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon, but finally they stood back and admired their work. It would take a few weeks for everything to grow and fill out, but she could picture what it would look like when it did so, and felt joy at the thought.

Cara called Nate while Anders was in the upstairs shower cleaning off.

“Hi,” his voice was warm, which set the butterflies in her stomach. “How was your day with Anders?”

“It was good. I put him to work planting a garden,” she smirked.

“What was wrong with the one you had?” 

“It was torn up. I’m pretty sure it was Raleigh,” she sighed.

“Why would he do that?” Nate questioned.

“My guess, he found out about our date,” she shrugged even though he couldn’t see it.

“Maker’s blood. That seems a bit extreme. You ok?” 

“I’m fine. The new garden will look better anyway.”

“Are you still ok with going out Tuesday?” He worried that the harassment from her ex would make her change her mind about him.

“I don’t know, I could just stay home and veg on the couch. What’s your counter offer, Howe.” She smiled, feeling herself slip back into their old bantar and finding it comfortable, like a favorite pair of jeans.

“I found a pool hall near here without a bar, thought we could check it out.” In all the time he’d known her, he had never known her to play pool. But, he reminded himself, he had missed out on the last eight plus years, maybe now she was an avid player.

“You have yourself a date. Pick me up at 6?”

“Great.” His voice was instantly brighter which made her smile.

They were saying their goodnights just as Anders was heading back down the stairs, his hair still wet, and changed into clothes he had picked up on their way to the nursery.

“I ordered us some Nevarran food. Should be here soon.” She smiled and handed him a beer from the fridge.

“Perfect,” Anders nodded as he opened it up and opened hers as well. “You ok with, you know, the garden?”

“It needed a change anyway. He did half the work for me.” She shrugged. “It’ll be fine. I refuse to give him the power.”

“That’s my girl.” Anders mussed up her hair as she batted his hand away. They both headed for the couch, him reclining to take up a full side of the L-shape. Meanwhile, she sat on the other part, her legs folded under her and found them a black and white detective thriller on the streaming service to watch.

They were about half way through the movie when her phone beeped with a message from Cullen asking if now was a good time to Skype.

A few minutes later, with the movie paused, she had the program up on her laptop. A few seconds later Meg appeared on her screen.

“Hi Mama.”

“Hey Peanut. Are you having fun?” Cara tried to keep upbeat, keep Meg from knowing just how much she missed her right now.

“Uh-huh. Today we built a sandcastle and then we went to the pier and there were dolphins. And we had lunch at a restaurant with pirates, only they’re just pretend so you don’t have to be scared,” Meg explained and Cara tried to hide her laugh. “And Daddy grilled burgers for dinner tonight.”

“Wow, it sounds like you had a very full day,” Cara nodded.

“Yeah, and Evelyn is coming tomorrow,” Meg told her excitedly.

“I bet you’re excited to see her,” Cara smiled.

“I am. Daddy said she’s going to take me for a peti...peti…” Cara could hear that Cullen was saying something to her off camera. “Oh, a pe-dee-cure. What’s that Mama?”

“Oh, that’s a super special treat,” Cara explained. “You get your feet washed and cleaned and then they put pretty nail polish on and if you ask really nice they may even paint a flower on your big toe for you.”

“Really?” Meg asked clearly more excited now. She looked to the side, probably where Cullen was and smiled. He’d most likely confirmed what Cara had said.

“Oh, I love those,” Anders chimed in.

“Uncle Anders!” Meg yelled excitedly. “Hi,” she started waving at the screen.

“Hey you,” Anders waved back. “It sounds like you’re having fun there.”

“I am,” she nodded excitedly. “Are you two doing fun things?”

“Well we put new flowers in the garden today,” Cara smiled. “Mister Cole said to tell you hi.”

“Oooo.” Meg looked excited. She loved flowers. “I miss you Mama,” Meg told her touching the screen.

“I miss you too, little one. You have fun with your daddy and before you know it you’ll be back here to do laundry and scrub the tub and mop the floors,” Cara teased.

“Ewwww,” Meg made a face causing Cara to laugh. “Daddy says it’s bedtime Mama. Goodnight Mama. Goodnight Uncle Anders.”

“Goodnight Meg. Give Mr. Bunny a hug for me. And give Evelyn one tomorrow when you see her. I love you to the moon and back,” Cara blew her a kiss.

“I love you too.” 

“Goodnight,” Anders waved to her which she returned.

Cara then saw Meg climb down from the chair she was in, only to be replaced by Cullen’s face. “I’ll call you once she’s in bed, ok?”

“Sounds good,” she replied before they disconnected.

She went in the kitchen to get her and Anders another drink. As she sat down, the computer made a noise a few minutes later and Cara returned her attention to the laptop to answer the video call from Cullen. Anders flipped over from the movie to the TV to give the two of them a little privacy.

“She all tucked in?” Cara asked once he appeared.

“She is. Made sure the blanket was tight so that she can’t escape,” he teased.

“So, you nervous for tomorrow?” Cara asked, alluding to Evelyn’s arrival.

“More like excited. I miss her when she’s not here.” Cullen gave a shy smile and rubbed the back of his neck. “But as far as  _ the _ question. Terrified.”

“You don’t have to be, She’s going to say yes,” Cara reassured him.

“So, did you decide about Nathaniel. I mean Nate. Sorry, it’ll take me awhile to get used to calling him that,” Cullen apologized.

“It’s ok,” Cara smiled. “We went out for dinner last night. It was...it was good. Almost like old times, I had a good time.”

Cullen smiled wide this time. “Good. I’m proud of you for getting out there and taking a chance. So I’m guessing there will be a date number two then?”

Cara nodded, “It’s strange. For so long I carried around this hurt and anger towards him. But ever since his apology, it’s just...it’s not there anymore. None of it. It’s freeing.” 

“Forgiveness often is,” Cullen answered. “I’m glad. Just don’t rush it. Let things just happen without pushing. Don’t feel like you need to prove anything to yourself. Just be happy and enjoy the ride.” 

Cara nodded, “Thank you, Cullen. For your support, and for just being so understanding.”

“Of course. I understand why you’re feeling like you do. What happened, it affected me too. He was my friend, or I thought he was. My trust was also broken, though not to the extreme yours was. I never want to see you hurt like that again. Just don’t let the past keep you from having a future. I’m going to grab a beer and watch the game before the beach house becomes girl central and I’m just a figurehead,” Cullen chuckled. “Love you.”

“Love you, too. Have fun and try not to spoil Meg too much.” 

“I plan to ignore that request completely,” Cullen winked and disconnected before she could give him a retort.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A second date for Nate and Cara.  
> Then some time with her brother Fergus honoring their mother.  
> A few flashbacks in this chapter as well.

Cara watched as Nate set up the pool balls in the rack. Off to the side, at another table, she could see a few women clearly admiring him. When she was younger, that would have made her jealous. Now it filled her with a bit of pride that he was with her. She looked him over as he concentrated on putting the balls into order. He was definitely attractive, and now at thirty, he was more filled out, less lanky than he had been at twenty-one. Combine his looks with a good personality, the fact that as a Junior Partner he had money, and he could easily be with anyone he wanted. Yet he chose her, instead of another lawyer, instead of someone that looked like a model. His eyes raised up to look at her while he was setting the rack in position and he shot her a seductive smile. She couldn’t help but smile back.

She wasn’t one to normally tie her feelings of worth into whether a man paid attention to her or not, but after the last year, it felt reassuring just the same, to have someone like him desire her above anyone else. It chipped away at the self doubt that had crept in over the last several months.

He pulled away the rack and stepped back from the table. “Your break.”

Cara bit her lip nervously. She’d only played pool once before, and that was years ago, before Meg was even an idea. When Nate had suggested this, she didn’t care what they were going to do, just that they were going to spend time together. Now she worried about just how much of a fool she was going to make of herself.

_ “All set, ladies first.” Banson stepped back from the table and stood by Alistair, each holding a pool cue and looking at her expectedly. _

_ Cara looked around at other tables to see what players were doing and fidgeted with her cue, trying to mimic what she saw around her. _

_ “You ok, partner?” Cullen asked her with a smirk after she fumbled around for a few minutes.  _

_ Cara shrugged and tried to squelch down the totally inappropriate crush she had on her friend’s older brother. “I’ve never actually played before,” she admitted, feeling a little ashamed. _

_ “Ahh,” Cullen nodded in understanding. He walked up behind her and angled his arms to be beside hers, his hands moved hers to the right spot on the cue, showing her how to hold it. He kept his body a respectful distance away, it was one of the things she liked about him, how he was always so well mannered.  _

_ “Like this,” he explained, his head beside hers so that his breath tickled the hairs on her neck. He tilted her hip with one hand and then returned it to the cue, showing her how to aim. _

_ Cara tried hard to concentrate, because  _ of course _ he had to smell good up close in addition to being a drop dead gorgeous cop. Cullen stepped back and she took her shot. It wasn’t a perfect break, but the balls did break up. Cara squealed with excitement.  _

_ Cullen high fived her, “Good job. Next time hit it a little harder, but you’re getting there.” _

She was able to remember the break she learned, and it actually went pretty well. She smiled at herself for the minor accomplishment. Nate sized up the lay of the table before deciding on his shot. That went in, along with the next two before finally missing.

“Aren’t you supposed to let your date win?” Cara teased, figuring it was her only shot at actually beating him.

“I’m pretty sure you’d actually be more pissed at me for letting you win then if I won,” Nate chuckled.

“True,” Cara nodded and went for what looked like an easy shot. It probably would have been for someone that had any clue what they were doing. Instead she barely scraped the side of the cue ball and sent it off in the wrong direction.

“You get a mulligan.” Nate put the cue ball back where it had been originally and stepped around behind her. He pressed his chest to her back, wrapping his arms around her and holding her hands to show her how to aim the cue. Cara tried to concentrate, but feeling him pressed against her made it difficult. Nate pulled back on the cue and shot, this time hitting the cue ball in the right spot and the 6-ball sank into the pocket.

“Good job.” He still stood behind her, brushing some hair from her cheek and pressing a kiss there.

“I don’t know. I might still need some help.” Cara flirted and his hand squeezed her hip slightly.

“Well I’m always happy to help.” Nate chuckled as his thumb ran along her side, his hand still on her hip.

“How very magnanimous of you,” she teased as she turned slightly to face him more. His hands remained on her hips as she did.

“Oh trust me,” his voice became lower, nearly a grumble. “When it comes to you, I am a very selfish man.” His lips pressed against hers and she sighed into the kiss.

He had barely pulled into her driveway and turned off the engine a few hours later when she slid across the seat and began to nibble at his neck. Nate moaned her name quietly as he moved closer on the seat to allow her more room to access him. Cara took the offer and climbed into his lap, straddling his legs.

“I didn’t realize you liked pool this much,” Nate chuckled as he slid a hand under her shirt to grasp her bare hips.

Cara raised her head up to look him in the eyes. “All night with you pressing up behind me is going to have an effect on me. And you bloody well know it, Howe,” she smirked, leaning back down to pull on his ear lobe with her teeth.

Nate chuckled, trying hard to keep himself in check. The object of his recent recurring late night fantasies currently sitting on him was not making it easy. He forced himself to keep his hands at waist level, even though the temptation to move them higher was intense. There was no way she wasn’t able to feel the effect she was having on him, sitting as she was.

“You sure you still want to wait?” Cara whispered as she licked his ear, causing a delightful shiver to run through his spine.

“I’ll make it worth the wait, I promise.” Nate’s voice was husky with need as he kissed along her collarbone. His lips found Cara’s again, and their tongues soon wrapped along each other as the windows began to fog on his car.  “I’m glad I don’t have to worry about your brother dragging me out of the car right now.” He chuckled, noticing he could no longer see out of the windows.

Cara smiled against him as she pressed kisses along his jaw. They both jumped when they heard something heavy hit the car. They could hear tires squeal away in the distance when they both exited the car. A brick sat beside the car, along with a nice dent on the side panel.

“What the hell?” Nate grumbled picking it up.

“Oh Nate, your car. I’m sorry,” Cara touched the dent and frowned.

“It’s not your fault, some punk kids my guess,” Nate sighed, “It’s fine, nothing I can’t fix.”

“It’s not kids. It’s Raleigh, I’m sure,” she looked up at him. It broke his heart how resigned she seemed to the fact that this was just how things were.

“Hey,” Nate gently wrapped his hand behind her head and pressed his forehead to hers. “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry he’s doing this, but I’m not getting scared off so easy, I promise.” He kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger on her for a moment. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your door.”

“Are you going to be ok?” Nate held her hand as she opened her front door.

“Yeah. I refuse to let him terrify me, just more annoyed that he can’t just let me live my life in peace.” Cara shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”

“Ok.” Nate pressed another soft kiss to her lips, cupping her cheek when he stepped back. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Nate. Thanks again for tonight, even if you didn’t let me win,” she teased.

***

Cara walked into Fergus’ home to find him standing in the kitchen talking with Wynne. He seemed upbeat, perhaps looking forward to the outing. He turned and opened his arms to his little sister, an invitation for a hug which she never denied him. He was dressed in a dark blue suit. Cara reached up after the hug was done and helped fix his uneven tie.

“You look very dapper.” She affectionately patted his chest with an open hand.

“And you look very happy. Something happen since I’ve seen you last?” he elbowed her.

“Nothing, just looking forward to spending some time with my big brother.” Cara wasn’t quite ready to tell him anything about Nate yet. While the last week had proven to be what she hoped was the start of something real, it was still too early to tell if it was or if it was just the two of them caught up in memories. On top of that, she had no way of telling how Fergus would react. He seemed to be having another good day, and she didn’t want to do anything to risk changing that.

“Are you ready?” she asked him and he nodded, giving her a look that meant he didn’t buy her story one bit but wouldn’t pry either. “Wynne, enjoy your afternoon off.”

Wynne gave her a warm smile and wished them both well as they left. The drive to the gardens was quiet, Fergus looking out the window without saying much. Cara had been trying to encourage him to get out more, to perhaps go to a museum, or watch a movie. But instead, most of the time he was happier just sitting in his sunroom.

They pulled into the parking lot. “You ready?” she asked him, wanting to confirm he was still up to this.

Fergus nodded, taking her hand for a moment and squeezing it. She recognized it as his way of saying ‘thank you’ without words. As they walked towards where the small crowd was gathering, a nervous looking man approached. 

“Mr. Cousland, Ms. Cousland. I wasn’t told you’d be attending, my apologies. Had I known, I would have been sure to set you sitting up on the stage.”

Fergus stiffened, clearly nervous. Cara grabbed his hand while looking at the other man. “It’s alright. Bit of a last minute decision. We’d honestly be happier just blending in with the crowd, if it’s alright.”

“Of course, of course. My name is Bodhan. If there’s anything at all I can do for you today, please just let me know.” He bowed slightly as he left.

Cara led Fergus to a few chairs in the middle of the seating but near an aisle.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” a tall woman, dressed impeccably sharp spoke into the microphone. “I am the curator here at the Denerim Botanical Gardens, Vivienne de Fer. It is with great honor that we make this dedication today. I thank you all for attending.” 

The crowd applauded, and the curator waited until they died down to continue. “Our gardens our supported solely through donations from kind people such as yourself. And no one was a greater supporter than the late Eleanor Cousland. Mrs. Cousland donated not only money, but her time. She could often been seen here tending to the gardens or teaching a group of school children about the plants here.”

Fergus squeezed Cara’s hand gently, no doubt remembering their mother here so often looking so happy. 

“Today is the culmination of many years of fundraising, hard work and countless volunteer hours. This day would not have been a reality without so many in the community coming together to provide their time, money and skills. It is without further ado that I commemorate this as the Eleanor Cousland Memorial Flower Garden and Teaching Center.” Again the crowd broke into loud applause. “Not only will the beautiful flowers remind us of Eleanor, but this new building behind me will serve as a classroom for school children as well as the community. A plaque has been placed by the front door so that all who come here will remember this remarkable lady. I invite you all to please, look around. There are refreshments in the center, and I thank you all again for attending.”

“Do you want to mingle or leave?” Cara asked Fergus as they stood.

“I think I would like to see everything if you don’t mind,” he looked around.

“Of course I don’t mind. My day is free.” Cara walked beside him as they entered the gardens. It was a bright rainbow of colors. Roses, carnations, daffodils, andraste’s grace, and even some rare crystal grace. 

Fergus stopped to quite literally smell the roses a few times. “These ones remind me of mother. The perfume she used to wear.”

Cara smelled the flowers and a memory of her mother laughing with their father filled her mind. “It does, just like her. I think perhaps I’ll look into getting some of these, we could plant some by your front door if you’d like. I’ll put some near mine too. Then we’d always have them to remember her.”

Fergus nodded, “I’d like that.”

As they walked up to the teaching center, he stopped by the plaque. His fingers ran along the lettering of her name as he looked at it with a tear in his eye. He seemed to shake himself out of his thoughts, giving his sister a smile again as they entered the teaching center. Cara’s breath caught, seeing a beautiful painting of their mother behind the reception area. It had been so long since she’d seen her in person; the painting was nearly lifelike in quality. The last time Cara had seen her mother alive was when she was trying on wedding dresses. Two weeks later she was gone forever.

Fergus pulled her gently towards the dessert table. Cara couldn’t help but snicker. Her brother was nothing if not a glutton for desserts. A few people seemed to take notice of them. She heard some whispering, but as of yet, Fergus hadn’t noticed.

They walked through what would be the classrooms. Meanwhile Cara trying to ignore the looks being thrown their way. People definitely knew who they were. She just hoped they’d be kind enough to leave them be.

“Can we go now?” Fergus asked her softly. She noticed his hand flexed over and over by his side.

“Of course.” She took his arm and led him back to her car. 

Once in the passenger seat, Fergus nearly slumped in his chair. “I think I was fine until the end there. All that staring. I had to leave before someone came up to give condolences on Orana and Oren.” 

Cara took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze, rubbing her fingers along his to relax him. “I understand. Do you want to go anywhere else?”

“Just home please.” He sounded drained. Cara nodded knowing today had been enough for him.

He again said nothing on the drive home, simply resting his head along the door and looking at his hands in his lap. Cara helped him into the house. Once his jacket was off and he was sitting in his sunroom, he finally spoke again.

“Do you think they knew how much I loved them? I spent so much time working. Time I can’t ever get back, time I could have done so much more with Oren, with Orana.” He looked at her with pleading eyes.

Cara knelt in front of him and took his face gently in her hands. “They knew Fergus. They knew they were the center of your universe. They understood that all those hours you worked were to provide for them, to let Orana stay home with Oren. You were his hero. He adored you as much as any son could adore his father. Don’t ever doubt it, they knew you loved them and they both loved you just as much.” 

She leaned up and kissed his cheeks and forehead, resting her cheek against the top of his head, feeling him shake softly with tears. His arms wrapped around her and he held on as she stood, his head resting along her chest as he cried. Cara ran her hand soothingly over his hair to comfort him, allowing him to let out what he needed.

“Thank you, Cara. For today, but for everything. I know how much you do for me, and even if I don’t say it, I appreciate it.” He let her go, looking out the window.

“I know you do. I’m happy to do it for you Fergus. I love you, forever and evermore.” She repeated the words their mother always said to them as children.

“I love you too, Pup. Forever and evermore,” he nodded. “Could you please tell Wynne I’m ready to lie down?”

“Of course,” Cara kissed the top of his head.

She headed out, driving home with a heavy heart wishing so much she had the magic words to help her brother. To let him finally break free of the mourning and guilt she knew he felt. He had no reason to feel guilty, but he had confessed to her once that he did just the same. He believed if he had been at the family estate instead of at a business dinner that night he could have somehow stopped what happened. It wasn’t logical, of course. Had he been there, he would have perished as well, but logic and emotion didn’t often coincide.

Cara entered her home feeling drained. The quietness from a child away struck her, especially after her talk with Fergus today. She walked through her home to her bedroom and began to change. She smiled when she saw the pictures from the kiosk from their first date tucked into the side of a frame on her dresser. Once changed into leggings and an oversized shirt she felt slightly better. More comfortable for sure. She picked her phone up off the dresser, giving the photos she had taken today one more quick glance before heading into the living room.

She began flipping through the channels, finding a cooking show to watch.  After the second hour of vegging, her phone chirped that she had a message.

**From Cullen:** Skype?

**To Cullen:** Give me a minute to turn on the laptop.

Cullen’s face appeared on the screen.

Cullen nodded. “How are you doing? You look sad. Is it Nate?”

Cara shook her head. “No, I was with Fergus today at the dedication I told you about.”

“Ah, yes. How did that go?”

“The dedication itself was good. It’s a beautiful memorial, I’ll probably take Meg. But afterwards...he worried that maybe his family didn’t know how much he loved them. It’s hard, Cullen. Seeing him break down like that and not being able to do much else then just hold him,” Cara sighed, shaking her head.

“You’re doing more than you realize for him. Trust me.” Cullen was now the one doing the reassuring.

“Meg. Does she know? Does she know how much I love her? That if I could, I’d spend every waking moment with her?” Cara looked down at the table as she asked.

“She knows. She spent most of today talking about you,” Cullen smirked.

“She did?” Cara looked up, hopeful.

“She did. She worries about you. She can see you’ve been lonely even though she doesn’t know that’s what it is. But she also looks up to you. She talked at length about how you make all her favorite dishes and about the two of you going to see the ballet and on and on and on. I was the third wheel on my own vacation,” Cullen chuckled.

“Thank you Cullen, I needed to hear that,” Cara smiled. “So what’s up?”

“I just needed a little reassurance I guess.” He rubbed the back of his neck, a telltale sign he was nervous.

She knew without having to ask, what the cause of those nerves were “I promise you, she’s going to say yes. When are you going to ask?”

“Tonight. She’s out with Meg on the beach right now.” Cullen looked behind him for a second  and then back at the monitor. “I don’t think I’ve been this nervous since the first time I felt Meg kick.”

“Why did that make you nervous?”

“I guess until then it hadn’t really hit me that I was going to be a father. Suddenly there was a kick and it’s like my brain filled with all the things I needed to do to get ready for her and how woefully unprepared I was to have a kid,” he shrugged.

“You’re a wonderful father, and you’re going to be an amazing husband. Evelyn loves you, Cullen. You don’t have anything to worry about. Except maybe convincing Bran to wear a tux.” 

Cullen chuckled, which had been her goal, to try to ease the tension. “He’ll do it or I’ll put him in a headlock.” He looked to the side. “They’re back, gotta go.”

“Ok, let me know what happens so I can say told you so. Love you.” 

“Love you too,” he answered, the call disconnecting after that.

Cara looked at her phone, it was only 7:30. She fiddled with it for a while, too nervous to make the call she wanted to make. What if he’d changed his mind? What if after Tuesday night he decided he wanted something else? What if he’d decided he really was pissed about his car? What if it really was too much trouble to have to put up with a woman with a stalker ex?

_ You’re an idiot, that’s what you are. Anders told you himself he looked happy _ . _ Where’s all this coming from? You aren’t some wilting violet! Get with it, Cara. _

Cara took a deep breath and pulled up Nate’s number on her phone. He answered on the second ring.

“Hi.” His voice was the same warmth that always made her melt. She could hear his smile through this phone.

“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” She could hear other voices in the background.

“No, just watching a game with Hawke and Fenris.” As he spoke he could hear the background noises fading and figured he must be walking into another room. “Besides, you could never interrupt.”

“I miss you,” she blurted out and then covered her mouth as she pinched her eyes shut. Maker, what was wrong with her?

“I miss you too,” Nate sighed, instantly releasing the tension she was feeling. “How did today go with Fergus?”

“Good, then not so good. It’s hard, Nate. He’s so fragile. He’ll be fine one moment, then the next he just collapses in on himself. Sometimes he’ll get violent, or confused about where he is or when it is. He still blames himself for not being there. I know it’s selfish, but I miss the old Fergus.” Cara leaned onto her side on the couch.

“It’s not selfish. You know what he used to be, you miss that. I get it,” Nate consoled her, “Are you ok? You sound, I don’t know, different.”

“Maybe. I’m not sure.” Cara could feel tears welling up in her eyes. “Sometimes it’s just so hard. I love him, I do. But sometimes I just don’t want to have to be the strong one, the one to take care of everything, you know?” She could feel a few tears break down her cheek.

“Do you want company?”

“I don’t want to be a bother?”

“You’re not. Do you want to be alone or do you want company?”

“Yes. Company,” she sniffled.

“Ok. Order us a pizza, I’ll be there soon.”

Cara hung up and sighed, already feeling better knowing she soon wouldn’t be alone. Knowing that her silly fears were unfounded, he really  _ did _ care about her.

***

_ Cara took Fergus’ hand and placed it on her belly. “Did you feel that?” she asked as her daughter kicked. _

_ Fergus nodded while Cullen watched them with a whimsical expression. He never got tired of feeling those kicks. The first time had panicked him, but now, every little kick brought more joy to his life. While a one night stand wasn’t how he imagined he’d have a child, now that her arrival was just a few months away, he couldn’t think of much else then how it will be to finally hold his daughter in his arms. _

_ “She’s saying hi to her Uncle Fergus,” Cara smiled at her brother as he removed his hand from her. _

_ Fergus smiled for a moment and then his face fell. “Cullen, you need to take them away, hide them.” _

_ “Fergus?” Cara looked at Cullen and then back at her brother. _

_ “No, you need to go. Cullen you need to keep them safe. Don’t let him get them too!” Fergus was becoming more and more agitated and louder as he spoke. _

_ “From who?” Cullen asked, speaking in the low tones his training had taught him, to try to calm the man. _

_ “From Rendon Howe. He’s going to...so much blood. Their blood. He’ll kill them just like the did to Ora…” he broke down crying, unable to finish his sentence, collapsing into a chair. _

_ “Fergus,” Cara took his hand gently. “Rendon’s dead. Last month, remember? We went to the prison?” _

_ Fergus stood up so quickly his chair flew back as he gripped her hand hard enough that Cara started to tear up. “NO! He’s coming, he’s not done. You’re trying to trick me.” _

_ “Cullen?” Cara cried out, trying to wrench her hand from her brother’s grasp. _

_ “Wynne!” Cullen yelled out as he pried Fergus’ fingers from Cara’s hand and moved to stand between them. “Fergus, we’re safe. Do you remember where we are?” _

_ “You, you work for him, don’t you? You’re trying to take her from me. I won’t let you!” Fergus reached for a butter knife and swung at Cullen who expertly disarmed him. _

_ “Fergus, I don’t want to hurt you. You need to calm down,” Cullen tried to reason with him as he kept Fergus’ arm pinned behind him. _

_ “No. Where’s Orana? Why are you keeping me from her?” Fergus continued to try to wrestle free. At some point he pulled enough that he sprained his own wrist, but seemed unaware of the pain. “Orana, who is this man? Orana, why aren’t you answering?” _

_ Cara just watched with tears falling down her face, her arms wrapped around herself as Wynne ran past her, a syringe filled with a sedative in her hands. Cullen was able to hold Fergus enough for the nurse to administer the relaxer. He let go once he felt Fergus go nearly limp. _

***

Cara wiped her eyes, as the memory played in her head. She heard a knock at the door and took a deep breath as she walked through the room. Nate arrived just as Cara was opening the door for the delivery man. She paid him and then led Nate into the kitchen to put the pizza on the counter. When she turned back around he was standing right there.

“Come here,” he said softly, his voice covering her like a warm blanket. Cara melted into his arms, her head resting on his chest, his arms wrapped around her as she just breathed in his scent and listened to his heartbeat. It was instantly soothing. “Feel better?”

Cara nodded, still holding onto him. He rested his cheek atop her head and wrapped his arms around her even more. All her hurt, it slipped away the more he just held her. 

For Nate, it was incredible. For her to  _ need _ him, for her to find peace in his embrace. He’d missed this, just holding her and being held by her. It was intimate, familiar, and something he hadn’t realized just how much he had longed for until he was holding her.

Cara stepped back just an inch and looked up at him. “Thank you.” 

Nate tilted his head and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Anytime,” he told her as he dropped the hug and wiped away a tear from her face with his thumb.

Cara dug out a few plates from the cabinet and handed him one. They took their dinner into the living room to watch television. Nate sat near the corner of the ‘L’ in the couch, and Cara snuggled into his side. He found a sitcom for them to watch as they ate in silence. 

After they were finished with dinner, Nate leaned forward to put his plate on the coffee table and took her empty one from her hands and did the same. He then leaned back so that he was reclining on the corner of the couch, his legs able to stretch out along the one side. He gently pulled Cara up to lie across him so that she could rest her head on his chest again. His arms wrapped around her back and he held her feeling her relax into his arms. They laid like that through the rest of the show. His right hand rubbing gentle circles into the small of her back.

Cara felt so soothed. Hearing his heartbeat against her ear, feeling his soft caress on her back. They used to lie like this so long ago. When they were in high school, it usually precluded an intense makeout session. As they got older, it settled into just a habit, but still affectionate.

As the show ended and the commercials started before the next show, Cara slid up just enough so that she was close enough to kiss. Without a word being said, Nate wrapped his hand around the back of her head, fingers threading through her hair. He closed his eyes as he pulled her forward into a kiss. His lips caressing hers softly, sending small tingles through her.

Cara laid her head back on his chest. “I missed this. I missed you holding me.”

Nate’s arms constricted around her slightly for a moment. “I missed holding you. Thank you.”

“For what?” she asked, not wanting to sit up. She wanted to bask in the feeling of closeness and warmth. She missed feeling at peace, something she’d sorely lacked this year.

“For giving me another chance. I didn’t deserve it, but I’m happy to have it just the same.” His fingers resumed their light touches on her her back.

“I’m happy too. For the first time in a long time, I’m happy,” she sighed, turning her head just enough to place a kiss over his heart. 

Before the show ended Cara had fallen asleep. He could tell by her even breaths, and the cute little quiet snores she sometimes let out. He’d missed those, always found them adorable. He tilted his head down so that he could watch her without waking her. His hand reached up and ran fingers softly through her hair. She sighed in her sleep and snuggled into him more.  His heart felt so full at that moment. How had he ever managed to get to this point? For so long he was sure he would never see her again, and that if he had, she would spit in his face, or worse yet, ignore his presence completely. The most he ever dared dream was that she would forgive him for what he’d done to them--to her. Yet somehow, here he was, in her living room, holding her in his arms. She felt comfortable and safe enough to fall asleep in his arms. He knew he’d eventually have to wake her so that he could get home. Much as he’d love to just stay, the temptation would be too great to advance things to a point neither of them were ready for, and he didn’t want to break what they had. It was still new, fragile.

He had spoken with Anders the night before about her, enough to know that her last relationship had taken a toll on her. He needed to be certain what they had starting between them was real and not just her latching onto something familiar out of fear and loneliness. It would break his heart if they moved things to the next step and she changed her mind about them. Better to keep it as is if it were to break.

_ Anders and he were standing in Hawke’s kitchen, putting together plates with the wings and breadsticks Hawke had ordered earlier. Fenris and Hawke were still watching the game. _

_ “Can I ask you something, about Cara?” Nate piled the wings on his plate. _

_ “Ok, but depending on what it is, I may not answer.” Anders looked up from where he had been building a tower with his wings. _

_ “Fair enough. Her ex, she said it was bad but she didn’t really say much else. I just...I care about her, I want to make sure I’m not just a rebound.” Nate’s hand shook a little as he said that. “Did you know him?” _

_ Anders let out a sigh and leaned back against the counter, abandoning his tower for now. He wiped his hands on a napkin and then rested them beside himself on the counter. “They were already dating when I met her. Raleigh...he seemed like a good guy. He was sweet with Cara, and good with Meg. She called him Papa Ra. Honestly I expected them to get married.” _

_ “So what happened?” Nate asked. _

_ “His secrets came out in a rather public way. Cara was humiliated. It went downhill very quickly from bad to horrific.” Anders looked at his feet for a moment and then back up at Nate as he spoke. “I think she should really be the one to tell you everything. Not because I’m hiding things, but because I think she needs to open up and talk about it. But I don’t think you’re the rebound. I talked to her last night. I think she’s still trying to work out what she feels about you. But I really think you mean more to her than just something to kill the time.” _


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cara's birthday party includes some unwelcome attention.

The week had gone by slowly for Cara since she’d last seen Nate. He’d wound up busier than he expected his first week at the new job, and even though he called or texted the first few nights, their official third date had been postponed. Cara understood; it was important as new Junior Partner that he quickly establish that he was up to the role. But still, she missed him -- which was so odd to her. Just a few weeks ago if you had asked her what she thought of him, she would have told you she didn’t think of him at all and was perfectly happy to keep doing so.  _ Ahh, self denial. _

She’d tried to busy herself to keep from thinking about how much she missed him. She had a few lunches with Leli downtown near the government building she worked at. Other days she spent lounging at Bela’s cafe, chit chatting with her when it was slow. She had a long lunch with Fergus one day as well; it was one of his better days, so it served as a pleasant distraction. His doctor was trying out a different medication combination that hopefully would help him. He seemed to be having a lot of good days lately, and she felt optimistic that maybe they were finally on the right track with him.

Cara decided that trying to learn to knit would help distract her from having an empty house. It did, in that it proved to be insanely difficult and frustrating. Her phone buzzed, keeping her from throwing the needles across the room.

**From Cullen:** Meg wants to call you to say happy birthday, but first there’s something for you on her bed.

Cara smiled-- talking to Meg would help for sure. She hadn’t been up to Meg’s room since they’d left, so she hadn’t known there was something waiting for her. Opening the door, there was in fact a small gift wrapped box and a card sitting on the girl’s bed. Cullen must have left it there when he’d picked up her suitcase.  _ Very sneaky _ , she smirked.

The card was homemade from Meg with what she assumed was supposed to be a halla drawn on the front. “Happy birthday Mama. I  luv  love you” was scribbled inside. Cara smiled, it was just the thing she needed, she loved that little girl so much. She opened the present, and inside she found a jeweler's box. It contained two ceramic earrings made to look like white roses with the tiniest diamonds in the center. She put them on and returned downstairs in time to hear the laptop chirp for an incoming video chat.

Meg’s face popped on the screen. “Happy birthday, Mama!!” she yelled excitedly.

“Thank you sweetie. I love my present.” Cara held her hand behind her ear to show that she wore the earrings.

“They match Grandma Eleanor’s necklace,” Meg beamed proudly.

“Yes, they do. Maybe I’ll wear that with these tonight. Auntie Bela will be very jealous of these pretty earrings.”

Meg smiled wide in response.

“Are you having fun?” Cara asked her.

Meg nodded her head. “Mama, Mama.”

“What?” Cara asked laughing at her excitement.

“Evelyn’s gonna marry Daddy. And I get to be a flower girl!”

Cara could hear Cullen and Evelyn laugh somewhere off camera in response to Meg’s enthusiasm.

“That’s wonderful news. It’ll be very nice to have her as family.” Evelyn and Cullen had been dating nearly four years, since Meg was two, so thankfully the girl had taken the news of the engagement well, having only ever known her father to be with Evelyn. “Of course since she’ll be your step mother it means she’ll make you live in the basement and clean the chimney and you’ll have to play with the mice.”

Meg laughed, getting the Cinderella reference since they had just watched the DVD the night before she’d left for her trip. “No, Mama. You’re silly.”

“I know,” Cara laughed with her.

“Daddy wants to say hi. I love you Mama,” Meg waved.

“I love you too, Peanut. See you in another week.”

A moment later, both Evelyn and Cullen appeared on screen. Evelyn was about Cara’s height with short, brown hair and brown eyes. She was beautiful, but it was her inner sweetness that made her really attractive. She and Cara had hit it off nearly instantly when Cullen first introduced them, and Cara felt more than thrilled to be officially adding Evelyn to their little family. Some of her other single parent friends didn’t get it. They felt like she should be threatened by Evelyn. As if she was going to somehow replace Cara, or steal her daughter’s love. But they didn’t get what it was like to lose nearly your entire family. They didn’t get how that made you cherish those that came into your inner circle, how it made you want to surround yourself with new family, to open your heart and embrace someone who felt like a sister. That Meg adored Evelyn, that she saw her as a second mother already, it didn’t threaten Cara, it made her happy. Someone to love Meg, an ally when Meg became a moody teenager, how could she not embrace that?

“Congratulations! Although I’m highly insulted you didn’t ask me to be your flower girl,” Cara teased.

“Thank you,” they both said in unison.

“Stop that, you’re being too adorable, talking together,” Cara laughed. “How’s the beach?”

“Wonderful,” Evelyn replied, “I may never want to leave.” 

“No, I need my sinfully fattening baked goods. No moving,” Cara faux pouted.

Cullen laughed,“I think you have little to worry about.”

“Thank you, Cullen. For the earrings I mean.”

“No no, those were from Meg.” He winked in response.

“Well then, she’s clearly getting too much for an allowance.”

“Everything going ok back home?” Cullen asked.

“Yes. I’ve been picking up your mail for you, got it in a pile for when you return. Been pretty quiet and boring here to be honest.” She decided not to bring up the garden or Nate’s car, knowing it would only make him worry.

“You remember you said that when she’s running around making noise next week,” Cullen laughed.

Cara smirked, “You guys enjoy what’s left of your trip. See you when you return.” 

Cullen said something to Evelyn and she got up from Cullen’s lap and stepped away. He seemed to be watching something off screen, holding up a finger for Cara to wait. After a few minutes he looked back at the computer.

“I wanted to wait until I could be sure Meg’s out of hearing range. Are you going out with your friends tonight?” he asked, looking less playful than he had a few minutes before. He was wearing what she referred to as his ‘Detective Rutherford’ face.

“I think the current plan is to stay here tonight. Why?” He wasn’t one to usually worry about her comings and goings.

“We had a briefing before I left for here. Meg interrupted before I could talk to you about it. There’s a new drug out there, street name is ‘Red Lyrium’. It’s getting slipped into drinks as a powder and dissolving, knocks you completely unconscious in minutes. The liquid form is even faster acting. If you go out, be careful, extra careful ok?” 

“I promise. Pretty sure we’re not going out, especially because of Nate...well you know. If we do, I’ll make sure I either take it from the bartender, or only Anders, ok?” She tried to calm him.

“Thanks. I know you’re a grown woman, but I worry.” Cullen gave her a bashful smile.

“It’s nice to be worried over. I don’t mind, Cullen. Enjoy the rest of your time off.”

After saying goodbye they cut off the call. Cara felt her spirits lifted from the talk.

She looked at her phone. Her friends would be arriving in about ninety minutes. Just a small gathering to celebrate her birthday. Some food, maybe some cards. She was looking forward to it since Leli had suggested it a few weeks ago when she realized Meg would be away today.

As she was finishing up the salad she’d been preparing, she heard a noise on her porch and jumped.  _ Probably the mailman, Maker, calm down. _

She went to her front door, looking out the security window but saw no one. Opening the door, she checked the mail, but nothing was there. That’s when she noticed the flower, a single red rose on the small table there. Picking it up, there was a note attached. 

“Happy birthday to my beautiful lady. I’ll see you soon.”

Cara looked around. She smiled, wondering why Nate would just leave the flower instead of giving it to her himself. She brought it inside and put it in a glass of water beside the flowers that Nate had given her last week. She realized she probably should buy some vases or she’d run out of drinking glasses.

Cara went back to her room and opened the small jewelry box on the top of her dresser. She pulled out the necklace that had been her mother’s. It was a crushed pearl-like flat rose with a fake diamond in the center. It wasn’t an expensive one, worth only about 10 silver, but was something her mother had cherished because Fergus and Cara had pooled their money together to buy it for her when they were young. Because of that, her mother wore it constantly. Putting it on, Cara touched it, and thought of her mother with a smile. Her mother had been wearing the same necklace in the painting of her at the gardens.

Cara answered the knock at her door to find Leli and Bela there, hugging them both as they entered.

“I made a cake. Not up to the quality of Evelyn I’m sure, but not too shabby either.” Isabela handed Cara a cake box.

“I’m sure it’s great, Bela.” Cara kissed her cheek.

“It’s carrot cake. CC for CC,” Bela chuckled

As she put the cake down on the kitchen counter, Leli put the bags of snacks she’d been carrying on the counter beside it and grabbed Cara’s hand. “You’re changing. This shirt won’t work.”

“What? What are you talking about?” Cara asked looking down at the simple band shirt she wore with her jeans. She looked to Isabela for support.

“You have fun, I’ll get these snacks ready.”

Leli grabbed her hand and dragged Cara into her room. Leli redressing her was a fairly normal occurrence, and she’d learned long ago not to fight it, that it always worked out better in the end. Once inside, Leli closed the door, stopping on her way to Cara’s closet. “Aww. You two are cute,” she smiled at the kiosks pictures of Cara and Nate. Cara shrugged and plopped on the bed. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Leli looked at her over her shoulder as she flipped through shirts in the closet. “It’s your birthday, you should be happy. You missing Meg?”

Cara shook her head. “Talked with her a little while ago. Just being my usual insecure self. I’ll be fine.”

Leli smiled as she turned around with a shirt in hand. “He likes you, a real lot so don’t worry about it.”

“How do you know?” Cara tilted her head.

“Because you’re amazing and he’d be an idiot not to. Here, this one.”

Cara put on the loose burgundy knit shirt that Leli had handed her. It flowed, and was relaxed like the t-shirt, yet prettier than the t-shirt had been, coming to rest past her hips. “You have the touch.” 

“I just like playing dress up and you’re a willing victim,” Leli laughed. “Let’s go shopping Monday. The offices are closed for some government thing.”

“Absolutely, but no shoe shopping or Meg will be mad she missed out.” Cara smirked. 

They entered the living room to find that Hawke, Fenris, Anders and Nate had arrived, all talking along with Bela. Nate turned around and his face lit up upon seeing Cara.  _ You’re an idiot.  _ Cara scolded herself for ever having doubted his feelings. 

“Hey, birthday girl.” Anders scooped her into a hug before setting her back on her feet. “I found this bum outside, hope you don’t mind I invited him in.”

“Not at all,” Cara turned to face Nate when Anders let his hug drop.

Nate took her hand and gently tugged her closer. “Happy birthday.” He gave her a quick kiss on the lips, still enough to make her blush.

“So, cake first or card game and then cake?” Isabela asked, holding out a lighter.

“Cake. Always cake first,” Cara laughed. 

Bela lit the candles and they all sang to her. Nate’s thumb ran along the back of Cara’s hand as they did, making her smile even wider. The cake itself proved to be delicious, Bella had outdone herself. 

Hawke handed her a gift bag. Inside she found a beautiful wax melter with several different scented waxes. Isabela and Leli gifted her with a gift card to one of the upscale clothing boutiques in Denerim. Anders gift was a donation to the local cat shelter in her name - the same as every year, and she loved him for it. She thanked them all for their gifts.

“Beautiful earrings,” Fenris commented to her as they stood around.

“Thanks. They’re from Meg.” Cara showed them off to her friends.

“She’s getting too big of an allowance,” Hawke teased.

“That’s what I said. I suspect she had help from her father,” Cara winked.

Nate gently tugged on her hand to get her attention. “Can I get you alone for a minute?”

Cara followed him into the kitchen and leaned back against the counter.

“I have something for you, not as exciting as new earrings though…” He looked nervous.

Cara reached out and put her hand on his bicep. “I’m sure I’ll love it. Now gimmie.” She held out her hand and he chuckled, which was what she had been hoping for.

He reached into his pocket and placed something in the palm of her hand. She held it up to look at it. It was a bronze coin with an inspirational quote on it and a large number 8 in the center. Cara looked up at him, confused.

“It’s my sobriety coin for 8 years. I’ll be getting my 9 year at the start of the new year. This,” he touched the coin with his finger, “is my promise to you to stay clean. I plan to give you my new coin each year. I want you to know you can trust me when I say that I’ve put that behind me.”

Cara reached up and tugged Nate to her by his shirt, kissing him soundly when he was close enough. “This is the best gift ever.”

Nate smirked, stepping closer, his hands slid under her shirt to touch the bare skin just above her jeans. Cara shivered at the contact, her arms wrapping around the back of his head as they kissed. She was now very happy Leli had insisted she wear this shirt as his fingertips explored her waist. His tongue ran along her lip, and she opened to give him access. Between the heated kiss and his hands gently running along her waist, Cara felt herself getting aroused. Suddenly, she wanted everyone else to leave so she could drag him off to her room.

Nate started gentle nips with just a hint of teeth along her neck, sending shivers down her spine. He worked his way back up to her lips. “I’m sorry my gift wasn’t as exciting as the others.” 

“Yours had the most meaning behind it.” Cara gave him a quick peck on the lips as he still held her. “Besides, I have your flower too.” She looked over to the rose by the sink.

Nate looked at it and gave her a look of confusion. “I didn’t give that to you.”

Cara picked up the note from behind her and handed it to him. “Stop teasing, of course it’s from you.”

Nate stepped back enough to look at the note and then back up to meet her eyes and shook his head. “This isn’t from me. I’m happy to take the credit if I get more of those kisses, but it wasn’t me.”

Cara went pale. She moved away from him quickly and grabbed the glass with the flower to toss it in the garbage, but her hand shook so much that it dropped onto the floor. The glass fractured into hundreds of pieces.

“Cara?” Nate took a step towards her.

“No. Why can’t he...no.” She burst into tears and ran from the kitchen towards her room.

“Is everything ok?” Nate turned to see Leli, with the rest of their friends behind her.

“I don’t know. She got a flower, thought it was from me and when I told her I didn’t write the note,” he handed the paper in his hand to Anders, “she got freaked out.”

“Shit.” Anders handed the note over to Fenris. Fenris swore in Tevene and whipped out his phone to make a phone call.

Leli looked to Anders, “What is it?”

“Fucking Raleigh Samson,” Anders grumbled. “Has to be.”

Leli shook her head. “We’ll clean this up, you go check on her.” She told Nate, as she moved to get a broom.

Nate knocked on what he assumed was her bedroom door, since the only other room in the hallway was a bathroom. “Cara?”

“Come in,” she sniffled.

He entered, closing the door behind him. She was sitting on the bed, a tissue in her hand, still shaking. Nate sat beside her and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close. 

“Talk to me,” he said softly into her hair. He wasn’t fully sure what was going on, only that she was clearly freaked out.

Cara shook her head. “I don’t...I don’t want to even think of him. I was having a good night with everyone, with you, and now it’s ruined.”

“It’s not ruined.” He brushed some hair from her face. “Everyone is just concerned for you. They’re cleaning up the mess right now. They’re your friends, they care about you.”

Cara didn’t answer, just pressed herself closer to him. Nate pulled away and scooted further up the bed to lie near the pillows. “Come here,” he said holding out an arm.

She laid down next to him, her front pressed into his side, her head on his shoulder. She rested her hand over his chest where she could feel his heartbeat. Nate wrapped an arm around her, one hand resting on her waist, and his other hand rested on the one of hers that was on his chest. “I hope you know you’re safe with me. Whatever happened with this guy, you tell me when you’re ready. But I swear to you, Cara, no matter what, you are always safe with me.”

“I know,” Cara let out a sigh. “Even when you were drinking, you were never like he is. I never worried you’d hurt me.” 

She moved closer, her lips brushing along neck. His hand on her waist tightened as he hummed in reply.

“Cara?” 

She leaned up, capturing his lips and kissed him softly, turning into gentle pressure as she continued. Her hand that had been on his chest wandered down softly, reaching under his shirt to brush along the waistband of his jeans. Nate moaned into the kiss, pulling her closer to him. When her hand reached for the button on his jeans he gently grabbed her hand, leading it away.

Cara pulled back, looking at him with a hurt expression.

“Not like this,” Nate shook his head, “I don’t want it to happen when you’re emotionally charged. I care about you too much to take advantage of the situation.”

Cara flopped back down beside him, still with his arm under her neck, tears forming in her eyes again as she looked up at the ceiling. “Do you even want…”

Nate quickly rolled over so that he was now on his side looking down at her. He picked up her right hand and brought it to his lips, pressing soft kisses to each finger tip. “I do want. But when it’s right, and that’s not now. But I swear to you, I do want you.”

Cara looked up at him, at the sincerity in his eyes. “Nate?”

“Tell me what you need,” he replied, brushing his hand along her cheek.

“I know it’s only been a few weeks, but can we…” she looked to the side, turning her head away.

Nate tilted her head back to face him with two fingertips. “Tell me.”

“Can we skip the part where we date other people and agree to be just us?” She watched his face to gauge his reaction.

“I told you years ago, Cara, there’s no one else for me. We absolutely can do that.” Nate sealed the deal with a soft kiss to her lips. Her fingers wove into his hair holding him close.

“Does this mean I can start introducing you as my boyfriend?” she smiled up at him.

Nate picked up her hand in his again. “That would make me very happy.” He kissed just where her hand met her wrist. “You ready to go see our friends again?”

Cara nodded and let Nate pull her up from the bed. He brushed back her hair with his fingertips so that it didn’t look like they had in fact been up to more in the room. He took her hand again, lacing his fingers with hers and led her back out to the living room where they had cleared the food from the table and were setting up for a game of Wicked Grace.

“You ok?” Leli looked up as they entered.

Cara nodded.

“Oh, you’re smiling. You two weren’t back there that long, what happened?” Hawke asked.

“You’d be surprised what you can get done in a few minutes,” Isabela winked.

“Not if you’re doing it right,” Anders chuckled.

“I think my girlfriend just needed a breather,” Nate replied, putting his hand on the small of her back.

“Girlfriend? Aww.” Hawke tilted his head and sighed.

Fenris walked in from outside at that moment. “You alright?”

“She’s better than alright, she has a boyfriend,” Hawke sighed again.

Fenris smirked at them. “I found no signs of anything outside. Unfortunately Cullen says without proof it was him, we cannot do anything.”

Nate felt a little at a loss. Seeing Fenris acting as a guard was a side of him he was not used to, even though he was aware of the man’s past. Fenris seemed stiff, more alert. And why would he call Cullen? 

Cara nodded, “Thanks Fenris. Hopefully he’s not shoving everyone to the airport to return home.”

Fenris shook his head as he took his seat. “No, I managed to convince him we had things in hand here. I believe he still plans to have a car keep an eye out the rest of the night.”

Cara nodded, knowing Cullen’s reaction could have been a lot worse.

“Look at how cute they are,” Hawke leaned on his elbows.

“You are a hopeless romantic,” Fenris chuckled, kissing his boyfriend’s cheek.

Nate and Cara sat at the table, Nate pulling her seat closer to him so he could rest a hand on her leg. Isabela shuffled the cards and began dealing them. 

“Thank you,” Cara whispered to Nate, grateful he’d talked her into coming back out to enjoy the rest of the night. He squeezed her leg gently in response.

As they played, Nate continued drawing lazy circles on her inner thigh with his finger, thoroughly distracting her from the game. After losing the third hand in a row because of these distractions, Cara opted to sit out the fourth, heading into the kitchen where the snacks had been moved to. She was about to pour herself a glass of soda when she felt Nate tug her slightly back so that her back was to his chest. His lips found the crease between her neck and shoulder.

“It’s been too long without kissing you,” he whispered in her ear as his hands wove under her shirt again to her waist.

Cara turned around in his arms and he began kissing her again, sucking on her bottom lip as one of his hands travelled further up her torso, leaving goosebumps in its wake. He kept stopping just below her breast, never actually touching it. The teasing made her knees all the weaker. Nate pressed a knee between her legs as he edged her back to the counter. He continued the heated kisses, his hands never staying still more than a few moments. Cara’s hands ran along his biceps, feeling them flex under his touch. She found herself once again wishing they were alone, simply so she could get his shirt off.

***

The evening didn’t wear down until late, past 2 AM. As they prepared to leave, Cara bade her friends goodbye. Fenris was still standing in her living room, however.

“Fenris?” Cara asked.

“I will be staying,” he answered firmly.

“I think it’s ok, you can go,” Cara tried to reassure him.

“It was part of the agreement with Cullen, to keep him from rushing back. I’ll be here, just in case, for tonight,” he explained.

Cara nodded, knowing she wasn’t going to win this fight. “Ok, you can take Meg’s room or the couch, whichever you prefer.”

Fenris nodded, said his goodnight and headed up to Meg’s room.

“Do you need me to stay?” Nate asked her after they were alone.

“No. Fenris is a former body guard and special ops, I’ll be ok. Besides,” she ran her fingers along the top of his jeans, near the front, “if you stay, these are going to have to come off.” She licked her lips and watched him closely.

“You don’t play fair. But I get it. Call me in the morning? Actually no, I’m coming back in the morning, breakfast together alright?” He leaned closer.

“I’d like that.” She wrapped her arms along his back. “Dream of me tonight?”

“I always do,” he whispered into her ear, enjoying the tightening of her arms around him. He pulled his head back enough to look at her, one arm around her waist, his other hand on her cheek. “I’ll keep my phone by the bed, call me if you need to tonight. I don’t care how late or how silly you think the reason is. If you need to talk, you call, ok?”

Cara nodded and enjoyed one more kiss from him before he left; the way he looked at her as he left told her he didn’t really want to go.

***

The next morning Cara’s phone rang early. Too early given how late she’d fallen asleep.

“Hello?” Her voice was scratchy from being half asleep.

“Cara. Everything ok?” Cullen’s voice was anxious.

Cara yawned, “It’s fine, Fenris is here. Sounds like he’s in the kitchen in fact. Doesn’t he sleep?”

“When I get back we’re going to talk about you moving. There’s a house for sale near me,” Cullen stated as if it was a done deal. Cara rolled her eyes. She hated when he started getting like this. She knew it came from a place of concern, but she wasn’t a child, and sometimes he acted as if he was her parent in addition to Meg’s.

“I’m not moving, Cullen. This is my home and I like it here.” She sat up, throwing her legs over the bed.

“We’ll talk about it when I get back.” His voice was strained and she could picture him clenching his jaw. He could be just as stubborn as her at times.

“And I said I’m not moving. Stop acting like I can’t take care of myself. I’m not Fergus, I don’t need you telling me where I can and can’t live.” She hung up the phone without waiting for his reply. 

Feeling too angry to go back to bed, she headed into the kitchen, finding her suspicions were true. Fenris flipped through something on his phone as he drank a cup of coffee. He was dressed in his jeans from the night before and just an undershirt.

“You’re up earlier than I expected,” Fenris raised an eyebrow.

“I apparently needed to have a fight with Meg’s bossy ass father. He needs to learn when to turn the Detective persona off,” she snapped, grabbing a mug and pouring a cup of coffee from the pot Fenris had made.

“He’s just concerned for your safety,” he tried to soothe her.

“Well, he can be concerned without telling me what I can and can’t do with my own life. I already had a father,” she growled into her coffee. “Everyone acts like I don’t get it. I get it. It’s happening to  _ me _ not any of the rest of you.”

Fenris nodded, understanding this was between her and Cullen and not his fight. “Do you wish me to hang around today?” 

“No, it’s fine,” Cara softened her voice. “Fenris, don’t think I don’t appreciate everything you do for us. I do.”

He gave her a small smile and made his way up to Meg’s room to finish dressing, leaving soon after.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Meg return from their vacation and he and Cara pick up their fight right where it left off.  
> Not a whole lot of Nate in this chapter except for a short phone call.

Little feet clamored through the front hallway announcing her arrival before she burst into the kitchen.

“I’m home, Mama!” Meg ran up to her mother who picked her up into a huge hug and kissed her cheek.

“I missed you,” Cara gave her a squeezing hug. “I’m so happy to have you back.”

Meg squeezed her arms around her mother’s neck and waved to the man standing behind her. “Hi, Uncle Anders.”

“Hey munchkin,” Anders smiled. “Did you have fun at the beach?”

Cara’s smile dropped when Cullen walked in the door. Anders looked between her and Cullen and back and held out his arms towards Meg. “Hey, let’s say you and I go outside and let your parents talk.”

Cara mouthed “Thank you” to Anders who nodded to Cullen as he carried Meg back outside.

Cullen walked into the kitchen and rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

“Then don’t try to tell me what to do with my life.” Cara crossed her arms and leaned against the fridge.

“I’m not trying to tell you what to do. But he clearly has no problem ignoring the order and coming to the house. If you moved…”

“I’m  _ not _ moving,” Cara cut him off, her voice curt.

“If you moved,” he continued, starting to sound frustrated, “you wouldn’t have to worry about that.”

“He’s a former cop, Cullen,” Cara snapped back, “How long do you think it’d take him to find me again. You and I both know he still has contacts. And then what? I move again, and keep moving, keep uprooting Meg? How is that fair to her?”

“Meg can stay with me and Ev,” Cullen suggested, immediately realizing that was a mistake to say when Cara’s eyes narrowed.

“No. You are not using this to take her from me,” Cara yelled, anger sitting heavy in her stomach.

“How about a walk around the block?” Anders asked Meg outside, hearing the voices start to rise in the house. Meg nodded and Anders took her hand hoping maybe the fight would be done when they returned.

“Cara, I’m not...Maker’s breath, you know I’m not trying to take her from you. But she’s my daughter too and I don’t think you’re taking this seriously,” Cullen tried to explain himself.

“How  _ dare  _ you. Because I refuse to act like a scared animal and hide? Because I’m standing up and refusing to be terrorized by him, you dare to say I’m not taking this seriously?” Cara hit the fridge with a slap. She stepped closer and glared at him, pointing her finger in his chest. “If you had your way, Meg and I would be locked in a room so you could just keep the rest of the world away.”

“Stop it. Do you know how many times I have to stand over the body of someone whose ex couldn’t take no for an answer? That could be you, Cara,” Cullen yelled back, pulling her finger off of him.

“Stop pulling your work into this,” Cara shouted. “Stop acting like I’m some child that doesn’t understand things. I’m not that scared 20 year old kid anymore. I understand better than you what’s going on because it’s ME this is happening to. I’m the one who let him into my life. I’m the one who has to live with that.”

Cullen let out a breath and ran his hand over his face. His voice was softer when he spoke again. “This isn’t your fault. It’s his and only his. He’s sick. I worry because I’m not here to protect you. If you were closer…”

Cara closed her eyes to calm herself before she spoke next; her voice was still tense when she did. “Cullen, I already have the security locks you installed, the glass you put in by the door so I can see who’s there, a panic button in my purse. We have Fenris instead of a normal sitter watching Meg. What more do you want? This,“ she slapped the counter, “is my home. I already lost a home because of Rendon Howe. I’m not giving up another. So figure out a way to be ok with that.”

Anders opened the door with Meg in tow. “Is it ok to come back?”

“Yes,” Cara replied calmly, looking Cullen in the eye to make it clear this discussion was over.

Cullen knelt down and gave Meg a hug as she came into the kitchen. “Take care of your Mama, Peanut. I’ll see you onThursday for dinner.”

When he stood, the look on his face showed he was clearly still annoyed and did  _ not _ consider the matter done. “Anders,” he nodded and left without saying goodbye to Cara.

“Meg honey, why don’t you take your bag upstairs and unpack?” Cara said softly.

“Ok, Mama. Bye Uncle Anders,” she waved to him.

“Bye,” he nodded, watching as she ran up the stairs.

“You ok?” Anders asked stepping closer.

Cara let out a sigh, “Yeah. He just needs to stop being a homicide detective when he’s here, you know? I need his support, not demands.”

“Too bad pepper sprays and stuns are illegal. Stupid politicians,” Anders mumbled. “I’m gonna let you get back to being Mom. Spending time with her will probably help your mood. I have to go get ready for my shift anyway.”

“You going to actually  _ ask _ Dr. Thekla on a date anytime soon or are you just going to keep talking about it?” Cara smirked.

“Shut it,” Anders replied without any venom in his voice, a smile on his face.

*** 

Cara prepared for bed, already in her sleep shirt and pants when she made her final rounds to make sure everything was locked up. Turning off lights as she went, she headed to her bedroom. As had become her nightly routine, she brushed her fingers along the photos of her and Nate from that first date. She walked into her master bathroom, and brushed her long hair. Finally snuggling into her bed, she flipped through her phone, checking work emails, mostly from Principal Solas about staff meetings and first day prep.

She answered as the phone rang and Nate’s name appeared. “Hi.”

“Hey, I’m just finishing up at the office but wanted to call to say goodnight. You happy to have Meg home?” Nate’s velvety voice floated through the phone.

“Yes. It felt too quiet without her.” Cara smiled as she spoke, holding the phone close as if it could bring him closer.

“How’d it go with Cullen?” She had told him about their fight the same morning they’d had it.

“We didn’t resolve anything. He still thinks he knows better than me and what I should do with my life,” she grumbled.

“He may be clumsy with how he’s going about it, but I’m sure he’s doing it because he worries. Not saying he’s in the right, just maybe cut him a little slack?” Nate suggested.

Cara sighed, “Fine. But only because you sound really hot.”

Nate laughed, “I miss you, too. When are you free next?”

“Cullen is taking Meg Friday night.”

“Ok, then dinner, maybe a movie?” 

Cara sighed, wishing he was here beside her instead of just on the phone. “Yes. Listen...about Meg. I’m not ready for her to know about us yet. I just...I want us to work, but I don’t want her getting attached in case...it broke her heart when I ended things with Raleigh. She didn’t understand, just knew that someone she loved was gone.”

“That’s fine. You make the call when it comes to her,” Nate reassured her. She was so worried he’d be hurt by her decision, but once again he’d come through for her with support.

“Friday can’t come soon enough. I miss you,” Cara sounded wistful.

“Sleep well, Cara. Dream of me,” Nate said softly into the phone.

“Always.”

*** 

Cara checked on the lasagna in the oven and set the timer for another ten minutes. She turned when she heard Meg enter the room.

“Mama?” 

“Hi, dinner’s almost ready,” Cara smiled at her.

“Can we invite Papa Ra to dinner? He loves lasagna,” Meg looked at her sweetly.

Cara sighed. It hadn’t been the first time Meg asked about him. They hadn’t told Meg the extent of the issues with Raleigh, Cara feeling it was more important to let Meg just be innocent than have such things in her head. She bent down to Meg’s height. “No hun. It’s very sweet of you to think of others, but Raleigh isn’t allowed here anymore. Do you remember Daddy and I talking to you about that?”

“But what if I promise he’ll be good?” Meg’s lip trembled a little, “I miss him.”

Cara ran her hand softly over the girl’s head. “I know, Peanut. But he’s sick and we need to stay away from him now.”

“But Uncle Fergus is sick and we can still see him.”

“It’s different. I know it’s confusing, but just trust me that it’s for a good reason. Why don’t you go play in the living room? Daddy will be here soon.” Cara stood back up and watched as the girl walked dejectedly back into the front room. It broke her heart that she had to disappoint her daughter like that.

As she took the lasagna out of the oven to set, she heard a key in the front door and then Meg’s excited yell of ‘Daddy’. She could hear the two of them talking for a few minutes before Cullen walked into the kitchen.

“These are from Evelyn.” He put down a box from the bakery on the counter as he removed his jacket. His voice was what she’d describe as tight, and he avoided her eyes. “Why’s Meg upset?”

“She wanted Raleigh to come to dinner.” Cara pulled the salad from the fridge as she talked.

“I’d hoped she had moved on from that,” Cullen sighed.

Cara looked at the box from Evelyn. “You should start bringing Ev to dinner. She’s going to be family soon.”

Cullen nodded. He still hadn’t even broken the tiniest smile since he walked in. Instead he grabbed a few plates from the cabinet and silverware from the drawer and walked off to set the table without a word.

Cara frowned after he left the room. The problem with fighting with someone just as stubborn as yourself was that neither one would ever say they were sorry anytime soon. Cara carried the lasagna out to the table as Meg climbed into her chair. Cullen said a prayer of thanks to the Maker for their food and they dug in.

***

Cara sat behind Meg, brushing her hair as the girl watched the TV.

“Mama?” Meg asked without turning around, “Is daddy mad at me?”

Cara stopped what she was doing and moved so that she knelt beside the couch facing Meg. “No Peanut. Why do you think that?”

“Cause at dinner yesterday he didn’t smile. His face was just like when he gets one of his headaches. I don’t want him to be mad at me.” A few tears started leaking out of her eyes.

Cara felt her heart hurt. She wiped away her daughter’s tears. “No, I promise Meg, he is absolutely not mad at you. He and Mama had a fight, but it’s going to be ok, alright? He was mad about the fight, not with you.”

Meg nodded but didn’t seem fully convinced. Cara reached over and picked up the stuffed rabbit, handing it to Meg. “Snuggle this and I’ll get us lunch, ok?” She leaned up and kissed her daughter’s forehead.

Once in the kitchen, she picked up her phone and hit the button to call him.

“Cara,” Cullen’s voice sounded curt, as if waiting for another fight.

“We need to call a truce,” Cara sighed.

“What happened?” Cullen sounded more like himself this time but also concerned.

“Meg thinks you’re mad at her because of dinner. I don’t want whatever is going on to affect her, or affect her relationship with you. Truce?” Cara bit her bottom lip.

“Truce,” Cullen sighed. “I hate fighting with you anyway. Can I talk to her?”

Cara walked into the living room, “Meg, daddy wants to talk to you.” She handed her daughter the phone and left them to talk in private while she made lunch.

Meg came into the kitchen a few minutes later and handed her the phone. “Mama, Daddy wants to talk with you.” 

“Ok, do you feel better?” Cara asked as she took the phone.

Meg smiled and nodded, “I do.”

Cara handed Meg a plate with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on it and apple slices. “Carry this carefully to the table, I’ll be in soon.”

After Meg left the room she spoke to Cullen, “Hi.”

“Hey. Would it be ok if I pick her up early today?” 

“I think she’d like that. Just text before you do in case we’re at the park.”

“Thanks, Cara,” Cullen sounded more relaxed, possibly a little upset about Meg.

“She’ll be fine. Love you,” Cara told him, feeling relieved to not be fighting with him anymore.

“Love you too.”

They hung up and Cara took her plate to the dining table to join Meg.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fergus has a bad day.  
> A little bit of NSFW with Nate and Cara.

Cara walked up the path to Fergus’ house with a bounce in her step. In the month since Nate had come back into her life she felt truly happy for the first time in a long time. She’d always been upbeat, but this was different--more. She had in her hand flowers for Fergus. Despite her happy mood, today was not a happy day. Today would have been Oren’s 16th birthday.

She entered his home, finding the front room empty. “Fergus?” Cara called out.

There was a crashing noise, and then Fergus came storming out of the back of the house, his eyes wild. Cara took a few steps back, seeing how red his face was, his fists clenched at his side. One of Fergus’ nurses, Bull, came chasing quickly behind.  _ Crap _ , Cara thought. She knew she should call first but it had slipped her mind. If Bull was there, that was not good. Bull was only there when things were really bad.

“Get out!” Fergus spat at her.

“Fergus? Talk to me,” Cara tried to reason with him, looking at Bull for a moment.

“Why?” Fergus growled, looking at her with cold eyes instead of the love normally behind them.

“Why what Fergus?” Cara tried to keep her voice steady despite the fear, Fergus towered over her, nearly eight inches taller than her. The brother she loved and adored would never cause her any harm. But the brother that had a mental illness, he’d been known to lash out without care.

“Why do you have a child when I have none? What is so special about you? I had a family, we wanted ours. You got her because you were a slut who couldn’t keep her legs closed with some guy she barely knew?” Fergus grabbed her arms tightly and shook her. Tears were running down his face despite the look of rage on it. “What makes you better than me?”

Cara dropped the flowers in her hand, tears forming from the pain of his hands squeezing her but also his words. Bull wrestled Fergus from her, having moved the second it was clear Fergus was lunging at her. “You need to leave, boss. He’s not well, this is agitating him.”

Cara nodded, tears flowing hard, crying for the pain her brother was in, crying for the hurt she felt. She walked at a fast pace back to her car. Once behind the wheel she broke down for real, her head resting on her arms that she’d laid on the steering wheel. She wished Rendon Howe was still alive so that she could show him the results of his destruction.

She looked up when she heard a knock on the glass on the passenger window. The face of Dr. Dorian Pavus, Fergus’ primary doctor peered back at her. Cara unlocked the door and waited as he sat beside her.

“How are your arms? Do you need medical attention?” he asked.

Cara shook her head, taking a large breath to try to calm herself, “I’m ok.”

“He most likely won’t even remember ever having attacked you later. He’s having a manic episode right now, you understand that?” Dr. Pavus reminded her, “Your brother...he’s stuck in a loop between anger and depression. Only a few times are we able to see him moving to acceptance, and then he falls back into the loop.”

“Will he ever get better?” Cara asked, wiping the tears from her face.

“I don’t know. He’s been in this loop for nearly nine years. I can promise you, I won’t give up on your brother. I’ll keep trying to find the right medication, the right therapy to help him heal, to help him move on.” 

“He’s not usually violent. Fergus was always so gentle.” Cara looked at her hands as she spoke.

“That may be a side effect of the medication. I think it’s best you go home for now. I’ll be working with him today, and we’ll adjust his meds. I’ll have Wynne call you when he’s ready for company.” Dr. Pavus took her hand, “He’s still Fergus, today is just a tough day. We knew it would be, but underneath all the pain he’s drowning in, he’s still your brother and he loves you.”

Cara nodded again, “Thank you, doctor. Do whatever you need to do to help him.”

Cara took a few more breaths after the doctor headed back into the house before heading back home.

Once home she collapsed on her bed, looking up at the ceiling. She knew the words he had said, they weren’t Fergus, they weren’t his real feelings. He was just angry, scared, lashing out at the world and she happened to be in his line of sight. She knew he adored Meg, doted on her whenever Cara would bring her to his home. She knew that Meg helped heal a small part of the hole in his soul left from the loss of Oren. She knew all this, yet her mind wouldn’t let those words go.

She rolled on her side and cried quietly, not for the words said to her, but for the pain she couldn’t take away from her brother. From the idea that this may be all he ever knew the rest of his life, pain and anger. She felt exhaustion take hold as the emotions took their toll on her. Cara set an alarm on her phone so that she could wake early enough to get ready for her date tonight. Closing her eyes, she fell into mercifully dreamless sleep.

***

Cara smiled as Nate held up a patch of andraste’s grace to her as they stood in her kitchen. He kissed her softly as she took it. “Happy one month.”

Cara put the flowers down on the counter and wrapped herself into his arms. 

“Tough day?” He asked, kissing her forehead.

Cara nodded, “It was Oren’s birthday. Fergus isn’t handling it well.” She tried again to push away the words he’d said to her. He didn’t mean them, she  _ knew _ he didn’t mean them, but they still stung.

Nate rubbed her back gently with one hand. “I’m sorry. Do you want to just stay in tonight?”

Cara shook her head against his chest. “I want to forget this awful day and have a good time with you.”

“Ok, we should leave then or we’ll be late for the movie.” Nate pulled back just enough to give her another kiss.

The movie theater was one that had lounge seats made for couples. Being able to snuggle against Nate, with his arm around her, melted away all the anxiety from earlier in the day. His scent, a mix of the warm spices from his cologne and something that was just  _ Nate _ to her, helped relax her further. She closed her eyes during the movie, pressing her nose to his neck and just inhaling. His arms tightened around her but he said nothing in response. Cara wondered how she’d ever survived all these years without him and silently thanked the Maker for bringing him back to her.

Nate walked her up to her door at the end of the date. She ran her finger up his chest. “Meg’s gone all weekend if you want to stay.”

Nate made a noise that sounded like a growl and kissed her hard. “Soon.”

Cara sighed, disappointed again but happily accepted another kiss from him.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” he asked, nibbling her ear.

“Girls night out, and doing that is entirely unfair,” she complained, gripping his arms to not let him get very far away.

Nate chuckled warmly, “Just making sure you’ll miss me.”

*** 

“Hey!” Leli, Isabela, Solona and her friend Morrigan all raised their glasses to her as she arrived at the bar.

“Ladies,” Cara smiled as she waved to them. She took the open chair and signaled to the waitress. “Just a diet soda please.”

“Showing solidarity with your man?” Leli asked with a smile.

“That and I need to keep my wits about me in case you know who show’s up.” Cara smiled as she accepted her drink from the waitress.

“He’s like Voldemort. ‘He who shall not be named’,” Bela laughed loudly, causing the rest of them to burst into laughter, more in reaction to her then the joke. 

“So tell me about the new man,” Morrigan’s voice teasing and throaty.

“Actually it’s an old one,” Isabela snorted. Morrigan raised her eyebrow in confusion.

“It’s Nate,” Cara smiled.

“I thought you two looked awful cozy at my party,” Solona smirked.

“No fucking way!” Morrigan laughed, amused. 

Solona’s smile grew wider, “I’d always hoped you’d get back together.”

“Mmmm. And he’s sexy as sin,” Morrigan purred. They all laughed again, clinking their glasses in a toast.

“I’m surprised you’re not spending a kid free weekend with him. If I had someone that looked at me the way he used to look at you, I’d never leave the bed,” Solona sighed dreamily. “Not that Oz isn’t wonderful, but damn, Howe can turn up the smolder.”

“If given the option, I would. But he’s being too damn chivalrous.” Cara’s mouth turned down only slightly. “Still, he’s wonderful. I haven’t been happy like this is a long time.”

“Wait, a month and you’ve done nothing?” Bela sat up straighter.

“We’ve barely rounded first base,” Cara shrugged. “Normally I wouldn’t care, it’d be too soon, but in this case...I know how  _ good _ it is with him, it is frustrating the hell out of me.” 

“Aww, does Mistress Bela needs to get you some toys.” Bela put her arm around her.

“I’m fine in that department. And let’s not call you Mistress Bela ever again,” Cara laughed.

“Who’s up for dancing?” Morrigan asked.

“Me!” They all answered in unison and they all slammed their drinks and headed out together for one of the clubs down the street.

*** 

Cara pulled into her driveway, returning late from the night out with the girls and couldn’t help but smile. On the street was parked a black Chevelle. She could make out someone sitting on her porch, the light falling on him as he stood and her smile grew larger. She was now very happy she hadn’t had anything to drink that night, being able to enjoy the sight of him fully.

“Hey you,” she smiled shyly as she reached the top step.

Nate stepped closer, his fingers weaving into her hair behind her head and kissed her hard, passion warming the kiss as his tongue requested and gained entrance into her mouth. His tongue ran along hers. He hadn’t said a word to her, and she was already moaning, just from his kiss.

He pulled back from the kiss and bent his head near her ear. “Let’s go inside.”

Cara gulped, “I thought you wanted to wait. No wait, let’s pretend I’m not talking you out of this.”

Nate smirked, “I haven’t been able to stop thinking of you all day.” 

He followed her close as she opened the door and he shut it behind him, locking it and turning back to her. Nate growled and pressed Cara against the wall. His mouth returned to hers as his hands ran along her sides. She gripped onto his shoulders to keep herself from falling over, her knees felt like buckling from his kiss.

Nate bent down and picked her up, supporting her knees with one arm, her back with another as he continued kissing her and walked them into the living room. He laid her down on the couch, watching her as he toed off his shoes, reaching down and pulling off hers as well. He then laid down next to her.

His kissing resumed, as his hand tugged at her shirt, slipping his fingers underneath once it was free from her jeans. He ran his fingertips along her stomach, sending shivers down her spine. “Tell me this is ok,” he said against her lips.

Cara nodded, “Yes.”  

She began tugging at his shirt until he relented, and reached back, pulling it off completely. Cara let out an appreciative groan, running both hands over his pecs, down to his hard abdomen, feeling the muscles ripple under her touch. Anders hadn’t been kidding about how good of shape he was in. Cara felt a delicious urge to run her tongue over those defined muscles.

Nate bent to press his lips along her hips, thwarting her plans, but it felt too good for her to feel too disappointed. Cara lifted them in response, her hand running through his hair as she moaned. His lips were hot, and she shivered at the sensations they were causing in her. Her insides quivered as her breathing sped up. He kept his mouth moving up her torso, licking and kissing, pulling the most amazing sounds from her.

“Mmm, I want to hear more of that. I love the sounds you make for me,” Nate groaned against her skin, his hands tightening slightly along her sides.

He pulled her shirt up and off of her. His hand slid behind her back, and a moment later the bra was loose. She barely had time to register he was pushing her bra up before his lips wrapped around a nipple. The tip of his tongue flicked along it, mimicking an action she wanted his mouth to do lower on her body.

“Fuck,” she whispered, fingers tightening in his hair. She pressed her thighs together and squirmed needing friction. Her sexual frustration had been building in her ever since their first date, and she felt as if she was ready to explode.

Nate felt himself growing harder, the taste of her skin was familiar, exciting. He had spent too long dreaming of the sounds she made when he touched her, hearing it in real life was extremely stimulating. He knew then no one else would ever be as good as she was for him. No one else could live up to the way she made him feel, the way she unraveled him with just a look. He released the breast, moving onto the other one. His tongue teased the hard peak, causing Cara to bend her back, moaning loud. Her fingers dug into his shoulders. 

“Nate, please,” she pleaded.

He slid up her so that his face was near hers, kissing her as she felt a tug at her hips, and he unzipped her jeans. Fingers slid their way under her underwear, running along the hair there, moving further down to cup her. He ran on thick finger along her slit, pulling the wetness he found there to her clit. She cried out loudly as he pressed against it, starting to flick at it in circles. Pressure built in her lower abdomen, a pulling and tugging feel. He had clearly remembered how to play her body like an instrument given how quickly he was pulling her apart. Her breathing sped up as he stimulated every nerve in her.

“Maker,” he moaned in her ear, “You feel so good. I want to see you come for me.”

Shaky hands reached down, opening his pants. Her hand found him thick and hard, wrapping fingers around his cock as she began to move, gentle, teasing touches. Nate’s head fell along her shoulder. His own hand, which he had used to relieve tension so often lately, just couldn’t compare to the softness of hers. 

His lips pressed on her neck, adding to the fluttering in her lower abdomen. She had missed his touch, his desire for her, finally having his full attention directed at her pleasure had her quickly unraveling.

Two thick fingers pushed into her as his thumb continued brushing along her clit. The feeling of them inside of her was so stimulating. She felt herself getting wetter thinking of how it would feel to have him actually inside her. “Nate. I want you, please.”

She could feel his breath shudder on her neck and knew he was close too.

“You’re so beautiful,” Nate kissed her cheek, her neck. “You feel so good. I missed you so much.” 

He moaned as he could feel himself getting closer to the edge, his hips pumping himself into her hand. “I love when you touch me, the noises you make when I touch you.”

Cara felt as if her whole body was vibrating.She could feel a pulsing where his thumb was pressing, and suddenly everything exploded. Her back arched as she cried out his name, his fingers continuing to push in and out of her, his thumb pressing harder, pushing her through her orgasm.

“Fuck, Cara,” Nate groaned into her neck as she felt something hot and sticky cover her hand and stomach as she started coming down from her high.

Nate moved quickly, his mouth finding hers again, the kisses slow, drawn out. He chuckled when she whined as he stood. “I’ll be right back,” he purred and then walked into the kitchen. He returned a moment later with wet paper towels, cleaning her off.

“Stay,” she requested, holding his gaze with hers. To her surprise, he nodded, his smile warm. 

Nate bent to pick up his shirt, and took her hand in his and led her to her room. Once there she changed into a sleep shirt as he removed his jeans, climbing into bed in just his boxers. 

Cara climbed into the bed, curling into his arms. The scent of him filling her nose. She had missed this, falling asleep against his chest, feeling his arms around her. Her lips pressed to his chest and lingered for a moment..

“What changed?”

Nate smiled at her, pressing lips to her forehead. “All day I couldn’t stop thinking of you, of needing you. I couldn’t hold back anymore.”

Cara sighed against him, and snuggled in. Her bare leg wove in between his. “I’ve missed you too.” Sleep found her soon after.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate and Cullen finally meet. And there's art from the amazing phoqingart.tumblr!

His dreams slowly fading, Nate woke, trying to figure out why he was so warm and why he couldn’t move his left arm. His nose filled with the scent of andraste’s grace and a smile came to his lips. Eyes still closed, he rolled onto his side, wrapping his other arm around her. He buried his nose into her hair, her steady breathing telling him she was still asleep. He basked in the feel of her in his arms; falling asleep next to her was something he’d missed more than he could put words to.  His heart carried the words he couldn’t yet bring himself to say to her, but he knew what he felt. He was hers, he realized as he held her that he’d never really  _ stopped _ being hers. Through all the years, through all the miles, he had always carried the memories of her. It’s what drove him to keep sober, what drove him to do the best he could in school and in life. To now be holding her again, to have her look at him like she used to, it was more than he had ever believed he’d have again.

Cara sighed, feeling his arms around her, his chest pressed close to her back. His arms tightened in a small hug for a moment in response to her sigh. Soft lips pressed against her neck.

“Good morning,” his voice, rough from sleep, whispered into her ear.

Cara rolled over to face him; a soft kiss her reward. She wrapped her arm around him and smiled into the kiss. Nate rubbed noses with her once the kiss broke. His eyes sparkling as he watched her blush.

“I could get used to this, waking up beside you,” Cara sighed.

“I could as well.” He kissed her softly again. “Why don’t you come meet me in the kitchen, I’ll make us breakfast?”

“Careful, or you may spoil me.”

“You deserve to be spoiled,” Nate smirked, getting up and throwing on his jeans. He bent down to kiss her forehead as he left the bedroom.

Cara emerged from the bedroom about ten minutes later, dressed in jeans and a band shirt, hair and teeth brushed. Nate was as the stove cooking, he looked over his shoulder as she entered and gave her a smile that made her tingle. She admired the muscles along his shirtless torso as he cooked. She poured them both a glass of juice as she waited.

Nate turned around, two plates ready and signalled with a nod of his head for her to follow him to the dining room table. Cara sat, placing their glasses on the table. Nate put the plates down and then pulled one of the chairs around so he could sit beside her. Cara smiled wide when she saw what he’d made.

“Eggs de Nathaniel,” she laughed. It was what he used to make for them when they were poor students. It was really a bacon and potato omelette, but he had put his name on it. “I haven’t had these in years.”

Nathaniel smirked, cutting a piece off with a fork and holding it out to her mouth. “I’m glad you still appreciate my culinary skills.”

Cara smiled around the fork as she took the offered food. It was just as wonderful as she remembered. Nate put the fork down to allow her to eat on her own as he also dug into his food. He’d occasionally run a hand along her arm or thigh, as if he just needed to constantly touch her. It was sweet, loving. The care he was showing her, it was more than before. She had little doubt all those years ago that he loved her, he was good to her. But he was also the ‘bad boy’ then, and showing tenderness, that would have gone against his image.

“Do you have plans today?” she asked him as they finished their meal.

“Only to spend time with you.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek; she blushed in response. “Could I grab a towel for a shower?”

While he took a shower, Cara straightened up the living room, being in disarray from the night before.  She made a pile of the dishes in the kitchen when Nate walked in, freshly showered and dressed except for his shoes and socks. Nate walked up to her, boxing her in by the counter and kissed her slowly, sucking on her bottom lip as his hand held her cheek, thumb moving up and down. Cara put her hands in the back pocket of his jeans, pulling him closer as he deepened the kiss.

They jumped apart when they heard the front door slam open. Laughing at each other a moment later,  feeling like they were teenagers caught making out in her parent’s basement. He smiled, amused.

“Mama!” Meg yelled out as she ran into the kitchen.

“Hey, Peanut,” Cara smiled at her.

Nate looked to see a man enter carrying a girl’s backpack. Nate realized who he was as the blonde man gave him a quick look up and down and then gave Cara an amused expression.

“You must be Nate.” He held out a hand to him. “I’m the munchkin’s father, Cullen.”

Nate shook his hand, surprised. When Cara had talked about him, he’d pictured...well someone that looked like a soldier with slicked back curly hair was not what he had pictured. “Good to meet you.”

“That your car out there?” Cullen asked, whistling when Nate nodded. “She’s beautiful. No wonder there’s no ice cream allowed in it.”

Nate laughed. Clearly Meg had told her father about their trip to get ice cream cones last week. “Thanks. Took longer than I would like to admit to fix up.”

“You did a wonderful job,” Cullen grinned.

“Mr. Nate, will you play with me?” Meg tugged on his hand.

“Sure,” he nodded, “See you later I guess.” He nodded to Cullen, giving Cara a small smile as Meg led him into the living room.

Cullen held up a small plastic bag. “I got the parts. Move aside woman so I may fix the demon sink.”

Cara laughed, moving to let him pass. Cullen reached under the sink for the toolbox she kept there. He pulled out a few tools and then settled into work to fix the tap. “So, he spent the night?”

“Is that a problem?” Cara watched him with a cautious look.

“No, the opposite. You look happy.” Cullen shook his head as he worked, turning a few times to look at her. “You deserve to have someone that can put that look on your face.”

Cara smirked and hid slightly behind her hair, “Thanks.”

Cullen made a humming noise and concentrated back on fixing the sink. Cara walked out towards the living room and leaned against the wall, watching Nate play with Meg. She had given him one of her dolls, and they appeared to be on an adventure of some type, hunting dragons apparently.

“Sink’s done,” Cullen spoke from behind her, then seemed to stop to watch as well. “He’s good with her.”

“He has a niece her age, so yeah,” Cara nodded, turning to smile back up at Cullen. “She thinks he’s her playmate.”

Cullen walked into the living room. “I have to go, Meg. How about a hug?”

Meg ran up to where Cullen knelt and put her arms around his neck. “I love you, Daddy.”

“Love you too, Peanut. I’ll call you Tuesday so you can tell me all about your first day of second grade and I’ll see you Thursday.” Cullen kissed her cheek as he returned the hug. “Nate, I’d love to take a look at that car of yours.”

“Sure.” Nate put on his shoes and followed Cullen out. He knew enough to know this wasn’t about the car. He prepared himself for this man to try intimidating him to leave Cara-- not that he would.

“Look,” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, as they walked to the car, “about Cara…”

“You’re not going to scare me off, if that’s your plan.” Nate looked Cullen in the eye, his face closed off.

Cullen shook his head and smirked. “Hardly. She’s happy,” Cullen looked towards the house, “She’s content for the first time in a really long time. Pretty sure that’s because of you.”

“And you aren’t trying to step in, because it feels that way.” Nate raised an eyebrow as he leaned against his car, his arms crossed.

“What? No. I’m engaged to a wonderful woman. Why would you think that?” Cullen looked at him, confused.

“You have a key to the house. You buy her jewelry. You’re over here this morning fixing her sink. She’s told me about other work you’ve done here. Seems like someone trying to insert himself.” It was not the first time he’d dated someone with an ex who tried to chase him off.

Cullen held his hands up. “The key is for when she needs me to help with something, and security, in case Samson is causing trouble. The earrings weren’t expensive, and those were from Meg. Trust me, she did a lot of extra chores at my place and my girlfriend’s bakery to earn the money for those. As for the sink and the house,” he continued to explain, “Cara’s the mother of my child, she deserves my respect for that. Helping around the house, it’s my way of showing her that. Plus between Meg and Fergus, she’s always taking care of others. She deserves to be taken care of sometimes.”

Nate felt a pang of guilt at having so badly misjudged Cullen. If what he said was true, he was just as honorable and thoughtful as Cara had said. “I’m sorry for misjudging you.”

Cullen smirked, “It’s alright. I’d probably come to the same conclusions if the shoe was on the other foot. I really am glad to see her happy.”

“Honestly, the fact that it’s me that you’re ok with surprises me.” Nate relaxed his stance.

“Why?” Cullen raised an eyebrow.

“I assume she told you about us, about the past and my drinking. I’d figure you would tell me you didn’t want that around her.” Nate shrugged.

Cullen shook his head, “You’re clean. And if you think I didn’t ask around about you when I first heard you were in town, you’re mistaken, but I only heard good things back. Besides, I’m in no position to judge someone with an addiction.”

Now it was Nate’s turn to raise an eyebrow.

“Before homicide, I worked narcotics, Meg was about 4 months old. Got hooked on lyrium after an undercover job. Kept on it after the case. Cara found out and made it clear that either I clean up or Meg would never know me. I stopped that day, rehab the week after. Took a while, detox can kill you, but I made it through. I still get headaches sometimes from it though. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my daughter,” Cullen explained. “So you see, I get it. I won’t judge you for your past, just who you are now, and from what I’ve heard, you’re a decent man now.”

Nate nodded, “Thanks. What did you need to talk about since it wasn’t telling me to hit the road?”

Cullen smirked, “It’s about her safety.”

“You mean her ex?” Nate guessed.

Cullen nodded, “I don’t know what she told you about him but he’s unstable and dangerous. Despite what she thinks sometimes, I’m not trying to control her life. I’m just trying to keep them safe. I can’t be here to do that, and she won’t move closer. I just know I’d feel better if I knew you were keeping an eye out. If he shows up, even if you suspect he’s around I need to know. There’s an order of protection against him; one he routinely ignores. Samson’s a former cop, my old partner from narcotics, so he knows how to work around the system. Cara, she seems to forget to call me when he shows up. I don’t know, maybe she thinks I’m going to...well I don’t know what she thinks. I’m not asking you to keep anything from her, just, if he show’s up please call me. The police can’t do anything unless they know, and they keep a record of everything, like the flower on her birthday.”

Cullen handed over a business card. ‘Detective Cullen Rutherford, Homicide’ printed on the top. “That has my cell and work number on it. If she won’t call me, please do. I don’t care how small it seems. I can’t keep her safe if she keeps it all to herself.”

Nate pulled out his phone, typing in something. A moment later Cullen’s phone buzzed in his pocket. “Now you have my number too.”

“Listen, for what it’s worth, I’m grateful she found you again.” The scar on his lip pulled slightly as Cullen smiled. “The last several months she’s been a mess. Jumping at every little thing. Because of Samson she became afraid to live it seemed. That all changed after your first date, she’s more...she’s more like herself. More like the Cara I’ve known all this time.”

“I’m glad we finally met. Who knows, maybe now that you’re around, Samson will give up. I doubt it, but maybe.” Cullen reached out to shake his hand. He looked back towards the house. “Take care of my girls.”

“I will,” Nate promised as he shook the man’s hand.

Cullen started to walk towards his truck and turned around. “Maybe we can go hit some baseballs sometime or something. I’d invite you out to get a drink, but…”

“That wouldn’t be good,” Nate smirked. “Batting cage would be fine though. My work schedule is normalizing, so let me know when would work for you.”

He walked back into the living room to find Meg playing with her dolls as Cara lounged with a cup of coffee. 

“So, is he going to ask you to the prom?” Cara teased.

Nate sat beside her, “We’re going to get together for batting practice. I’ll see how that goes first.”

“Everything’s ok though?” She raised an eyebrow.

“It is. He’s a good man, cares about you two. Do you mind me spending the day with you and your mother today, Meg?” Nate asked the girl.

Meg looked up and smiled wide. “Yeah. Could we go to the park? Mama can Mr. Nate push me on the swing?”

“Oh, push her on the swing and you have a friend for life.” Cara laughed.

*** 

Later that night Nate sat on the couch, Meg curled up next to him as he read her “Cinderella”, which was her current favorite story. Cara peeked at them around the kitchen wall and smiled. It warmed her heart at how much Meg adored Nate, and how sweet he was with her. It was still early in their relationship, but she hoped this was a good sign that when she eventually did tell Meg about them, that she’d be happy. For now, she just seemed to think Nate was a friend like Anders or Leli. She always seemed happy to see him whenever he was over.

Cara resumed cleaning up from the dinner Nate had cooked for them. She could hear his warm voice reading to Meg. Not loud enough that she could hear the words, just the sounds of his voice, occasionally interrupted by the higher pitch of Meg’s voice asking a question or laughing. Cara smiled as she cleaned. It felt like a family home, something she hadn’t had in awhile, but unlike last time, she was sure this time wasn’t a lie. She knew it was too soon to get attached to the idea, but it still formed itself as a dream in her heart. Maybe one day he’d be sitting on that couch reading to  _ their _ child.

She walked into the living room after she finished the cleaning to find Meg asleep with her head on Nate’s lap.

“She didn’t even make it through the story,” Nate whispered.

Cara smiled warmly. This image didn’t help her push away that dream any. She bent down and picked up the sleeping girl, who instinctively wrapped her arms around Cara’s head, still sleeping soundly. Nate watched as Cara carried her up to Meg’s room, returning a few minutes later. She sat beside Nate on the couch and he put his arm around her immediately.

Nate leaned over, and kissed her softly, but it was enough to make her stomach flutter. “I’ve been wanting to do that all day,” he told her as he touched her cheek.

Cara blushed and pulled him closer, sliding herself to lie down, pulling him on top.

“I can’t stay long, need to work in the morning,” Nate said in between kisses on her neck. “Just a little while.” His tongue ran along her throat and he smiled as she let out a small moan.

The kissing and touching became heated, but not as much as the night before; both seemingly aware that there was the possibility of Meg catching them. By the time he left for the night, they were both panting, wishing for more. When she fell into bed, she hugged the other pillow close, his scent still on it, lulling her to a peaceful sleep.

**Art from[phoqingart.tumblr.com](http://phoqingart.tumblr.com):**  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're looking for an artist, I can tell you, phoquingart.tumblr.com is great to work with, so definitely check them out!
> 
> Also, if you're so inclined, here's the recipe for the eggs Nate made: <http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/bacon-potato-omelet>


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mainly a chapter of fluffy fluffiness.
> 
> Don't worry, there's angst and bad stuff coming in the story. I'd hate for you all to think I'd started going soft :p

Cara and Nate entered the bowling alley hand in hand. They stopped to look for his sister when he was tackled from behind by a small body smashing into him, and arms wrapping around his waist.

“Hi, Uncle Nate,” the dark haired girl looked up at him with brown eyes.

“Hey Lena.” Nate’s whole face showed pure affection for the girl. “This is Cara.”

“Hi,” Cara wiggled her fingers at her. Lena waved back and then turned to watch as Delilah Howe approached.

“Cara. It’s so good to see you,” Del opened her arms as the two women hugged.

“You know her, Mom?” Lena asked.

“I do. Cara and her brother grew up with me and your Uncle,” Del nodded.

“You knew my mom when she was my age?” Lena asked with wonder in her voice.

“I did,” Cara nodded. “She looked a lot like you do.”

“Are you going to bowl with us?” Lena asked.

“I am. Is that ok?” Cara asked. Nate talked with Del while Cara and Lena were talking, but he felt a warmth in his chest watching how Cara was with his niece. Her gentleness with Lena was something he found made him feel even more for her.

Nate set their names in the computer while everyone put on their shoes.

“So are you going into second grade?” Cara asked Lena who sat beside her.

Lena nodded, “I like school.”

“That’s great. What’s your favorite subject?” She asked.

“I like reading. My dad and I are reading a big book together about griffons. It’s fun.” Lena became animated as she spoke.

“You’re up Miss Lena,” Nate called over. Lena was on a lane with bumpers up. She threw the ball down between her legs and cheered as it knocked over four pins.

As the game progressed, Lena started cheering for Cara to beat Nate’s score. Nate playfully teased the girl about being a traitor. At the end of the first game, Nate had won, but only by two pins above Cara, Del wasn’t as good, forty pins behind Nate.

Del and Cara went to get sodas for the group from the snack bar leaving just Nate and Lena behind.

“Are you having fun?” Nate asked her.

“Yeah. I like Cara,” Lena nodded.

“You do?” Nate smirked.

“Yeah. I like her better than Lisa,” the girl explained. “She talks to me and asks questions. I like that.”

Nate nodded. Lisa had been his last serious girlfriend, their relationship having ended almost a year before he moved to Denerim. “I like her too. That’s good.”

“I know,” Lena giggled, “You smile a lot when you look at her. And you look like this.” Lena made a goofy face with her eyes all googly.

“Oh yeah,” Nate laughed, “Well you look like this.” He crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue.

Lena laughed hard, nearly falling out of her seat.

“Oh that’s very handsome,” Cara giggled as she and Del approached the seats.

“Uncle Nate likes you,” Lena told her in as sing songy voice.

Cara’s eyes met Nate’s as she smiled. “That’s good. I like him too.”

***

Cara answered the phone to find Wynne on the other side. “Hi, how’s he doing today?”

“That’s why I called. He’s having a good day, I thought you might want to come see him.” Wynne’s smile carried through the phone.

“Do you think he’d be up for Meg?” Cara wondered if Fenris could take her if Fergus wasn’t up for the girl.

“I think that would make his day. She always seems to brighten his mood.” Wynne replied.

Two hours later Cara and Meg entered Fergus’ home. Meg held a drawing she had done for her uncle. They found him in his sunroom as usual.

Fergus smiled wide when he saw them. He gave Cara a hug and then bent down to say hello to Meg. “It’s my two favorite girls.” He took the drawing Meg handed over. It was of a halla and a person labeled ‘Uncle Fergus’. “Is this me?”

Meg nodded emphatically, “And that’s a halla. Do you like it?”

“I love it. I’m going to put this on the wall in my room so I can see it every day. Thank you, Meg,” Fergus smiled at her.

“You’re welcome, Uncle Fergus,” she beamed and hugged him.

“Come, sit.” He motioned to the other seats around the table. 

Cara poured the lemonade on the table for her and Meg, who had crawled into Fergus’ lap. Cara watched them, and as she had hoped, Fergus seemed at peace with having Meg nearby. He looked so much like his old self: younger, happier.

“Are you ready for school?” Fergus asked her.

“I am. I’m going to be in second grade!” Meg said proudly.

“Wow, second grade. That’s huge,” Fergus replied exaggerating his excitement.

The next two hours went very pleasant, no signs of the anger he had shown just a few days prior. Wynne confirmed that he didn’t have any recollection of what had happened. As far as he had known, he’d had a nap after breakfast, and slept until late afternoon. On the doctor’s order, no one had corrected that for him. Seeing him with Meg, how relaxed he was, how he talked with Cara about her preparations for the school year, helped calm those final nerves from her last visit. By the time they had left, all seemed better.

*** 

It  _ had _ to be somewhere. That thought kept running through Cara’s mind as she dug through her clothing drawers. She tried to look under the dresser when Meg came bounding in.

“Mama, Daddy’s here,” Meg cried out excitedly.

Cara looked up in time to see Cullen enter. “Sorry to just stop by. It’s a quiet night at work, so I was hoping I could read her a bedtime story before the first day of school.”

Cara looked him over, “Cullen, what are the rules about you just stopping over?”

Cullen smirked, “There’s cupcakes on the counter.”

Cara nodded and laughed. She had teased him once that he was not allowed to just stop over unannounced without baked goods. She hadn’t really meant it, she wanted him to feel free to see Meg whenever he wanted, but ever since then, he never arrived empty handed. 

“Just give me a few minutes, and we’ll have dessert then ready for bed,” Cara said to Meg.

“What are you doing down there?” Cullen asked amused after Meg ran out.

Cara sighed, “It’s stupid. There’s a photo strip of me and Nate. It’s always been on that frame up there.” She pointed to the top of her dresser. “But now it’s not, so it must have fallen but I can’t find it.”

“Alright, let the cop look.” Cullen held out a hand to help her up, then pulled out his pocket flashlight, lying down to look under the dresser. When that didn’t turn up anything, he stood up and moved the dresser to look behind it as well. He shook his head, indicating he couldn’t find anything. “I’m sure it’ll turn up.”

Cara nodded, disappointed. She looked at that every night. How could it just be  _ gone _ ? She pushed it from her mind to go have dessert and help Meg get ready for bed.

The three of them sat at the table eating the peanut butter and chocolate cupcakes Cullen had brought over. 

“I have a new dress for tomorrow,” Meg told Cullen excitedly. “Aunt Leli gave it to me.”

“I bet it’s beautiful. I’m sure Mama will send me a picture,” Cullen affectionately tousled her hair. “Speaking of dresses, any plans for Meg on Friday after school?”

Cara shook her head, mouth full of cupcake.

“Evelyn wants to take you out to look for flower girl dresses. She could pick you up from school Friday if you want. I have to work but you could stay over and you two could have a slumber party,” Cullen told Meg.

Meg looked at him and then her mother, who nodded. “Yay!”

“Alright, Peanut. Upstairs, teeth brushed and into PJs and then Daddy will come up and read.” Cara titled her head towards the steps.

Cullen joined Cara in the kitchen, helping her clean up. “How about you, you already for your first day?”

Cara chuckled, “I am. Got my classroom ready last week. I’ll let Fenris know he doesn’t need to get her Friday.” Cara turned to face him, “I think she may be more excited than either of you about this wedding.”

“Possibly.” Cullen smirked. “Any more trouble from Samson since your birthday?”

Cara shook her head. “No, not a peep. I’m sure it’s too much to hope that he’s given up.”

“Not likely,” Cullen replied. “I’m sorry, Cara, for all of this.”

“Cullen, it’s not your fault.” Cara turned to face him.

He shook his head. “You wouldn’t have met him if not for me.”

“It was a policeman’s picnic. You didn’t try to hook us up, he introduced himself if you recall. You are not to blame.” She gave his hand a squeeze and then dropped it. “Now go upstairs and read to your daughter before she’s up too late.”

After Cullen left, Cara reclined on the couch, mentally preparing her checklist for work the next day. She looked forward to having an unexpected Friday night to herself.

She picked up the phone and hit the call button for Nate.

“Hey, beautiful,” he answered and she couldn’t help but smile immediately.

“Hey. So Cullen’s asked to take Meg Friday night, which means I’m free if you are,” Cara said hopefully.

Nate sighed, “I’d love nothing more to, but one of the senior partners asked to take me and a few others out for a dinner while he’s in town that night. I’m sorry.”

Cara tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice, “No, it’s alright. That’s important. I’ll see if Leli or Anders is free.”

“So when can I see you? I missed having you in my arms when I fell asleep last night.” Nate’s voice felt like a warm blanket covering her.

Cara snuggled further into the couch. “I could see if Fenris can keep her a little while longer on Wednesday, maybe an early dinner?”

“I’d like that. I hope I’m not moving things too fast for you. I just...I miss you when you’re not around.” Nate made a noise that made Cara think he was settling into his couch just as she was.

“You’re not, and I feel the same.” Cara smiled, tracing fingertips along the couch cushion as she spoke, imagining he was right there.

“Maybe I can come over after my dinner Friday, if you want the company,” he suggested.

Cara imagined falling asleep in his arms again, and felt warm just from the idea. “I’d like that.”

“I’ll see you Wednesday. I’ll be home at 5:30,” Nate answered. “Sweet dreams, sweetheart.”

Cara smiled to herself, she really liked this  _ new _ Nate, so much freer with his affection than years past. It was as if the Maker knew this was what she needed. “I’ll see you then.”

*** 

Cara entered the teachers’ breakroom, grateful for the lunch break. She was soon joined at the table by the 4th grade English teacher, Varric, along with Merrill.

“I swear, it’s like everything they learned last year fell out of their heads during summer vacation,” Varric chuckled. “What’s so fascinating?” he asked, noticing Cara flipping through her phone.

“Looking for bikes. Cullen wants to go halves on getting Meg one for her birthday in a few weeks,” Cara explained.

“Aww, her first bike,” Merrill sighed.

“Regular rite of passage,” Varric nodded.

“I can’t believe she’s going to be seven,” Cara sighed. “Seems like just yesterday she was this tiny little screaming baby in my arms scaring the crap out of me and her father who had no idea what to do.”

Varric chuckled, “Did you figure it out yet?”

“Somedays,” Cara teased.

Principal Solas entered, looking just a dour as usual. 

“Chuckles, come join us.” Varric motioned for the empty seat. Merrill tittered while Cara playfully nudged Varric for using the nickname on the man.

Solas sat. “I trust you all are having no issues with classes today.”

“Well, there was one student who tried eating the blue paint. He got pretty sick,” Merrill sighed.

“Seems to be one every year.” Cara chuckled, trying to stifle it when Solas gave her a stern look. Cara was pretty sure the world would end if the principal ever actually cracked a smile.

“Ms. Cousland. I trust the matter with the trouble from last year has been resolved?” Solas raised an eyebrow.

“If you mean the matter of a stalker I have no control over, then no. Just as before, there’s an order of protection, if you see him, call the police. Thanks for caring,” Cara said sarcastically, her chair squeaked against the floor as she stood up and stormed out of the break room.

“Real nice. Tactfully done.” Varric shook his head at Solas.

“This person vandalized the parking lot,” Solas replied.

“Which is  _ not _ her fault, or don’t you understand the concept of  _ stalker _ ?” Varric stood up from the table, turning to Merrill as he spoke, “Come on, Daisy. Let’s check on her.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raleigh makes his first appearance in the story. Please pay attention to the trigger warning if you are concerned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!
> 
> This chapter contains threats, some assault and the threat of rape (but never gets that far). Please if any of this will trigger you, I suggest searching for "Cara had never been so happy to hear Cassandra's voice" to skip past anything unpleasant.
> 
> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anders paid the pizza delivery man and then walked into his apartment kitchen where Cara was finishing up her goodnight call to Meg. 

“I love when you cook,” Cara teased as she hung up the phone.

“Never let it be said I don’t know how to spoil my guests,” Anders chuckled. He held up a bottle of red wine. “Do you want a drink?”

“Just one,” Cara answered.

Anders poured her a glass and then put two slices on his plate. “Horror or comedy tonight, m’lady.”

“Horror of course. I’ll even let you hide behind me if you get scared,” she teased as they both collapsed on his couch. She adored getting time with just her and Anders. It was comfortable, and reminded her of how it used to be between her and Fergus. He’d become the brother she’d missed having in her life, and he had no family, so she had become it to him.

“So thoughtful,” Anders winked and flipped through the listing on the movie app to find something.

“Sooooooooooo,” Cara tried to look innocently at him.

“What?” Anders didn’t buy her act one bit.

“Have you bitten the bullet and asked  _ Kaaaarllll  _  out yet?” She teased him with, drawing out the name of the doctor Anders had been carrying a secret crush on for nearly a year now.

Anders didn’t answer right away, which told her the answer was ‘no’. “He might not even like men. Or he does but he already has a boyfriend.”

“Or you’re just making excuses while you're not going for what you want,” Cara raised an eyebrow.

“What are the chances that I met a hot doctor at my work  _ and _ he likes men _ and  _ he’s not taken?” Anders resumed his search for a movie.

“I don’t know. What are the chances that my lost love would clean up his act, and show up in my living room eight years later and that the relationship would be even better than it used to be?” She poked his leg with her foot.

“Touché,” Anders smirked finally picking the Antivan horror film,  _ The Blight _ .

Cara managed to make it a full forty minutes into the movie before she had to resort to hiding behind Anders’ shoulder when a darkspawn jumped on the screen. He only laughed a little bit at her.

“You ok to walk home?” he asked as she got ready to leave.

“Yeah, it’s seven minutes,” she hugged him goodnight. 

A minute into the walk though, Cara realized walking home in the dark after she’d watched a horror movie was probably not the best idea. A cat ran out of a bush in front of her and Cara jumped what felt like a foot in the air.

“Should have picked a comedy, moron,” she mumbled to herself.

About half way back she heard what was very clearly a darkspawn --- the creatures from the movie. Cara whipped around just in time to see a racoon scurry away. She wondered if ‘death by scary movie’ was a common occurrence. She pictured her funeral, Meg, Cullen and Nate all in black while Anders gave the eulogy

_ “If only I had insisted on a comedy that night, dear ol’ Cara would still be around.” _

Cara cursed him for calling her old. She decided then if she did die from fright she was going to haunt his ass.

_ Ok, Cara. You’re being silly. You’re a full grown woman, a mother, a  _ **_Cousland_ ** _. You can handle a seven minute walk to your house. _ She pulled out her phone and found a game to play as she walked, deciding the light from the phone would keep away any more creepy crawlies hiding in the shadows. It worked, before she knew it she was walking up the path to her home, the front light a beacon of safety.  _ Take that, broodmother _ . 

As she dug for her keys, standing in front of the door she heard something shift on the porch.  _ Not fooling me this time, creatures of the night,  _ she thought to herself.

Then someone touched her elbow and she jumped.

“Shh, love. It’s just me.”

Her heart dropped into her stomach and her hands started shaking so much the keys dropped. Large hands turned her around by her upper arms and a scream caught in her throat, Raleigh Samson stood only a foot from her.

“You’re not supposed to be here.” She cursed her voice for being so shaky, wanting to sound determined and confident.

“This is my home, love. We picked out most of the furniture in there together. I’ve fucked you on most of it.” He touched her cheek with the back of his hand softly as she flinched away. “I missed you.”

“Why are you here?” She tried to back away, but it proved to be a mistake, as her back hit the wall. 

“Why shouldn’t I be here?” Raleigh used her mistake to box her in, placing his arms on either side of her. “I told you, I missed you. Come on sweetheart, don’t you think this has gone on long enough. Why don’t you open the door and let me back home?” His hand ran along her arm.

“If you need a place to stay, why don’t you ask one of your other girlfriends.” She felt the anger return from the night she’d kicked him out.

His fist hit the wall right next to her head and she jumped. “Why do you need to antagonize me? Here I am trying to be nice. You don’t see me talking about that man you’ve been trying to make me jealous with, do you? But it’s like you  _ want _ to piss me off, like you want me to hurt you.”

Cara tried to move slowly so that he wouldn’t notice her reaching for her purse. “I’m not trying to make you jealous, Raleigh. We’re over, I told you that.”

Her stomach churned, threatening to get sick when his hand rested on her hip and he stepped closer. His other hand remained on the wall beside her so she couldn’t escape. “I know you still love me, Cara.” His thumb ran along her hip. “Do you remember how you used to beg me to touch you? How good I can make you feel? Open the door, love, and I’ll help you remember. Or do you want me to make you come right here? Make you cry out my name where Mrs. Lewis next door can hear you?”

Cara kept her eyes locked on his, even though she wanted nothing more than to look  _ anywhere _ else. Her hand found what she was looking for in her purse, flipping off the plastic lid and pressing the small button. “No,” her voice still shaky despite trying to be strong.

Anger flashed in his face again. “Don’t,” he snarled. “Don’t you dare tell me no. You think you’re too good for me all of a sudden? You weren’t too good for  _ him _ pawing at you on the couch the other night like some animal. You’d rather whore yourself out to him and Cullen than admit that I’m the only one that makes you feel good?”

“You should go,” Cara gulped, cursing the traitorous tears falling down her face.

“No. Not until you admit that you still love me. Just say it love and I’ll come home, we’ll be a family again, the three of us. I’ll even forgive you for that piece of trash you’ve been messing around with. We can pretend it never happened.” His hand resumed massaging her hip as he stepped even closer to her.

“Shh, shh,” he whispered, rubbing his nose on her cheek. He grabbed her hands with one of his and held them above her head so she couldn’t move it “I’m sorry, love. I just want you to remember how we were together. How you used to tell me how  _ good _ I made you feel. Remember how amazing it feels when I’m inside you?” His lips started brushing kisses along her cheek. Cara closed her eyes.  _ Please, please, please. _ “Open the door, Cara,” he whispered by her ear, “and I’ll show you how  _ exquisite _ I can make you feel.”

Cara trembled but said nothing, not moving from where she stood.

“Open the door love. I want you, and I know you want me.” He licked her neck and she held back another scream, too terrified to act as he cupped her breast. “Or would you rather I take you right here? You always were a little dirty.” 

“Raleigh, you’re scaring me. Please just go.” She tried to keep her voice from wavering. She pushed at his chest with her shoulder, but he didn’t move. Why wouldn’t he just  _ go _ ?

“I’m going to have you either way, inside or outside, your choice, sweetheart. You’ll remember how much you love me when I’m buried inside of you.” His hand moved from where it had been fondling her breast down to cup her, pressing a finger between her legs. Panic started to fill her. She kept trying to push him away with her chest, but he didn’t budge and didn’t seem to care how many times she said no. It only seemed to stir him on.

“Raleigh Samson. Step away from her now.”

Cara had never been so happy to hear Cassandra’s voice as she was at that moment. When he backed up and turned around, Cara saw that Cass had her weapon drawn, her eyes locked on him.

“Cassandra, what a delight. We were just having a conversation, no need for the gun,” he spoke in calm tones.

“The order of protection against you says otherwise. Hands together in front of you.” Cassandra spoke in a voice that made it clear she gave no room for compromise.

He did as she asked, snickering as she put the cuffs on him. “Raleigh Samson, you are under arrest for violation of a court order of protection.” Cass grabbed his shirt roughly as she started to pull him from the porch.

“Where’s your delightful partner? I can’t imagine he’d give up the chance to play the dashing hero and reap the  _ rewards  _ for the part from my girlfriend,” his voice showing he thought the whole thing humorous.

“Get him in the car.” Cara’s eyes flicked to Cullen when she heard his voice. She felt like she could finally breath again as Cullen ascended the steps. “Did he hurt you?”

Cara shook her head, feeling her hands start to shake again. “He...he wanted me to let him inside. He was going to...he...” She crossed her arms hiding her chest unable to speak, hoping he’d understand.

Cullen nodded, getting her meaning. He bent down to pick up her keys. “Come on, we can talk in the house.” He unlocked her door and took her hand softly in his.

Once inside she ran to the bathroom and wretched. Cullen waited in the hallway for her. He stood there when she emerged with a washcloth pressed against her face.

“I wanted to fight back, but all the self defense you taught me went right out of my head and I panicked. I’m sorry.” She could feel tears falling.

“Hey, you did just fine.” Cullen squeezed her arm and kissed her forehead. “I need to take him in, are you going to be ok?” Cullen spoke softer than she could remember him ever talking.

Cara looked back to the front of the house. “What if he gets out?”

“He won’t be able to see a judge before Monday. He’ll be in lock up through the weekend at least,” Cullen reassured her. “Are you going to be ok when I leave?”

“I just want to go to take a shower and go to bed. I want to forget this whole night.” She felt exhausted now that all the adrenaline had left her body, “Ok?”

Cullen nodded, “You’ll need to come down tomorrow to make a statement, but for now just rest. Call me if you need. I’m working so it doesn’t matter how late.”

Cara accepted the hug he offered and then walked him to the door. Cullen gave her a long look like he clearly didn’t want to leave before he turned to head to the car where Cassandra waited.

Cara walked back into the living room and sat on the couch just staring out the window. She remembered his words. He’d seen them, he’d been watching. She made a note that she needed to get blinds for the living room. The thought that at any point he could have been out there watching her and she wouldn’t have even known. How many times did he spy on her? Was he watching Meg? Cara started shaking again. Loud sobs wracked through her. All the fear from earlier coming to the surface. What if Cass and Cullen hadn’t gotten there when they did? What might he have done to her? He’d made it pretty clear what his intentions were. Would it have been like last time? Maybe this time he would have gone through with the threats unlike all the others.

Cara picked up her phone, it took her three tries to get the number she wanted because she shook too hard to make her fingers work and tears blocked her from being able to see the screen. The memory of his hands on her kept invading her mind.

***

Nate walked to his car as his phone buzzed. He smiled to himself knowing who it was without having to even look. “Hey. I’m just leaving dinner. I need to run home but I’ll be to you soon.”

He heard nothing but a loud wail of agony come over the line. One that set his nerves on edge.

“Cara?” His voice changed to a mix of fear and concern. “Cara, what’s wrong?” His mind raced with what could be wrong. Had something happened to Fergus or Cullen? He prayed to the Maker it wasn’t Meg.

She sounded like she was trying to tell him something, but all that came out was a series of sobs and random noises. The fact that she couldn’t talk scared him. He stopped walking, just concentrating on her. The last time she’d sounded like that was when family had been killed.

“Cara. Are you hurt?”

“No.” He heard her answer amid her crying. It was quickly followed by another long wail.

“Are you home?” He needed to know where she was so he could get to her. If he could just see her, see for himself she was unharmed, he could stop his heart from beating so fast.

“Y...yes.” She made a sound like a muffled scream, making him hurt for her.

“I’m leaving now. I’ll call you when I’m at the front door so you can let me in. I’ll be there very soon, I promise.” Nate tried to sound calm, hoping to reassure her that he’d be there and make whatever was wrong alright.

She hung up the phone and he hoped that was her way of saying she’d wait. Once in his car he took several deep breaths, needing to center himself.  _ What _ was wrong? Whatever it could be, it was bad.

He picked up the phone and dialed the one person who he hoped would have information, turning on the speakerphone as he pulled out of the parking lot.

“Detective Rutherford,” Cullen answered the phone.

“Cullen, it’s Nate. Cara just called me, I couldn’t make out what she tried to tell me but she sounded scared. I’m headed over to her now but do you know what happened?” Nate hoped he knew something. If he answered the phone, that reassured Nate that at least he and Meg were fine.

“Shit. I was going to call you once we got to the station.” He heard Cullen tell someone to ‘shut his trap’. “Her ex showed up tonight. She’s not hurt but she’s probably freaked out. I think he may have threatened her. I wouldn’t have left her if I wasn’t on duty.”

“You sure she’s not hurt? She could barely talk on the phone.” Nate gripped the steering wheel, the thought that someone might hurt her made him feel protective and angry at the same time. He pressed on the gas feeling the need to get there quicker now.

“No, I’m not. I’ll feel better knowing you’re there. He’ll be in lockup at least through the weekend, but she shouldn’t be alone if possible. Tell her I’ll keep Meg for the weekend unless she decides she wants her home. I want to give her a chance to calm down without having to worry about Meg.” 

He heard someone in the background yell to  _ stay the fuck away from his woman. _

***

Cara opened the door when he let her know he was there. Nate was no sooner in the doorway when she collapsed into his arms. Nate held her tight, pressing his lips to the top of her head. She shook like a leaf against him and cried profusely. He’d never seen her this scared before, and it hurt to know he hadn’t been there to protect her when she needed it. How she acted now was worse then when the police had shown up at their place that horrible night to tell her that her family had been killed. 

He felt guilty with the thought that if he’d just skipped the dinner and spent the night with her, none of this would have happened. “Shh, it’s alright. You’re safe now, I’m here ok.”

Cara nodded against his chest. Just feeling his arms around her, hearing the heart beating against his chest helped her relax. His scent filled her nostrils and she slowed down her crying in response. To her, he was peace, safety.

“Are you alright? Did he hurt you?”

Cara nodded. “He was going to...he...he started touching me. He said he was going to...” She started crying hard again and collapsed back against his chest.

“It’s alright, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere as long as you need me, so you’re safe now. Let’s go in. Tell me what you want me to do for you.” Nate took her hand, leading her out of the hallway and into the house.

“I just want to go to bed and have you hold me,” she replied watching his eyes. Those same eyes that could make her melt with a look now watched her with such concern and care. She felt safer, calmer just looking into them.

Nate nodded and began to head to the bedroom with her.

Cara stopped as they walked past the living room, watching the front window. “Cara?”

“He watched us through the window. He...he saw us last Saturday when we…he was watching.” She started shaking.

Nate wrapped her in his arms again and let her rest against his chest. He felt anger that this man had ruined for her something he considered a cherished memory. Angry that he’d tried to hurt her. He tried to bury that for now; the last thing she needed was to see his anger. “It’s ok sweetheart. We’ll go out this weekend and get window covers and more lights for outside. No one will be able to be on the porch without you seeing them, and no one will be able to see in if you don’t want, alright?”

Cara nodded and let him walk her to the bedroom. Once there, he took off his jacket and began to undress in preparation for bed. He glanced over and noticed she was still fully clothed, staring at her hands.

“I can’t get them to stop,” she frowned, referring to them shaking.

“It’s ok,” he said soothingly and gently helped her change into a nightshirt. Nate then toed off his shoes, removing his socks and slacks, along with his dress shirt, leaving him in a t-shirt and boxers. He climbed into the bed next to her and reached out his arm. She took the invitation and drew herself close to him.

“I’m sorry you went through that tonight. I’m right here if you need me, you’re safe.” Nate ran his hand along her arm.

“Meg? She’s going to be here tomorrow. How will I…” her voice cut out.

“Cullen said he’ll keep her for the weekend if you need. We both just want you to take care of you.” His explanation seemed to soothe her as he felt her let out a breath of relief. “Sleep, I’ll be here all night.”

“Thank you, Nate,” she said against his chest.

“You never have to thank me for caring for you. I always will.” He tilted her face up to see him and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Just rest. I’m here.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Samson's attack.   
> Basically Nate just being awesome.

Cara awoke with a start, sitting straight up. Her mind had replayed the events of earlier that night, only in her dream Cass didn’t get there in time to stop him. Something was in the corner. Her mind quickly formed it into  _ him  _ sitting on the chair. He’d gotten out, Cullen was wrong, and now he’d returned to finish what he had started. Her breathing sped up.

“Cara?” Nate’s voice sounded rough from sleep.

“Lights. Please Nate, lights.” The panic in her voice unmistakable.

Nate flicked on the lamp by the bed and sat up. “You’re safe. See, just your room.”

She stared where she thought Raleigh had been. It was just her chair. Nate’s jacket and a large stuffed animal he’d won her two weeks ago sat there. Cara nodded and leaned back enough to fall against Nate’s chest. He wrapped his arms around her.

“Please tell me he wasn’t like that when he was living here.” He needed to hear that she hadn’t been in an abusive relationship after him, that he hadn’t failed her even worse than he thought.

“He wasn’t always like this. It...it used to be good, or I thought it was. He wasn’t violent until after we broke up.” She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes and let the scent of him fill her nose and soothe her.  Nate said nothing, just held her, deciding she needed to talk this out. “We started dating when Meg was almost one. He was sweet, good to her, nice to me. Meg loved him like she did Cullen. We would talk sometimes about getting married, but it never got further than that.”

“What happened?” Nate asked, kissing her temple.

“We were out for dinner for Leli’s birthday about seven months ago. Her, Isabela, Anders, Solona and Oz, Cullen and Evelyn,” she explained.

_ The night had been going well. Wine poured freely as they sat around laughing, Cullen and Raleigh telling some amusing story from the precinct. The waiter brought over a small cake and the table broke into song to sing to Leli. Most of the other patrons of the restaurant had turned to watch. _

_ Leli blew out the candle and everyone cheered.  _

_ “What did you wish for?” Cullen asked. _

_ “Pretty shoes, of course,” Cara teased, causing everyone to laugh. _

_ “Raleigh.” They all looked over to see a red head standing near his seat. “I thought that was you. I thought you had to work tonight.” _

_ “Stacey, uh…” He tugged at his collar. “Now’s not really a good time.” _

_ “What do you mean now’s not a good time?” Stacey glared. _

_ “Raleigh. Is this why you broke our date?”  _

_ They all turned to see a woman no more than 22, with short blonde hair. _

_ Raleigh started sweating, his eyes kept darting between the women to Cara _

_ “Who is she?” Stacey glared. “Are you cheating on me with some blonde bimbo?” _

_ “Bimbo!” the blonde yelled. “Sorry, chick. You’re the side girl.” _

_ He turned quickly to look at Cara, ignoring the shocked looks on all the rest of their friends’ faces. _

_ “Who’s that? Another side ho?” Stacey growled. “Who the fuck are you?” she snapped as she glared at Cara. _

_ “Apparently no one,” Cara stood, throwing her napkin on the table and leaving in a rush, moving away from him grabbing for her wrist. _

_ “Cara, wait.” She could hear Raleigh call to her, but she just kept on her way, getting into her car and taking off. Let him find another way home...no let him find another home. _

_ She stormed into her house, locking the door behind her. She threw anything she could find of his into a box. She’d been so angry, she’d forgotten to pick up Meg from the sitter. As she pulled his clothes out of the drawer to dump in a box, three vials of a blue substance and another two empty vials dropped out. She felt sick to her stomach when she looked at them.  _

_ She quickly snapped a picture of them and sent it to Cullen. ‘Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is.’ she texted him. _

_ ‘Shit. I’m sorry but that’s lyrium. Cara that’s not good. Don’t let him in.’ Cullen’s reply came quickly. _

_ ‘I forgot to get Meg. She’s at her sitter’s.’ _

_ ‘I’ll get her. No matter what he says, don’t let him in the house. Call the police if he won’t leave.’ Cullen texted back. _

_ Fifteen minutes after she got home a car pulled in. She answered the pounding at the door, expecting a fight. She was surprised instead to find Leli and Anders there.  _

_ “We’re here to help you pack up the bastard’s things,” Leli explained as she walked in handing a bag off to Anders. _

_ “Leli?” Cara just stared for a minute. _

_ “No one cheats on my best friend and gets away with it. We got a new lock to put in right away.” Leli replied matter of factly. “Anders, get the SOB’s clothes. I’ll help Care with the rest.” _

_ By the time Raliegh showed up an hour later most of his things were on the front lawn, and his key no longer worked. Cara heard him banging on the door. _

_ “Come on. Let me in so we can talk about this. They didn’t mean anything, love. Cara.” He continued banging. “Come on, let me in.” _

_ Cara ignored him, turning up the volume on the TV as she sat between Leli and Anders on the couch sipping wine. _

“Meg wasn’t so easy to deal with. She loved him, he was her second father. All she knew was I made someone she loved go away. I don’t think she’s ever fully forgiven me for it.” Cara wiped a tear from her eye.

“Look at me,” Nate said softly, wiping off the tear from her cheek with his thumb when she did. “He’s not worth your tears, or your thoughts at all. You are the most amazing, most caring, most beautiful woman in all of Thedas. That he couldn’t appreciate that is on him, not you.”

“No,” Cara shook her head. “It’s my fault. Two weeks after all that he showed up again, begging for another chance. He was being so charming and I gave in. One thing led to another, and I…” Cara wrapped her arms around herself in shame. “I slept with him. I knew it was a mistake and I told him so after. He...he didn’t take it well.”

“It’s still not your fault. He has no right to make you feel unsafe or scared.” Nate put his hand softly on her cheek and kissed her. Cara sighed into the kiss, seeming to relax. Nate laid down, pulling her gently to lay beside him. He turned his head to look at her, one arm wrapped around under her, the other hand brushing through her hair.

“I like this,” Cara said, touching his cheek.

“Like what?” he asked.

“You. You’re different, but in a good way. Soft.” She sighed looking up to his eyes.

“Maybe I grew up. Learned to appreciate it when I have something good. I won’t take you for granted ever again.” Nate kissed her forehead. “You deserve to be pampered and adored. I plan to do both.”

Cara teared up again, but this time it was from happiness, not pain. “I’m glad you’re here.” 

“I’m glad I’m here too.” Nate held her tighter as he reached back to turn the lamp off. “Get some more sleep, sweetheart. We’ll take care of everything in the morning.”

Cara fell back asleep, but instead of dreaming of Raleigh, this time she dreamed of a family, a  _ real  _ family. Nate with Meg climbing on him like a jungle gym, both of them laughing as she sat beside them. She dreamed of a wedding, of Fergus walking her down the aisle, and at the end stood Nate, looking nervous and happy. He looked at her like his whole future was in her eyes.

***

In the morning, Nate drove Cara to the police station. Cullen met them downstairs, having just finished his shift. He led them to the Domestic Violence Division where a rather large man who looked way too serious waited for them. Cara wondered for half a minute if she could hire him to stare down Meg when she got out of hand.

“Cara, this is Lieutenant Justice. He’s going to take your statement.” Cullen’s hand remained on her shoulder, keeping her grounded while also helping her feel safe.

“You won’t be doing that?” She looked up at Cullen with worry.

“I’m the arresting officer because I happened to be on the scene, but Justice here will be the one to handle your case. It’s ok, I promise. I’ll be standing right over there with Nate while you two talk.” Cullen squeezed his hand that rested on her shoulder.

Cara looked at him for a moment later and then nodded.

“Take a seat,” Justice motioned for the chair by his desk. “I promise to make this as quick as possible so you can go home, alright Ms. Cousland?”

“Cara,” she said softly.

“Alright Cara, let’s begin.”

Nate watched from across the room while Cara talked with the officer. Cullen walked up to wait beside him.

“How is she doing?” Cullen asked.

Nate sighed, “She’s better, but still freaked. He did more than threaten her last night.”

Cullen’s jaw tightened, understanding the implication of what Nate was telling him. He took a seat on the bench beside Nate. “Thanks for being there for her.”

“I just wish I had been there to stop him. Maybe punch his lights out.” Nate looked at his hand, flexing it. He wasn’t a violent man in general, not since he had been a teen with raging hormones. But the thought of someone hurting her, of scaring her as bad as she had been last night; the thought of what could have happened to her if Cullen hadn’t been there, it brought out something protective in him.

“I know the feeling. My badge was the only thing keeping me from doing just that last night,” Cullen nodded. “Will you be over there later today?”

Nate nodded, “I’m staying as long as she needs me. I know she’s worried about what Meg will think, but her being safe is more important.”

Cullen made a sound of affirmation. “I got her a wireless alarm system on my break. I’ll stop by this afternoon to set it up. I hope it’ll help her feel more protected.”

Nate looked at Cullen for a moment and then back down at his hands. “When she first told me about you, I was jealous. Figured it was only a matter of time before you and her were together, that I was setting myself up for heartache. I mean you were the father of her child after all. But I’m glad to see that she has someone else in her life to look out for her.”

Cullen chuckled, “You don’t want to know what I thought of you.”

Nate lifted an eyebrow. “That good, huh?”

Cullen smirked, “I thought you were going to be just another bad boy she thought she could  _ fix _ . The ex she wanted to save. I’d heard quite a bit about you all those years ago, didn’t paint a pretty picture. I assumed you’d piss her off when you met, but at least she’d get her closure and move on. Glad to see I was wrong.”

“Ten years ago you wouldn’t have been wrong about me.” Nate looked at his fists. 

“Did she tell you anything about him?” Cullen hoped she had opened up to someone.

Nate nodded, running his hands along his thighs. “She told me about the cheating, the drugs, and then almost taking him back. She said he didn’t take it well when she changed her mind.”

Cullen made a noise like a growl, “That’s putting it mildly. He beat her up, Nate. My twelve years as a cop, I’ve never seen someone so badly beaten that wasn’t on the coroner's table. Her face…” Nate looked over to see Cullen’s eyes shut, his jaw tightened as if the memory physically hurt him. “If I hadn’t been bringing Meg back that morning, who knows how long she would have been lying there on the floor before anyone found her. She was in the hospital for three days. I was lieutenant then. Got bounced back down to detective for breaking his nose. He got kicked off the force.” 

Nate looked in front of them when he noticed Cullen standing up. Cara stood before them both.

“I’m ready to go home,” she said to him quietly. It was clear the report had taken a lot from her. “See you later, Cullen.”

Cullen nodded, “I’ll be over this afternoon. Go home, rest.”

Nate took her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze as they left. He put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer once they were outside. His desire to protect her was stronger now that he knew more of the story from Cullen. Pressing a kiss to her temple he spoke, “I’m proud of you.”

Cara leaned her head on his shoulder, arm around his waist as they walked to his car. That it had been little more than a month since their first date seemed strange to her. Walking with him right then, it felt as if it had been longer. She hoped she wasn’t rushing too much with them, but it just...it felt  _ right _ . She didn’t know if she would have been able to talk to the police today without knowing he was close by, without knowing he was there for her.

When they returned back to her home, Nathaniel walked her to the couch and sat beside her. He touched her cheek gently, and looked into her eyes as his thumb ran along her cheek. His heart hurt that someone would want to harm her. He felt he understood Cullen more, his desire to protect her.

“Cullen and I talked while we were waiting,” he spoke softly. “He told me more about what happened with Samson.” He kissed her forehead softly.

Cara closed her eyes, and leaned in, resting her head along his shoulder. “I don’t want to be scared. I want to stand up to him, show him I’m stronger than him. But every time I see him…” He could hear her sniffle beside him. “Every time I’m right back to waking up in that hospital room with Cullen sitting there. If...if Cass and Cullen hadn’t gotten there when they did yesterday…” She shook again.

Nate gently lifted her face to look at him, tears were running down her cheeks. “They did get there. You’re safe, and we’re going to make this place safer for you. I’m here now, you’re not alone in this.” He gave her a soft kiss on the lips. “No matter what the future is for us, you can always rely on me to keep you safe.”

“I know.” She leaned against him again. Nate pulled her down to rest on him as he laid down on the couch. His arms wrapped around her as she settled in. Hearing his heartbeat in his chest, feeling his arms around her, and breathing in his scent she felt herself relaxing.

*** 

Cara looked at the verticle blinds Anders and Nate had installed with a frown on her face. After word had spread of what had happened the night before, everyone showed up, save Leli who was stuck at work, but she had called and threatened to do all sorts of horrible things to Samson’s manhood. Currently Hawke, Anders and Isabela were installing new lighting on her porch and Cullen, with the help of Fenris, was putting together the new alarm system.

“You don’t like them?” Nate came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist as she leaned her back against his chest.

Cara reached out and touched one. “I just...I liked looking at the cherry tree outside.”

“You can still do that, but now you can close these up at night or when you want some privacy. They’ll work better than the sheers you had up before.” Nate kissed her head. “And once they finish the lights, no one will be able to be on your porch without you knowing.”

Cara nodded. That at least would be a relief, knowing she wouldn’t be taken by surprise again on the porch. She closed the blinds, then turned around in Nate’s arms.

“What are you doing?” he asked her in a soft voice.

“Testing the privacy.” She smiled, weaving fingers into his hair as she pulled his head down for a kiss.

Nate gripped her ass with his hands for a moment, holding her closer to him as he deepened the kiss. He then pulled back and chuckled when she whined. “Maybe when the house isn’t crawling with our friends.”

“Nineteen year old Nate would be already dragging me to the bedroom,” she pouted playfully.

“Nineteen year old Nate cared more about his needs than yours.” Nate brushed a hand along her cheek. “Come on, they’re all going to be hungry, let’s dig up some food for our workers.”

Cara put together turkey sandwiches while Nate prepared a salad. It took longer than it should have as he kept stopping to steal a kiss. By the time Cullen entered the kitchen a half hour later, she was once again smiling and had a light blush on her cheeks. Nate was just happy to see her looking happy again, her eyes filled with affection instead of pain.

Cullen noticed as well and smirked. He hadn’t been sure of the man at first, but Nate seemed to be having a positive effect on her, and he was glad for it. “Ok, let me show you the new system.”

He walked her around the inside, showing her the sensors on all the downstairs windows, and the triggers on both the front and back door. There was a keypad by both doors, and a panic button on the wall of her room as well that she could easily reach from the bed. 

He pulled out his phone and swiped open an app. “You just need to decide what your alarm password will be. Six numbers. Enter that here, and make sure I know it for when you need me to come around when you’re not home.”

Cara nodded and typed in a number. “Meg’s birthday,” she explained when she handed it back to him.

He nodded. “If you ever trigger the alarm on accident, the password you need to give the company when they call is ‘Grey Warden’.”

Cara smirked as that was the college she had attended.

***

Before leaving, Cullen explained to Meg, who now slept upstairs, that because of the alarms, she needed to ask her mother before opening any doors to go out. He’d apparently also drilled into her  _ again _ that if she should see Raleigh, she was to stay away. Meg seemed to have a harder time with that rule. She had given Cara the stink eye a few times during dinner but hadn’t said anything so Cara let it go.

Cara flopped around on the bed, missing Nate, the bed feeling too large without him there. Everytime he left it was harder and harder to say goodbye. After rolling around for a while she gave up and called him.

“Everything ok?” He answered the phone and she wanted to sigh just hearing the concern in his voice.

“I just miss you. The bed’s too big,” she explained.

“I don’t like not being there either,” he said softly into the phone, his voice tickling her ear. “But I doubt Meg would believe we were having a slumber party.”

“Will you stay on the phone until I fall asleep?” She immediately felt silly for asking, feeling like she was fifteen again.

“Of course. Are you in bed now?”

Cara hummed in affirmation. 

“Imagine I’m there, just holding you. I move your hair back softly and press a kiss to your forehead.” Nate’s voice was soft, soothing, already helping her feel as if she could fall asleep. “You can feel my chest against your back, keeping you warm and safe.”

Cara sighed, “I like that. Just talk to me.”

“Sure.” He wished he was there. She sounded better, but still not like her usual self, and he worried for her. He wasn’t just paying lip service when he said he didn’t like not being there. He understood her need to keep things from Meg for now, until she was ready for her daughter to know, but he also wanted to protect her. To wrap her in his arms and hold her so that she knew she was safe, that he was there and would keep her that way.

“Do you know the first time I knew I liked you as more than just a friend?” he asked her.

“No,” she replied softly. He hoped that meant she was starting to drift off.

“I was sixteen, you had just turned fourteen. We were at one of the stuffy parties our parents liked to throw. Some executive with them had made a comment about trade agreements with Antiva, and said some rather impolite remark about Antivans. I don’t remember exactly what you said, but I remember watching you, the small thing that you were, march right up to him and proceed to embarrass him. You didn’t say anything rude, you kept your cool, you just threw a bunch of facts at him, shut down every argument he could come up with. At fourteen, you had gone toe to toe with a grown man and stood your ground. You had stood up against bigotry. You were amazing. I knew right then you were different than any other girl I knew. Still took me another year though to get up the courage to just ask you out.”

Cara smiled, “I just thought you looked really good in jeans.” Her voice sounding half awake.

Nate laughed. “Well there’s that too. Go to sleep, sweetheart. I’m here. And I’ll keep my phone by me, so you can reach me during the night if you need.”

“Still wish you were here,” she said quietly.

“I do too.” He sighed, laying back on his couch, keeping the line open until he could hear that she was clearly asleep.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things happen and then some other things  
> And then NSFW happens

“Two weeks? How in the Maker did he only get two weeks?” Anders looked more pissed off than she’d ever seen him as he collapsed onto the couch in her living room.

“Cullen said this judge, Greagoir, tends to believe cops, or I guess former cops, over anyone else.” Cara sighed and leaned against the back of the couch. This morning had been a huge disappointment. Nathaniel hadn’t been able to go with her as he had a client meeting that morning, and Cullen was on a case, so he was also not able to be there. Anders made sure she wasn’t alone in court at Nate’s request and literally held her hand through the proceeding.

She looked at her hands and tried not to think about what might happen in two weeks. He’d be pissed for sure, but would he have learned his lesson and stay away this time or would he come after her to get revenge?

“Are you going to be ok?” Anders asked as he loosened his tie.

Cara shrugged, “What choice do I have? I have planning Meg’s birthday and helping Evelyn with the wedding to keep me distracted.”

“At least your home is more secured this time,” Anders looked around the living room.

Cara nodded. She knew she’d at least be able to sleep at night knowing the alarm system would keep him from being able to enter, and the panic button by her bed at arms reach if he did break in.

“I don’t work until tomorrow. Want to see if Leli’s free for her lunch break?” Anders asked to which Cara nodded enthusiastically, needing to not focus on the disappointment of today or the way Raleigh’s eyes kept roaming over her body in court today- how he licked his lips in a predatory manner when he did so, how she could see that every time she closed her eyes.

Lunch turned out to be just the cure. Anders and Leli seemed to know without needing to be told that they should talk about pretty much anything else.

“I swear to the Maker, Meredith Stannard is the most inept mayor ever.” Leli rolled her eyes as she bit into her sandwich. “She is paranoid of everything, and her response is to think we need another law.”

“Oh good, because there’s not enough restrictions on my magic as it is. Do you have any idea how many people I could  _ save _ if I was allowed to actually use magic instead of having to pretend it never existed?” Anders growled. “If I so much as light a candle with it I have her special Templar squad banging down my door thanks to this.” He motioned to the bracelet on his wrist.

Cara affectionately patted his arm. He rarely talked about having magic, but she knew his not being able to use it hurt him deeply. Anytime he lost a patient, it was her that he called, the pain and frustration in his voice those days was palpable. Anders turned and gave her a half smile as he reached over and squeezed her hand.

“Let’s talk about something more pleasant.” Anders took a sip of his water and continued, “How’re the plans coming for Meg’s party?”

“Very well actually. Evelyn’s doing the cake, of course, and she’s helped me pick out some of the decorations. Invites are going out to her classmates next week,” Cara smiled. “I think Cullen’s planning on grilling for it too. And she somehow talked him into wearing a tiara for the day of.”

Leli smirked, “She has him wrapped around her little finger, doesn’t she?”

“From day one.” Cara nodded, biting into her salad.

***

A cartoon of some type played on the TV. Cara wasn’t really paying attention, engrossed in her book while Meg watched the show and drew with Anders on the floor. They all looked up when there was a knock at the door.

“Do you want me to get it?” Anders asked.

Cara shook her head. “He’s in jail for now, so it’s ok.” She purposely avoided  _ who _ for Meg’s sake.

She looked through the security glass and smiled, opening the door to Nate who held a paper grocery bag in one arm.

“Meg in the other room?” he asked quietly. Cara nodded and he wrapped his free arm around her waist and pulled her closer, leaning down to capture her lips in a warm kiss.

When Cara pulled away she was feeling tingly. “What’s this?”

“I’m making dinner,” he winked.

“I hope you have extra-Anders is here,” she explained as she locked the door and followed him in.

“I have plenty.” He called out a hello to Anders as he passed by the living room on the way to the kitchen.

Meg scrambled into the kitchen. “Hi, Mr. Nate. What do you have?” She tried leaning up on her tiptoes to see what was in the bag he had put on the center island.

“I’m going to make us dinner. Any chance you want to help me?” he asked as he took ingredients out of the bag.

Meg’s eyes got wide, she’d never helped with cooking before. “Can I, Mama?”

“Of course.” Cara pet the girl’s head.

“Ok, first order of business, kick your mother out so we can cook,” Nate winked at Meg.

“Out, Mama.” Meg put her hands on her hips looking serious, which at six, was adorable.

“Ok, ok, I’m out.” She put her hands up as she walked into the living room, joining Anders on the couch. “We’ve been kicked out of the kitchen.”

“Fine with me,” Anders chuckled, now sitting on the couch, changing the channel to a sports station.

Nate pulled up a stool to the island and helped Meg up so she could sit on it. 

“What are we making?” she asked.

“Baked chicken with artichoke hearts,” he explained as he finished cleaning the breasts and put each into a baggie.

“Ewww. Hearts!” Meg stuck out her tongue.

“Not real hearts. That’s just what they call the inside part of the vegetable. See?” he said as he held up a can for her. He then put the baggies in front of her.

“Ok.” She nodded, less grossed out. “What are these for?”

Nate handed her a wooden kitchen mallet. “You need to beat these until they’re flat.”

“Really?” she asked looking excited.

“Really.” Nate nodded, smirking as she whacked one of the breasts hard and then started giggling.

He preheated the oven and prepared the pan while she did that, cutting up the other ingredients and setting up rice in the rice cooker.

“Cooking is fun!” Meg exclaimed as she happily pounded the chicken with the mallet.

Nate chuckled, “It is. My siblings and I used to help our mother with this recipe when we were kids.”

Once the chicken was in the oven, he heated up a pan to prepare the artichokes.

“Can I help more?” she asked.

“You can set the table, but this is too hot for you.” Nate told her as he pulled down plates for her to carry out and then some silverware for her when she was done with that.

“Now what?” she asked as finished with that just as he pulled the pan from the heat.

“Now we wait until the timer goes off, then we put the topping on and cook ten more minutes, then it’s done.” Nate helped her back on the stool and handed her a glass of water.

“Will you come to my birthday party?”

“I would be very happy to come,” Nate nodded. “What do you want for your birthday?”

“I want a new baby doll, and a bike like my friend Terry has, and some new crayons and a puzzle that daddy and I can do together. Oh, and I want an apron so I can be a baker like Evelyn.” Meg beamed, her eyes looking up as she tried to remember what else she might want. “And I want ribbons for my hair, and I want a necklace of a halla. I saw one when Mama and I went to the mall but she said no ‘cause I didn’t listen earlier.”

Nate nodded, “My niece likes to color too. Maybe sometime I can bring her over and you can play.”

Meg nodded excitedly. “I’d like that. Uncle Anders is my best friend, but I think you’re my next best friend.” 

“Thank you, Meg. I like you too.” Nate smiled at her. He found in some ways he enjoyed kids more than some adults. They were honest, sometimes too honest, but at least you always knew where you stood with them. 

“Mama said she’s known you since she was a girl,” Meg tilted her head.

“That’s right. Since she was about five I think,” Nate nodded.

“Did you know my cousin, Oren?” 

“I did.” Nate smiled at the memory of the boy.

“What was he like?” Meg sat up straight. “I’ve seen pictures of him.”

“He was a good kid. He liked to tell jokes and pretend he was a knight. I think you would have liked him.”

The timer beeped and he held up a hand when Meg started to climb down from the stool. “Stay there, this is hot. You can watch from there.”

Fifteen minutes later they gathered at the table.

“Wow, you made all this?” Anders gave an overly expressive grin as he looked at Meg.

She nodded emphatically, “Mr. Nate let me beat up the chicken.”

Anders chuckled, “Who knew cooking was a contact sport?”

Cara gave Nate a small smile while Meg was distracted. Her foot hooked with his. She hoped he knew how much she appreciated him forming a relationship with Meg. He returned the look and she knew he understood.

Meg insisted on Anders putting her to bed that night. Cara watched as Anders carried her up the stairs. Once they disappeared she curled up along Nate’s side as he wrapped an arm around her.

“How are you? Really,” he asked.

“Disappointed. Two weeks is a slap on the wrist. How’s that going to keep him away? How little does it mean my safety is worth?” She played with the fingers on one of his hands as she spoke.

“It means everything to me.” Nate kissed the top of her head as she rested along his chest.

“He looked so smug in court. The way he looked at me, like I was a piece of meat or something.” She shivered, “I can’t believe I was with him for so long, that I thought…”

“Shh.” Nate pulled her closer. “He fooled everyone. You can’t blame yourself for what no one else saw either.”

Cara tilted her head up and brushed her lips along his jaw. His arm tightened around her slightly in response. “You’re so good to me.”

“No.” Nate looked at her. “I’m treating you how you deserve. You’ve just been treated poorly for so long, by myself included, that you forgot what it was like.”

He captured her lips in a kiss that she sighed into. Her hand worked the front of his shirt out of his jeans and she ran her fingertips along the muscles of his abdomen, feeling them flex under her touch.

“I’m still here. Whatever you’re doing, stop it.”

Cara looked over at the stairs and giggled as Anders held his hand over his eyes, holding onto the railing as he walked down. “It’s safe to open your eyes.”

“Everyone dressed?” he asked unbelieving.

“Clothes completely on,” Cara reassured him as she slapped playfully at Nate when he copped a feel. He smirked in response.

Anders opened his eyes and walked the rest of the way down. “The twerp’s asleep. I’m going to head out while everyone is still clothed.” He grabbed his jacket. “Unless you want me to watch.” 

“Eww, go,” Cara laughed at him as he chuckled.

“Nate, thanks for dinner.” Anders bent down to the couch and gave Cara a kiss on the cheek. “Cara, call me if you need. You did beautifully today.”

“Thanks Anders,” Cara waved as he left. 

As soon as the front door closed she straddled Nate’s lap. “Where were we?”

Nate gripped her hips and pulled her flush to him. “I thought you were worried about Meg?” he asked as he nibbled at her collarbone.

“You’re right.” Cara moved away. She was going to tease him further, but couldn’t do it when he pouted so adorably. She reached her hand out to his. “Come on.”

“Are you sure?” his voice was husky as he stood up, still holding her hand. He didn’t appear to really need much convincing.

“I’m sure.” Cara led him back to her room. Once inside she pushed him against the door, her hands gripping his hips as she kissed him forcefully.

He moaned as she began to nibble at his neck. “Shh,” she warned him. “We don’t want to wake her.” Her hands began to undo the button on his jeans.

“I’m going to have a hard time keeping quiet if you…” He lost his train of thought as her hand wrapped around his hard cock.

“Get these off and sit on the bed,” she whispered in his ear, tugging on his jeans.

He didn’t feel the need to question as he hurriedly removed his jeans, leaving on his boxers and shirt. He sat on the edge of the bed. His normally blue-grey eyes were dark as he watched her walk slowly towards him.

Cara kneeled down on the floor in front of him and wove her fingers in his hair, pulling him down to her for a heated kiss. His tongue wrapped with hers as he tried to pull her up into his lap.

Cara refused to budge, pulling back just enough that their noses still touched. “Everything in the past few days just made me appreciate you more. You’re so good to me. Sweet. One of my best friends.” Her hand slipped into his boxers and she started to stroke him, “and so very, very sexy.”

Nate moaned as Cara’s head slipped lower, her lips pressing against his neck, down along his shirt, stopping to press a kiss over his heart as her hands tugged his boxers lower on his thighs. His eyes were closed, and when he felt something warm and wet run along his cock he moaned loudly, flopping back on the bed.

“Shh,” Cara reminded him, looking up with a smirk.

“Sorr….ahhhhh.” He lost the ability to speak as she pulled him into her hot mouth. This was something she wouldn’t do when they had been together before. She’d apparently changed her mind since then and was amazing at it as far as he was concerned. Her tongue pressed against the vein on his cock as she moved back up. When she moved down, she created a beautiful suction against him. “Cara, oh you feel so good, Cara,” he whispered loud enough she could hear. His hand sought out her head, not wanting to direct her, just needing to touch her.

She started to massage his balls, causing him to buck his hips. He tried hard to remember why he thought they weren’t ready for sex yet as she pulled him apart piece by piece with her wicked tongue. Nate’s head rolled back as he could feel the pressure begin to build in him, his balls becoming tight. He gripped the sheet in a fist. His whole body felt like it was charged with electricity. It was as if she was stimulating every nerve in his body.

“Cara, I’m...I’m go…” he moaned softly.

She seemed to catch his meaning as she removed her mouth, continuing to pump him as she slid up to lie beside him on the bed, his one arm underneath her wrapped around her waist and held her close. He pulled his shirt up, his head turned as they kissed, hard and needy kisses filled with tongue and moans. The pressure exploded, as he felt hot stickiness cover his chest.

He faced the ceiling, eyes still closed. His breathing started to slow as she continued kissing along his jaw. “Fuck, Cara. Give me a moment then it’s your turn.”

“No.” She kissed him again. “This was just for you.”

She pushed off the bed to stand. “I’ll be back with something to clean up.” She smirked at him, clearly very proud of how she’d turned him to a boneless mass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recipe Nate's making: [Baked Chicken with Artichoke ](http://www.diabetes.org/mfa-recipes/recipes/2015-03-baked-chicken-with-artichoke.html)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dress shopping for Cullen and Evelyn's wedding proves a fun distraction.  
> Raleigh is released from jail.  
> Meg turns 7 and her parents share stories of her past birthdays.

Cara entered the dress shop and quickly found Evelyn looking through the dresses. Evelyn pulled her into a hug. “Thanks for coming.”

“Absolutely. And a perfect distraction too,” Cara smiled.

“Nervous?” Evelyn asked, tilting her head.

“He gets out tomorrow. So yes,” Cara sighed. “Enough about that, let’s find you the most beautiful bridal gown ever.”

“I may have already found it.” A woman walked around the rack, her voice had a thick Antivan accent.

“Cara, this is my maid of honor, Josephine. Josie, this is Cara,” Evelyn introduced them.

“Ahh, Meg’s mother. I’ve heard a lot of you, nice to finally meet.” Josie held out a hand, her smile warm and inviting.

“A pleasure. So let’s see the dress.”

The rest of the Sunday afternoon was filled with trying on one dress after another. Evelyn eventually convinced Josie and Cara to join in the fun, insisting seeing dresses on the others would help her decide.

Cara and Josie giggled and snorted in their dressing room as they both tried on horrible bridal gowns they had picked out while Evelyn wasn’t looking.

“Oh MAKER NO!” Cara heard Evelyn yell out as Josie modeled hers. She nearly lost it in the dressing room trying not to fall over with laughter.

When she stepped out in hers, Evelyn clearly had caught onto the joke, now laughing hysterically as she took in the puffs and layers of her dress. “You look like a puff pastry.”

All three of them lost it at that, laughing so hard that others in the salon were starting to stare, some even catching the laughter.

“Go...go on… try on another.” Evelyn shooed them both away trying to catch her breath.

Evelyn put on another dress, and stepped out of the dressing room. It was a an a-line gown with a ruched bodice. It had beading on its bustline and hip and an airy skirt that flowed full into a court train.

“Maker, that’s the one. It’s perfect,” Evelyn said in a breathy voice.

“You want to try it on then?” Cara asked moving back towards the dressing room.

“No, I mean for you,” Evelyn shook her head. “Look,” she said as she motioned Cara towards the mirror.

Cara looked and her eyes started to water. It was perfect, she felt beautiful in it. She turned one way and then another to admire herself. She could picture herself holding a bouquet, walking down the aisle. She sighed. It was just a dream, she didn’t even know if Nate would ever  _ want _ to get married. They’d never even said I love you to each other, their reconciliation was so new.

As she removed it in the dressing room and hung it back on the hanger, her fingers brushed the dress, committing it to memory. By the end of the day they had found three possibles for Evelyn. She decided she’d come back with her mother the following week to help figure out which would be the definite.

***

Cara’s stomach had been in knots all day. Her students, thankfully, did not seem to notice. Driving home, her knuckles were white on the steering wheel from gripping it so tightly. Two more hours, she kept repeating, her eyes constantly moving to the clock on her dashboard as if it might slow down the ticking of time.

Approaching her house, she felt a sense of relief for the first time all day when she saw the black chevelle on the street outside her home. She had her first genuine smile of the day as she saw Nate sitting on her porch when she pulled into her driveway. Her mind immediately associated the sight of him with safety and she could feel the anxiety slip away slowly.

No sooner was she on the porch when Nate had pulled her into his arms.

Cara let out a sigh of relief as she sunk into his hold. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d still be at work.”

“He’s getting out today, there’s no way I’m letting you be alone here just in case he hasn’t gotten the message to stay away. You’re more important than a few hours at work,” he said into her ear as she clung to him.

Cara stepped away enough to open her door and let him inside. “Fenris should be here soon with Meg, so while I have time…” She then pulled his head down gently into a kiss, wrapping her arms around the back of his head.

His arms wrapped around her waist as he returned the kiss. It was then that she noticed the gym bag in his hand.

“Nate? Meg will…”

“I’ll sleep on the couch. If he tries anything today, I’m going to be here. I need to know you two are safe.” Nate rubbed gentle circles into her hip with his thumb.

Cara ran her hand along his cheek. She wanted to tell him she loved him, but she was afraid. It was too soon, and she couldn’t risk losing him-especially not today.  “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

His response was to kiss her again, which she melted into. “We better knock it off, Meg will be home any minute.”

Cara went to her room to change and emerged a few minutes later.  Meg came running into the house, followed by Fenris. “I’m home, Mama.”

“Hey Peanut! Look who’s here?” Cara motioned to the couch and Meg let out a cheer of joy seeing Nate. She scrambled over to him, excited to tell him about her day.

Fenris nodded a hello to him and then followed Cara into the kitchen where she prepared a snack for her daughter. “I was planning to offer to stay, but it appears you are in good hands.”

Cara nodded, “He insisted on staying tonight, just to be sure. Not sure about after that though.”

“With the new security in place, I am sure it will be fine. And you know Meg can crash with me if you feel it’s unsafe. He doesn’t know about me, so he’d not know where to find her,” Fenris offered.

“Thanks Fen.” Cara gave him a small smile which he returned with a nod of his head.

Later that evening, Cara peeked around the kitchen wall as she prepared dinner to see Nate and Meg sitting on the floor coloring and telling the worst knock knock jokes -- but they were clearly hilarious to a six year old. 

“Knock knock”

“Who’s there?” Meg asked, already giggling.

“Atch,” Nate replied.

“Atch who?” Meg tilted her head.

“Bless you.” Nate smirked and Meg laughed loudly.

“Ok, my turn. Knock knock,” Meg giggled.

“Who’s there?” Nate asked.

“Boo,” Meg covered her mouth trying not to laugh.

“Boo who?” Nate pretended like he couldn’t see where this was going.

“Don’t cry, it’s just me,” Meg answered and then fell over laughing. Nate joined in laughing more at her antics than the joke.

They continued back and forth as she watched them. Cara’s heart felt so full as she did, it reminded her of how Meg was with Cullen. She wondered if maybe it wasn’t time to tell Meg about them soon. She clearly adored Nate, and he was good with her. Her mind flashed to the wedding dress again.  As she returned to chopping the carrots she realized she was most definitely in love. It was stupid, it had not yet been two months since she’d found him in her living room, but here he was, a big part of their lives already. She hadn’t noticed the hole he’d left in her soul until he’d returned. Now she found it hard to picture a life without him in it, and it worried her a bit given how quickly everything seemed to have happened.

A few hours later, she peeled a passed out Meg from Nate’s lap to take upstairs to bed. She looked at her daughter for a moment once she was under the covers, and brushed back the hair from her face. She’d be seven in another twelve days, and it just seemed to have come so quickly. She bent down and placed a soft kiss on the girl’s head before heading back downstairs.

Once there she snuggled into Nate’s side. “I get up before her, you could stay with me, just need to be back out here before she wakes up,” she suggested as she nuzzled her nose into his neck.

“Are you sure?” Nate held her close.

“It’s hard enough sleeping without you next to me, there’s no way I can do it knowing you’re just out here.” Cara pressed a kiss along a spot she knew was sensitive on his neck.

“Mmmm.” Nate hummed in response. “You drive a hard bargain, but I accept your offer.” He tilted his head to the side to kiss her forehead, then returned his attention to the movie they were watching on the tv.

The next morning Cara awoke with Nate’s arms around her as she faced him, her head against his chest. She pressed a soft kiss there and he mumbled a good morning and squeezed his arms around her. She felt rejuvenated, and also relieved that the night had gone by without any incidents. Perhaps Raleigh really would finally stop.

As promised, Nate was dressed and in the kitchen with coffee, ready to head out to work before Meg awoke, as he had an earlier start than they did. 

Meg came downstairs, still sleepy and gave him a hug as he prepared to leave. “Goodbye Mr. Nate.”

“Goodbye Meg,” Nate replied and Cara walked him to the door. He gave her a quick peck on the lips after ensuring that Meg couldn’t see and then left.

Cara started their routine of brushing Meg’s hair as the girl ate her cereal. She was surprised to see Nate come walking back in.

“Did you forget something?” she asked him. He shook his head and looked a little disturbed. “Stay here, Peanut, while I talk with Nate, ok?” Meg nodded and Cara walked into the living room.

“Everything ok?” she asked him, worried.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry I just need to wait for a tow.” He squeezed her hand.

“Why?” she worried because he didn’t sound like he was ok.

Nate sighed and after confirming they were alone, touched her cheek with his hand. “Someone slashed all four tires. I have little doubt who.”

Cara put her hands to her mouth and tears formed. This was unfair, he shouldn’t be attacked. It wasn’t fair to put him through that, he didn’t deserve it at all. “Oh Nate, your car. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Shh.” Nate pulled her into a hug. “It’s fine, it can be fixed.”

“But you love that car.” Cara shook her head. “I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. And I told you, it’s ok. Better he go after my car than the two of you. I’d gladly sacrifice it to keep you both safe,” he reassured her. “I can fix it easily. I’m sure it was meant to scare me away, but it’s not going to work. So stop with the tears.” He gently rubbed them away with his thumb. “It’s really ok. I promise. I just need to get a tow and then I’ll get a rental for work. I’ll call Cullen when I’m at the office so he has a record of it.”

Cara nodded but still worried this would be too much for him. She knew how much he adored that car, how much he babied it and all the work he’d put into it. She took a deep breath, trying to accept him at his word that it really was fine.

***

“I like your new place, Uncle Nate,” Lena plopped onto his couch. “But, where will we stay when we visit?”

Nate chuckled, “You won’t need to stay anymore, you live close enough. But I guess if you wanted to spend the night you could sleep on the couch.”

“What do you have to drink?” Delilah asked.

“Here, I’ll show you,” Nate motioned to the kitchen as he turned on cartoons for Lena to watch.

“This really is a nice place,” Del said as she stood in his kitchen. “Juice will be fine,” she answered when he held up that and a soda as options. “It’s smaller than your place in Gwaren though, but I think this one suits you better.”

Nate handed her the glass and nodded. “I have some friends in the apartment downstairs too, which is part of the appeal. Plus it’s not that far from Cara.”

“Things are going well with you two?”

Nate nodded, “Very. I haven’t felt this…” He tried to think of the right word to describe how he’d felt of late, “content and satisfied in a long time.”

“That’s good,” Del nodded.

“But?” Nate pried, seeing the look on her face.

“But I worry that you’re getting too wrapped up in her too fast. It’s only been a few months and already you’re telling me how you’re spending time with her daughter, spending nights over there. I just don’t want to see you setting yourself up for disappointment if it doesn’t turn out the way it seems like you want it to.” Delilah shrugged. 

Nate always appreciated how straightforward his sister always was with him. She may be the younger of the two of them, but she was in some ways the wiser one as well. “It’s ok, Del. I know what I’m getting myself into.”

“I hope so,” she smiled. “I want you to be happy, Nate.”

***

Meg sat at the head of the table with a paper crown on her head beaming. Today was her day and, as decreed by her father as he’d placed the crown on her, she was the queen. In addition to Cullen, Evelyn, Nate and Anders were all in attendance. She’d had calls earlier in the day with her aunts and uncles - Fergus, Mia, Rosalie and Branson. All wished her a special day and sent their love, Fergus explaining he’d have to miss her party the next day because of illness.

She fidgeted excitedly; this was her favorite part of the dinner: when they’d tell her stories about other birthdays. Cara had told her it was a tradition in her family growing up, one that she continued with Meg.

“Mama, tell me about when I was born,” Meg requested.

“Well you were not making it easy on me. You took almost a whole day before you showed up. I was so tired when you were finally born, but then the doctors cleaned you up and put you in my arms and it was the happiest moment of my life. You had your Grandma Eleanor’s nose, and your Aunt Mia’s ears and you were just the cutest baby ever.” Cara smiled.

“And Daddy cried,” Meg added in.

Cara nodded. “Yes, he did because he was so very happy to finally get to meet you.” She looked at Cullen as she spoke and the look on his face told her he was also remembering that day fondly. Nate squeezed her hand under the table, feeling privileged to be included on something so intimate.

“How about I tell you about your second birthday,” Cullen chimed in and Meg nodded excitedly. “Ok well Uncle Branson bought you this toy dog that would bark and do some tricks like sit and beg, and we thought you’d love it because you loved Uncle Branson’s mabari.  But the minute the dog started to move you screamed. You were so scared of it, you hid behind my legs until he hid it away.”

Meg laughed, “I promise not to be scared when I get my presents at the party tomorrow.”

After dinner, Cara and Evelyn put out a cake Evelyn had made. They all sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to her and cheered as she blew out the candles. One by one the guests left until it was just Cullen, Evelyn and Cara left.

“Can Papa Ra come to my party?” Meg asked .

“No sweetheart,” Cara shook her head, “I’m sorry.”

Meg pouted, “But it’s my birthday party and Daddy said I’m the queen. I want him to come.”

“Meg,” Cullen had a little bit of warning in his tone, “We’ve discussed this. It’s not safe, so drop it.”

“What’s not safe? He’s my papa. You’re just being mean.” She walked off to her room without saying anything more.

Cara fell back against the couch. “That could have gone better.”

“It’s fine. When she’s there tomorrow with her friends and sees the presents she’ll forget all about it.” Cullen tried to reassure her.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meg's birthday party doesn't go as planned

Cara put the final bowl of chips down on the table as Evelyn walked up with a large box. “Just in time.” Cara looked up with a grin as she spoke.

Behind them, ‘Princess’ Cullen was at the grill cooking as Meg was greeting her guests that were arriving, a tiara firmly on his head as he had promised Meg. The pavilion they’d rented was decorated with streamers and bows making it look very festive. Off in one corner, Anders, Leli, Isabella and Nate were talking. They were soon joined by Hawke and Fenris, along with the parents of several of the party guests. Laughter filled the air as the children chased each other around the grass.

**Art by phoqingart.tumblr.com:**

                                                      

 

Cara’s eyes grew wide when Evelyn lifted the top off of the bakers box. “Oh my, you outdid yourself.”

Evelyn blushed, “Well you don’t turn seven every day.”

The cake was three layers covered in pink fondant, designed to look quilted. Edible pearls decorated the ‘quilting’ and there was a pretty pink bow of fondant on each layer. It was most definitely a queen’s cake.

Meg came running up. “Wow!” She grinned ear to ear as she looked from the cake to Evelyn. “Can we have it now?”

Cara laughed, “Not yet sweetheart. Go play with your friends. Cake after Daddy’s done cooking.” She looked over where Cullen was putting burgers and hotdogs on the grill, Fenris and two of the guest’s fathers standing nearby chatting with him.

“Ok. Thanks Evelyn. Thanks Mama.” She happily ran back to her friends, but not before running over to grab Anders and Nate’s hands to drag them over to the other children.

“I think you may have competition,” Evelyn chuckled as they watched Anders and Nate start a game of tag with the kids.

Cara blushed, she wondered if she’d ever blushed so much since high school as she had in the last two months. “I think it’s sweet how much she likes him.”

Evelyn nodded, “I agree. It will certainly make it easier when you tell her.”

Children’s squeals of delight filled the air as they all piled on top of Anders who had apparently lost this round of whatever they were playing. Even Nate jumped on the pile.

“Make sure they know if they break the doc, they bought him,” Cullen chuckled as he placed down a tray of food from the grill on the table.

“Papa Ra!” They all whipped around hearing Meg scream out. Cara paled instantly.

“Anders, grab her,” Cullen bellowed as he and Fenris took one look at each other and took off running towards the approaching figure.

Meg yelled in protest as Anders pulled her from her run and began walking with the struggling child towards where Cara and Evelyn waited. Cara refused to look to where Cullen and Fenris ran, instead focusing on Meg, knowing if she saw him she’d lose any semblance of control she had.

Nate came up close behind as Anders sat with Meg still scrambling in his arms. “Let me go!” she yelled. “It’s my birthday you have to do what I say.”

“Meg, sweety, no. Please, honey, calm down.” Cara tried to soothe her as Nate stood by feeling hopeless. He looked to where Cullen and Fenris appeared to be confronting someone, determining they had that under control, he focused back on the others in front of him.

“No. You’re being mean. I want to go see him. Let me go,” she screeched, her face turning red as she worked herself up into a full blown tantrum.

All around parents started staring at them, mostly uncertain what to do, as the children looked confused and concerned for Meg.

“Any further and you’re in violation of the order. Turn around and leave Samson, you’re not welcome here.” Cullen glared at him. Fenris stood just behind him ready to fight if necessary.

“This is a public place and it’s my daughter’s birthday party. Move out of the way _Rutherford_ ,” Samson growled, narrowing his eyes.

“She’s not your daughter and you’re not welcome here. You’ve caused enough disruption, I’ll only say it nicely once more. Leave,” Cullen snarled.

They could hear Meg crying from back at the pavilion. “Papa, Papa. I want Papa.”

“I’m here, baby girl,” Samson yelled back.

“Leave. NOW.” Cullen moved so that he was bocking Samson’s view of the party.

“Nice tiara,” Samson taunted. “Tell that piece of trash up there to get the fuck away from my family.”

“That’s it,” Fenris stepped forward, using a move he’d learned in special ops. He pinned Samson’s arms behind him before Samson had a chance to react, forcing the man to drop the gift in his hand. “Done being nice, you’re leaving now.”

“Tell your Mama you want me to stay, baby girl,” Samson yelled as Fenris began shoving him back towards the parking lot.

“Papaaaaaaa,” Meg screeched again as she kicked behind her hitting Anders square in the shin. He flinched but held on tight. “I hate you both. It’s my birthday, I want Papa to stay.” She looked at Nate with tears running down her eyes. “Mr. Nate, tell Mama to let him stay. I want my Papa.”

Nate shook his head, “I’m sorry, Meg.”

Cullen came jogging up and picked up Meg from Anders lap. She wrapped her arms around the back of his head and cried into his shoulder. “Shh. I know Peanut. Come on, let’s go for a walk.” Evelyn followed, hoping perhaps that Meg would talk with her.

Cara stood back up, Nate put a reassuring hand on her back as she looked around. She heard the squeal of tires as Samson left the parking lot, and could see Fenris striding back towards where they all were. Around them some of the parents were giving her sympathetic looks while they reassured their children. Others were glaring as if she had done something wrong.

“You ok?” Nate asked quiet enough that only she could hear. She shook her head in response, letting him pull her into a hug.

Evelyn came walking back over to them. “She’s not really calming down. We’re going to take Meg back to our place. Do you want to ride over with us?”

Cara shook her head, “I’ll drive over soon.”

Evelyn nodded and touched Cara’s arm gently. “Ok, see you in a little bit.”

“Go, we’ll take care of all this,” Leli reassured Cara.  Anders, Hawke, Fenris and Isabela all nodded their agreement.

“Thank you,” Cara said quietly, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Nate asked her.

Cara shook her head. “I do, but...I think Cullen and I need to deal with this alone.”

“Ok, I’ll be at my place if you need me.” Nate kissed her forehead and walked her to her car.

Before getting in her car, Cara looked up at the party again, tears in her eyes.

“It’ll be ok,” Nate tried to reassure her. “I’ll help them up there and then I’ll be home.”

A half hour later, Cara pulled into the driveway for Cullen’s home, parking behind his truck. The one story house was in a gated community, the same community Cullen kept trying to talk Cara into moving to, not only to have Meg closer, but he felt she’d be safer behind gates. He was probably right, but she felt like moving was letting Raleigh win.

She hit the steering wheel with her palms and grunted. Grabbing the steering wheel with both hands she shook it, closed her eyes and screamed. _How dare he!_ It was one thing to ruin her birthday, but this was Meg’s day, this was the party she’d been planning for a month for her daughter and he destroyed it all. Why couldn’t he just go the fuck away? She’d made it clear she didn’t want him. She screamed again inside her car, hoping it would muffle it enough so Meg wouldn’t hear.

When she opened her eyes, Cullen was standing beside the car. She took a deep breath, now feeling embarrassed that he’d seen her. She stepped out of the car and he instantly opened his arms to her.  Cara collapsed into them, feeling a sense of relief when his arms wrapped around her.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice muffled into his chest.

“No, I think you needed to let that out.” He hugged her tighter. “Feel better?”

“No. Poor Meg.” Cara leaned into him more.

“She’ll be ok. She wore herself out crying. She’s sleeping in her room now. I’ll talk with her when she wakes up.” Cullen rubbed her back as he spoke. She appreciated how much he always looked out for her as much as he did Meg, cared about her needs too; even if it did annoy her sometimes. “I think we should talk about telling her about what’s really going on.”

“I just...she’s just a kid, I don’t want to destroy her innocence.” Cara stepped back and looked at Cullen.

“I get that. I’m not saying we tell her every little detail, just enough that she understands it’s not just mom and dad being mean,” Cullen tilted his head. “Just think about it.”

Cara nodded, then she frowned, “Oh, the cake. Evelyn made this beautiful cake…”

Cullen shook his head, “Hawke already called, he’s going to bring it over. We can invite him and Anders and the rest tomorrow and just have a small party for her and have the cake then, alright?”

Cara nodded and looked at the house. “Does she hate me?”

“No more than she hates me. She’ll be fine. Do you want to stay for dinner?”

Cara shook her head, “No, I...let her have some time with just you, maybe it’ll help.”

“You shouldn’t be alone. Both for yourself and because I don’t think it’ll be safe at your house. I doubt he’s going to let this drop.” Cullen gave her a stern look. _There_ was that cop again.

“I’m not going home,” Cara tried to reassure him.

He grinned, “Good. I’m glad you finally have someone to lean on. Not that I mind when you need me, but you need something for yourself, it’s good to see.”

“Thanks. Call me if anything changes. Otherwise tomorrow. If you need to appease her with the bike now instead of waiting, I understand,” Cara touched his arm.

“Be safe,” Cullen said, giving her cheek a kiss and opening the car door for her.

Twenty minutes later, Cara was knocking on his door. Nate answered and his smile immediately soothed her. She stepped into his apartment and into his arms.

“How’s Meg?” he asked her.

“Asleep, I didn’t see her.” She buried herself into his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

“How are you?” He nuzzled her head with his nose, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“Frustrated. Why does he need to ruin everything? Why couldn’t he just leave today alone?” she sighed. “He purposely got her riled up, he’s playing her against me. Just one more way to poke at me.”

Nate tilted her chin up with two fingers and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Well we just won’t let him then. How did he even know about the party?”

Cara sighed as she buried her head back into his chest. “Some of her friends’ parents, they don’t get it. They think I’m just being like a jealous ex-wife trying to stick it to him, making up stories. I’m sure one of them told him.”

Nate’s arms squeezed around her. “Come on.”

He led her to his couch and pulled her down gently to lie beside him, her head on his chest as he wrapped an arm around her. He knew from the years, that this always helped relax her. He found a cooking show on the tv, and with the arm not already holding her, he rubbed along her back in gentle circles. Nate smiled feeling her let out a sigh, relaxing into him.

After a few minutes he could feel her shake a little and looked down to see she was crying. “Cara?”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this, with me. You deserve better than all this drama I’m bringing into your life.” Cara buried her head into his shoulder further and gripped at his shirt as if afraid he really _would_ leave. “I brought this all on myself but you don’t deserve this.”

Nate’s heart hurt a little that she thought he could ever just leave her. He brushed the hair back from her eyes. “Sit up,” he nudged her softly.

Once sitting up she still wouldn’t look at him, her hair falling down to bury her face.

Nate moved her hair from her face and kissed her cheek softly. It pained him to see her so upset and it made him want to do nothing more than take care of her, reassure her. “None of this is your fault, and unless you send me away, I’m not going anywhere.” He moved his head so that he was in her line of sight. “Stay there, I’ll be back.”

He returned from the kitchen a few minutes later and put a plate in her hands. She looked and smiled for the first time since she arrived when she noticed it was a peanut butter sandwich with potato chips in it. It was her go to comfort food whenever she was upset, something that started when she was a kid. Tears filled her eyes again, but this time from happiness. How was it that he could remember all these small details about her when they hadn’t seen each other in over 8 years? All her time with Raleigh, all the years she thought they were in love, he never seemed to remember her favorite flower or that she liked peanut butter and potato chip sandwiches.

“What’s wrong?” he looked at her with concern.

“You remembered. How do you remember all of this?” she sighed.

“Because you’re important. Because this is one of the little things that make up who you are.” Nate touched her cheek. _Because I love you,_ went unsaid even though he thought it. To say it outloud was too scary.

“Can I stay tonight?” she asked softly, worried he’d say no.

“Of course.” Nate kissed her temple, putting his arm around her while she ate her food. He smiled to himself when she snuggled closer as they watched the tv. “I’m going to the zoo with Lena and Del in two weeks. Maybe you and Meg can come.”

“I’d like that,” She answered.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cara & Nate share how they met the others.  
> Cara and Meg join Nate and his family at the zoo where Meg finds out about the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very slightly NSFW at the end.

Cara sat on the porch step adjusting the pink flowered bike helmet on Meg’s head for her. Despite Cullen’s insistence, she had once again sugar coated the issue with Raliegh when talking to Meg. She could tell Cullen was unhappy about it, but he said little about it to Cara. She just felt like she’d already made enough of a mess of everything because of her involvement with Raleigh, that she didn’t want to add Meg’s broken heart on top of the pile. 

Once finished adjusting the helmet they both noticed Anders walking up the sidewalk.

“Uncle Anders! Daddy taught me how to ride my bike. Wanna watch?” Meg bounced excitedly.

“Absolutely,” Anders smiled as he joined Cara on the step, sitting beside her.

“Stay on the driveway,” Cara reminded the girl who was running to her bike.

“So, she seems to be ok despite everything.” Anders gently leaned his arm against Cara’s.

“I think the bike distracted her. I still get the occasional glare at dinner, but yeah, I think she’s ok.” Cara leaned her head against Anders’ arm as they watched Meg ride up and down the driveway.

“So, do you want to go pick out costumes for Halloween this weekend, or have I been pushed aside for lover boy?” Anders teased her.

“Nope, costume shopping with you is sacred. Not even the smolderingest smolder could change that.” Cara smiled up at him. Even sitting, the top of her head still only came to his shoulder. “Any ideas on what you want to be?”

“I do, but not telling you until we get to the store,” Anders winked at her.

***

Nate leaned against the corner of the L-shaped couch, Cara’s back leaning against his chest as Meg slept upstairs in her room. Their hands were interlinked as they watched an old movie on the tv. Nate found he liked this, the two of them just sitting together. It was an interesting contrast to his other relationships, where there seemed to be a need to keep the excitement up, to always be out at clubs or shows. But with Cara it was different, more comfortable. He found that just being together was enough, there was no need to fill the time with distractions. Just holding her hand, just being able to wrap his arms around her, just to see her smile was enough.

“So, I’ve been dying to know something,” Nate squeezed her hand.

“What?” Cara asked curiously, as she tilted her head up and back to look at him.

“How did you ever wind up with Fenris as a nanny? I mean he’s former special ops, pretty hardcore. He doesn’t really fit the image of caregiver.” Nate couldn’t resist kissing her temple as it was so close to his lips.

Cara let out a small chuckle and pressed herself softly against the kiss. “It was after that time with Raleigh. Cullen decided he might come and try to hurt or take Meg. He started looking for, well I guess a bodyguard for her. I thought it was a bit much, but it seemed to help him feel better. Anders mentioned his friend’s boyfriend might be a good fit. So Cullen met Fenris, and he was hired after that.”

“So that’s how you met Fenris and Hawke then. How about Anders?” Nate asked.

“He worked at Bela’s coffee shop while he was in medical school. We became fast friends; he’s like family. I mean Fergus is my brother, but Anders is pretty much one too,” Cara shrugged.

Nate’s arm squeezed around her. He understood how important it was to her to fill her life with family again.

“How about you, how did you know everyone?” Cara asked.

“Well I met Hawke through his younger brother. Carver was in some of the same classes as me. Then Hawke started dating this broody, white haired man who never said much but seemed to care deeply for Hawke. I got to know Anders through them when he’d visit Hawke from Denerim. Then Hawke and Fenris moved here,” Nate explained.

“I guess it’s a small world,” Cara nodded.

“I’m glad it is,” Nate leaned his head against the top of hers as he spoke, his hand running along her arm. “It brought you back to me.”

Cara sighed happily and snuggled closer to him. She felt much the same way.

***   
“Meg, go play in the living room with Evelyn while I talk to Mama,” Cullen requested as he picked up the empty dinner plates from the table. He put them in the sink and Cara started wash them.

“What’s up?” Cara asked.

“I have to go out of town for a while. This ‘White Lily Killer’ we’ve been trying to catch is striking near Kirkwall. The police force there have asked for assistance. They want Cass and me to go undercover since we’ve been on this case for two years, see if we can flush him out.” Cullen picked up a towel and began to dry as she cleaned. This killer had been responsible for numerous women disappearing over the years. Tragically, Hawke’s own mother had been a victim several years back. The knowledge of that kept Cullen from letting the case get cold.

“How long?”

“Not sure, hopefully not too long. I was going to tell Meg tomorrow night when she’s over,” he explained. “We’re leaving mid week.”

“Will she be able to call you at least?”

“No. Undercover means no contact,” Cullen shook his head.

Cara wiped her hands off with his towel and then wove her arms under his, wrapping them around his torso. “Stay safe. We both need you.”

“I will.” Cullen wrapped her in his arms and rested his head on top of hers.

***

Cara got herself ready for the day in the bathroom while she could hear Meg playing in the bedroom, talking with two of her stuffed animals. They were headed to the zoo to meet with Nate, Del and Lena soon. Her hair brushed, she reached for her lotion only to find it wasn’t there. She looked under the sink. Perhaps she’d put it down there without thinking? Not finding it she called out to Meg.

“Sweetheart, have you seen Mama’s lotion?” 

“No,” Meg replied.

“Honey, if you were playing with it, it’s ok, I just need to know where it is so I can use it,” she tried to reassure the girl. It was a favorite of hers, something she preferred to perfume and had used since she was a teen.

“I wasn’t Mama. I promise.” Meg appeared at the bedroom door.

She wasn’t good at hiding when she was lying, and she didn’t seem to be giving any indication that she wasn’t being truthful, so Cara believed her. “Ok. Go get your shoes, we’ll leave soon.”

She worried her lip. It wasn’t like her to misplace things, but first the photos, and now this...

***

Meg held Cara’s hand as they walked through the zoo. “Can we see the halla?”

“Of course,” Cara squeezed her hand gently.

Meg let go of her hand and ran off when she spotted Nate up ahead with his sister and Lena. He had his back to them so he was surprised to be run into by the girl. 

“Oof,” he chuckled.

“Hi, Mr. Nate,” Meg beamed up at him.

“Hey Meg.” Nate ruffled her hair and turned his head, smiling as he saw Cara approach. “Meg, this is my sister Del and this here is my niece, Lena. You and her are almost the same age. She turned seven two months ago.”

“Hi,” Meg said softly to Lena, hiding her head slightly behind Nate’s leg.

“Hi,” Lena was less shy. She reached her hand out and Meg took it after looking up at her mother who nodded. “We can be friends.”

“Do you like halla too?” Meg asked as the two of them moved in front of the fence beside them that housed druffalo. The girls chattered away as they looked at the beasts.

“Well that was a success,” Cara laughed. “Hi Del.” She gave Deliliah a hug.

“Mama, can we see the halla?” Meg asked.

“I want ice cream,” Lena added.

“How about ice cream and then halla?” suggested Nate which seemed to appease the girls.

Del and Cara got the girls settled in at a outdoor table while Nate got cones for everyone. 

“My daddy is a police officer. He helps people. What does your daddy do?” Meg asked her new friend.

“My daddy has his own store. He helps people find food for dinner,” Lena answered.

“That’s so cool,” Meg’s eyes were wide as well as her smile.

As they continued to chat, Nate returned handing out cones to everyone. He sat perpendicular to Cara, but hooked his foot around her ankle since he couldn’t hold her hand. Cara gave him a small grin in return.

“Mama, can Lena come over to play one day?” Meg asked.

“I’m sure that can be arranged,” Cara nodded, exchanging a happy look with Del.

“We’d be happy to come over sometime,” Del agreed.

“Yay,” the girls cheered in unison.

“Do you have a bike? I have a new one and my daddy taught me to ride.” Meg asked between bites of the ice cream.

“I’d say there’s a new friendship budding,” Del smirked.

“Feels so long ago we were that young,” Cara chuckled.

“Oh at that age you didn’t want to talk to me, I was an annoying six year old,” Del winked.

“Well can you blame me? I was the sophisticated age of seven,”  Cara laughed.

“All I knew was at nine I was way too old to hang out with either of you,” Nate smirked. “Girls were icky.”

“We’re not icky, Uncle Nate,” Lena scolded.

“Well not you two,” Nate tousled her hair.

“Alright, who wants to see halla?” Cara asked as the cones were finished, to which the girls cheered.

The two of them skipped ahead of the adults, just a few feet away, hands linked. Meg let go of Lena’s hand as they got to the halla enclosure. “I love halla.”

“I do too,” Lena nodded. “I got to pet one once.”

“You did?” Meg’s voice was full of wonder as she continued to look at the halla.

“It was at a petting zoo when we went to visit my Uncle Nate before he moved here,” Lena explained. “Oh, maybe we can be cousins. I don’t have any cousins.”

“I have cousins in South Reach where my Aunt Mia and Uncle Branson and Aunt Rosalie live.” Meg tilted her head, “But how will we be cousins?”

“Your mother and my Uncle Nate could get married,” Lena explained.

“Why would they do that?” Meg asked.

“Cause they love each other. When you are a grown up and you are in love you get married,” Lena shrugged as if it was evident.

Meg looked behind her and saw the adults talking. Nate’s pinky was linked with her mother’s. 

“Let’s go look at the fennec,” Lena turned behind them. “Mom can we go see the fennec?”

“Of course. Let’s go,” Del replied.

***

When they got back to their house, Meg ran in once Cara opened the door and plopped on the couch. Cara walked in to find her sitting there with her arms folded over her chest and a pout on her face.

“What’s wrong, Peanut?” Cara asked as she walked towards the kitchen.

“I’m mad at you,” Meg answered, not looking at her.

“Why are you mad at me?” Cara reached into the fridge and pulled out grapes for a snack for them. She tried to encourage Meg to express her feelings, so she was calm with her demeanor.

“You’re stealing my friend,” Meg walked into the kitchen.

“I’m not stealing any friends. Who do you think I’m stealing?” Cara was confused.

“Mr. Nate. He’s my friend and you’re trying to steal him,” Meg glared at her.

“He’s my friend too, Peanut. People have more than one friends, just like you do. I’m not trying to steal him away from you. I’m happy you like to play with him,” Cara put the washed grapes on a plate.

“No!” Meg yelled.

“Meg, we don’t yell. You can tell me in a calm voice what has you upset and have your snack or you can go to your room,” Cara gave her a stern look.

“You were holding his hand. You’re going to pretend you like him and then you’re going to send him away,” Meg’s lip shook.

Cara sighed. This was not how she wanted Meg to find out about them. “Meg honey. I’m not going to send him away. Why do you think that?”

“It’s just like Papa. You are going to make him leave and not let me to talk to him anymore,” Meg’s hands were in fists at her side.

“Meg, that was different,” Cara tried to explain.

“You wouldn’t let Papa at my party. It was my party and you and daddy were mean,” Meg started crying.

“Meg, there was a reason for that. Let’s go sit down and talk,” Cara tried to defuse the situation.

“No, I hate you. Mr. Nate is my friend so stay away from him,” She yelled and took off up the stairs to her room. “I hate you,” she yelled again from the top of the stairs.

Cara fell back against the counter and sighed again. That had not gone anywhere near as well as she had hoped it would.

***

Cara looked through the security glass to see who was knocking at the door and smiled when she saw Nate on the other side.

“Hey, this is a surprise,” her voice full of happiness.

“I hope it’s ok I just stopped over,” he replied. Even though it hadn’t been the first time he’d arrived unannounced, it was the first time he did so when Meg was around.

“Of course it is. Oh, hello,” Cara looked down as Meg pushed her way between the two of them.

“Hi, Mr. Nate,” the girl reached out and hugged him around the waist.

“Hey, Meg,” he hugged back. “I was thinking since the ice cream parlor closes for the season tomorrow night maybe the three of us could go for one last cone tonight. What do you say?”

“I can go, but I think Mama needs to stay home,” Meg took his hand.

“You can’t go?” Nate looked confused.

“News to me,” Cara shrugged, “I’ll grab my coat.”

“No, just me and him,” Meg tugged on his hand towards the stairs to the yard.

“If I don’t go, you don’t go,” Cara arched her eyebrow at Meg.

“Fine,” the girl sighed heavily.

After Cara grabbed her coat, the three of them walked out to Nate’s car. He flipped forward the seat for Meg to climb into the back.

“I want to sit up front with you. Mama you sit in the back,” Meg pointed to the car.

“You’re too young for the front seat yet, sorry kiddo. The back or we don’t go,” Cara waited patiently.

Meg looked up at Nate with a pleading expression.

“Sorry, the rules are the rules. We’ll be there soon enough,” Nate shrugged.

“Fine,” Meg sighed again, sounding defeated as she climbed into the back.

Nate pushed the front seat back and then held the door for Cara. As he walked around the front to get to the driver side, Cara turned her head to look in the back seat. “Are you going to behave or do we need to go back inside?”

Meg pouted, her arms crossed in front of her chest, “No, I’ll behave.”

“We all good?” Nate asked looking first at Meg and then at Cara, not quite sure what was up but that it was clearly something.

“We’re good,” Cara reassured him.

Once they got to the parlor, Meg immediately grabbed Nate’s hand once she was out of the car, making a point of standing between him and her mother.

“Ok, what do you want? My treat,” Nate asked Meg at the counter.

“What are you getting?” she asked him.

“Hmm. Fudge ripple I think,” he said as he looked at the menu.

“I want that too then,” Meg leaned her head against his hand that she was holding.

“Ok, two fudge ripples, both small,” he told the cashier, and then turned his head to Cara “and for you?” 

“I’ll have the mint chocolate chip,” Cara answered.

Cones in hand they found a booth to sit in.

“I want to sit by Mr. Nate. You sit there, Mama,” Meg directed them.

Nate gave Cara a questioning look but took the seat beside Meg.

*** 

Cara came downstairs having finally gotten Meg into bed. Nate stood in the kitchen with a water bottle in his hand watching her walk down the stairs. She walked up to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He put down the bottle and placed his hands on her waist giving her a slow kiss.

He pulled back enough to see her face, “So, why do I get the feeling there was a little competition tonight?”

“She figured us out,” Cara smirked. “Apparently she saw us holding hands and the zoo.”

“Oops,” Nate smiled, not looking the least bit unhappy about it. “Will it be ok?”

“I think so. I think right now is a combination of seeing Raleigh at her party and the fact that Cullen’s been out of town for a week and a half. I still don’t think we should flaunt our relationship in front of her just yet, she seems to be sensitive about it,” Cara shrugged.

“So I shouldn’t do this then?” Nate walked Cara backwards until she was against the counter. He wove a hand into her hair and tilted his head, pressing his lips to hers. He ran his tongue along her lips, tangling it with hers when she opened her mouth. His other hand slid under her shirt and soon found her breast. He pulled her bra back enough to give his fingers access to the nipple and began to pluck at it, pinching and pulling until the nipple was hard against his hand.

Cara’s hand clawed at his back while he swallowed her moans. His lips began to move down her throat as his tongue traced patterns on her skin, sending shivers along her back as he moved closer to her ear.

“I can’t get enough of touching you,” Nate’s voice was thick with arousal. “You’re so beautiful.”

Cara pulled his head back up to where she could kiss him again, hard. Both hands held onto either side of his face as she did. His hand left her breast to return to her hips as he softened the kiss. He rested his forehead on hers, both of them catching their breath.

‘You are making it very difficult to go slow, Howe,” she smiled softly at him.

“I’ll make it up to you, I swear,” he chuckled, kissing her nose gently.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for the Costume party.

Cara curled one of the braids in her hair along the side of her head until it looked like she had a blonde cinnamon bun. She fastened it with pins and then repeated the same with the other side of her head. Even though the character in the movie had brown hair, she hoped everyone would overlook that and go with the flow anyway. Anders had been so excited when he found the costumes for the brother and sister from the movie, she was unable to say no.

She looked at the clock, still plenty of time before he’d arrive to go to the party. She’d agreed to go with him instead of Nate so that they could make a better impression arriving with their matching costumes. She wondered what Nate was going as. He had been secretive about it, but promised that she’d like it.

“You look pretty, Mama,” Cara turned to see Meg looking at her from the bathroom doorway.

“Thank you, sweety. Go get your pajamas on please so that you’re ready for your slumber party when Evelyn gets here.” She ruffled Meg’s hair and smiled down at her, calling out when the girl dashed from the room, “Walk, don’t run.”

Her focus returned back to the mirror and she began to apply her eyeliner. Her mind started to wander as she did.

_ “Can I have candy before bed?” Meg asked through the plastic cat mask she was wearing as she clambered up the front porch steps. _

_ “First change out of your costume and get in your pajamas. Then ONE piece after Papa checks that it’s safe.” Cara held up one finger to emphasize the point while they waited for Raleigh to unlock the front door. _

_ He held it open with his arm and stood to the side, “Ladies.” _

_ Meg ran inside, “Walk please,” Cara called out, her and Raleigh smirking at each other, both thinking how many times they had to say that to her. _

_ Cara carried Meg’s Halloween bucket containing the trick-or-treating stash into the kitchen as Raleigh walked around the downstairs. Cara smiled as she watched him doing his nightly routine of checking the locks on the doors and windows. She thought it was sweet how he always made sure her and Meg were safe, even if the cop in him may have made him slightly paranoid. _

_ Meg came down the stairs a few minutes later in her favorite pair of pajamas--pink, of course, with hallas on them. Cara had no idea where Leli had found them, but they definitely screamed ‘Meg’. The girl put her hands on the counter to pull herself onto her tiptoes and look at the bucket.  _

_ “Can I have something now?” She asked with her eyes still fixated on the pumpkin shaped bucket. _

_ Cara chuckled at Meg’s excitement. “Pick out your piece and then hand it to Papa to check.” _

_ Meg dug around until she found a bite sized chocolate bar and then passed it to Raleigh as he entered the kitchen, having completed his security check. _

_ He held it up under one of the kitchen lights and looked it over. “It looks ok, but I’m not sure we should take the chance. Maybe I should eat this instead,” he gave Meg a teasing smirk. _

_ “Papa!” she laughed. _

_ “Oh, ok,” Raleigh handed her back her candy, opening the end of it for her. _

_ Meg ate the candy in a few bites and then threw out the wrapper. “It was small, can I have another?” _

_ Cara shook her head, “No, I said one. Now brush your teeth and get into bed, I’ll be up in a minute to tuck you in and we can call Daddy to say goodnight.” _

_ Meg frowned slightly at being denied the chance at more candy but gave both her and Raleigh a goodnight hug just the same and walked up the stairs. _

_ “Have you ever seen a sadder sight than a little girl denied more candy?” Cara giggled after Meg had disappeared at the top of the stairs.  _

_ Arms wrapped around her waist and she felt him press behind her, “Not often.” One of his hands left her waist to brush some hair from her cheek and he pressed a soft kiss to it. “I have some ideas to cheer her up though.” _

_ “Hmm,” Cara leaned back against his chest. “Such as?” _

_ Raleigh’s hands drew light circles along her abdomen, “I think a little brother or sister could cheer her up.” _

_ Cara smirked, “Not unless we’re married. Until then she’ll be an only child.” _

_ “Well then I guess I know what I’m getting you for Satinalia,” his breath hot on her ear as he whispered into it. _

_ Cara turned in his arms, putting hers around the back of his head when she did and looked into his eyes. “You serious?” _

_ Raleigh nodded, “Time we stopped playing house and make it official.” His arms tightened around her waist as he kissed her deeply. _

Cara frowned in the mirror, as she remembered her disappointment at getting cookware and new bedding instead for Satinalia. Heck, Cullen and Evelyn’s gift to her had been more romantic; a spa certificate. Then again, she smiled, had she married him, she wouldn’t be back with Nate now. In the end, she realized she got the better deal, even if it hadn’t seemed like it at the time.

Cara heard the door open and knew it must be Evelyn with Cullen’s keys since no one else had a set. Evelyn called out, confirming her suspicion. “I’m here.”

“In the back,” Cara yelled in response. A moment later Evelyn entered her bedroom. 

“Wow, you look awesome!”

“Thanks. Wait until you see Anders,” Cara smirked. “He’s Luke.”

They walked back into the front of the house. “Thanks again for staying with Meg tonight.”

“I’m happy to do it. I miss having her around with Cullen being out of town. I’m glad you asked me,” Evelyn grabbed a water from the fridge.

Cara called up the stairs, “Meg, Ev is here.” A moment later the girl came rushing down the stairs.

“Hi. I have a new movie for tonight,” she said as she hugged Evelyn around the waist.

“Great, I brought the junk food. Once your mom leaves we’ll settle in.”

Someone knocked at the door and Meg looked up at her mother excited. 

“Go on, it’s Uncle Anders,” Cara waved her to go answer it.

A moment later he appeared with Meg leading him by his hand. “Wow, you even did the hair. You look awesome. We’re going to win tonight for sure.” He had on a wig, his longer hair tucked underneath, making him really look the part.

*** 

Anders and Cara entered “The Herald’s Rest” -- the restaurant that hosted an annual costume party two weeks prior to the holiday.  It had become tradition for them all to attend. The dining room tables had all been removed, replaced by buffet tables along the edges of the room, each filled with appetizers. They paid their entry fee and looked around for their friends. People were dressed in all manner of costumes, in a variety of colors and styles, from adorable manga characters to horrific zombies. Waiters, all dressed in fancy tuxedos with gold and white Orlesian style masks covering their faces wove around the room holding trays with drinks to bring to the guests.

“Found them,” Anders laughed, pointing off towards the back. Leli was dressed as a butler, including a white linen along her arm. Beside her, Isabela was wearing an Orlesian maid’s outfit that  _ barely _ covered anything. They were talking with Batman and Robin, who Cara assumed, was Fenris and Hawke. Anders extended his arm to her, “Shall we?”

“Yes, but be careful. I see our father over there,” she giggled as she linked arms with him and pointed to the other side of the room where someone was dressed in a full Darth Vader costume.

“You look great!” Leli clapped her hands together once Cara and Anders joined them. While Robin laughed with glee and raised his drink to them.

“So do you two,” Cara smirked, “although I’m surprised you made it out of the house with Bela wearing that.”

“I could say the same about you, had I been at your house of course,” she heard Nate whisper into her ear as strong arms came around her waist. 

Cara turned and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, “Hi. And really? I’m completely covered up in this dress.”

“You do realize Princess Leia was the fantasy of many a young boy, don’t you? I’m just grateful you’re not in that gold bikini,” Nate laughed, kissing her nose.

“He speaks the truth,” Robin chuckled. “Although I think you in a gold bikini might kill Nate.”

“Sorry, he’s had a few drinks already,” Batman explained in a Tevinter accent.

“You look, wow,” Cara took in the sight of him. He was dressed as a rogue, leather boots with straps that came up to his knees, a leather skirt that didn’t come down quite that far, and a cloth shirt under a leather vest, leaving his arms exposed. On his back he carried a quiver of arrows and a fake bow. She immediately thought of him on the archery range at seventeen. 

“Talk about my teenage fantasies.” Anders smirked.

“Stop ogling my boyfriend,” Cara playfully smacked Anders’ arm when she noticed him looking Nate up and down. Anders laughed in reply and held his hands up in a sign of surrender.

Nate chuckled, “I told you you’d like it.”

A waiter came by at that moment with a tray of petit fours. Nate handed one to Cara and then spoke to the masked waiter, “A diet soda for me when you get the chance, please.” 

Cara turned back to face her friends, Nate’s arm remained wrapped around her waist. Bela was saying something about a party next weekend but Cara missed the details, her brain instead wondering if she could convince Nate to wear his costume the next time it was just the two of them. She was dying to see what, if anything, he was wearing under the skirt.

“I’m going to get a drink, wine spritzer?” Anders asked Cara who nodded, remembering her promise to Cullen to only take a drink directly from the bartender or Anders. While she was sure she didn’t need to worry, her friends were here anyway if someone did spike her drink, why take the chance? Leli and Bela indicated they were fine with what they had so Anders headed off to the restaurant’s bar.

She heard a familiar laugh somewhere in the crowd and turned her head, eyes lighting up when she saw the owner of the laugh.

“I see someone I need to say hi to, I’ll be right back,” she explained to her friends and gave Nate a kiss on the cheek. She wove through the crowd to her destination. “Brother Sebastian, I thought I saw you.”

The Chantry Brother turned to her with a smile, his blue eyes lighting up when he saw her. It had been important to Cullen that Meg was baptized in a Chantry when she was a baby, and it had been Brother Sebastian that performed the rite. Since then, he had become one of Meg’s favorites in the Chantry when she’d go with her father. He taught the children’s group, and Meg often came back with a funny story he had told them or some other tidbit.

“Ms. Cousland, or should I say Princess,” he chuckled taking note of her costume, “a pleasure. I’m assuming young Megan is not with you tonight.”

“No, she’s having a movie night with Evelyn. She’ll be sorry she missed you though,” Cara smiled.

“I’ve been saying an extra prayer for Cullen’s safety on his mission. I have asked the Maker to ensure he arrives home soon and in one piece,” Sebastian took one of her hands in both of his in a gesture of comfort.

Cara wasn’t very devout, having stopped going regularly after her family was killed, but she knew how important the Chantry was to Cullen and understood how much comfort he would have taken in the Brother’s words. “Thank you, Sebastian. That means a lot.”

“Oh, forgive my rudeness,” he looked up towards the man he had been speaking to and back to Cara. “Cara, this is Dr. Karl Thekla, Karl please meet Cara Cousland.”

“It’s a pleasure,” the man was dressed as a lumberjack. Even as a lumberjack, he had a distinguished look. His hair and beard both greying, and there was crinkles beside his eyes when he smiled. She could see why Anders was smitten.

“Well,” she smiled up at him, “I have heard quite a lot about you, Dr. Thekla.”

“Karl, and have you now? From whom if I may ask, so I know how much damage control to my reputation I have to do,” he chuckled. When he lifted his hand to take sip from his drink, Cara noticed he wore the same mage-id bracelet that Anders did.

As if on cue, Anders appeared beside her with drinks in hand, seeming not to notice yet who she was talking with. “Sister,” he said as he handed her the spritzer.

“Karl, I believe you know my brother, Anders,” Cara watched Anders face as it turned to horror for a moment -- probably in fear of what she said while he wasn’t there -- and quickly flash to admiration with some blushing starting at his ears.

\----

Nate looked over to where Cara was talking now with Anders and two men he didn’t know. From the way Anders was turning slightly pink, he guessed the blonde man had a thing for one of them. A waiter held out a tray to Nate with his soda on it.

“Thank you,” Nate nodded taking it from the tray. He spoke to Bela after the waiter left, “Are we supposed to tip them?”

“No, even says so on the event flyers. Why?”

“That waiter seemed to be glaring at me, I thought maybe I made a faux pas,” he shrugged. “Maybe he just doesn’t like rogues.”

\----

“I saw they dedicated some gardens to your mother,” Sebastian smiled warmly at Cara while Anders and Karl were talking to each other.

“Yes, my brother, Fergus, and I attended the dedication. They did a beautiful job,” she nodded, her attention turning to the two men who seemed to have completely forgotten about her and the Brother. “It’s like we’re invisible,” she smirked at Sebastian.

“Quite,” he chuckled, taking a sip of his drink.

They both turned as they heard a crash and a woman scream. Suddenly Leli’s voice was yelling, “Anders! Cara, quickly.”

Both of them took off towards where they had left Leli, Cara stopping up short when she saw the cause of the yelling. Nate was on the ground convulsing, his eyes open but not seeming to see anything.

“Oh sweet Andraste, Nate,” she cried out as Anders was kneeling beside him. Her whole body started to shiver as her hands covered her mouth, and tears began to form. She felt completely helpless as she watched him in distress.

“Call an ambulance if you haven’t already,” Anders said to Bela and Leli as he checked over Nate, ensuring first that he wasn’t choking on anything. 

Karl knelt down on the other side of Nate, “Did he eat or drink anything just before this?”

“Just his soda I think,” Bela answered as Leli talked on the phone to the emergency dispatcher.

Cara shook, tears running freely down her face, unable to do much but watch in terror at what was happening. She felt frozen and useless watching him convulse on the floor. It felt like she couldn’t breath. She felt someone squeeze her arm and turned to see Sebastian beside her.

“Your young man has two excellent doctors looking over him right now, I am sure he will be fine,” Sebastian put his arm around her while Cara continued watching in disbelief. A few moments later EMTs rushed in getting him onto a gurney while Karl gave them vitals. Ander picked up the fallen glass from Nate’s drink and handed it off to the EMTs to bring with them.

“Cara. Hey Cara. Cara,” she looked away from the EMTs and finally noticed Anders standing in front of her with his hands on her shoulders. “We’re bringing him to emergency. Leli and Bela are going to drive you there, ok?”

“What happened?” her voice shook as she spoke.

“Not sure yet, sweetheart. Karl and I are going with the ambulance. I’ll meet you at the hospital, ok?”

Cara nodded and Anders gave her forehead a quick kiss before he ran to catch up with the EMTs.

“Come on, we’ll get our coats,” Bela took Cara’s hand. Cara was still feeling in shock and just nodded, unsure of what Bela had said, but remembering that Anders had told her that she’d take her to Nate.

“I will pray for your young man,” Sebastian promised as Bela led her away.

The short car ride there seemed to take too long for Cara’s liking. Sitting in the back seat of Bela’s car, Cara tried to push away the thoughts that kept popping up in her head. It combined tonight with what had occurred with her family, when they had a sliver of hope that Oren would make it, only it wasn’t Anders that was the doctor then.

_ Rushing in the emergency room to the front desk to find Anders already there. _

_ “Cara, I’m sorry. He’s gone.” Anders shook his head. _

Cara began to rock, unable to stop the loud sobs coming out of her.

“We’re here, hun,” Leli had been holding her hand the entire ride.

Cara just nodded, and took off in a run for the ER doors as soon as Bela had the car in park. She looked around frantic as she arrived at the ER desk.

“Nathaniel Howe, he was just brought in,” she asked in a shaky breath, her eyes darting around looking for Anders.

The attendee typed in something into the computer and then looked up at her, “The doctors are with him now. Someone will be with you shortly to speak with you, Ms…”

“Cousland,” Cara answered. “Is he alive?”

“As far as I know Ms. Cousland. If you’ll take a seat, I’m sure someone will talk to you soon.” The attendee motioned towards the waiting room seats.

Leli and Bela entered just then and walked with her to the seats. “Did they say anything?” Bela asked her.

“Just that the doctors are with him now and someone will be out shortly to talk with me,” Cara sat on a chair, Leli and Bela on either side of her. Bela took her hand and squeezed it while Leliana put her arm around Cara’s shoulders and held her. “I can’t lose him, Leli.”

“I know, he’s going to be fine. Anders is with him.” Leli tried to reassure her while exchanging a look of worry with Isabela.

Hawke and Fenris entered, still in costume, but without their masks.

“Anything?” Fenris asked to which Leliana shook her head. They both joined the rest of them on the seats to wait.

Time ticked by slowly and the longer they waited the more Cara became sure this was going to end badly. She looked at the clock, it had been nearly an hour since they’d arrived. “Someone needs to call his sister.”

“Hawke already did that, remember honey?” Leli tried to reassure her.

“Oh, oh right,” Cara nodded not really recalling that, but trusting Leli, whose shoulder she was now leaning on.

Fenris and Hawke returned to the waiting room with coffee, handing out cups to everyone. Cara sipped hers absentmindedly, feeling like she couldn’t breath. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be able to until she knew he was alright.

“Over here,” Cara heard Bela say.

Cara looked up as Anders knelt in front of her taking both of her hands in his. He was wearing his white lab coat, his costume underneath. Cara’s lip trembled, terrified of the next words that would fall from his lips.

_ “I’m sorry, he’s gone.” _

“He’s stable now. He needs to sleep and stay here overnight for observation but he’ll be ok,” Anders voice was softer than she’d ever heard him be.

Cara let out a sob of relief and threw her arms around Anders as she put her head on his shoulder. Anders wrapped his arms around her back and hugged her.

“What happened?” Cara asked sitting back up and wiping the tears from her eyes. Now that she knew he was ok she felt like she could function again.

“We think someone slipped something into his drink. We’re not sure  _ what  _ exactly, but it had blood lotus in it. We were able to get him an antidote based on that. His vitals are stable. There shouldn’t be any lasting effects. We got to him help in time. Another fifteen minutes and that might not have been the case, but he’s ok, I promise.” Anders explained to everyone.

“Can I see him?” Cara let out a breath of relief.

“I’ll take you to him, but just you, the ER only allows for one visitor. He’s sleeping now, but you can sit with him while I get some things done,” Anders explained.

Cara nodded and rose to follow him.

“We’ll call Evelyn and Delilah, let them know the latest.” Fenris reassured her. “Hawke and I are heading home.”

“Thank you,” Cara nodded.

“Do you want us to stick around?” Leli asked.

Cara looked at Anders for an answer. 

“We’ll get a cab to take us back to my car when we leave,” Anders replied.

“Ok. Call us if you need,” Leli squeezed Cara’s hand again and then they both left.

Anders led her back through the hallways, past the ER itself to individual rooms. Inside Nate was sleeping on a bed in a hospital gown, an IV and monitors hooked up to him with a few machines beside him charting his blood pressure and heart beat. His face looked pale, dark circles under his eyes.

“He looks bad.” Cara worried that maybe Anders hadn’t been honest about the diagnosis.

“Some of that’s from the cure. He’s ok, I swear. Here,” Anders pulled a chair up beside the bed so Cara could sit closer. “We gave him something to keep him sleep, that’s what he needs most now.”

“Can I stay the night?”

Anders shook his head. “Technically you shouldn’t even be back here now, immediate family only. If anyone asks, you’re engaged. I have to do some paperwork and make sure the overnight has all his info. I’ll come get you after that.”

Cara sighed but nodded as she sat down. She laced her fingers with Nate’s and smiled when he instinctively wrapped his hand around hers in his sleep. “Thank you.”

Anders kissed the top of her head and squeezed her shoulder. “About a half hour.”

“Anders?”

He stopped at looked back at her from the doorway.

“This was Raleigh, wasn’t it?”

His shoulders drooped a little. “I don’t know, but my instincts would agree with you. I’ve already reported it to the police, so we’ll see what they turn up.”

Cara nodded and her eyes went back to Nate’s sleeping face. She laid her head on their joined hands and tried to will him to get better and wake up. At some point she stood and gently brushed back the hair from his forehead, still holding his hand as she did. Nate smiled in his sleep and tilted his head towards her hand that was touching him. Cara hoped he knew she was there.

“There’s a cab on the way,” Anders spoke quietly from the doorway, no longer in his lab coat.

Cara leaned over to place a kiss on Nate’s cheek and then placed one on his hand before she let it go. Once close enough, Anders put his arm around her torso and hugged her. “We’ll come back in the morning.”

Once back to Anders’ car he asked her, “Do you want to crash at my place? I spoke with Ev already and she’s staying the night with Meg. This way we can head back over together tomorrow morning.”

Cara nodded, feeling exhausted after an emotional night. The only other car in the lot was Nate’s, which caused her heart to hurt again just looking at it. 

When they were back at his place, Anders set her up with a pillow and a few blankets on his couch. His cat joined her at some point in the night. She had a restless night of sleep; her worry for Nate, despite Anders’ reassurances, kept her from finding peace. When she did finally fall asleep, it was all nightmares.

_ Cara sat on the couch, her legs tucked under her, game controller in hand. She and Nathaniel pushing against each other as if trying to knock the other one over would have any impact on the race cars on the screen. Cara’s car was in the lead, but just barely. _

_ Nathaniel paused the game when someone knocked on the door. “That’ll be our pizza,” he kissed her cheek and went to answer the door. _

_ Cara picked up the bridal magazine from the coffee table and started flipping through it as she waited for him to return. She looked up hearing whoever was on the other side ask for her. Nathaniel reentered the living room with two police officers behind him. Cara stood up, walking next to him. _

_ “Cara Cousland?” one officer asked. _

_ Cara nodded, feeling Nathaniel put his arm around her waist. “That’s me.” _

_ “Ms. Cousland, there’s no easy way to say this. There’s been a shooting at your family’s estate…” _

***

The following morning Anders led her through the hospital hallways again. “I’m going to go check in on how he was doing overnight. Go see him and I’ll be in soon.”

Cara entered to find Nate with the hospital bed propped up so he could sit, watching the television. He smiled when he noticed her walking in. “My day is picking up now with you here.”

Cara wore a sad smile as she approached him. “You look better than last night.”

Nate held out an arm and Cara climbed onto the bed to lie beside him. It was a tight fit, but she felt the need to be close, his arm wrapping around behind her already helped her feel better.

“I’m ok,” soft lips brushed her forehead and remained there for a moment. “They said I can go soon.”

Cara tilted her head up and ran her fingers along his jaw, “I was so scared.”

He wove the fingers of his other hand into her hair and kissed her, as if to reassure her he really was ok. Cara sighed into the kiss as his lips caressed hers. She scolded herself. He was the one in the hospital, yet she was the one needing reassurances.

“Hey, knock that off until you get home,” Anders laughed as he entered the room. “Can’t leave you two alone for a second.”

Cara blushed and buried her head back into Nate’s side. “Shut up or I’m tracking down Karl again.”

“Too late, I have plans with him for dinner next weekend,” Anders stuck his tongue out at her and then turned to Nate. “You ready to get out of here?”

“Definitely,” he squeezed his arm around Cara again. “Hawke stopped by with a change of clothes for me, and they’re getting my car. Would you mind dropping me off at my place?”

“Of course. I’ll get your discharge papers.” Anders nodded and left.

After Anders left, Nate got up to get dressed and Cara sat on the chair to wait.

“Not even going to pretend not to ogle me, are you?” he teased her when he noticed her watching as he dressed, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m never one to pass up a free show,” she answered but her voice still sounded distant.

He buttoned his jeans and then held out his arms, “Come here.”

Cara rushed into them, pressing her head against his bare chest, his arms wrapped around her holding her tight.

“It’s ok, sweetheart. I promise you I’m ok,” Nate rested his cheek on the top of her head as one of his hands stroked along her hair.

Cara sniffled and gripped her arms around him tighter. “I almost lost you. Just like…” she sniffled again.

“I know,” Nate understood she was thinking of her family as he tried to help her relax. “But you didn’t, I’m here. You really don’t have to worry.”

Cara nodded, listening to his heartbeat, trying to reassure herself that he was really, truly ok.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang plays cards and share some stories.  
> Fergus finds out about Cara and Nate.

“Hi, Mr. Nate,” Meg beamed up at him as she opened the front door. “Aunt Leli and Uncle Anders are here too.”

“Hi Meg. I know. Are you ready to beat them at cards?” He smiled warmly at her when he entered the house.

Meg giggled, “Can I be your partner? Evelyn’s teaching me but I still need help.”

“Sure thing,” Nate winked at her. “We’ll wipe the floor with them. Where’s your mother, I want to say hi.” He started to walk towards the kitchen where he could hear someone moving about.

“No, come play with me,” Meg tugged on his arm.

“I will, I just want to say hi then we’ll play,” Nate tried to reassure her while gently trying to get his arm out of her grip.

“No, she’s busy, just come with me.” She tugged again, her voice getting a little insistent. Nate looked at her with an odd expression; she didn’t normally act like this. Generally she was sweet and polite. Even Leli and Anders seemed to take notice, looking at her from where they sat in the living room.

“It’s impolite to not say hello to a host or hostess when you’re in their home. Go get your coloring out and I’ll be there in a minute,” Nate reassured her.

Meg didn’t look very happy with the suggestion, but went off just the same to do as he asked.

“Still feeling jealous?” Nate asked as he walked into the kitchen and smiled at Cara.

Cara nodded, “Cullen should be home before Halloween according to Evelyn. I guess she heard from his Captain. Hopefully that will help. Speaking of, any word from the police? It’s been a week.”

Nate shook his head, “All they could see on the videotape was one of the waiters slip something in a drink, but since they were all in masks, no way to get an identification. Interviews with the staff turned up zilch.”

“He’s too smart to be caught, I should have figured. He was a cop long enough to know what they’d be looking for,” Cara sighed.

“Pretty sure this is mine.” He plucked at the t-shirt she was wearing, changing the conversation in hopes of cheering her up.

“Your fault for leaving it here,” Cara stuck out her tongue.

“Nope, give it back,” he playfully pulled at it as if he was going to remove it.

“Stop,” she giggled offering him a small kiss in exchange, a shiver running down her back as his hands brushed along the skin of her stomach, having worked them under the shirt.

“Mmm. Later then,” he winked and stepped back.  “By the way, you’re all going down in the game tonight. Meg and I are teaming up.”

“Oh, it’s on, Howe,” Cara chuckled. She caught movement in the corner of her eye and saw Meg giving her the evil eye. 

“I’m ready, Mr. Nate,” she tugged his arm again pulling him from the kitchen. 

He gave Cara that look that he damned well knew  _ did things _ to her as he was led towards the living room. She shook her head and smirked as she carried the tray to the dining room table.

“So, a little jealousy with the mini one?” Cara turned to see Anders standing beside her, reaching over for a carrot stick. He looked in the living room where Nate and Meg were coloring while Nate also talked with Leliana.

“More like unresolved issues with Raleigh showing up at the party,” Cara shrugged, “It’ll be fine.”

Anders rubbed her shoulder affectionately and gave it a squeeze. “You sure? We can go in the back and talk if you need.”

Cara shook her head and gave him a small smile. She appreciated him thinking of her. “No, it is  __ what it is.”

“I’m here if you change your mind,” Anders took another carrot stick. “Or if you need me to play blocker against the half sized competition.” He chuckled as Cara rolled her eyes at him.

“Ok, let’s get this game started,” Anders called out to the others.

Everyone took a seat, and Meg climbed into Nate’s lap, holding the cards that Leli dealt to them. 

“Which one should we discard?” Nate asked Meg who pointed to one card and looked at him for direction. He nodded and she beamed as she tossed it out, grabbing another.

“Soon you can play fourth with me, daddy and Evelyn,” Cara offered.

“Really?” Meg asked.

“Sure. Pretty sure you could beat your father now,” Cara winked.

Meg laughed, “Mama,  _ everyone  _ can beat daddy at cards.”

The rest of the table chuckled in response. Cara hoped this was a sign of Meg lessening her anger towards her. 

“Uncle Anders?” Meg looked at him.

“Yes?” He raised an eyebrow while watching his cards, trying to decide which to discard.

“I got to see halla last week. There was three of them,” Meg beamed.

“Well well. Pretty impressive. So you had fun at the zoo then?” Anders asked finally deciding on a card.

Meg shrugged and gave Cara another annoyed look. So much for letting go.

“I once saw a halla that was the color of gold,” Leliana said. “Back at the zoo in Orlais.”

“You did?” Meg asked fascinated, forgetting again her annoyance.

“I did,” Leli nodded, giving Cara a wink.

The game proceeded, Leli winning the first hand. Meg seemed to be picking up quickly, turning to Nate for confirmation, but rarely needing his correction. By the fourth hand she was starting to droop, which was good, since there was school in the morning.

“I’ll take her,” Anders offered when Cara started to rise. Anders reached his arms out to her. “Come on Peanut. Time for bed. Say goodnight.” 

“Goodnight,” she said with a large yawn, her eyes already closing as she laid her head on Anders’ shoulder.

He returned a few minutes later. “Well that was easy, passed out the minute her head hit the pillow. And for the record,  _ she _ picked out the mismatched pajamas, I am not responsible.”

Cara chuckled and nodded.

“Ok pretty boy, now that your backup is passed out, no more going easy on you,” Anders smirked as he shuffled the deck.

“Pretty boy?” Nate raised an eyebrow.

“You heard me,” Anders nodded, dealing out the cards.

Cara looked at her cards and smirked as she felt a foot reach under the table to link with hers. “Leli, are you playing footsie with me?” she teased.

“No, just trying to steal your shoes,” Leli winked and laughed. Nate just shook his head with a grin. He’d missed this camaraderie with her and Leli, friends from long ago that he’d lost when drinking took over.

“Speaking of shoes,” Leli continued, “guess who I ran into downtown Friday?”

“Who?” Cara asked wondering how she possibly  _ would _ know.

“Becky Eremon,” Leli smirked, watching Cara closely for a reaction. Cara just took a drink of her water without giving her friend the satisfaction simply because she knew Leli was dying for a one. Nate, however, coughed loudly, then grabbed the remaining cherry tomato shoving it in his mouth.

“I’m at a loss,” Anders said.

“We went to school with her,” Leli explained. “Cara and her had a bit of a...rivalry.” She looked at Nate as she said the last word.

“And what does that have to do with shoes?” Anders quirked an eyebrow.

Cara pointed to Leli to give an explanation.

“She had a pair of Manolo Blahniks to die for. They were compensation I guess for losing to Cara,” Leli smirked again.

“What did she lose to you?” Anders found himself intrigued.

“Me,” Nate raised his hand and the rest of them burst into laughter.

“Not sure which of them got the better deal,” Anders teased.

“Thanks,” Nate mock-scowled at Anders.

After a few hours the card game wound down. Leli announced she had to be at work early the next morning, and Anders had an hour before his shift started, so they both left at the same time. Anders promised to see Nate at Hawke’s the following night for a football game.

After they left, Nate impatiently pulled Cara to the couch with him.

“So, you and Becky were rivals?” he nudged her with his elbow.

“It’s your fault,” Cara blushed.

“How so?” Nate wondered.

“You kissed her right in front of my locker my freshman year,” Cara sighed, putting her hands over her heart, pretending to be heartbroken. “The minute I got home from school that day I cried my eyes out. Fergus even offered to kick your ass if it would get me to stop crying.”

Nate slid a hand along her jaw into her hair, “I hope you know you have no one to be jealous of. There’s only you.” He pressed a kiss to her lips.

When he pulled back she was smiling and licked her bottom lip.

“I do have a confession,” Nate brushed her hair back behind her shoulder.

“What?” Cara raised an eyebrow.

His nose nuzzled her neck as he pressed a kiss to it. “I was trying to make you jealous.” 

Cara playfully pushed him away, “Nathaniel Howe, you scoundrel.” 

Nate chuckled and kissed her cheek. “I feel like I should call Becky and apologize for using her.”

“You should. Teenage boys are such jerks,” she chuckled.

“We are,” he returned to nuzzling her neck. She tilted her head to give him more access, humming at the feeling of his lips pressing along her neck.

“How did you know I’d get jealous?” she asked.

“You were at every one of my archery meets. I had a feeling.” His teeth nibbled her neck lightly.

Cara whimpered quietly in response. “Since we’re confessing, I have one too.”

“Hmm,” he hummed against her skin.

“I found archery totally boring. I just liked watching you,” Cara laughed loudly as Nate pounced, pushing her back along the couch in reply.

He grabbed her hands and playfully wrestled with her, “How dare you besmirch archery.”

Cara giggled as she rolled under him, “But you looked really good, all those muscles and tight shirts.”

“Mmm, how good?” he asked, nibbling on her ear.

“Good enough to watch archery.” She laughed when he bit her neck lightly in response. The laugh turned into a small moan as he pressed himself closer to her body and she felt his arousal.

His lips found hers as Cara wove her legs around his, locking him into place. He rolled his hips and she moaned again while his hand found it’s way under her shirt.

“Still trying to get your shirt back?” she teased.

“Perhaps.” He licked a spot on her neck that he knew turned her knees to jelly. “Cara,” he moaned just above a whisper, his breath hot along her skin.

Cara tightened her legs around his and dug her fingernails into his shirt as he pressed his hips into her again. “Maker.”

“I want you,” his breath was hot on her ear. “I don’t want to wait anymore, I need you, Cara.”

“We can’t, Meg’s upstairs,” she sighed, wanting what he was offering more than anything. His fingertips brushed along her breast, plucking gently at the nipple and she moaned his name.

“When are you kid free next?” he continued pushing his hips against her, soft kisses along her neck.

“I...I don’t know. Cullen’s out of town still. Oh. Nate.” Cara pressed her hips up into his. She felt too hot. Her hand worked its way under the back of his shirt, and her nails scraped along his lower back.

“Next night you’re free, I want to...mmmm…” he moaned as she nibbled his ear. “Sweetheart. I want to make love to you. I want to kiss you everywhere. I want to take my time, spend the whole night showing you how I feel.”

It took every bit of her willpower not to say the heck with it and drag him into her room right then and there. She was quivering with need for him, feeling his hardness press against her core spiked her desire for him all the more. “I want that too. I’ll see if Evelyn can take her Saturday,” she promised.

Nate pressed another kiss to her lips and then pried himself off the couch, letting out a deep chuckle when Cara whined. “Sorry sweetheart, but if we don’t stop now I’m going to have to try to convince you to not wait.”

Cara nodded and let him help her off the couch. Her legs felt wobbly and seeing his obvious desire from the tent in his jeans did not help her cool off at all. She walked him to the door, where he stopped and kissed her once more, his hand resting against her cheek, “Saturday.”

“Saturday,” she blushed, holding his hand until distance forced him to let go.

***

Cara entered Fergus’ home with some pastries in hand from Evelyn’s bakery. She put them on the counter for Wynne, waving to her as the nurse was on the phone, and walked to the sunroom.

“Hi, big brother,” she smiled as she kissed his cheek before sitting down.

“Hi, Pup,” he put down the newspaper and squeezed her hand. “Meg all set for Halloween next week?”

“She is. She decided on Cinderella this year,” Cara pulled out her phone to show him a picture.

“She’s getting big. Seven suits her.” He handed her back the phone and looked a little distant. She knew he was thinking about Oren and how his son never saw seven.

“Do you want to go see a movie next week? There’s a new comedy out we could see,” Cara suggested to pull him out of his thoughts.

“Sure.” He looked at her as if appraising her. “You look different.”

“How so?” she asked as she took a bite of the sandwich Wynne placed in front of her.

“Happier I think. Definitely more relaxed, your shoulders aren’t all tense,” Fergus explained as he began his lunch.

Cara smirked, “I am.”

“So what is it? Is there someone new?” He nudged her foot with his.

“Someone old actually,” Cara blushed.

“Old like in Da’s age?” Fergus looked disturbed.

Cara laughed, “No. It’s Nate.”

Fergus put his sandwich down on his plate, “What?”

“Nate, he’s back in town. We’ve been seeing each other for a few months now. I just didn’t want to say anything until it looked like it was headed somewhere.” She took another bite of her lunch.

“No,” Fergus sounded annoyed.

“What do you mean no?” Cara raised an eyebrow.

“I mean no. I won’t allow it. He’s a drunk and a Howe.” Fergus’ face started to get red.

“Fergus, calm down. First he’s been sober over eight years now. And second you know as well as I do that he was just as horrified at what his father did. He is not Rendon.” Cara reached for Fergus’ hand to try to soothe him.

“I said no, end of discussion.” Fergus glared at her.

“It’s not really your decision. I’m a grown woman and you’re not my father,” Cara tried to keep her voice even, not wanting to agitate him further.

“No, you don’t have one because his father killed ours.” Fergus yelled, causing her to flinch. “You’re ending it now.”

“No, I’m not Fergus. Take a deep breath.” She called out for Wynne.

“Him or me, Cara.”

“What?” She had been looking towards the house for Wynne when he spoke and wasn’t sure if she’d heard him correctly.

“I said choose, either him or me. If you’re with him then you can leave now and don’t bother coming back. I want nothing more to do with you.” Fergus got up and walked out of the room.

Cara felt the tears forming already in her eyes. She hadn’t expected this at all from Fergus, even through the trial Fergus had remained kind towards Nate, never seeming to hold him in any way responsible.

“Cara, are you ok? I was out getting the mail,” Wynne ran into her on her way out.

Cara shook her head, “I think he’ll need your attention.”

“Are you ok, though?” Wynne asked again.

“I just...I need to leave.” Cara rushed past her and drove off in her car as quick as she could.

*** 

She sat on her couch in her sweats knowing she should be getting ready for her date; Nate would be arriving in an hour. Instead she was working her way through a box of tissues and sitting in the dark.

Meg was miserable, Fergus hated her, and Nate had almost died two weeks ago all because of her decision to reunite with him. On top of that, his beloved car had been damaged twice now from Raleigh. This was hurting everyone important to her. It was better off when she was alone and the only thing she had to deal with was a stalker.

She cried loud sobs into her tissue. How could she keep doing something that was destroying everyone around her? This was all her fault, if she hadn’t given into Raleigh that one time, maybe he would have just left and none of this would be happening. She couldn’t lose Fergus, he was all that was left of her family. And Meg barely spoke to her now. She wouldn’t be surprised if the girl asked to move in with Cullen when he returned. Then she’d be all alone, like she deserved.

***

Nate knocked on the door, andraste’s grace in his hand. Even if the outcome for tonight didn’t end with them in a bed, he still wanted it to be special. He finally had worked up the courage to tell Cara he loved her, that he’d never actually stopped loving her. That she made his whole world better.

He rubbed his hand on his jeans to wipe off the sweat from the nerves he was feeling. He hadn’t been this nervous since their first date a few months ago. The idea of saying those three words to her were scaring him, but he needed to get them out. He’d said them so rarely to her before and he had vowed to himself that from this day forward he’d say them to her every single day.

He knocked again at the door. There were no lights on in the house, but the porch light was on and her car was in the driveway. “Cara?”

He heard a noise on the other side of the door. She opened it, wearing sweats instead of being dressed. She looked like she’d been crying. 

“I’m sorry, Nate.” She placed something in his hand and the closed the door again before he could speak.

“Sorry for what?” he was confused. “Cara open the door.” He looked in his hand and saw the AA chip he’d given her.

“No, please just leave,” he could hear her sniffling.

“Are you ok? Open the door so we can talk, sweetheart.” Nate started to worry if she was injured in some way. “We can stay in tonight if you prefer, just lets talk.”

“Just leave please. It’s over,” she sounded now like she was crying.

His stomach clenched, “What’s over, Cara? Talk to me.”

“This, us, please go.”

Nate couldn’t believe what he was hearing. When they had talked last night everything was fine. He rested his head on the doorway, his hand touched the glass, cursing the security glass that kept him from being able to see her. His voice was pleading when he spoke, “Cara, what happened? Is it about tonight? We can wait if you’re not ready, talk to me please.”

“Just go,” her voice sounded wrong.

“Cara?” He knew his voice was shaking and didn’t care. He was losing her and he didn’t know why. He couldn’t figure out how to stop this. Everything was slipping through his fingers but she wouldn’t give him a chance to fight to save them.

“Cara, please, just talk to me.” He held his breath waiting to hear anything at all. The porch light turned off and his heart broke right at that moment.

***

Nate entered his apartment, tossing his jacket on the floor without caring. He walked into the living room, putting down the paper bag from the corner store and sat on the couch. He put his head in his hands and cried silently. This night, a night that was supposed to be the start of something wonderful between them. This night when he would finally say  _ I love you _ out loud, it had all crashed down around his feet without any warning. At least years ago, he knew it was because of his actions, but this time...he’d spent the whole trip back trying to wrack his brain to figure out what he might have done wrong, but came up with nothing.

He pulled out the large beer can from the bag and placed it on a coaster. He then reached into his pocket to empty them as the contents were making it hard to sit. His keys clang on the table and the chip fell out, landing next to the can. He sat there just staring, first at the beer and then at the sobriety chip and back again to the beer.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate reaches out to someone for help.  
> Cara meets a coworker of Leli's and they hit it off until her night takes an unpleasant turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING -- Domestic violence.
> 
> I know I just posted yesterday, but doing it again today to try to get back on schedule!!  
> And OMG, I love love love all your comments from the last chapter. And I do mean all, from the long ones to the simple :D Seriously you all rock!!!

Nate rubbed his face with both hands and then ran them through his hair trying to calm his mind. He picked up his phone, hitting the “1” button to call the stored contact.

“Nate. Everything ok?” Duncan answered on the second ring.

“I really want a drink right now.” Nate closed his eyes, his hand still in his hair as he leaned against it, resting the elbow on his knee.

“Ok. First, where are you?”

“I’m at home. I have a beer here. I didn’t open it but I really want to,” his voice shook and he wondered if Duncan could tell he was crying.

“What happened? You’ve been doing amazing for so long. You don’t want that drink, let’s just talk,” Duncan’s voice just as soothing and assuring as always.

“Everything fell apart tonight,” he leaned his head against the back of his couch looking at the ceiling. “I told you about Cara.”

“The ex-fiance? Yes,” Duncan replied.

“We started back up again. It was...it was wonderful. Everything just clicked and we were happy. Tonight she ended it.”

“Do you know why?”

“No, I had no clue it was even coming. When I talked with her last night everything was fine, we were making plans for tonight.” Nate wiped at his face in a futile attempt to stop the tears. “I really want that beer, I don’t want to feel anything anymore. It just hurts too much.” His throat tightened as he sobbed harder.

Duncan sighed on the other end, “That’s understandable, break-ups suck ass. But trust me, you don’t want that beer. You’ve worked too hard to stay sober to give up now, especially for what might just be a temporary stumbling block. What happens if you drink it and she calls tomorrow to fix things? What will she say if she knew you had a drink?”

“She’d never trust me again.” Nate squeezed his eyes shut and held his hand over his eyes. 

“Exactly. You’re too smart to repeat the same mistake again. What you need is some friends around right now. Let yourself feel the pain. It sucks man, I know, but you can get through this, you’re strong enough,” Duncan reassured him. “Is there anyone you can call to be around right now? If I wasn’t in Gwaren I’d come out.”

“I have friends downstairs,” Nate let out an exasperated breath. Duncan was right. No matter how good that drink might feel, it would never be worth the look of pain in Cara’s eyes if she were to find out.

“Good. Get rid of that beer and find your friends. I’ll keep my phone on all night, you call me if you need to,” Duncan offered. “You’ve got this Nate, I have faith in you. Call me in the morning to check in.”

“Thanks,” Nate hung up and sat back up on the couch. He took a few deep breaths and wiped the remaining tears from his face. He grabbed the can as he stood up and took it with him as he walked out the door.

Hawke answered the door when Nate knocked on it. Nate put the beer in his friend’s hand who then raised an eyebrow to him. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Hawke nodded and opened the door further to let Nate in. “Our place is always open to you, come in.”

***

Cara rested on her hands and knees and scrubbed at the kitchen floor with a stiff brush. It had been much too long since they’d been cleaned, and so she had set about first this morning to begin giving them a proper scrubbing. She sighed when she heard a knock at the door and leaned back onto her knees. She took a look at herself, wearing a beat up pair of jeans and a stained shirt; her typical cleaning attire.

She stood and stretched her neck. She really hoped it wasn’t Nate at the door. Last night had been hard enough. It had taken all her reserves not to fling the door open when he stood on the other side pleading with her to just talk to him. Breaking his heart had broken her own. But Meg and Fergus were her only family, and as much as she loved Nate - and she did, probably even more than she had years ago - she couldn’t give up her family for him. And, she justified, he was safer without her. If he was out of the picture, Raleigh would no longer go after him. He hadn’t left right away, she’d watched through her window as he sat in his car for nearly an hour, most likely waiting for her. She had cried herself to sleep several hours after he’d finally left and resigned herself to being alone forever. It was just better off. She understood now that being alone was her punishment for letting Raleigh into her life.

Whoever was at the door knocked again and she contemplated just pretending not to be there when she noticed Anders peeking through the living room window. She let out a sigh of relief that it was only him and signalled that she was heading to the door.

He strode in the minute she opened the door, styrofoam restaurant containers in hand and headed for the dining room. “I brought comfort food,” he said as he opened them on the table to reveal french toast, bacon and potatoes along with plastic silverware and syrup packets.

“Anders?” Cara looked at the food and then back to him with confusion on her face.

He stopped long enough to look at her face, noticing the dark circles under her eyes and the puffiness indicating she’d been crying and probably had not slept much. He opened his arms in invitation to Cara which she took in an instant. Her arms wrapped around his torso, and he wrapped his around her, resting his chin on top of her head.

“Why are you here?” she asked without moving from him.

“I saw Nate last night. He told me what happened and he looked pretty rough. I figured you weren’t faring much better,” he explained, rubbing his hand up and down her back. He decided it wasn’t his place to mention that Nate had arrived with a beer. The last thing Cara needed was more guilt.

“I’m fine,” Cara sighed as she pulled away.

Anders glanced into the kitchen and then back to her, “You’re scrubbing the floors, you’re not fine. You only do that when you’re pretty much the opposite of  _ fine _ . Come on. A breakfast high in carbs with lots of sugary syrup will make you feel better. Or put you in a sleep coma, which, quite frankly, you look like you need.”

He pulled out one of the chairs for her. She sat down and opened up one of the silverware packages while Anders dumped unhealthy amounts of syrup on everything. “As a doctor, shouldn’t you be encouraging me to eat healthier?”

“Nope. Need to make sure you need lots of medical attention. How else will I pay off those ridiculous student loans?” Anders answered, shoving an entire piece of syrup covered bacon in his mouth.

Cara leaned her head against his arm. “Thanks.”

“Anytime,” he kissed the top of her head and dug into the french toast.

***

“So, do you want to talk about what happened? Do I need to be kicking his ass?” Anders asked her as they tossed away the empty containers.

“I really don’t want to talk about it. It’s not his fault. Can we just leave it at that?” Cara looked at him with tears starting to form in her eyes.

“Of course,” Anders gave her a gentle smile. “Come on, wine and mindless television. Doctor’s orders.”

“I’m starting to question your medical degree,” Cara smirked but followed him to the living room with the glasses as he grabbed the bottle of red he had brought with him.

Cara leaned into Anders side as he found a marathon of some old sitcom on the television. He put his arm around her shoulder and settled in against the back of the couch.

“Thanks for not pushing,” Cara fiddled with the glass in her hand.

“All that really matters is you being ok. The rest you tell me only if you want,” Anders reassured her.

***

Work had been a blessing for Cara. It gave her something to focus on and dig into. The evenings were when she struggled. Meg seemed to be mellowing out a little, partially because she knew her father would be home by the weekend, and also in excitement for Halloween that Saturday.

Cara had tried to call Fergus to patch things up with him, but Wynne had gently let her know he wasn’t doing too well and wasn’t willing to talk. Cara felt guilt at knowing she had inadvertently triggered an episode for him and that he was suffering as a result.

Thursday night she flipped through the TV hoping to find something to keep her mind from wandering. Meg was already asleep in bed, and until twenty minutes ago, she and Anders had been texting. It was a slow night at the hospital, so he’d been able to chat with her, having to finally leave when a call came in that an ambulance was on it’s way.

Her phone rang and she answered without even looking, assuming it was Anders again.

“Cara?”

“Hey, welcome home,” she smiled at the sound of Cullen’s voice. The first real smile since Anders had left Sunday.

“Maker, it’s good to be back, to be able to finally be able to sleep in my own bed,” he sighed.

“I’m guessing Ev is happy to see you too,” she chuckled.

“I’ll ask her if she ever lets go of my arm,” Cullen teased. “I was hoping maybe I could pick Meg up from school tomorrow.”

“Sure, that’s fine. I’ll make sure she has her costume in her backpack when she leaves in the morning,” Cara wasn’t looking forward to an empty house; too much quiet led to thinking and crying.

“You sure you don’t want to go trick-or-treating with us on Saturday?”

“No, she needs time with just you. She hasn’t seen you in nearly a month, and I know she’s missed you terribly,” Cara reassured him.

“I missed her too. Speaking of which, I know it’s not the normal routine, but could I keep her here an extra day? Maybe bring her to school on Monday and Fenris could just get her after? I have Sunday off and just wanted more time with her.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Cara figured, what was one more quiet night?

“You ok?”

“I’m fine, just tired,” she lied to him.

“Liar.”  _ Dammit. _

“I don’t want to talk about it, ok?” she sighed.

“Ok, I’ll drop it. See you for dinner next Thursday.”

“Sure. I’m glad you’re back,” she told him, and meant it. His being back allowed her a feeling of things returning to like they used to be, it set some things back to ‘right’ in the world.

***

Cara entered the Antivan restaurant and swept her eyes around the room finally spotting Bela sitting with a blonde woman she didn’t know. Bela spotted her at about the same time and waved to her.

Bela stood when Cara arrived at the table and gave her a kiss on the cheek, “CC, glad you could make it out. Leli’s home with a cold, said to send her regrets. How was Halloween?”

“Meg went with Cullen and Ev. I have pictures I can show you later,” Cara answered as she took one of the empty seats around the table.

Bela nodded, then turning towards the blonde at the table, “This is a new coworker of Leli’s, Lisa. Lisa, meet CC.”

“Nice to meet you,” Cara shook her hand. Lisa gave a friendly smile and returned the sentiment. She was thin--probably worked out, Cara assumed. Her hair came nearly to her waist, and she was well dressed in designer clothes, which probably made Leli squeal with delight.

“Lisa’s new to Denerim, so we promised to show her around,” Bela explained.

“Oh, great. Make sure they take you to see the ruins of Denerim Castle,” Cara suggested. “So where did you move here from?”

“Most recently, Redcliff. But I grew up in Gwaren. I’m an advisor on urban development, so I tend to move around a bit as different city governments decide they need my services. What do you do?” Lisa asked.

“I teach second grade,” Cara explained, ordering a wine when the waiter stopped by.

“Maker bless you,” Lisa laughed. “My two nieces tire me out, I can’t imagine a classroom full.”

Cara laughed in return, “There are days.”

Dinner was good. Lisa and Cara had hit it off and the night out had become a happy distraction for Cara. As they finished up their desserts, Lisa got a sour look on her face.

“The cake not good?” Bela asked.

“No. My ex is here. What the hell is he doing in Denerim?” Lisa scowled, “No, don’t turn around, I don’t want him to spot us.”

“That bad?” Cara gave her a sympathetic look.

“The whole time we were together he was hung up on some ex-girlfriend he hadn’t even  _ seen _ in years. I mean, who stays in love with an ex that long?” Lisa threw back the rest of her drink.

Bela frowned, “Nothing like being third wheel in your own relationship.”

“Exactly. He was always making comments about her. You’d think this  _ Cara  _ chick was Andraste herself. He didn’t even seem to notice he was doing it. I finally just left, it was so lame.” Lisa shook her head and took another bite of her cake.

“You’re probably better off,” Cara replied while sharing a look with Isabela. It could be a coincidence, it’s not like her name was unique.

“Oh that’s not the best part,” Lisa laughed, “after we broke up, I found out his father killed four people in her family. Who knows what would have happened to me if I hadn’t left.”

Cara and Bela exchanged another look while Lisa was trying to get the waiter’s attention. Cara turned her head around and searched. She spotted Oz nearly right away, and although his tablemate had his back to them, Cara knew without a doubt it was Nate.

“Bela, I…” 

“It’s fine. I’ve got the check, you can get it next time,” Bela gave her an understanding smile.

“Thanks. Lisa, it was nice to meet you, I’ve got to go.” Cara picked up her purse and dashed out the door wanting to avoid detection from him.

Cara walked the half block to the lot her car was in and was nearly to it when she heard someone call her name.

“Cara, wait,” his voice called out.

She took a deep breath and steeled herself before turning around to face him, hearing quick footsteps getting closer before she did.

“Please. I just want to talk.”

“I don’t really have anything much to say to you Raleigh except to remind you there’s a restraining order,” she frowned.

“I know,” he held his hands up to show he didn’t mean any harm. “I promise, I’ll be quick. Just a minute, please?”

“Fine,” Cara sighed, this just being the topper to a bad night.

“I miss you.” 

“I know you do, but that doesn’t change anything,” she answered.

“I know. But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I know I screwed up, I want to set it right,” he was speaking so much like how he used to be, his voice calm and sincere, not like the crazed jerk she’d seen of late. She nodded, agreeing to let him continue.

“I miss Meg. All I thought about last night was when we’d go out for Halloween. I want to see her, Cara. She’s my daughter,” he looked at her with pleading eyes.

“She’s not your daughter, Raleigh. I know you loved her, but she’s Cullen’s, not yours,” she shook her head.

“So there’s no way?” he sounded so sad.

“Get help, Raleigh. Get off the lyrium. Get in rehab, get counseling for your anger issues and then we can talk about you  _ maybe _ having supervised visits,” she offered, not really meaning it, but hoping to at least appease him enough that he’d leave.

“I made a promise to you once, and I broke it. I’d like to fix that now,” he said as he reached into his pocket.

“You broke a lot of promises, you’re going to need to be more specific,” Cara sighed just wanting to go home and slip into her sweats and curl up on the couch.

“Cara, I still love you. I know now that you never forgave me for not marrying you like I promised. I want to fix that,” he held up a ring. “Cara, will you marry me?”

Cara let out a sharp laugh. “Seriously? You think that’s what this is all about? You cheated on me, with three women  _ that I know of _ . On top of that there’s the drugs and then you sent me to the hospital. No, Raleigh. There is no way in all of Thedas that I’d ever marry you. I can barely stand to look at you.”

“You always were a self-righteous bitch,” he snarled.

“And there he is. There’s the true you, isn’t it? Not the man who I lived with for all those years, but this vicious dog.” Cara threw her arms in the air and turned back towards her car to open the door. “Go home, Raleigh.”

The front of her body hit the side of the car hard, causing pain in her wrist.

She turned around pissed off. “What the f…”  she was cut off by his hand squishing her face, pushing her back against the car.

“Shut up,” he snarled. “Who do you think you are to tell me no? I come out here trying to be nice, offering you a ring and you spit in my face?”

Cara pushed his hand off her face, “You’re delusional if you think I’d ever want you back. You need help. I’ve already had a shit week and I don’t need your crap adding to it.”

His hand slapped her face hard enough for her ears to ring. “Stupid bitch. I ought to beat the attitude out of you right here, teach you that you’re not so high and mighty as you think you are.”

Cara’s hand covered where he had hit her. “Get the fuck away from me you asshole.”

Raleigh snarled and pinned her to the car again, “You’re gonna learn some manners real quick.”

Before she had a chance to  _ actually  _ spit in his face he was flung backwards.

“I don’t know who the fuck you think you…” Nate’s fist connected with his mouth before Raleigh had the chance to finish his sentence, sending him falling to the ground.

“Stay the void away from her,” Nate snarled.

“Didn’t she dump your ass? You think this is going to get you back in her pants,” Raleigh wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth with his thumb, looking up from where he was sitting on the ground with a pleased grin on his face. “She’s too busy bending over for Cullen to give a care about you. Isn’t that right, sweetheart?”

“Just shut up already. You want to know why you can’t see Meg? This, right here, this is why you’re never going to get anywhere near her,” Cara screamed, frustration clear in her voice.

Raleigh stood back up. “You want to have a go, loser. I’m ready. Winner gets to fuck the bitch.”

“Maker, you’re more of an ass than she ever made you sound. Get out of here now,” Nate growled taking a threatening step towards him. 

Raleigh stepped back. It was one thing to push around Cara, but it appeared the threat of someone his own strength standing up to him was too much.

“This isn’t done,” he spit on the ground and walked away.

“Cara,” Nate turned around to face her, his voice soft as if speaking to a frightened animal. “Are you alright, do you need a doctor?”

“Why can’t you both just leave me alone?” she sobbed and got into her car before he could respond. She turned it on and drove off, leaving him standing there wishing he knew what he’d done to upset her this time.

***

Cara stormed into her home and back to her room to change, stopping only to turn on the alarm system in case Raleigh made good on his promise. Her phone buzzed and she had little doubt it was Nate trying again to see if she was ok. He’d already texted three times on the ride home and she’d ignored those as well. She changed into her sweats and went into the bathroom to remove her makeup. She winced when she turned on the light. There was a large purple bruise forming on her cheek, and her wrist was now starting to swell slightly. She cleaned up as best she could and went to the kitchen to get some ice, putting that on her wrist, promising herself to call Anders in the morning if it wasn’t better. She pulled out the half eaten ice cream quart and settled into the couch. Finding a cooking show to watch, she settled in with her sore wrist and the ice cream.

She felt guilty for yelling at Nate. She was grateful he’d stepped in when he had. There was no doubt in her mind that Raleigh would have sent her back to the hospital tonight. Watching Nate there, standing in front of Raleigh, blocking his view of her, she felt her heartbeat speed up. Her heart didn’t care about all the reasons that her brain said they couldn’t be together. Her heart only saw the man that she loved protecting her. At that exact moment she had wanted nothing more than to shove her tongue down his throat and tell him that she’d made a mistake, that she loved him, that she was his no matter what. It was  _ that _ which she was angry with him for. She’d been trying so hard this past week to avoid her feelings for him, to shove them down into a pit and forget about them. In one move he’d brought them roaring back with a vengeance. She didn’t _ want _ to love him or need him.

She took a large scoop of the chocolate fudge ice cream and turned her attention to the chef making a complex looking Orlesian dessert and tried hard to forget about the night.When a news alert broke into her show, she sighed, it seemed like even just getting lost in a show wasn’t enough.

_ Breaking news - We’ve received word that a plane carrying business mogul Maric Therin as well as his son, Cailan Therin, has gone down in the Ameranthine Ocean about 20 miles off the coast of Wycome. Officials are combing the water now but at this time it is believed there are no survivors. We will come back in when we have more details. _

Cara frowned. She remembered meeting Maric and Cailin years ago as a teen. Her father and Maric had been doing some business together. She’d only met them the one time, but both seemed nice enough. She made a mental note to send condolences, probably some flowers too. While she didn’t know them really, she felt she should do  _ something _ out of respect for her father.

Cara looked at the phone as it rang, expecting to see it be Nate, but relaxed as Leli’s picture appeared. 

“Hi,” she answered.

“Cara, Bela texted me. I’m so sorry. I swear I had no idea she was Nate’s ex. Please say you’re not mad,” Leli’s voice sounded croaky from her cold.

“It’s fine Leli. It never even crossed my mind that you’d know that. I mean, what are the odds?” Cara reassured her. “You sound like shit by the way.”

“And you sound like something’s wrong. Was it Lisa or did something else happen?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, ok?” Cara sighed, readjusting the ice on her wrist. Why did she think talking to him was smart? She should have bolted for her car the minute she’d heard his voice, she thought with a frown.

“Ok, sure. Did you get an invite to our class reunion? Sounds like they’re going to combine it with a few years.” Leli was kind enough to change the subject.

“Yeah, I got it. I dunno…”

“Come on, it’ll be fun. You and I can go together. Don’t make me go alone, Care,” she guilted her.

Cara smiled slightly at her friend’s teasing. “Ok sure.”

“That’s the lackluster spirit I was looking for,” Leli’s laugh turned into a cough.

“Go rest. We’ll make plans when you feel better.” Cara told her.

***

_ Cullen stood over the stove cooking spaghetti while Cara leaned by the counter feeling helpless. She couldn’t even cook for herself because of her arm being in a sling. While she appreciated his help, and the fact that he was keeping Meg at his place so she didn’t see Cara looking like this, she was growing a little tired of the hovering. She’d been back from the hospital for two days and he’d barely left her side since, going so far as to sleep on the couch. He had recruited Anders to help replace the glass around her door with security glass and they had installed an extra deadbolt. He mentioned wanting to replace Meg’s sitter with someone more trained in self defense. Cara understood his concern, but she was more worried about his future than hers. He’d been put on suspension, apparently having broken Raleigh’s nose at the police station. She didn’t want him to lose his job over her. _

_ “Dinner will be ready in about five minutes,” Cullen said, turning around to look at her. Cara nodded in response. She wished he’d stop looking at her with those sad eyes. _

_ Her doorbell rang and Cara left to answer it. She knew Cullen was probably hovering somewhere near the hall entrance as she answered the door finding a red-haired woman standing there. _

_ “Can I help you?” Cara asked. The woman said nothing for a few minutes just looking at her. Cara suddenly wished she hadn’t opened the door. She knew how awful she looked, arm in a sling, face still bruised even though the swelling was gone, and one black eye that looked like she’d been in a boxing match with a prize-fighter. She couldn’t even look at herself in the mirror, she could only imagine how horrid she looked to other people. _

_ “Is...uh, is Raleigh here?” the woman tried to look behind Cara as if to see him. _

_ “I kicked his cheating ass out weeks ago. I’m sorry to tell you, you’re far from the only one he was with,” Cara glared. She might have felt sorry for the woman, except she was here, at Cara’s home. One more reminder of his disloyalty. _

_ “Oh, um. I’m sorry,” the woman nodded and turned to leave. _

_ Cara locked the door and walked back to the living room, Cullen stood by the doorway just as she had suspected. _

_ “Cara?” _

_ “He must have brought her here at some point. Just when I think it can’t get worse…” her lip quivered for a moment. “I need to burn that bed. Maker I can’t believe he did that in our house.” _

_ Cullen nodded. “We’ll get you a new one in the morning if you want.” _

_ “So that’s at least three. How did he find time to work?” Cara sighed. Cullen didn’t reply, just reaching out and pulling her to his chest, giving her a gentle hug so as not to hurt where she was bruised. _


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen finds out what's been going on since he's been out of town.

Nate sat in the recliner on Hawke’s couch watching the football game. Or _trying_ to watch the game, but his mind kept wandering and he only seemed to refocus when Fenris would yell out at the television. Ever since his brush with drinking again, he’d spent most of his free time either here or with Oz. They were all too happy to do so if it meant keeping him sober.

“Did you hear the rumors, they’re going to trade Davros to Kirkwall?” Fenris asked.

“Hmm,” Nate answered distractedly.

“And then they’re going to send him to one of the moons.”

“Uh-huh,” Nate nodded.

A pillow bounced off his head. Nate turned to look at his friend.

“You aren’t even paying attention. Would you prefer to watch something else?” Fenris asked, his legs propped up on the coffee table as he reclined against the couch.

“No, I’m sorry,” Nate shook his head trying to clear his mind and get back into the game.

“Still Cara?” Fenris muted the game and gave him his attention.

“It’s just...when I broke up that fight, I thought she’d at least, I don’t know, _not yell at me_. I’m not sure how I managed to piss her off so bad that protecting her was a bad thing. I mean, I’m trying to give her space, I don’t want to be like that asshat is with her,” Nate frowned. “But it’s hard. I don’t know how to fix this.”

“It may be that you can’t,” Fenris replied.

“That really doesn’t make me feel better,” Nate sighed.

“I know. But if it’s not you that broke things, it may be out of your hands to fix it,” Fenris shrugged.

“I didn’t realize just how much of a piece of shit he truly is until I came face to face with him,” Nate felt the anger from that night come back.

“The fact that I’m Meg’s sitter should have tipped you off. I don’t come cheap by any means,” Fenris shrugged.

The door opened and Fenris quickly sat up straighter, removing his feet from the table. Nate smirked at the antics as Hawke walked in the door. Fenris could fight seasoned military, but getting scolded by Hawke for his feet on the table terrified him.

Nate walked into his own place a few hours later and collapsed onto his own bed, staring up as the ceiling. He knew Fenris was right, that there wasn’t really much he could do about where things stood with Cara. But his heart didn’t really care. It cried out for her, it ached because she was no longer in his arms, no longer a phone call away. She hadn’t answered any of his texts, and so he stopped trying. The last thing he wanted to be was another ex that wouldn’t leave her alone. As much as it hurt, if she didn’t want him he needed to respect it. And it did hurt, like having his heart ripped from his chest.

It was as if all color had drained from the world. He felt like every day he was just going through the motions. Work provided little distraction to how completely crushed he felt. It was worse now than it had been the last time she left him. She had pulled the rug out from him without any warning, and even though it had been almost 3 weeks, the ache hadn’t lessened any in his chest.

He tried to fall asleep but his brain insisted on tormenting him, playing an endless loop of every laugh, every intimate touch, every kiss from the last few months. It reminded him of everything he’d lost. It made him ache for her even more. He wondered if maybe it would be better to give up his promotion and go back to Gwaren. Heartbreaking memories seemed to taunt him all over Denerim. He fell asleep the same way he had the last several weeks: with tears in his eyes.

***

Cara cut up a cucumber, adding it to the salad on the counter. She had everything timed to be ready to go for when Cullen arrived for dinner. He’d called earlier to say that Ev had come down with a cold and wouldn’t make it. That meant there was more roast then necessary, but at this point there was nothing to be done about that.

Meg came skipping into the kitchen as Cara was tossing the salad with the oversized fork and spoon.

“Dinner will be ready when your father gets here,” Cara informed her.

Meg nodded, “Can Mr. Nate come over to play?”

“No,” Cara answered without looking up. “You can ask Fenris next time you’re there, Nate lives upstairs from him.”

“But I want him to come here so we can play with my toys,” Meg crossed her arms and pouted.

“I said no, Meg. End of discussion,” she looked up that time to make eye contact.

“You’re the meanest person ever. I hate you!” Meg yelled.

“Megan Rosalie Rutherford. You apologize right this second,” Cullen’s voice was stern as he walked into the house. Meg froze, her eyes getting large. She rarely heard him scold her and it clearly had an impact.

“But she…”

“I don’t care what she did. She is your mother and you **will** treat her with respect. Apologize. Now.” Cullen gave her a look that made it clear this was not up for debate.

“I’m sorry, Mama,” Meg said quietly.

“Thank you,” Cara nodded to Meg and then went to check on the roast.

“That’s better. Let’s go into the living room,” his voice softer as he placed a gentle hand on Meg’s shoulder and led her away.

Cara opened the oven door and cursed. It was ruined, how could that be? She pulled out the roasting pan and slammed it hard on the top of the oven.

“Cara?” Cullen reappeared in the kitchen having heard the racket.

“It’s ruined,” she let out a sob.

“Hey, it’s ok. We’ll just get takeout, it’s not a big deal,” Cullen tried to soothe her.

“No,” she argued. “I had it all planned out. Dinner was going to be ready when you got here, and now it’s not. It’s not the plan.”

Cullen straightened up slightly. He knew _this_ Cara. It wasn’t a side of her he’d seen in awhile. This was a facet of her personality that needed everything running under a strict plan, the one that needed everything to go smoothly and be controlled. This Cara had disappeared in the last few months.

“Cara, what’s going on?” he tried to keep his voice quiet.

“I had a plan, and then I went and changed it and now it’s all falling apart,” she dumped the roast into the garbage.

“Cara…”

“I can’t get anything right.”

“Cara…”

“Everything is ruined and I don’t know what to do now.”

“Cara!”

“What?!”

“Your hand is bleeding,” he sighed, happy to finally get her attention. “Let me look at it.”

Cara looked at it with surprise, clearly not realizing she’d injured it.

He could tell just from how she was acting that this was about more than a ruined dinner. “Come on, let’s get this fixed.” He led her from the kitchen calling out to Meg as he did, “We’re going to be in the bathroom a minute. Play quietly.”

Once back in her bathroom, he gently took her hand and ran it under the sink. It seemed obvious to him that she needed someone to just take care of her; something was clearly very wrong. She was normally very independant, not someone that fell apart at things like a roast burning. Once the wound was cleaned out, he applied an antibiotic ointment to it and then pulled a gauze from her first aid kit and wrapped the hand while looking up at her occasionally. “Are you going to tell me what is really going on now?”

Cara shook her head and fat tears ran down her face. Cullen picked up a washcloth and wet it, gently wiping the tears from her cheeks. As he did, her foundation started coming off onto the cloth. He noticed something blue and wiped some more at the cheek revealing a rather large bruise.

“I thought you said it was a minor incident with Samson?” his voice was calm, but she knew him well enough to know the look in his eyes meant he was anything but calm. He raised an eyebrow clearly wanting an explanation. “Why didn’t you report this?”

“Because it was my fault. I should have just kept walking when he asked to talk to me. Instead, like an idiot, I thought I could reason with him,” she started crying again knowing Cullen was probably disappointed in her.

“Hey, shh,” Cullen spoke softly tried to soothe her. “I promise, no matter what, this isn’t your fault.” He led her back into her room so they could sit on the bed.

“Look, clearly this has you shaken up. Do you want to talk to Nate?”

Cara shook her head. “We’re not together.”

“What?” Cullen felt like he’d missed more than just Meg’s growth spurt while he was gone. “Why?”

Cara started crying again but told him everything. She told him about Meg’s reaction and how she still blamed Cara for Raleigh leaving. She told him about the poisoning and Nate’s car. She told him about how Fergus had made her choose.

Cullen let out a sigh and pulled her into a hug, “I’m sorry I wasn’t around for any of this. Why don’t you rest and I’ll take care of dinner. I’ll come get you when it’s ready ok?”

Cara nodded and crawled up towards the pillow, closing her eyes as Cullen quietly shut the door behind him when he left the room.

She must have fallen asleep as it seemed like it was just a few minutes later that Cullen was gently shaking her awake.

“Come on, food’s here,” he reached out his hand, walking her out of the room.

She blinked a few times readjusting her eyes to the light after having been in the dark bedroom. She stopped up short when she reopened them. Meg was bouncing up and down in the kitchen talking excitedly to Nate who was leaning against the counter, a pizza box next to him.

“Cullen?” she looked at him confused.

“Trust me,” he replied softly and pulled her gently forward.

“And two times three is six. Three times three is nine,” Meg was excited to share what she’d learned in school.

He looked up as Cara and Cullen approached, taking a deep breath at the sight of her. He still couldn’t look at her without his heart speeding up. The bruise on her face was a painful reminder that he hadn’t been fast enough, that he had failed her. He had noticed her leaving the restaurant that night, as had Oz who waved him off to go after her. It took him a few minutes to figure out which way she’d gone so by the time he found her, Samson had her pinned her to her car already.

“Meg, go wait in your mother’s room for me,” Cullen requested.

“Ok,” she hugged Nate around the waist and then took off for Cara’s room.

Cara looked at Cullen expectedly.

“Look, in all the years I’ve known you, you’ve never been as happy and content as these last few months. I don’t think you should just give up. I asked him to come over. Talk to him,” Cullen squeezed her hand.

“But, Meg and Fergus…”

“I’m going to talk to Meg, and as far as Fergus goes, fuck him.”

Cara’s eyes grew wide. It was so rare for Cullen to swear. “Cullen!”

“No. You do everything for him, Cara. The only one you put before him is Meg. You’ve driven yourself to exhaustion making sure Fergus has a comfortable life and the best care. You never even go on vacations just in case he needs you. This is the first time I’ve ever seen you want something, someone, for yourself. If Fergus can’t allow you that, then it’s his loss, not yours.” Cullen took a deep breath and picked up her hand, giving it a squeeze. “You need to stop sacrificing your own happiness for everyone else’s. Just talk to Nate, that’s all I’m asking.”

Without waiting for an answer Cullen walked back to her room to talk to their daughter, leaving her alone with Nate in a room that suddenly seemed too small. She stared at her feet, uncertain what to say.

“Cara?” his warm voice beckoned to her and she raised her eyes to his. “Why didn’t you tell me what happened with Fergus? I would have understood, we could have figured out something.”

Cara shook her head, “I just...how am I supposed to choose?”

“I get it, he’s your family. Cara,” he stepped closer and touched her uninjured cheek, “I know how much your family means to you. We can figure something out, I can talk to him, show him I’ve changed. Cara, I love you, please just give us a chance.”

Cara’s eyes teared up at hearing his declaration. “You love me?”

“More than anything in this world,” his voice was full of certainty.

Cara sighed, “You’re in danger as long as you’re around me.”

“I don’t care. I’m not afraid of him. If anything he demonstrated that he’ll back down when challenged by someone he doesn’t think he can best. Cara, I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself. What I can’t do is live my life without you.” He was now close enough that just a tilt of her head and they’d be kissing. She could smell his cologne, filling her with warmth from the familiarity of it.

“You love me?” she repeated as she looked up into his eyes.

“With everything I am,” Nate whispered, leaning his head down slightly and pressing his lips to hers. Cara sighed into the kiss, feeling the last of her resistance melt away. Her hands slid around his waist as she opened her mouth slightly in an unspoken invitation. Nate’s tongue brushed against hers as he pulled her closer to him. He ended the kiss, placing his forehead against hers. “So can we try again?”

Cara nodded, not breaking eye contact, “I love you.”

Nate smiled wide, his thumb brushing her cheek, “Then I’m the luckiest man in all of Thedas.”

Cara stepped away from him when she heard Meg come running down the hall. She bent down when she saw the girl was crying. “What’s wrong, Peanut?”

Meg threw her arms around Cara’s neck and hugged her, “I’m sorry Mama. I didn’t know Papa hurt you, I don’t want him here anymore. I’m sorry I said I hated you. I don’t hate you, you’re the best Mama ever.”

Cara rocked the girl lightly, brushing her hand along Meg’s hair. “Shh, honey. It’s ok. I’m not mad at you.”

“I want you to be with Mr. Nate, he’s not mean and he’s funny, and Daddy said he makes you happy,” Meg reached out to take Nate’s hand and put it in Cara’s.

“He does make me happy,” Cara agreed as she looked up and smiled at Nate.

Meg put her arms around Cara’s neck again, still crying, “I don’t want you to be hurt anymore, Mama.”

“I’m ok, sweetheart, I promise,” Cara reassured her, giving Cullen a glare when he entered the room. “We’ll eat dinner soon, why don’t you go play for a minute.”

After she left the room, Cara stood up. Her voice was quiet but full of anger, “What the void, Cullen? I thought we agreed…”

Cullen held his hands up, “I told her a very edited version. She doesn’t know about the cheating or the drugs, and she doesn’t know how bad he hurt you. Just enough so she understands now that he’s not safe to be around and why she needs to stay away from him. She’s old enough to understand that much.”

Cara sighed, and nodded, “I guess it’s already done. Let’s eat before the pizza’s cold.”

Nate took her hand as Cullen carried the pizza into the dining room, calling for Meg.

***

“Meg,” Cullen said as dinner wrapped up. “Go grab your backpack, you’re going to stay at my place tonight.”

Cara looked at Nate as the girl scrambled up the stairs to get it. He ran his thumb along the back of her hand and smirked at her.

“Thank you,” she said to Cullen who just winked and rose from the table.

Cara walked them to the door, waving as they pulled away in his truck. The moment she closed the door, Nate brushed the hair from her shoulder and nibbled her neck from behind her, working his way up to her ear. His hand slid under her t-shirt, brushing along her bare stomach as warm lips and gentle teeth sent a shiver down her spine. Cara sighed, feeling her body starting to react to the nearness of him.

Cara turned in his arms, his hands moved around to her back. “Stay tonight.”

Nate’s fingernails scraped gently along her lower back, enough to illicit another shiver from her. “There’s no where else I want to be.”

Cara stepped away from him, taking his hand in hers and led him to her bedroom. She had to look away from him to try to still the butterflies in her stomach. They surprised her, it wasn’t as if she hadn’t had sex with Nate before, she’d lived with him almost a year. Somehow, tonight seemed to hold more weight though.

Once in her room she turned back to him, wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pressed her lips to his again. She wondered how she could have possibly ever thought she could say goodbye to him. At this moment, with his lips on hers, his arms around her holding her close, she felt more loved, and more secure than she’d ever felt before. Her fingers wove into his hair as she tilted her head, deepening the kiss. She felt full of energy, his breath on her skin felt titillating. She wanted to just rip off his clothes and taste every bit of him on her tongue.

Nate’s hands worked a path up her back, taking her shirt with it. She finally pulled away long enough to let him pull it over her head. She wanted to see him bare, for skin on skin contact. She was not nearly as graceful as him, tugging to get his shirt off of him in desperation.

Nate chuckled, “How about you let me do that so I still have a shirt in the morning?”

Cara let out an appreciative sigh when he removed it, pressing her lips to his chest instantly. She ran her tongue slowly down from his pec towards his abs, tasting the salt on his skin. His chest was chiseled, pure muscle and firmness. It was no longer the scrawny body of a twenty year old, having filled out into the perfection of a grown man. Nate let out a deep moan at her attention. As she tasted him, her hand cupped his clothed erection and her fingers lightly brushed along it--his need for her increased.

She pressed more kisses to his body as she moved back up. She worked her way up to his neck, while Nate reached behind her and unhooked her bra, his lips following on her shoulder as he slid the straps down her arms and off. Her nipples stood hard against his chest, demanding attention. Her fingernails scraped gently along his bare back as her breathing sped up. He watched her silently with his piercing grey eyes. He’d barely touched her and she was already aching for him.

They simultaneously worked on undoing the other’s jeans as Nate gently walked them back towards her bed. The back of her legs hit the bed and she wiggled her jeans down and off her legs before edging back onto the bed. Nate let out a growl at seeing her spread out, with nothing but her panties on. She had moved aside the covers, and laid there just waiting for him, her hands roaming her torso, needing stimulation. He felt his cock harden just looking at her. She was simply the most beautiful woman he’d ever met, and somehow, through nothing short of a miracle, he’d managed to win her heart once again.

He kicked off his jeans and boxers while keeping his eyes roaming up and down her body as she let out an appreciative grin and licked her lips seeing him stiff against his abdomen. He took one of her ankles in his hand. Soft lips pressed along the inside of it, eliciting a sigh from her, the hair on his chin tickling her as he went. He slowly worked his way up her leg, all tongue and teeth, pulling the most delicious sounds from her as he did. Once to the apex of her legs, he pressed his mouth against her clothed center and sucked.

“Nate,” she half sighed, half moaned in response. She could already feel her clit throbbing in time to her heart beat. That along with his wicked mouth were spinning her higher and higher, her abdomen already starting to quiver.

He slid his way up her torso, never breaking contact to her skin with his mouth. He stopped when he reached her breasts. The tip of his tongue teased at one nipple while he massaged the other one with his hand. Cara held onto the back of his head, her back arching when he finally latched his mouth onto the tip and suckeled it. Tiny shivers ran up and down her entire body in response to the heat from his mouth on her. Every little flick of his tongue sent ripples of stimulation down to her core.

She tasted even better then he remembered. And every little moan and whisper of his name went straight to his cock. He couldn’t remember ever being so hard and he knew he needed to be inside of her soon or he’d lose his mind. It ached from want for her, too many nights had been spent with thoughts of her while he had stroked himself in his own apartment. To now have her here, writhing under him, her scent filling his nostrils, it was better than any fantasy.

He nibbled along her neck, groaning when she took him in hand and started to caress him. “Condom?” he moaned.

“Have you been tested?” she looked into his eyes. The implication of her question had his cock jump.

“After our first date. I knew it’d only be a matter of time,” he panted as he brushed the hair from her face, keeping his eyes locked with hers. “You?”

“Twice after Raleigh, I didn’t trust that he didn’t give me anything. Clean both times,” she replied. “I just want to feel you, nothing else.”

Nate smirked against her skin as she wiggled out of her panties. The feel of her moving under him caused him to growl again. She resumed fondling him as his hand moved between them.

“Maker, you’re so wet,” he moaned as he ran a finger through her slit, gathering her wetness and pressing it against her clit.

She hadn’t realized just how close she already was to her climax until his finger brushed against her. Her breathing sped up as she dug her nails into his waist while he continued to press fast circles on her clit. “Ohhhhh… Nate….ohhh…” she moaned as she pinched her eyes closed and she shattered.

He kept his attention on her face as she fell apart under him. It was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. His finger continued to press stimulating circles into her clit while another dipped into her to find that spot that had her screaming for him to fuck her, please just please.

He lined himself up, his tip pressing in slowly. Her eyes opened and he locked her gaze as he pressed into her, moaning at how warm and velvety she felt.

“I love you,” he told her as he kissed her lips, pushing himself in further. “Mmm, Cara you feel so good.”

Her legs opened wider and she wrapped them around his lower back, hooking her ankles. “Make me scream, Howe,” she challenged him as she gripped his upper arms.

“As you command,” he pressed his forehead to hers so they were eyeball to eyeball. Bracing his hands beside her, he began to thrust his hips with a brutal pace into her with abandon. In the past they rarely ever went slow. He promised himself he’d be gentle with her next time. This time she seemed to need passion just as much as he did. To release months worth of sexual tension from heavy petting and teasing. To just _finally_ touch and taste and make love, to stop holding back.

Cara arched her back again and moaned loudly. “Don’t...don’t stop...oh Maker, Maker…”

Nate put his hands on her lower back and tilted her up enough to give him a better angle. In this new position she did start screaming every time he slammed back into her, hitting just the right spot. She braced her hands behind her against the headboard as the bed creaked from the movement.

“Nate, Maker Nate,” her eyes rolled back. “Fuc….ahhhh…..”

He felt her clench around him as he started to feel himself lose control. “Where?”

“I’m on the pill, in me, please oh Maker Nate, please….” she begged.

He slammed inside of her once, twice, grasping her hips and falling on top of her, breathing heavy in her ear as he came. His cock pulsed and he saw stars.

“Cara, oh fuck.” He was breathless, his lips finding her skin again as he slowly lowered himself down, staying inside of her. She tasted of sex and sweat and he couldn’t get enough, licking and sucking at her skin, he reveled in her essence.

Cara ran her fingertips along his back, feeling so complete, so filled from him. She sighed when he rolled off of her, not moving very far. His hand ran up and down her stomach in light touches. Cara turned her head towards him.

“I love you,” she whispered, still trying to catch her breath. Sex with him was never slow, never gentle, and she loved it.

“I love you too,” he answered brushing her sweat soaked hair from her face. He moved his fingers gently along the bruise on her cheek. “He’s never getting anywhere near you again if I can help it.”

Tears formed in her eyes as she reached out and placed her hand on his chest. “Thank you.”

Nate removed his hand from her cheek and picked up hers, pressing kisses to the finger pads and then her palm. “You never have to thank me for caring about you.”

They looked at each other with so much love and softness as he continued to caress her cheek, neck and shoulders.

“I will spend the rest of my life making up for the last ten years. I promise you not a day will go by where you won’t know just how much I love you. You never will be heart broken again, I swear to you. You are everything, Cara.” He kissed her softly again as she let her tears fall, touched by his words.

He rolled onto his back and she moved closer, resting her head along his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her, relishing in the feel of her naked body along his. He nuzzled her forehead with his nose.

He watched her as she fell asleep in his arms, his hand running soothingly along one of her arms. He made a quiet promise to her as she slept that he’d do everything in his power to protect her safety, even at risk of his own.

 

Some more art from [phoqingart.tumblr.com](https://phoqingart.tumblr.com)  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DietCokeOfEvil -- you now owe me a chapter of "Love And Marriage" :D


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair makes an appearance.  
> When Nate starts acting like his old self when it comes to their relationship, Cara calls him out on it.

Nate sat at his desk and smiled at the picture of Cara there. The weeks following their reunion had been like a dream. Now that they were no longer hiding their relationship from Meg, he was free to spend the night with her several times a week, and the weekends that Cullen had the girl, Cara stayed at Nate’s. And the sex...it had been the best he’d ever had. The way she’d look at him, with so much love in her eyes; it heightened every sensation for him.

His head filled with the image of him rising from between her legs, her breath quick and her eyes closed as she came down from her climax. He crawled over her body, feeling the heaviness between his legs. His chest pressed to hers as fingernails gently scraped along his back, through his hair, her leg wrapping around his hip. He was drawn from his daydream of the other night by his phone buzzing.

**From Cara** : One of them actually put ‘I can’t answer for religious reasons’ on their test.

Nathaniel chuckled. Her school was closed today but she had told him she’d be home grading tests. It appeared that second graders were not as easy as he assumed.

**To Cara** : I wish I had thought of that at that age. Are you free for lunch?

**From Cara:** I could be persuaded. How about that tevinter place near your office?

**To Cara:** See you at 12.

He put his phone away when someone knocked on his door. He beckoned them to enter and then stood nearly right away as one of the Senior Partners, Gallagher Wulff, walked in. He made an imposing figure, standing over six feet tall with broad shoulders and a graying beard. The warmth in his eyes often set people at ease despite his being a giant of a man.

“Mr. Wulff, hello sir,” Nate stepped around his desk and offered his hand which Wulff shook.

“Nate, how are you liking it in Denerim?” Wulff asked as he sat in the chair in front of the desk as Nate returned to his seat. “I understand you have family here?”

“Yes, my sister and her family are here. It’s nice to be close to them again. Denerim has become home again for certain,” Nate nodded.

“Good, good,” Wulff grinned. “Nate, I have a client coming in next week that I’d like you to handle. I would, but I’ll be in court then.”

“I’d be honored, sir. What’s the case?”

“It seems Maric Therin had an illegitimate son almost no one knew about. He’s been verified and he is who he says he is. Maric was a personal friend of mine, I’d like you to do what you can to help this young man sort through the empire he just inherited,” Wulff explained.

“Absolutely Mr. Wulff. Thank you, sir,” Nate shook his hand again as Mr. Wulff stood to leave.

“Good good. Your one of the best here, that’s why we made you a JP.  I don’t need to tell you this is a big client for us, I know you’ll keep him happy.”

“Yes, sir,” Nate tried to keep from smiling too wide as the man left his office.

He entered the restaurant two hours later, warmth filling his chest when he spotted Cara sitting at a table, her eyes on her menu so that she didn’t notice him yet. As he had promised himself, he told her every day that he loved her whether in person or on the phone. But sometimes, when he looked at her, it felt as if “love” wasn’t a strong enough for what he felt for her. She made his world brighter just by being in it. He felt as if he was ten feet tall when she’d smile at him and tell him that she loved him. He had no idea how he’d been blessed by the Maker to win her heart not once, but twice, but he swore there’d never be a need for a third time. Just looking at her now, his heart beat harder. She was still reading the menu, and taking in her natural beauty, he felt in awe. He smiled watching as her fingers brushed some hair behind her ear, 

She spotted him when he was just about to the table and stood, looking so happy just to see him. He gave her a soft kiss on the lips and then took his seat.

“Well you look very happy,” she smiled.

“I was just handed an important client for the firm,” Nate explained.

“That’s wonderful. I’m so proud of you,” she reached across the table and squeezed his hand. Nate felt excited to have her pride. He wanted to please her more than anyone else. The look she was giving him made him feel ten feet tall.

“So, how is the grading going?” he asked as he looked at his menu, still holding her hand.

“For the most part, good. It’s fulfilling to know you’re teaching someone skills they’ll use the rest of their lives,” she replied, also looking at her menu.

The waiter came and took their order, leaving them to talk some more.

“So Ev is coming over tonight with her mother and wedding party. They want to run through some last minute things but it needed to be somewhere that Cullen couldn’t see the dress, and I guess I’m the one with the most room. I can tell you Meg is over the moon with all the primping and fancy dresses. Sometimes I think she’s a mini-Leli,” Cara laughed.

“I think she’s a lot like her mother. Smart, headstrong, and she knows what she likes and doesn’t like,” Nate smirked as his thumb ran along the back of her hand.

“Well I do know what I like. Did I ever tell you just how hot you look in a suit and tie?” She gave him a heated look as he felt her foot rub along his lower leg.

Nate chuckled, “I’ll have to keep that in mind.” He reached his hand under the table, taking her foot and massaging it gently. She sighed, which told him she enjoyed the attention. “Does this please you?” he teased in a low voice.

“You please me,” she winked, sitting up straighter and taking back her foot when she saw the waiter arriving with their food.

The rest of the meal was filled with talk of Cullen and Evelyn’s wedding that was to be in less than a month. Cara thought it was sweet that the two of them didn’t want to have a long engagement, that they were just so excited to be “Mr & Mrs” that they couldn’t wait more than a few months since he’d asked. 

Nate just enjoyed the opportunity to get to see Cara during the work day. He felt some sadness when they finished the meal and he had to return to the office.

He walked her to her car at a nearby parking garage. The stop took longer than necessary as the two kissed, long and heated kisses that should have embarrassed them, being in public as they were, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He held onto her waist possessively while her hands were on the back of his neck and in his hair. After several minutes he had to pull away or he’d risk going to the office clearly aroused.

“I will miss you tonight,” he said as he kissed her nose and cheek.

“You could always come try on dresses,” she teased.

“I think I’ll pass,” Nate’s lip curled upwards. His hand rested against her cheek, “I’ll call later. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she replied and he found it fascinating that she could tell him so with such conviction, tell him that she found him worthy of someone like her. It was with regret that he gave her one more quick peck on the lips and then sent her on her way so that he could return to work.

***

Cara stopped cleaning dishes from dinner to peek around the wall to the living room. She felt affection at the sight of Nathaniel sitting on the couch, Meg curled into his lap, her eyes intent on the book he was reading to her from. Meg’s head rested on his chest, and it was clear that she wasn’t far from sleep. She enjoyed the weekends like this, getting to spend time with him, not having him distracted by work. Meg had gotten over her anger after her talk with Cullen. She no longer asked about Raleigh, and seemed to be growing closer to Nate. He seemed happy to play with the girl, and made a point of finding things that she’d enjoy doing on the days he was over that Cara had her. Sometimes it was just the three of them, other times it was things like dinner with his sister and niece included. Cara appreciated how much he included Meg, making sure she didn’t feel like an outsider to his and Cara’s relationship.

She finished the dishes and went to join them ten minutes later. She stopped and smiled, seeing Meg was indeed passed out on his lap, Nate’s arms holding her to keep her from falling off as he watched the news.

“I’ll take her,” Cara smiled, picking her daughter up from his lap. “Umph. I don’t think I’m going to be able to do this much longer, she’s getting so big.”

Nate gave her a warm smile and watched her as she carried the girl up to her room. Cara returned a few minutes later and curled into his side on the couch. Nate wrapped an arm around her.

“Schools have a half week break next week. Lena’s coming over Monday for a sleepover. I know she’d love to see you,” Cara ran her hand under his shirt to play with his chest hair as she spoke.

“I’ll have to see. I have a lot of cases on my plate right now,” Nate replied, kissing her forehead without looking away from the news.

Cara frowned slightly, but said nothing. It was not the first time, not even the second or third that he’d had to miss something to work late. It had been becoming rarer and rarer lately to see him on a weeknight in the past month. She understood it was for work, but she missed spending time with him just the same.

***

“You’re adorable,” Cara giggled, picking up her phone.

“You’re not taking a picture, are you?” Anders pretended to be upset, but his eyes twinkled with amusement.

“Hold still, Uncle Anders!” Meg scolded him as she and Lena returned to their task.

“I need to preserve this for posterity,” Cara teased as she took the picture. 

Nate sat in his office where he reviewed a case file. Everyone else had gone home for the night leaving the rest of the practice pitch black and silent. His office was dark except for the lamp on his desk and the light from the computer monitor. His phone chirped alerting him to a message.

**From Cara:** You’re missing out on fun like this.

Attached was a picture that caused him to chuckle. It was Anders mid laugh, with Meg and Lena on either side of him. His hair was in multiple clips and bows and his face was decorated by the makeup that Meg and Lena were applying to him. He looked like a mess, but a happy one.

**To Cara:** Sorry I’m missing out. Just too much to do here.

He returned back to work, making notes to review later and a few emails to his assistant to ask her to get the paperwork he needed to file for this client to officially transfer the family store into her name.

Hours later he stood up and stretched. Looking at the clock he was surprised to see it was after midnight. Nate turned off the monitor, and grabbed his jacket ready to head out. He checked his phone and felt a twinge of sadness realizing that she hadn’t returned his text and that he’d missed calling her to say goodnight.

*** 

“So, how are things with Karl?” Cara asked as she helped remove the hair adornments from Anders’ hair while he wiped the makeup from his face now that the girls were in Meg’s room asleep.

“Very well actually,” Anders sounded fulfilled. “I was hoping actually we could double date Wednesday. I’d like to have you actually meet him for more than a few minutes, tell me what you think of him.”

“Sure, I’ll text Nate but I’m sure we can do that. I’ll see if Fenris can sit or if Cullen can take her,” Cara gave him an approving smile, happy to see him so content.

*******

Nate straightened up his desk. Mr. Wulff’s big client would be in soon and he wanted to make a good impression. He picked up his phone to put it into his desk and noticed the message light on.

**From Cara:** Found out I’ll be out of town next week, I was chosen to go to a conference in the Frostbacks, which means no phone coverage :(

**From Cara:** Anders wants us to go on a double date with him and Karl tomorrow night. Meet at my place at 6:30?

Someone knocked on his office door before he could reply to her. He shoved the phone in his desk and beckoned them to enter.  

His assistant entered, “Mr. Therin is here for your appointment Mr. Howe.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Surana.” He walked towards the door, hand starting to extend to welcome his client. And then stopped mid stride, unable to keep the shocked look off his face.

“The minute I heard you were working here I knew I had to get you on the case, just to see that look on your face,” Alistair laughed heartedly as Mrs. Surana left the room, shutting the door behind her.

“Alistair? I thought my appointment was with a Mr. Therin.” Nate was confused. He also felt a little apprehension. The last time he had seen Alistair was when he’d shown up with some other guy Nate didn’t know to pick up Cara’s things from their apartment.

“Well, funny thing, that.” Alistair ran his head through his hair nervously. “Turns out apparently everyone but me knew I was actually Maric Therin’s illegitimate son. Trust me, no one’s as surprised as me. This isn’t too weird is it? It is, isn’t it? I just thought it would be neat to see you and that you could help me but it’s weird, huh?” He was talking fast by the end, seeming to be even more nervous than just a few minutes ago.

“No, it’s fine. I guess I can call you Alistair then, instead of Mr. Therin?” Nate raised his arm to invite Alistair to sit at one of the chairs by his desk.

“I wish you would. I mean, I don’t feel like a Therin. So you look good. I mean last time I saw you…”

“I was pretty low,” Nate nodded. “Yes, I’m doing well.” He sat once Alistair had taken a seat.

“And does Cara know you’re back?” Alistair gave him a playful grin.

“She does,” Nate nodded, unable to keep from smiling. 

“Oooo. Does that mean what I think it does? Are you two back together?” Alistair returned to the boyish glee Nate remembered about him.

Nate chuckled, “We are. I’m surprised she didn’t tell you.”

“I haven’t had a chance to talk with her for a few months now, Uncle Eamon’s been pretty ill. It took most of my focus,” Alistair shrugged. “But good, I like you better than the last guy. He was a jackass.”

Nate snorted, “I’ve had the pleasure of meeting him. I’d say your assessment is pretty generous.”

Alistair shook his head, “I didn’t like him even when they were dating. Just something about him rubbed me the wrong way. But I’m not paying you way too much money to talk about all that. What can you do to help me with this empire I suddenly own? I mean I know nothing about business.”

“I can definitely help you. The first thing will be to decide if you want to retain ownership, or sell,” Nate settled in, ready to do what he did best: help clients.

***

Cara answered the knock at the door and let out a squeal of surprise and delight. “Alistair! I had no idea you’d be in town.” She pulled her dear friend in for a hug. “It’s so good to see you, come in.”

“I wanted to surprise you,” he chuckled. “Surprise!”

“Cullen’s here, he just stopped over for a minute,” Cara explained as she led Alistair into the house. “What are you doing in town?”

“Well I had a meeting with your boyfriend,” Alistair teased.

“You did? Wait, you’re his big client?” Cara looked at him confused.

“I think so, I’ll explain later. First who’s this?” he asked as he looked at Meg.

“Alistair, it’s me, Meg,” the girl laughed.

“No, no you can’t be Meg. Meg is much shorter and is a little girl. You’re clearly a very mature seven year old,” Alistair shook his head.

“No, it’s me,” Meg threw her arms around his waist.

Alistair feigned shock, “Why it is you? I’d remember those hugs anywhere.” He picked her up and gave her a proper hug and kiss on the cheek. “Are you being good for your mother?”

Meg nodded, “I am. Daddy’s here. He’s upstairs fixing a leak in my room.”

“It’s all patched, just needs to dry overnight,” Cullen replied as he walked down the stairs. “Alistair, I thought I heard your voice.” He extended his hand and shook Alistair’s.

“Well since Alistair’s here, why don’t you call Evelyn, we could all have dinner here tonight. I mean unless you have plans,” she looked at Alistair.

“Nope, no plans. Dinner sounds great,” Alistair answered, putting Meg back down.

“I have to pick her up at the bakery in a half hour, we’ll come back at 6?” Cullen suggested which Cara nodded to.

“I could call Leli too,” she offered and Alistair agreed. “Great. Alistair, make yourself at home in the living room. I’ll go make a few calls and then get dinner started. Meg, what do we do with guests?”

“Would you like something to drink Alistair?” Meg asked him.

“A water would be great. Thank you,” Alistair nodded. “When did she get so big?” he asked them after Meg left the room.

“Somewhere between blinks,” Cullen chuckled. “I’ll see you both in a little while. We’ll bring dessert.”

“Of course you will,” Cara teased, waving him off. She went into the kitchen to make her phone calls.

“Hey,” Nate’s voice was warm on the phone, and she couldn’t help but smile in return.

“Hey back. So Alistair’s here, and we’re going to have dinner and play some cards. Cullen’s on his way to get Evelyn, and Leli and Isabella will be over in a little bit. So what do you say? Can you come over anytime after 6?” Cara pulled out food from the fridge as she spoke.

“I don’t think so. There’s a lot to get done here. I’m sorry,” he sighed.

“Oh, of course,” Cara tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice. She didn’t want to be bothered by this, but she was. It seemed like he was always too busy until the weekends. “Did you get my message about tomorrow night?”

“I did, I meant to answer. I’ll be there.” His voice sounded distracted, as though he was working on something and only half paying attention.

“Ok, sure.”

“Cara, I’m sorry. I love you,” he answered.

“Yeah, I know. I love you, too. I’ll let you go, I can tell you’re busy,” she hung up half annoyed and half sad.

***

“So, just how wealthy are you?” Isabela asked as she tossed a card in the discard. Meg was already asleep and in her bed leaving just the adults to play cards.

“I’m not exactly sure to be honest,” Alistair rubbed the top of his head. “This whole thing is pretty new to me.”

“How’s your uncle?” Cara asked trying to change the subject away from something that clearly made Alistair uncomfortable.

“Better. He was touch and go for a while there, but now the doctor’s think they’ve got the right combination of chemo and drugs so it’s looking very promising for him,” Alistair nodded.

“That’s good to hear,” Leli agreed.

“This cheesecake is amazing, Evelyn,” Alistair grinned as he took another bite.

“Thank you,” Ev beamed. “How long are you in town for?”

“Only until tomorrow I’m afraid, there’s a lot to take care of back home. But I’ll be back for the wedding,” he promised.

“Well then we  _ must _ have breakfast at Ruby’s before you leave,” Leli suggested. Ruby’s had been their go-to cheap diner when she, Alistair and Cara had been in college together.  The food was greasy, but good, and the price was right for college kids.

“Sounds great, 8:30?” Alistair’s face lit up at the thought.

*** 

Cara braided her hair in front of her bathroom mirror in preparation for their double date. Breakfast that morning had been fun, lots of laughter and more catching up between the old friends. She and Meg even drove Alistair to the airport to see him off. Cullen had stopped over an hour ago to pick the girl up, leaving Cara plenty of time to get ready. She wore a white dress, simple but pretty. As she was applying her mascara her phone buzzed.

She waited until she was done primping to look at her phone as she walked back into the bedroom.

**From Nate** : I’m really sorry, but it’s going to be another long night.

Cara sat with a huff on the end of her bed, feeling deflated. She wasn’t sure which was stronger right now, the disappointment of him once again bailing or the anger that he’d done so when they’d had plans for an actual date, not just hanging out. She took a deep breath and called Anders.

“He cancelled. I’m sorry,” she felt as if she was letting him down.

“No, I’m sorry. You ok?” He could always pick up on her feelings no matter how she tried to hide them. She wasn’t sure if it was the healer in him or just that they were so close, but either way she appreciated that he did.

“I feel bad for backing out on you.”

“Whoa, you said he cancelled, that doesn’t mean you have to,” his voice was gentle.

“I don’t want to be a third wheel.”

“You never could be. If you’re not comfortable, it’s ok, but I’d really like you to meet Karl. I like him, like a lot, and you’re my family, so meeting you is about as close as I’ll ever get to him meeting the parents. What do you say?” Anders sounded hopeful and there was just no way she could say no to him.

“Ok. Can you pick me up?”

“Absolutely. You sure you’re ok?”

Cara sighed and flopped back on the bed. “It’s just...what if this is like before? Raleigh was always ‘ _ working late’ _ , but that was apparently when he was with other women.” She could feel her lip tremble as she spoke, the words, now said outloud, gained power and a hold of her heart.

“I don’t think it is. Nate’s crazy about you, he’s just being an idiot. I really don’t think there’s anyone else, sweetheart. And if there is, the offer to pummel him still stands.”

Cara smirked at his protectiveness while trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. “Thanks, Anders. I’ll see you in a little bit.”

“See you soon.” 

***

Cara entered her home around ten that night, slipping off her heels as soon as she locked the door. Tonight had been fun and she was glad Anders had asked her to still come. Karl was really nice. He had a soft Anderfels accent when he spoke, making everything he said seem even more interesting. He had a dry wit, but it was strong, often saying things very deadpan that would have you rolling in laughter when you realized what he’d said.

He had been warm, very easy to talk to, and Cara could see right away why Anders liked him so much. It was clear from the way Karl looked at Anders, that the feeling was mutual. She was happy to see Anders find someone finally. While he’d always been cracking jokes, and sweet, there was always a loneliness in his eyes before. She hoped Karl would be the end to that.

She readied herself for bed. It would be a short work week, only two days, then her trip out of town, leaving Sunday, but the thought of having to be up early after several days of ‘sleeping in’ until 8 left her dreading the morning already.

Her phone rang, and she didn’t need to look at it to know it was Nate calling, but she was tired and annoyed with him, and decided those two things were not a good combination. She’d most likely wind up saying something she’d regret later and decided it was best to just let it go to voicemail.

She crawled into bed that night with her head barely hitting the pillow before sleep took over.

***

Friday night the weather was unseasonably warm, a pleasant spring like day at the start of winter. Nate walked up to Cara’s door, flowers in hand hoping they would make up for him cancelling their date Wednesday. She hadn’t answered when he’d called to say goodnight, and she was too busy with grading papers to talk to him last night, though he suspected it was more that she was upset with him. He thought to take her out dancing tonight, or perhaps a movie to make it up to her.

As he was about to knock she stepped out, dressed nicely, clearly ready to go out for the night.

“Nate!” she looked at him surprised. “I’m sorry, I’m on my way out.”

“Oh. But it’s Friday and I thought…” he was confused, they always spent Friday nights together, even when she had Meg.

“You thought I’d just wait around for you to decide you had time to fit me in between your clients?” Yup, clearly upset with him, he thought.

“I’m sorry, I…”

“No. I’m going out with Leli tonight,” she locked her door and walked past him on the way to her car.

“Ok well tomorrow we could…”

“Busy tomorrow too,” she cut him off.

“Cara, please, I’m…”

“Don’t you dare say sorry again to me Nathaniel Howe,” she turned around to face him, clearly annoyed to the point he took a step back. “You are taking me for granted. I get that your job is important to you, but it seems that it’s more important than me, than this relationship. You need to figure out where your priorities are, and if the job is above me then I don’t think this is going to work between us. Ever since we made up it’s as if you feel like now you don’t have to put in effort anymore, that I’ll just be around when you feel like it.”

“No, Cara, wait…”

“I’m late to meet Leli. Hopefully by the time I’m back from my trip you’ll figure out what you want.” She closed the car door without waiting for a reply, leaving him standing on her lawn, still holding the flowers.

“Dammit, you idiot,” Nate chastised himself as he watched her drive off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked what Branson thought all those years ago about finding out Cullen and Cara were pregnant. Wrote this snippet:
> 
> <http://archiveofourown.org/works/10916778>


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate has a talk with his boss and then talks with Cara. NSFW ensues because of course it does!  
> Cara finally talks to Fergus again.

Nate sat in his office, a pile of files in front of him that he wasn’t paying attention to. Instead he started at Cara’s picture on his desk. She’d left for her business trip the day before and he missed her already. He was unsure how to fix this. The thought of stepping down from Jr. Partner, or maybe finding another firm altogether had run past his mind, but he loved this job. Not as much as he loved her though. He hated how they left things Friday nigh, and he knew her well enough to know that if she yelled like that, it meant it had been bothering her for a while and he just hadn’t paid it any attention until now.

Someone knocked on his open door and he looked up to see Mr. Wulff. “Sir.” Nate nodded.

“I came to thank you on how you handled the Therin case. I hope you weren’t too sore about Mr. Therin’s wanting to surprise you.” Mr. Wulff entered, closing the door behind him.

“Not at all. I was shocked to see it was Alistair, but it was good to catch up with him.” Nate smiled.

“How are you holding up, Nate? You look tired.”

“It’s more of a personal nature, sir. Not the work.”

“Happy home life leads to happy work life. Anything I can do to help?” Mr. Wulff offered with a sincere look on his face.

“It’s my girlfriend. She is not happy with the long hours I’ve been spending here lately,” Nate answered, wondering if he’d just sealed his fate at the firm.

“Ah,” Wulff nodded in understanding. “I have a word of advice when it comes to relationships if you don’t mind.”

“Of course, sir,” Nate nodded willing to hear any ideas at this point.

“The work will still be here in the morning. I appreciate your desire to impress us, but you already have. It’s not worth damaging your personal relationship.” Mr. Wulff sat as he spoke. “I lost my Alisha three years ago. I would give anything for just a few more hours with her. It wasn’t until she fell ill that I stepped away from the office.”

“I’m very sorry for your loss,” Nate frowned.

“My point,” Mr. Wulff said, reaching for the photo on Nate’s desk to point to Cara’s face, “is she is more important than anything here. Make the time for her, the work will still be here the next day, but you can’t know that she will.”

“Thank you, sir. That does help.”

“Mmm-hmm,” Wulff answered, seeming distracted. “Tell me Nate, your girlfriend, do you know if by chance she’s any relation to Bryce or Eleanor Cousland.”

“They were her parents. Why?”

Wulff smiled as he put the photo back on Nate’s desk. “She has her father’s smile and her mother’s eyes. I grew up with Bryce. Was an usher at his wedding in fact. I lost touch with them, you know how life gets. Damn shame what happened to them. You take care of that young lady there Nate. She’s special.”

“I’ll do my best, sir,” Nate answered with a smile, looking at her photo again.

***

Leliana helped button the top of Cara’s dress for her as they prepared for the class reunion together. She wore a sleeveless black dress that was a black lacy fabric laying over a silky layer that came to about halfway down her thighs. Her shoes were black heels with a leather cover on the foot that resembled the lace on her dress. Her hair hung loosely around her shoulders, and was currently putting the finishing touches on her makeup.

Since getting back into town that afternoon, she’d spent the day with Leli, shopping and just having fun. The trip to the conference had been busy and she’d learned a lot, but now she was ready to just unwind and have fun with her best girlfriend.

“So have you heard from Nate yet?” Leli asked as she applied her mascara.

“Nothing. I gave him the week to figure out what he wants,” Cara stood back from the mirror with a sigh. “I don’t know, maybe this is his answer.”

“Or maybe he’s just scared of you yelling at him again,” Leli tried to lighten Cara’s mood.

Cara chuckled, “I’ve known him since I was five. If my yelling was enough to scare him off, he would have run a long time ago, trust me.”

Cara looked at herself in the mirror from one side and then the other.

“I’d say we look perfect. Ready to go show up whoever was mean to us back then?” Cara smirked.

“Absolutely,” Leli grinned, grabbing her purse as they headed out.

The reunion was at a large ballroom in town. It was decorated beautifully, gold and red streamers - the school colors - hung from the ceilings and off to one half was a dance floor with a DJ playing music from when they were in school.

“Hey I see some people I know, come on,” Leli tugged on her elbow.

“Well now the party can begin!” A woman with pitch black straight hair smiled as they approached.

“Stacy Kendalls,” Cara beamed as they hugged. 

“It’s Stacy Phillips now. Cara, Leliana, this is my husband Reese. Reese, these two were usually in the center of trouble back in the day,” Stacy laughed.

“I have no idea what you are talking about and any photos she has are utter lies,” Leli smirked.

“You look great! What have you been up to?” Cara asked.

“I’m a housewife,” Stacy answered pulling out her phone as Leli started chatting up Reese. Stacy showed a picture of two adorable little boys with the same black hair as their mother. “We have two little terrors, Tyler and Matt, age 3 and 5. How about you?”

“One daughter, Meg. She just turned seven,” Cara proudly showed off a picture of the girl. “That’s her father and Evelyn, his bride to be.”

“You’re divorced?” Stacy looked sympathetic.

Cara smiled and shook her head, “No, we never married. We all get along great so it’s fine. Anyway, I teach second grade over at Denerim Prep.”

“Ooo la la,” Stacy teased rolling her eyes in jest. In school they’d all made fun of the Denerim Prep kids.

“Trust me, even the rich seven year olds talk back,” Cara laughed.

“I thought that was you, you look amazing!” Cara turned to see who spoke and smiled again.

“Marcus, you don’t look half bad yourself!” She hugged him when he held out his arms. She looked to where Leli had been standing to point her out, but saw she was now at the bar getting drinks for the two of them. “What have you been doing?”

“I’m a journalist with the Ferelden Star,” he explained. “Still single, you?”

Cara didn’t miss the hopeful look in his eyes, “I’m seeing someone.”

Marcus sighed, “A day late and a dollar short again. Still I may have a chance as long as it’s not Nathaniel Howe.”

“I wouldn’t count on that,” they all turned to see Nate standing there, a teasing smile on his face as he looked at Marcus. “Good to see you again,” he shook the man’s hand.

“Curses, foiled again,” Marcus chuckled.

Nate looked beside him at Cara who was looking a combination of relieved to see him and possibly still a little annoyed. He hadn’t felt this nervous around her since that day in her living room.

“Dance with me?” he asked her, his eyes pleading as he held out a hand. He breathed a sigh of relief when she took it.

“Well some things never change. Nathaniel Howe shows up and the rest of us don’t exist,” Stacy laughed as she and Marcus and Reese talked.

Cara put her arms around the back of Nate’s head when they reached the dance floor. He ran the back of his hand along her bare arms.

“If I say I’m sorry, will you yell at me for it?” He looked into her eyes as he spoke, hoping to see some sign that he hadn’t screwed this all up for good. Her dancing with him was a positive sign.

“Only if you don’t know why you’re saying it,” she reassured him.

“I got too complacent. You’re right, I was putting my work ahead of everything else. I never meant for you to feel like you’re second to anything. I swore to myself I’d never let you feel that way and then I did it anyway.” The backs of his fingers ran along her bare arms as he spoke. She shivered in response to it. “I already talked to my boss. I’ll work late once a week-- Thursdays since you’re already busy with Cullen and Ev that night. Other than that, it will be a rare,  _ very _ rare that I’d need to work late any other night. Nothing’s more important to me than you and Meg. I’m sorry for ever making you think otherwise.”

Cara smiled and lifted her head up, placing a kiss to his lips. Nate’s arms wrapped around her in response. “I love you.”

Nate let out a sigh of relief, “I love you too. More than anything. This whole week I was miserable and missing you.”

She rested her head on his chest, allowing them to be as close as they could while the song continued to play.

 

_ I'll be there for you _

_ These five words I swear to you _

_ When you breathe I want to be the air for you _

_ I'll be there for you _

_ I'd live and I'd die for you _

_ Steal the sun from the sky for you _

_ Words can't say what a love can do _

_ I'll be there for you _

“Are we ok?” he asked still needing to be reassured.

“We are,” Cara squeezed her arms around him gently. “I missed you too.”

Once again, beautiful art from [phoqingart.tumblr](https://phoqingart.tumblr.com/)

 

“Leli,” Nate said to her a few hours later after he’d arrived, “I know it’s bad form, but I’m stealing away your date.”

Leli sighed overdramatically and put her arm across her forehead, “You cad!”

They said their goodnights to everyone, stopping at the coat check on the way out. Nate put Cara’s coat on her and then took her hand, leading her out to his car. He’d arrived late, and his car was in the far back, away from the well lit areas as a result. No sooner had he sat in the car then she was pulling him closer and kissing him with enough fervor that it was starting to arouse him just from that.

“Cara,” he moaned as she started nipping at his neck, her hand running down his chest.

“I told you before you look really good in a suit,” her hands were now undoing his belt, and then opened his slacks as she continued to kiss his neck.

“Here?” he panted.

“Here. I haven’t been with you in two weeks,” she replied, wrapping her fingers around his already hard cock. Before he could say more she’d disappeared from his neck. Her lips wrapped around his shaft and he moaned loudly and lightly gripped her hair.

“Cara, Maker,” he sighed as the heat from her mouth reduced him to a quivering mass. Her tongue ran along the sensitive backside of his cock and he moaned again. She continued to bob on him, her hand touching what she couldn’t fit in her mouth. Nate’s head rested against the back of the seat facing the roof as he closed his eyes and just melted into her ministrations. She was quickly sending him to his climax.

Nate tugged at her hair to warn her. Cara sat up, but a moment later she was straddling his hips. She pushed her panties to the side and sunk down on him. Both moaned in response and his hand gripped her hips, lifting her and then pulling her back down, her velvety warm heat surrounding him. He looked just to be sure they couldn’t be seen, and then gave her his full attention. Their kisses were heated, all tongue and heavy breathing. Cara reached down and began to play with her clit, moaning as she did. Her head laid sideways on his shoulder as she breathed heavily into the side of his neck. She started clamping onto him from the inside as she threw her head back and moaned quietly, clearly near her end. Her chest arched into him as she whispered his name.

Nate pulled her down hard on himself and felt himself release, filling her with his seed as she shook above him. 

“Fuck. You are incredible,” Nate groaned as he rested his head on her shoulder trying to catch his breath.

“Take me home and I’ll show you just how incredible I can be,” she teased into his ear, nearly too quiet to hear.

Nate groaned, “You better not be hoping to sleep tonight, I have plans for you.”

***

Cara pulled at her fingers nervously as she sat in the passenger seat of Nate’s car. “I’m not so sure about this.”

“Trust me,” he answered reassuringly, reaching over to take one of her hands in his, only glancing over since he was driving. “Have you talked to him at all in the last month?”

“No,” Cara sighed as she looked out the window at the passing trees. “Turn right at the next street.”

“Then it’s time,” he squeezed her hand.

“It’s the blue one with the white porch,” she instructed.

Nate pulled into the driveway, looking at Cara after turning the engine off. She sat there looking more nervous than he had ever seen her before. He put a hand on her cheek, “It’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know how he can get…”

“I’m going to be right there, no matter what it’ll be fine,” he reassured her. He took her hand in his as they started walking up the steps.

Iron Bull greeted them at the door. Cara’s face fell when she saw him. “Not a good day then?”

Iron Bull shook his head and smiled as he stepped back to let them in. “No, it’s fine, Wynne just needed the day off to see her son who’s in town. Your brother’s reading the paper in the sunroom.” He looked Nate up and down as they entered. “The Iron Bull,” he held out a hand and introduced himself.

“Nate,” Nate replied shaking his hand.

Cara took a deep breath and then walked to the sunroom, Nate following a foot behind. Fergus looked up when he saw her and put down his paper as he stood. The large smile on his face released some of her tension. He pulled her into one of his patented bear hugs and it was then that he seemed to notice they weren’t alone.

“Hey, there’s a face I haven’t seen in a long time,” his voice overly cheerful. Fergus reached out a hand to Nate as he let Cara go. 

“Hi, Fergus. You look well,” Nate shook his hand, taking a seat opposite him when Fergus motioned to it. Cara took the seat that was between them at the square table.

“I thought you said you broke up,” Fergus leaned closer and whispered. “Wasn’t he drinking?”

Cara smiled and pat his hand, “That was almost nine years ago.”

“Oh,” Fergus sighed and looked at Nate. “I’m sorry, sometimes I get times mixed up.”

The Iron Bull appeared with a tray with hot tea and cookies, nodding at them and then leaving, giving Cara a small grin as he left.

“I like when you visit, they let me have cookies,” Fergus chuckled with a wink.

“To what you were saying,” Nate took the cup of tea Fergus offered him, “I’ve gotten help. Sober almost nine years now.”

Fergus smiled again, “That’s wonderful news. I was sad when Cara said the wedding was off. Except for when you’d make her cry in school, I’ve always liked you.”

Cara looked at Nate who gave her a reassuring look as his foot brushed hers. “That’s why we came to see you,” she took a deep breath to attempt to calm her nerves. “We’re dating again.” She took Nate’s hand in hers as she said that.

Fergus chuckled. “That’s wonderful, Pup. Then you’re not seeing that cop anymore?”

“Raleigh? No. Not for nearly a year now,” Cara reminded him.

“Oh, oh that’s right. Well this is joyus news then,” Fergus smiled large.

“You’re not upset?” Cara worried.

“No, why would I be? You two look very happy.” 

“Because,” Cara sighed and bit her lip. “Because when I told you before you told me it was either you or him.” Her lip trembled slightly as her voice wavered.

“I said that?” Fergus raised an eyebrow. Cara nodded in reply. “Oh, Pup. I’m sorry.”

Cara leaned over to give her brother a hug. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Fergus answered, releasing her from the hug. “You really shouldn’t listen to me you know.” He squeezed her hand affectionately, “Don’t you know I’m crazy?”

Cara snorted, “You’re not crazy, Fergus.”

Fergus smirked. “No, but it got you to laugh, so my job is done. Do you two want to stay for lunch? I don’t get to flex my big brother muscles often. It’ll be nice to grill your suitor for old time sakes.”

“Lunch sounds great,” Nate replied, smiling at Cara. All the tension she’d been carrying since he’d suggested they come over finally left her shoulders. He felt joy at seeing her reclaim her connection with her brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are from "I'll Be There for You" by Bon Jovi (written by Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora).  
> Video for the song is here [I'll Be There For You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mh8MIp2FOhc)


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few fluff parts and then Cullen's wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - homophobic slur about 1/2 way in.

Cara was curled on the couch, book in hand while Nate and Meg worked on a jigsaw puzzle together on the coffee table. It was a rainy Saturday afternoon, and she found she was enjoying the peace that fell in the house for the day. For the last two weeks he’d done exactly as promised. Monday’s he’d spent at Hawke’s to watch football, but he now spent Tuesdays and Wednesdays, as well as the weekend, with Cara, even though she’d tried to reassure him she didn’t want him to feel obligated to spend all his free time with her. Nate reminded her he had over eight years of missing her to make up for.

Cara got up when someone rang the doorbell. She looked through the glass and at first saw no one, until movement lower to the ground caught her attention. She smiled when she saw who it was and opened the door, looking down at her guest.

“Michael, did you come here from South Reach all on your own?” she teased the blonde haired four year old that stood there.

“No, Aunt Cara,” the boy laughed and then looked behind him where his father was walking up the path.

“Meg’s in the living room, go say hi to your cousin,” she stepped aside to let the boy run into the house. She held her arms out to Branson as he neared, who picked her up off her feet into a crushing hug.

“Good to see you, brat,” he chuckled as he put her back down on the ground.

“Good to see you too, come in,” she led him into the house.

“I’m sorry we didn’t call first,” he smirked.

“Nonsense, you’re welcome here anytime,” Cara reassured him. As they entered the living room, Nate stood to greet their guest while Meg and Michael were excitedly talking to each other on the floor.

Nate took one look at the man beside Cara and had no question to whom he must be.  He wasn’t quite as tall as Cullen, but he had the same nose and jaw. His hair was not quite long enough to be in a ponytail, but a contrast to Cullen’s short cut.

“Nate, this is Branson, Cullen’s brother and my friend from college. Bran, this is Nate Howe.” She went to stand beside Nate as she introduced them.

“Nate,” Branson shook his hand, “I’ve heard about you from my niece. Apparently you let her beat up a chicken for dinner?”

Nate chuckled, “Glad to hear she had fun with that. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Uncle Bran,” Meg ran up and threw her arms around his waist.

“Hey, look at you. You’ve grown nearly a foot since I’ve seen you last!”

“Are you here for my daddy’s wedding?” She looked up at him, arms still around his waist.

“I am,” Branson nodded. “I was hoping your mother would let me steal you in a little bit. Your aunts are back at the hotel and would love to see you.”

Meg looked at Cara who smiled and nodded, “Of course you can go.”

“Yay!” Meg smiled running back over to her cousin. “Can I show Michael my room?”

“Yes, but careful on the stairs,” Cara instructed, smiling as the two ran past.

“Make yourself at home,” Cara motioned to the couch. “I’ll just get us some coffee.”

Cara returned a few minutes later with their coffee and found the two of them discussing sports. Branson was someone that was always quick to make friends, and it appeared this was no exception.

“So, Cullen tells me you’ve met someone,” Cara smirked at Branson. His wife had died during childbirth, and ever since then it’d been just him and Michael.

Branson chuckled and shook his head. “My brother’s getting ahead of himself. I’ve had two dates with her.”

“I think he’s just excited for you,” Cara patted his leg. There was a thump from upstairs.

“I’ll go make sure they’re not destroying the house,” Nate offered as he stood up to head upstairs.

After he left, Branson pushed her arm playfully. “Is that the same guy from all those years back?”

Cara blushed and nodded, sipping from her cup of coffee.

“You look happy,” Branson smirked. 

“I am,” Cara smirked.

“Good,” Branson leaned back on the couch. “Shithead still coming around?”

Cara smirked, “He’s still causing trouble. Wish I could say otherwise.”

“Maybe my brother should just break his nose again,” Branson snorted.

“Speaking of trouble, Alistair was here a few weeks ago,” Cara changed the subject.

“Yeah, he called me. I’d like to wake up one day and suddenly be a multi-millionaire,” he laughed.

“It’s good to see you, Bran. You should come to Denerim to visit more,” Cara smiled.

“Maybe I will. At least you won’t make me wear a tux,” he winked. “Alistair said he’s getting into town tonight, why don’t we get together for old time sake? You bring your boyfriend, and I’ll ask my sisters to watch the rugrats.”

“That sounds great,” Cara nodded.

*******

Cara snuggled beside Nate on the couch. He was watching the news, his arm around her while she just relaxed, eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of being close, of the intimacy of just being around each other. Meg had been asleep for two hours, and the house was peacefully quiet. She jumped when there was a knock at the door. It was nearly eleven, who could possibly be here now?

Nate stood and held his hand out to indicate she should wait while he got the door. She remained on the couch but strained her ears to hear who it could be. She could hear him and another man’s voice talking in low whispers. A minute later he walked back into the living room, Cullen walking in behind him looking upset.

“Cullen?” She stood up and walked to where he was. Nate stepped away, sitting back on the couch to presumably give them privacy. They walked into the kitchen to talk.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s late,” his hands were shaking and his breath was short. “I promise not to wake her, but can I see Meg. Please?”

“Of course, but what’s wrong?” She was worried and reached for his arm.

Cullen let out a shaky breath. “It was a kid tonight. Someone gave red lyrium to a little...he was only eight. Who would do that? He was so tiny…”

Cara covered her mouth from the shock.  She pulled Cullen into a hug and felt him cry silently. 

“Please, I just...I want to see her,” he wiped his eyes as he stood back up.

“Of course. Go on up, as long as you need and don’t worry if you wake her,” Cara nodded. She frowned as she watched him, his shoulders slumped. She knew working homicide already took his toll on him, but the kids, those were what always hit him the hardest. Her heart broke, not just for him, but for the mother she imagined mourning her son tonight.

“You ok?” Nate entered the doorway behind her.

“I am,” Cara sighed. “I’m more worried for him.”

Nate nodded, wrapping his arms around her and letting her rest against him.

***

“How’s my favorite sister?” Anders’ voice was cheery, almost too cheery on the phone.

“She’s wondering what you need so badly that you’re starting the call by kissing up to her,” Cara answered with a smirk.

“Well,” his voice sounded a little strained, “you remember how I was going to that rally for mage rights today?”

“Yes,” Cara wondered where he was headed.

“So, funny thing, haha,” he continued. “A bunch of us got picked up by the police. I sort of am sitting in the clink now.”

Cara sighed, “Which precinct?”

“I’m at Cullen’s. He’s not working tonight or I would have just asked for him, although I suspect he’d let me stew just because he’d think it was funny,” Anders sighed.

“Ok, I’ll be there soon,” she reassured him.

“Thanks, you’re the best. I owe you,” he let out a sigh of relief.

“Yes, yes you do. I’ll get my checkbook,” she told him before hanging up. “Meg, get your shoes, we need to go out.”

As the officer walked her towards the cell to let Anders out, she wondered why he hadn’t just called Karl, not that she minded helping him. Her question was answered when they reached the cell and she noticed Karl sitting in there next to him.

“I’ll take him, too,” she told the guard, pointing to Karl.

Anders’ smile beamed large when she did. “You’re sure?” Cara nodded and they both exited.

“Thank you,” Karl smiled at her warmly. 

“You owe me a very fancy dinner,” Cara winked at Karl. “ _ Very _ fancy.” 

_ Well at least they are a good match _ she thought to herself with a chuckle. She paid the clerk while Meg jumped around Anders, excited to see him.

Meg was holding Anders hand when Lieutenant Justice approached them.

“Anders,” he looked the man up and down. “It’s been a long time.”

“Justice,” Anders’ lips were in a stiff line. Cara looked between the two, wondering how they knew each other.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” Justice asked, looking down at Meg holding Anders’ hand.

“Of course. Karl, this is Justice. Justice, meet Karl, “ Anders’ face was still tight looking. “My boyfriend,” he added. 

Justice shook his head. “Still acting out for attention with all this  _ homo stuff  _ I see. “

“Still the same bigoted asshole like the parents, I see, “ Anders snapped back, turning and walking out of the precinct. 

“Anders?” Cara tried to calm him as they approached her car. 

Anders let out a sigh and looked at both her and Karl. “He's my brother. He turned his back on me when I came out, same as my parents.”

“It's his loss,” Cara pulled him in for a hug. 

“Don’t be sad. I love you, Uncle Anders,” Meg looked up at him while reaching for his hand.

Anders bent down and picked her up. “That makes everything better. I love you too, Peanut.”

***

“We’re waiting for you,” Nate teased as he walked into Cara’s bedroom. He wrapped his arms around her waist and began to nibble at her neck.

“ _ That _ is not going to speed things up any,” she whined as she held his biceps.

“I can’t help it that you look too good in this dress to leave alone.” Nate took her earlobe in between his teeth. “You’re lucky there’s a little girl waiting in the front room for us or this dress would be on the floor.”

“We don’t need the dress to come off, you know, just these,” Cara’s hand rubbed along the growing bulge in his slacks.

Nate growled as he pushed her against the wall, kissing her neck again, “Evil temptress.” He pulled away and looked her up and down with desire in his eyes, wanting nothing more than to follow through on his threat, and knowing that they didn’t have time. “You’re mine when we get home,” he promised her in a seductive tone as he readjusted himself to be less obvious in regard to the effect she had on him, raising an eyebrow at her.

Cara straightened her hair as she grinned, clearly pleased with herself.

“What’s taking you so long anyway? You look beautiful,” he smiled at her.

“I was trying to find my mother’s necklace. You know, the flower one that goes with these earrings?” she motioned to her ears where she was wearing the earrings Meg had given her for her birthday, a request of the girl. “But I can’t find it. I’m sure I would have put it back in the jewelry box.”

“We’ll look for it tomorrow, ok? We really do need to go,” Nate reached out his hand for her.

“Ok, sure,” Cara nodded with a sigh, grabbed her dress jacket and followed him out.

*******

“Well look at you. Don’t you know it’s bad to be cuter than the bride?” Josephine teased Meg as she and Cara entered the bridal suite.

“I think in this case I don’t mind,” Evelyn laughed as she bent down to get a hug from Meg. “You are the most adorable flower girl ever.”

Meg smiled wide, “Thanks! You look like a princess!!!”

Evelyn giggled, “Thank you, Meg. Are you going to stick around?” she asked Cara as she hugged her.

“Only for a few minutes. You look beautiful. Cullen’s going to flip when he sees you,” Cara beamed at her. “I’m going to go say hi to Cass and then I’ll leave you to finish getting ready.”

As Cara walked over to talk to Cass, Evelyn’s cousin Marna walked up to the bride, helping her tie the back of her dress. “How can you be ok with that woman being in here? I mean, she slept with Cullen. If it was me I wouldn’t want her anywhere near this place.”

“Marna, that was before I ever even met him,” Evelyn scolded her.

“So what, you two sit around and trade notes on how he is?” Marna asked, tying the bow at the waist of Evelyn’s dress. Evelyn rolled her eyes. Marna was her least favorite relative, she only asked her to be in the party as a favor to her own mother.

“Oh yes, I can tell you, he’s  _ fantastic _ . There’s this thing he does…” Cara interrupted from across the room, clearly hearing them, winking at Evelyn.

Evelyn caught on and played along, “Cara! We said we wouldn’t let anyone know about  _ that. _ ”

“You’re both disgusting,” Marna sneered and walked off.

“Do you really talk about  _ that _ ?” Evelyn’s younger sister, Tara, asked Cara quietly.

Cara laughed, “No. Can you imagine how many shades of red Cullen would turn if we did?”

***

Cara sat next to Nate on the groom’s side of the aisle. Several minutes later, Cullen, Bran, and two of Evelyn’s brother’s lined up at the front of the chantry. Cullen’s hands were clasped in front of him, but Cara could tell he was very nervous. Meg and Michael made their way up the aisle as the flower girl and ring bearer. Those in attendance awed and oohed over how adorable they were. When they reached the front, Meg gave Cullen a large hug around his waist. Cullen smiled affectionately at his daughter with a hand on her back.

After the rest of her attendants were at the front, the music changed and everyone stood to watch Evelyn walk down the aisle. Cara turned her head to look at Cullen, and sure enough he looked gobsmacked. She saw him take a large gulp and shift. While he looked nervous, he also looked so so happy, and it warmed her heart. She turned back around to watch Evelyn walk arm in arm with her father.

While everyone else was watching Evelyn, Nate was watching Cara, his hand resting gently on her hip. He wondered what their wedding day would have been like. Would he have been as nervous as Cullen was? What did Cara’s dress look? He never had a chance to see it. What would it have felt like to have them pronounced as man and wife? Evelyn looked beautiful, sure, but to him, she paled in comparison to the woman next to him. She was the most giving, caring, loving person he knew. She was patient, but also had no fear at calling him out on his own shit. She made him a better person by keeping high expectations of how he treated her. But even with all that, she somehow saw fit to give him another chance time and again. Her love was worth anything he needed to do to keep her happy. He hoped someday he’d get the chance to answer his questions about how their wedding day would be. 

When they sat again, he took her hand in his, weaving their fingers together. Cara looked at him for a moment, squeezing his hand gently and then leaned her head on his shoulder as they watched the Chantry Mother begin the ceremony.

The ceremony was beautiful. Cullen and Evelyn had written their own vows, and Evelyn cried both when she read hers and when Cullen read his to her. Everyone applauded when they were finally announced as man and wife, and had their first married kiss. Meg ran up to them as the couple walked down the aisle, and Cullen held out his free hand to the girl, letting her walk with them.

The reception was at a beautiful banquet hall, a string quartet played as guests made their way into the room. Meg found Cara and Nate at their table and ran over, pulling herself into Nate’s lap.

“Mama, daddy’s married!” Meg exclaimed.

“That he is, Peanut,” Cara tapped the girl’s nose affectionately.

Meg turned slightly so she could look at Nate. “Did you see me walk down the aisle?”

“I did. You did a wonderful job,” Nate gave her a small squeeze of his arms that were around her to hold her on his lap.

Meg leaned against his chest and smiled proudly. Cara felt so happy seeing them like that. To see Meg acting as if Nate was part of the family, and how much he clearly adored her as well warmed her heart. It seemed that now that the tension about Raleigh was gone with Meg, her and Nate had grown closer, which also made Cara feel closer to Nate.

“Mama?” Meg asked still leaning against Nate.

“Yes, Peanut?” Cara gave the girl her attention.

“Evelyn’s my step mother now, right?”

“Yes she is,” Cara nodded.

Meg frowned a little, “But she’s not mean like in Cinderella.”

“Well,” Cara laughed, “most aren’t. Most are very nice like Evelyn.”

“I don’t like calling her that though,” Meg shook her head. “Do I have to still call her Evelyn?”

“Well, what do you want to call her?” Cara exchanged a half smile with Nate.

“My friend, Blair is from Starkhaven. She calls her mother màthair. Could I call her that?”

“Well you’ll need to ask Evelyn, but I’m very sure she’d like that,” Cara touched Meg’s cheek affectionately. Meg looked up at Nate who nodded to her in agreement.

She got up from Nate’s lap and left the table. Cara watched as Meg approached Evelyn who was walking around with Cullen, talking to their guests. Evelyn bent down to talk to Meg, and while Cara couldn’t hear what was being said, she knew right away when Meg had asked her question. Evelyn’s face lit up and her eyes watered as she nodded and then hugged Meg.

“That was very sweet of you,” Nate said to Cara, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it.

“What was?” Cara looked at him, continuing to hold his hand.

“A lot of women wouldn’t be as ok with their child calling someone else mother. You handled that with grace,” Nate answered.

“In a lot of ways she is, though. She’s been in Meg’s life for years, and she clearly loves her as much as Cullen and I do. I feel like she’s always sort of kept herself a little apart, not wanting to overstep, but hopefully now she’ll embrace the role.” Cara watched from across the room as Meg now stood between Cullen and Evelyn holding both their hands as they continued to talk to guests. “There’s so much family she’ll never get to meet. How could I deny her someone that will love her unconditionally?”

“You are an amazing woman,” Nate said softly, leaning over and kissing her cheek.

***

Cara smiled as she looked to her right and saw Meg, her feet on top of Cullen’s, holding his hands as they danced. She was looking up at her father with a large smile. Nearby, Evelyn was dancing with Michael in her arms, the little boy laughing as they did.

Cara looked back up at Nate and his arms squeezed around her back slightly. He smiled as he bent down and gave her a soft kiss. Cara sighed and rested her head on his chest as they danced. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so happy as she had since he’d reappeared in her life. He was the same man she’d loved since forever, but somehow improved. He was more thoughtful in his actions, save their recent fight. He made her feel safe and more relaxed just by being around. Whenever she looked at him, she felt nothing but love and happiness. Without even realizing it, he’d put her broken heart back together and mended her shattered life. Helping reconnect her with Fergus was just the latest proof of that. As if not wonderful enough, how great he was with Meg was another thing that made her fall harder for him. He was not only gracious with including her on their dates when she was with Cara, but he was silly with her-- telling jokes or playing make believe -- he helped her with her homework, told her bedtime stories, and just in general clearly cared as much for Meg as he did for Cara.

Cara looked back up at Nate again and smiled as she ran the fingertips of one hand along the nape of his neck. She loved him, but somehow  _ love _ didn’t seem a strong enough word for what she felt for him. He was home, he was safety and friendship and acceptance. He was her past but also her future.

“I love you,” she told him. The way his smile warmed and his eyes sparkled when she told him that made her breath catch.

“And I am the luckiest man alive for that. I love you, too,” he said as his fingers brushed along her back.

***

“I want to go with Daddy,” Meg whined, clearly overtired.

“Not tonight. He needs time alone with Evelyn. We’ll see them tomorrow at breakfast,” Cara told her, gathering up their things as Nate picked Meg up. She put her head on his shoulder and yawned. Cara suspected the girl would be passed out before they got back home.

“You have everything?” Nate asked her.

Cara looked around, she’d already said her goodbyes to the happy couple, and didn’t see anyone she needed to say farewell to that they hadn’t already. “We’re good, let’s go.”

Nate got Meg, who was quickly losing consciousness, situated in the back of Cara’s car and then slid into the driver’s seat. He leaned over and gave Cara a small kiss. “Have I told you how beautiful you are?” he whispered not wanting to wake Meg.

Cara smiled, “You have. You clean up nice yourself.”

Nate brushed the back of his fingers along her cheek. “You put all the other women to shame, including the bride.”

Cara blushed and watched as Nate turned his attention back to starting up the car and driving them home. Raleigh would tell her she was pretty, but somehow it was different when Nate said it. When Raleigh would say it, it seemed more like it was to get himself out of trouble, or to distract her. When Nate said it, it felt like he was speaking from the heart.

Cara looked in the back seat when they pulled into her driveway. As she had suspected, Meg was fast asleep.

“I’ll get her, you go unlock the door,” Nate offered.

Cara did that, turning off the alarm once in the hallway. She walked into the living room, dropping off Meg’s flower girl basket and her own purse onto the table. There was a light on in the kitchen, but also one in the hall to her room. She could have sworn the kitchen light was the only one she’d left on, but then again, she’d been distracted by Nate and his wandering hands when they were leaving for the wedding.

Nate entered the living room, Meg in his arms. Cara smiled and led the way upstairs to the girl’s bedroom. Nate put Meg on her bed and then put a kiss on Cara’s forehead, telling her he’d wait for her downstairs. Over the years she’d gotten good at undressing and then redressing the passed out child into pajamas. She had Meg ready and in bed within a few minutes and walked back downstairs.

“Everything all right?” Nate asked her when he noticed the look on her face. He’d already removed his jacket and tie when she appeared.

“Yeah. It just feels like someone was here while we were out,” Cara shrugged, “but I don’t know why.”

“The alarm was on, right?” he asked as he pulled her close to him.

“It was. I’m probably just being silly.” She put her arms around his neck and ran her fingers in his hair.

“Probably, but would it make you feel better if I took a look around?” he offered, wanting nothing more than for her to just feel safe.

“No, I’m just being silly. Let’s get out of these clothes and into something more relaxed,” Cara said as she stepped out of her shoes, losing a few inches in height.

“Mmm,” Nate hummed pressing a kiss to her lips. He only pulled back a fraction of an inch when he spoke again. “I know something we can do to relax once we’re out of these clothes.”

Cara giggled and pressed another kiss to his lips as he started slowly walking her backwards towards her bedroom.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happen....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING for violence.

Cara looked at herself in the mirror and smiled at what she saw. She wore a black cocktail dress. It was an off-the-shoulder style neckline, she’d picked it specifically because she knew how much Nate loved to touch and kiss her shoulders, and how much she loved it when he did that. The dress itself came to just above the knee, the fabric was smooth nylon, showing off her curves. She was pretty sure he would drool when he saw her.

Her makeup done, she added the diamond necklace and earrings Nate had given her for Satinalia. The end of the year was just a week away, and she looked forward to the new year. They were going out tonight to celebrate instead since she’d have Meg on New Year’s Eve, to give Cullen and Evelyn a chance to welcome in the new year as a married couple for the first time. 

The last six months with Nate had been wonderful, even better than they were all those years ago. On top of that, Raleigh seemed to have finally given up. She hadn’t heard from him in nearly two months; it felt like she could finally breath. She decided she looked as perfect as she could get, and walked into the hallway, smiling when she saw him in her living room, dressed in a black suit pacing and looking a bit nervous. His back was to her and he hadn’t seen her yet.

\----

“I’ll be just a few minutes,” he heard Cara call out to him when he let himself into her house. In addition to the pearl cufflinks on his shirt, she’d presented him with a key for her home on Satinalia. He still had his own apartment, but knowing that he was so welcome in her home that he now had a key meant more than he could put into words.

He took a deep breath as he tried sitting on the couch and decided a moment later he was too nervous to sit and began to pace in front of the couch. He checked his pocket for the tenth time since leaving his place that night to reassure himself the ring box was still there in his jacket pocket. He hoped he wasn’t rushing things too fast, but it felt right. It had only been six months, but ever since Cullen’s wedding he knew, without any doubt, that he wanted to spend his life with Cara. He just didn’t feel complete without her and he wanted to start their life together as soon as possible.

He turned his head when he heard her giggle at him and his breath caught in his throat when he saw her. She was beautiful, and not because of the dress. Even in sweats she was beautiful. But now, taking in the sight of her tight dress, wearing the jewelry he’d given her, he was blown away. He walked up to her and his fingers wove into her hair as he kissed her. The kiss turned more heated as she opened her lips and tilted her head. His lips left hers to press kisses to her shoulders, pulling her closer with his arm around her waist.

“Do you want to stay in?” she moaned as his tongue ran along her neck.

He absolutely wanted nothing more than to pull that dress off and bury himself in her. No he yelled in his head. He had plans for tonight. Plans he’d spent the last two weeks putting together. As much as he wanted her, he forced himself to pull away. He wanted tonight to be perfect. She deserved that much.

“Yes, but we have reservations. We can pick back up on this when we return,” he promised, placing a kiss on the back of her hand. He held up her jacket, helping her in it and then took her hand, leading them out into the night.

\---

Cara set the alarm and then locked her door. When she turned back around, she wrapped her arm around the one he held out for her. He was being so sweet tonight, and they had barely left her yard.

“I told you before to get the fuck away from my family!” She froze when she heard Raleigh’s voice.

Nate pushed her behind him, blocking her view of what was happening. “Let’s just stay calm, alright,” Nate was speaking in low tones.

“No. You think you can just walk in and take what isn’t yours. She’s mine. I told you before to leave and you wouldn’t listen,” Raleigh was clearly getting more agitated.

Cara looked around to see if there was anyone that could help as she tried to get her purse open to get to her panic button. No one seemed to be on the street. Somewhere a dog barked and then a car backfired drawing her attention. Nate fell to the ground in front of her and she looked where he had been, seeing Raleigh holding a gun. Her heart fell into her stomach realizing what it was that she had thought was backfire. Cara screamed, falling to her knees beside Nate, forgetting about her search through her purse..

His eyes were closed, and there was blood, so much blood, pooling around him. “No, no Nate. Baby, please, wake up Nate.” 

Tears blurred her vision as panic started to overcome her. She pulled out her phone, pressing the emergency button to automatically call 911. Her free hand reached to touch his face, but she was yanked away before she could. 

“You’re coming with me,” Raleigh snarled.

“No, Nate,” Cara tried to struggle away from him to get back to Nate lying on the ground, his body paling before her eyes. A hand held a cloth over her nose and mouth and the world went black. She could hear someone on the phone ask to state the emergency as she lost consciousness.

***

“Detective Rutherford, my office,” Captain Aveline Vallen called to him.

“What’d you do?” Cass whispered out of the side of her mouth.

Cullen shrugged, “Dunno. Wish me luck.”

Cullen entered the Captain’s office. There was another man there, someone he’d seen before in their sister precinct. He was with their Major Crimes division, Cullen knew that much but couldn’t recall his name. The detective was bulky, with a large bushy black beard and long hair pulled back into a tail.

“Cullen, this is Lieutenant Blackwell from the 9th precinct,” the Captain indicated the other man, to whom Cullen nodded.

Wait! Why did his Captain use his first name? Captain Vallen was known for her professionalism, even when not called for. Even at his wedding, she’d called him Detective the entire time. “Captain?”

Captain Vallen sighed as she leaned back, an odd expression on her face. “There’s been an incident at Ms. Cousland’s tonight.”

“Cara?” His gut clenched. He realized that if Blackwall was here, this was not good. He locked eyes with the other man, needing answers.

“We received a 911 call, with no one on the other side. We arrived to find a GSW on the front lawn. Male. Unconscious.”

“No one else?” Cullen looked between him and his Captain.

“No, but there were signs of a struggle,” Blackwall handed over a clear evidence bag to Cullen.

Inside was a lipstick, a set of keys and a phone. “These are Cara’s,” he looked up again, recognizing the phone and the keys.

Blackwall frowned, taking back the bag. “That was what we had suspected, thank you for confirming that. We also found a rag. They’re running tests to confirm, but it smelled of red lyrium. We think that’s whoever attacked managed to subdue her. The victim’s wallet ID’d him as Nathaniel Howe.”

Cullen nodded, “That’s her boyfriend. He’s dead?”

“Not yet. He’s in Denerim General in surgery at the moment. There was a lot of blood loss before we even arrived. His outcome isn’t looking good at the moment,” Blackwall shook his head. “Detective is there anything you can tell us that may help this investigation?”

“It’s Samson,” Cullen replied quickly. “I’m willing to stake my badge on it. The man that did this is Raleigh Samson.”

“A former detective down at the 12th in narcotics,” the Captain filled in the details for Blackwall. “She’s had some run ins with him.”

“There’s a restraining order against him, which your detectives will probably find in their background search of her,” Cullen explained. “Captian, with your permission, I’d like to…”

Captain Vallen held up her hand to cut him off. “I already know what you’re going to say. I’ve spoken with Lieutenant Blackwall’s SO. You’re on temporary loan to the 9th to assist. Tell Detective Pentaghast to partner up with Lavellan while you’re gone.”

Cullen nodded and stood. “I need to call home, I don’t want my daughter to see this on the news.”

The Captain nodded. As he began to open the door she spoke again, “Cullen, I’ll say a prayer for her. If we can be of any help, you tell us alright. That includes you. You need anything, you call.”

“Thank you, Captain,” he nodded. His voice was shaky. He was trying, without much success, to keep his detective persona on, but the father and friend in him were trying to break through.

Cullen sat at his desk and closed his eyes, covering his face with his hands and took a deep breath to center himself. He’d promised to keep her safe, and had already failed her before. Now her life was at risk, and another’s might already be lost.

“Cullen?” he heard Cass’ voice.

“He took Cara and shot her boyfriend,” was all he said to her, knowing he didn’t have to explain  _ who _ he meant. He looked at his phone, praying to see her alert, but it was silent. He must have incapacitated her before she could trigger the button. He let out a long breath to steady himself and called Evelyn.

***

Cara groaned as she could feel the headache before she was even fully awake. She reached up to put her hand on her head, only to have it stopped by something. She couldn’t remember last night.  _ Maker _ , she wondered,  _ how much did I drink if I don’t remember? _

As she became more alert she could hear music playing. She listened to the lyrics and thought nothing of it for a second, until her brain latched onto the meaning, and she whipped her eyes open.

_ With you I never wonder, Will you be there for me _

_ With you I never wonder, You're the right one for me _

_ I finally found the love of a lifetime _

_ A love to last my whole life through _

_ I finally found the love of a lifetime _

_ Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime _

That had been  _ their _ song, hers and Raleigh’s. She looked around her. The room was sparse in furniture, a radio on one side playing the music. The walls were all cinderblock, as if in a warehouse of some type. There was a small bed, a table and one chair. Looking down she realized she was in the other chair, her hands handcuffed to the arm rests. All at once the last night came back to her and her heart broke remembering Nate lying on the ground in his own blood. He’d shot him! Why? Why did he have to kill him? She would have gone with Raleigh if it meant sparing Nate. Tears started to fill her eyes and her throat tightened with grief.

She looked down and realized she wasn’t wearing the same black dress from last night, instead she was in a blue dress she remembered getting rid of because it had been one Raleigh had purchased for her. The implications of what being in different clothing meant caused the panic to strengthen in her, leading to more tears.

Her eyes snapped up to the door opening as Raleigh entered, carrying a tray that he put on the table and pulled it closer to her. “You’re awake,” his voice was calm, almost caring. “Why are you crying? Shh, shh.” 

He reached up and started to wipe her tears away with his thumb. Cara wrenched her face away from him. She didn’t want him doing something that reminded her of Nate’s touch and tenderness.  _ Nate.  _ The tears started to fall again despite how much she wished not to cry in front of him.

Raleigh held her face firm and wiped again at her tears. “Shh, don’t cry, love. You’re safe.”

“Then why am I chained to this chair?” She glared at him.

“It’s just until you relax,” he said as if that made sense. “Here, this will help.”

He reached over to the tray and plucked up a bottle of lotion, one she recognized as hers. He pumped it into his hands and started to rub it into her arms. Cara stiffened at his touch. Long ago she would have welcomed his hands on her, but not now, not ever again.

“See, you’re much too tense,” he said still in his calm voice as his hands ran over her, up to her neck where he massaged in more of the lotion. “Here, I brought you something to eat.” He held up a bowl with some type of soup in it, putting some into a spoon.

“I don’t want to eat. I want to go home. Please,” she tried to reason with him.

“No.” He put the bowl down hard enough to cause the soup to splash over the sides. His eyes grew dark. “You’re staying with me. We belong together and you’re going to stay in that chair until you remember that.” The entire time he spoke, that song was playing in the background, making her feel all the more anxious.

“Raleigh, please…”

“No,” he snapped. “You love me. You just got confused by that trash, but it’s just us now, you’ll see.” He held her face in one hand and pressed a kiss to her lips.

Cara spit when he stepped away. “I hate you. I could never love you, especially now.”

“He’s dead and you’re mine, so get used to it,” Raleigh growled, grabbing up the tray and leaving.

Cara screamed, partially in anger but also with the hopes someone would hear her. Raleigh stormed back in the room and slapped her. “Save your voice. We’re where no one can hear you. But I’ll be more than happy to make you scream if that’s what you want.” His hand traced up her bare leg. 

Cara pulled away from him as much as she could. “Don’t touch me you piece of shit.”

“You’ll stop fighting soon enough,” he threatened. He pulled over a syringe from the table that she hadn’t noticed before.

“Stop, Raleigh please,” She tried to struggle but he was too strong, grabbing her arm and holding it tight while he injected her. The world grew fuzzy and despite fighting to hang on, she slipped into darkness again.

***

“Detective, in here,” one of the officers called out to Cullen from Cara’s bedroom. She’d been gone nearly 48 hours now and still no leads. He and Evelyn decided it was best to just tell Meg that Cara was away on a trip, at least until they knew something concrete they could tell her. He didn’t want to scare his daughter for now.

He walked past the other officers combing through the house, dusting for fingerprints and looking for anything. It felt odd, seeing the home that he was so used to just walking into, his daughter’s home, turned into a crime scene. The blood still remained outside, taped off with a tent over it to protect the evidence from rain. Her car still sat in the driveway, as did Nate’s. It made it all the more painful when he arrived, half expecting to find them both sitting in the living room, even though he knew it wouldn’t be.

He walked into her room as one officer was dusting her dresser for fingerprints. Another was climbing down a ladder holding something in his hand. That officer approached Cullen and placed what looked like several small dots in his hands.

“We found these in a few places around this room, I suspect there may be more in others, Sir,” the officer explained as if Cullen had any idea what he was looking at.

“What are they?” 

“Camera’s. Video to be specific,” he explained as he held out an evidence bag.

Cullen dumped them into the bag as he growled. He’d been spying on Cullen’s family, the anger of that sat hard in his gut. “Scour the place for any others. I’m heading over to see Lieutenant Blackwall, I’ll let him know what you found.”

Cullen climbed into his police car and gripped the steering wheel hard. He took several deep breaths to try to calm himself as he closed his eyes. He was going to rip Samson apart when he caught him. “We’ll find you, Cara. Stay strong,” he promised her in his thoughts.

Meeting up with Blackwall at Samson’s apartment did nothing to make him feel better.

“We found video evidence on his laptop that he’s been watching her in her home,” Blackwall explained as two techs were dismantling the laptop from several devices it was hooked up to.

Cullen sighed, “Yeah, they found several cameras already by the time I left there.”

“There’s more. I waited until you got here to take this down. I was hoping you could tell me the significance of some of this,”  Blackwell let Cullen into what appeared to be the bedroom.

There was a cork board with dozens of photos on it, nearly all of Cara. Several of her with Nate, including one he assumed was the missing photobooth ones. In all those pictures Nate’s face was scribbled out in black marker. His blood turned cold as he noticed several of her with Meg, or of Meg herself playing in the park. The father in him was seething while he tried to maintain the calm and cool exterior of an experienced cop. A few knick knacks were also spread out, as if a shrine.

“You know that’s Cara and Nate,” Cullen explained. “The girl there is our daughter.” He started picking up the items on the table with his gloved hands. “This sweater is hers, one of her favorites. She’s been looking for it for weeks. This means he was in her house recently. She has an alarm, how the fuck did he get in?”

“We’re not sure yet. We’re combing through everything we can find to see if there’s any clue to where he may have taken her. He was your partner, Rutherford. Did he have a cabin somewhere, a family home, anything that we should search?” Blackwall asked.

Cullen shook his head. “Not that I knew of. He never spoke about his family at all the entire time I knew him. And I don’t know about any cabins or such.” He felt so utterly helpless at that moment. He was supposed to protect her, to keep her safe. That’s the promise he had made her the moment they found out they’d be parents. And now, when she needed it most, he was useless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You knew I wasn't going to just let everyone be happy.  
> And new earworm for you :p
> 
> Song is [ "Love of a Lifetime" by Firehouse](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ETENrv8cnU) (link to video)  
> Written by Bill Leverty and C.J. Snare


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Samson continues to terrorize Cara while Cullen and Anders struggle with her missing.  
> Another dark chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING -- Sexual Assault (not rape) but want people safe just in case <3

Anders frowned as he looked at what had at one point been his living room. Now it was filled with two long tables, one full of phones that would be manned by volunteers in another hour,  and the other of printouts with Cara’s picture on it. He was standing next to that second table now, lovingly running his hand over her photo. He hadn’t felt this alone and heartbroken since he had been kicked out by his parents at 17.

Two arms wrapped around his waist pulling him back into a strong chest as Karl’s chin rested on Anders’ shoulder and he pressed a kiss to Anders’ cheek. “Did you sleep at all love?”

“A few hours, I think. I’m sorry, I feel like I’ve been neglecting you,” Anders turned around in Karl’s arms and placed his arms around the back of the man’s head.

“Nonsense. Cara is missing, You wouldn’t be the man I loved if you weren’t throwing everything you had into trying to find her. They’ll be time for us later, once she’s home safe.” Karl pressed a soft kiss to Anders’ lips as if to reconfirm what he just said.

“I miss her. She’s my only family, the only one that matters anyway.” Anders felt the tears run down his cheeks as he leaned his head on Karl’s shoulder. “It’s been two weeks. What if she’s not alive anymore? What do I do?”

Karl gently pulled Anders’ face up to look him in the eyes. “We’re not going to think like that. Cara’s a fighter, and we’re going to believe she will come home.”

“And if she doesn’t?”

“Then we’ll deal with that then, but don’t borrow worries love,” Karl brushed the hair back from Anders’ face. “The help will be here soon, let’s get the coffee ready for them.”

***

Cara awoke groggy, just like every other time she’d awoken in this damned room. She hated that table. The chair sitting beside it was a piece of crap and she wished she had Anders magic to set it on fire. The stereo could go to the void as far as she was concerned, playing that Maker forsaken song all the time. And those stupid, useless, cinderblock walls pissed her off.

She had no idea how long she had been here, but long enough that she eventually had to give in and let him feed her. She hated that, and hated herself for allowing it, but it had gotten to the point where she just couldn’t resist anymore. The stupid smug look on his face, and how he touched her while doing so; gentle, as if taking care of a sick loved one. It made it all the worse. There was no windows in the room, so she could never tell if it was night or day. She could have been here days, weeks even for all she knew.

She tried to move a little, to help the stiffness in her back and legs. She was still chained to the chair that was just as much a piece of crap as it’s twin. She closed her eyes and tried to somehow telepathically reach out to Cullen to find her. She had no doubt he was looking for her, but she felt less and less sure he ever would. Her purse sat on the table, taunting her. She’d tried reaching it before, but Raleigh had heard her shuffling the chair and she got punched in the stomach for her efforts. After that she stopped trying.

Her mind wandered, as it often did when she was alone, to thoughts of Meg and Nate. Did Meg know what happened? She suspected Cullen probably didn’t tell her all the details, maybe even none. Was her daughter scared? Did she cry herself to sleep calling for her mother? Cara hoped not. She hoped Cullen was keeping her in the dark as much as possible, letting her just be a happy little girl.

She was starting to have a hard time remembering what Nate’s voice sounded like, and it broke her heart. Even if she managed to escape, she was never going to hear it again. Never feel his arms wrap around her. Never hear his heartbeat when she rested her head against his chest. She’d never feel the pleasure of his touch. She’d never fall asleep beside him again; nevermore would she hear him tell her that he loved her. Beyond anything else he’d ever done to her, taking Nate from her was the one thing she would never ever forgive Raleigh for. She’d hate him forever for that single act. Tears were falling down her face again as she remembered Nate’s smile. Grief formed a lump in her throat making it hard to breath, just sitting there like a stone as she sobbed at the injustice. So many years apart from him, years they could have been building a life together. Now it was just wasted time that she could never get back.

Raleigh entered, carrying a tray as usual. He pulled the other chair nearby and sat. “Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He almost always acted sweet when he first entered. His voice was much the way it was for all those years they’d lived together and she couldn’t help but wonder if he was faking then, too.

Cara just looked down but said nothing as he caressed her cheek. She had come to the realization that there was no point in fighting to keep him from touching her, he was stronger than her and just did what he wanted anyway. All she got for trying to fight him was pain.

“I have something that will cheer you up,” he reached into his pocket as he spoke and pulled out her mother’s flower necklace. Cara’s eyes grew wide.

“How?” Her voice was rough from disuse, and she had to swallow to try to wet her mouth again.

“Using Meg’s birthday as your code wasn’t really smart, sweetheart. I thought I taught you better than that,” he shrugged as he reached his hands behind her neck to clasp the necklace on. He touched the necklace with his fingers once in place. “There, beautiful.”

He looked at her with a sweet smile that turned her stomach remembering all the times he used to look at her like that when she thought it meant something. His hand wandered down from the necklace to cup her breast as he leaned over and kissed along her neck.

Cara stiffened and closed her eyes. It hadn’t been the first time he’d fondled her since she was taken, but each time he got a little bolder than the last.

“What’s wrong, love?” he asked. Leaning back, he removed his hand from her breast and ran it through her hair.

“I’m too stiff from sitting in this chair. Do you think I can move, please?” She hoped he’d buy that as the reason, not that it was a complete lie. Except for once a day when he’d let her up to use the bathroom - staying in there with her of course so she couldn’t try anything - she had been sitting and getting stiff since her arrival.

“Maybe,” he answered, “perhaps if you do something for me first.” Cara cringed internally at the implications of his statement, but kept herself neutral on the outside. He reached to the tray to present her with what looked like a stew. He fed her, touching her arm and praising her for being a good girl the entire time. She ate, keeping her eyes anywhere but on him. Once the meal was done he put aside the tray.

“I have another treat for you,” he smirked, and reached into his back pocket, producing a hair brush. “Do you remember when I used to brush your hair for you? How relaxed you said it made you feel?”

Raleigh stood up and walked behind her, gently taking a small bit of her hair and brushing it, careful to not pull or tug on any snarls. His gentleness now was such a stark contrast to his violent outbursts that it confused and scared her even more. It felt like a calm before the storm.

She sat quiet while he continued brushing her hair. She tried to think of something else. Of Meg’s face lit up in laughter, and of the first time Cullen held their daughter. She thought of her last visit with Fergus, how they worked on a puzzle together along with Nate and shared memories from their childhood. She thought of Nate, and how he had cooked dinner for the two of them the night before it all went to the void. It was some fancy Orlesian dish that he must have practiced prior to cooking it for her with how great it came out. She thought of her talk with Alistair just a few weeks ago, making plans for his next trip to Denerim. She thought of Anders, and how happy he was with Karl.

The distraction must have worked as it seemed like only a moment before Raleigh was taking the seat again. “There’s my beautiful girl,” Raleigh touched her cheek again. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

“If you loved me, you wouldn’t have been sticking your dick in other women,” Cara regretted her smart mouth the minute those words left her as he snarled.

He seemed to shake it off, his face returning to the serene look he had previously, “And you were messing around with a Howe of all people. What would your parents think? Was Cullen not bending you over the kitchen counter enough that you had to get another man?”

“What is your obsession with him? Cullen and I aren’t sleeping together, you know that.” She argued.

“Bullshit. That man is clearly in love with you. I don’t know if Evelyn is too stupid to notice, or just doesn’t care that you’re sleeping with her husband.  You’re no better than me sweetheart, so let’s just leave that in the past and move on.” He bent his head down and kissed the back of her hand as he held it gently. His other hand slid up her leg and under the yellow dress he’d put on her. “Don’t you think it’s time to stop this foolishness and make up?”

Cara’s skin crawled in reaction to his touch. “I don’t want you. Please, just let me go home.”

Raleigh pulled away from her, anger in his face. “You’re just being stubborn. I know you love me. I could just take what I want, don’t you forget that. Self centered bitch.” He grabbed her arm and stuck her once again with the serum, stealing away her consciousness.

***

Cullen gave Evelyn a small smile as she walked to his desk, putting down a container filled with meatloaf, mashed potatoes and string beans. “You missed dinner tonight,” she said with no judgement in her voice.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed.

“It’s ok, Cullen. But you need to eat.” Evelyn touched the side of his head affectionately running her hand through his hair. “Skipping meals will lead to headaches, you know that.”

Cullen took her hand and kissed the palm. “Thank you for looking out for me.”

“I’m your wife, it’s my job to care about you,” she leaned down and kissed his forehead.

“Where’s Meg?” He looked around as he opened up his dinner.

“Anders stopped over. He’s watching her. I think it makes him feel better to be around her,” Evelyn explained.

Cullen nodded with a frown, “I stopped over there today. They hadn’t found anything.” Anders had started a volunteer movement to find any tips on Cara’s disappearance. When he wasn’t at the hospital, he was focused on trying to find her.

“Cullen, you need to rest,” Evelyn ran her hand along his arm while he ate.

Cullen shook his head. “He’s had her a month. I’ll rest when we find her,” Cullen crumpled a piece of paper in his hand in frustration. “We don’t even know if she’s still…” His voice choked, unable to finish the sentence.

“You’ll find her Cullen. I have faith,” Evelyn reassured him, pressing a kiss to his lips. “I’m heading home, but don’t forget, there’s a little girl at home that needs you too.”

Cullen sighed, and stood up, pulling Evelyn into a hug. “You are more than I deserve. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she leaned up and kissed him. “I’ll see you when you get home.”

Cullen held her in a hug a little longer just the same.

***

Cara awoke feeling different than all the other times. Opening her eyes, she realized it was because she was on the bed, one hand chained to the metal headboard, but her other free. She still had on the yellow dress from before, and she hoped that meant he hadn’t followed through on his threat while she was out. The stereo had stopped playing that song sometime in the last few days, and while she was grateful for that, it made the quiet seem even larger.

She stretched and took a quick look around to confirm she was alone. She stretched her legs, first pulling one straight up in the air, and then bending it to her chest, putting that down she repeated the same thing with her other leg. She did that several times until the muscles started feeling less sore.

She sat up, which was difficult given one hand chained, but she was able to finally do so. She moved her neck from side to side, feeling that also loosen up. From the bed, she could see her purse on the table, taunting her. The panic button, her salvation, was in there, sitting out of reach.

She rolled her shoulders and grimaced at the pain in her back. She tried to stretch it, leaning forward and then arching back but it didn’t help. Her back felt like it still screamed in pain. She closed her eyes and concentrated on trying to move the purse, hoping that maybe while she’d been in here in this...whatever it was… that she’d miraculously developed the ability to move things with her mind. After several minutes she opened her eyes, but it sat there in the same spot. _Damn._

Cara leaned back against the headboard and stared at the ceiling, trying to take stock of her situation. Raleigh was clearly not in his right mind. She wondered if it was the drugs or if he’d always been like this and just hid it so well. She hoped she was smart enough that she wouldn’t have lived with someone for five years and _not_ noticed he was psychotic. She couldn’t see this playing out in any way that ended with her being freed and unharmed. He was clearly losing his patience with her telling him no to sex, although he’d taken other liberties, ones she didn’t want to think about. With all the time she’s been unconscious, Cara thought with a frown, he could very well have already raped her and she wouldn’t even know. She closed her eyes tight, trying to will back the tears that the fear of that thought caused.

The door opened and Cara sat up, not wanting him to see her lounging on a bed, afraid that it would be too inviting for him. She winced from the stiffness and pain in her back as she did so.

“Love,” Raleigh said, a look of concern on his face. Cara had to stop herself from laughing at the fact that the man that had terrorized her for so long was _concerned_ because she had winced. “What is wrong?”

 _‘What’s wrong? What’s WRONG? How about how you have me chained up in some cement prison where you randomly abuse me? How about how you killed the one man I loved and who cared for me more than anything else, enough to give his life to try to keep me safe? How about what this means for Meg and Fergus?’_ She screamed in her head while working to keep her face neutral.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” was the even toned response she gave him.

“Always trying to be so strong,” he shook his head and gave her a small smile, placing the tray down and sitting beside her on her bed. “You don’t have to be that way with me, sweetheart. I can see through it anyway. Here, let me.”

He started kneading at her lower back and up with his knuckles and much as she didn’t want to have him touch her, it did feel wonderful. She couldn’t help the sigh that exited her as the muscles started to release.

“There you go,” he whispered as he repositioned himself behind her, now taking two hands to her back. “You feel too tight, this will help.” His thumbs pressed into her knots forcing them to release.

It was relieving but also confusing. How could he threaten her one moment and do something so caring and loving the next? How many times had he done this same thing to her when they lived together--manipulated and distracted her from the true him by playing the loving partner and father role? His voice, that she once found incredibly sexy, was now terrifying to her.

She felt her hair being moved behind her shoulder and then his lips on her neck, pressing soft kisses there while one hand continued to massage her back, the other had moved to press on her stomach.

“No, Raleigh,” she told him softly, hoping not to trigger another outburst from him.

“I know it’ll help relax you. It always did before,” he whispered, taking her earlobe in his teeth while his other hand wrapped around her front, pulling her close to him. “Let me help you relax, love.” The one hand remained on her stomach while the other slipped under the top of her dress and began to knead one of her breasts. She could feel his hard member pressing against her back and had to contain a disgusted shiver at that thought.

Cara closed her eyes and tried to think of how she could stop this without angering him. She grabbed both of his hands with hers, “I’m not ready. It’s just too soon since everything. Just some time, please?” She tried not to be sick hearing herself saying those words.

It seemed to work as he removed his hands, and placed another kiss on her neck. “Sure, I understand.” He moved himself back to sitting beside her and took her free hand in his, placing a kiss to the back of it. “But I’ll only be patient for so long.”

Cara nodded and said a silent prayer to the Maker that it had worked, for now at least. He unchained her hand, and brought her to the only other room she ever saw in the building, the bathroom. Once they returned to her room, he fed her, talking to her about some nonsense about a football game. She nodded at the right parts, pretending to be interested. She just wanted to get out of one night, if it was night, without being struck and hoped by playing the part she would accomplish that.

It seemed to be working as he put her empty dinner bowl aside and appeared to be getting ready to leave. When he turned around with the syringe in his hand she couldn’t help but cry, merely from exhaustion.

“No, Raleigh, please,” she begged. When he drugged her she didn’t dream, and she wanted so badly to dream. She wanted to be able to see Nate again, to watch Meg play with Anders. She didn’t want the empty blackness that came with the drugs.

“Shh, shh. It’ll be ok, I promise,” he said, touching her cheek as he injected her. His lips kissed hers, “it’ll be ok.”

Everything fell dark.

***

She awoke, her hand chained to the bed as it had been when she’d passed out. She wiped the sleep from her face with her free hand and sat up with a yawn. Cara stretched, grateful that her back still seemed to be feeling alright as she looked down.

“What the fuck?” She cringed when she saw she was wearing what appeared to be a wedding dress. On her left hand was a diamond ring. “He’s lost his damn mind.”

As if on cue, he entered the room. “Ah, there’s my bride.”

“Your what?” She crooked an eyebrow at him.

Raleigh chuckled and sat beside her, taking her free hand and pressing kisses to it. “I realized it’s unorthodox, proposing while you were asleep, but here we are.” _Right, nutso._

“Raleigh, I’m not…”

“No, but you are. Don’t you see, this solves everything. We’ll be together finally, and you’ll be happy that I kept my promise. Plus Cullen won’t let me near Meg, he’s got that white haired elf by her side nearly all the time now. So once we’re married, we’ll just have our own child.” His hand laid over her stomach as he talked.

Cara tried not to puke in her mouth from the panic welling up and tried to think fast. “But it’s too soon. I mean, I need time to plan a wedding. It’s not just something you rush.”

“No, that’s the brilliance, we elope, and by tonight, with any luck, you’ll be pregnant with my child,” he smiled at her as if this was the most sane plan ever thought of.

“But…” her eyes moved unconsciously to her purse.

“What?” he yelled and she flinched. “Why do you keep staring at that?” He stormed over to the table grabbing it. “Your phone’s not here if you’re thinking you’re going to call Cullen, so just forget it.” He tossed the purse against the wall hard enough that she heard something in it break. He then stormed back to the bed grabbing both her hands.

“We are marrying tonight and you will lay with me,” he snarled pushing her back so that she was lying down. “Don’t make me forget myself. Keep pushing me Cara and you won’t have to wait for our wedding night. Is that what you want? You always did like it rough? Should we have a little practice now?”

Cara struggled under him, unable to push him away as he had both her wrists pinned to the bed, and he held her down with his body. She tried to kick at him, but he was too strong. He rocked his hips into hers and she screamed.

“Yes, I like that. Tonight you’re going to scream for me just like that,” he looked pleased with himself as he put both of her hands in one of his and reached for something.

She felt herself go into full panic when he turned back around with the syringe again. “Now stop struggling and be a good girl before you tear your dress. I want that privilege tonight.” He injected her and she tried to struggle but could already feel the darkness taking hold.

“Good, sleep my love. You’ll need the rest for tonight, I have so many plans,” he growled in her ear.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen's phone goes off.  
> We learn what happened to Nate.

Cullen stretched his arms behind him and stood from the desk. Cass was searching through the mounds of papers they’d recovered from Samson’s apartment. Most seemed to be inane garbage and meaningless ramblings. When she wasn’t working or sleeping, she was here, volunteering her time to help in the search. She was the best partner Cullen ever had and he was grateful for her, now more than ever.

“Coffee?” he asked as he picked up his phone to see if Ev had texted him. Cass nodded, not looking up from her paperwork.

Cullen walked into the break room and sniffed the pot to ensure it was relatively fresh before pouring two cups. He left her’s black, knowing that was her preference, and opened a few sugar packets into his. He grabbed a stirrer to stir in the cream and jumped when his phone made a loud noise. He picked it up to determine what the noise meant and his eyes grew big as he realized what it was.  “Oh you brilliant, wonderful woman,” he smiled as he practically kissed his phone.

He ran from the break room yelling out to his partner.

“Cass, we’re getting Blackwall, hurry. I know where she is.” He grabbed his jacket and keys as he dialed Blackwall’s number.

***

“Are you sure this is the location?” Blackwall asked from the back of the car. They had driven nearly forty minutes to the outskirts of Denerim where the old warehouse district was. Cass had alerted the paramedics and backup where they were headed on route. Pulling in, Cullen could see them there, on standby, but with lights and sirens off to keep from tipping Samson off.

“I have a tracker that she triggered tonight. She’s here,” Cullen nodded, feeling hopeful for the first time in over a month.

Blackwall called a quick briefing near the car with the other officers on hand. He filled them in on what they knew about Samson, making it clear to alert Cullen the moment they found Cara. He assigned half the men to enter in the back entrance with him, while Cullen, Cass and two others went through the front. All having their assignments, and the paramedics standing by for word, they moved into position.

Cullen and his team moved quietly through the hallway, guns drawn. It was silent, and he started to doubt it was the right location, but the gps had pointed directly to this building. _Just hold on_ , he sent out to the Fade to try to reach her.

“Suspect spotted. Repeat, suspect has been spotted,” came over his earpiece and he and Cass exchanged a look in response.

“Do you have eyes on the target?” Blackwall’s voice inquired.

“Negative. He’s on the run.”

Cullen scanned around as they proceeded towards the middle of the building, watching for any sign of Samson. He swung to the right when he heard a noise, but after a moment a rat scurried by. They continued, stopping to search in each room as they went passed. It was eerily silent.

Footsteps approached quickly from the west and Cass signalled to the team who all got into position. Sure enough, a minute later, Samson came running by in...was that a tux? Cullen barely had time to process that when he heard his partner grunt. Turning the corner he smiled and felt the tension in his neck relax. Cass had Samson pinned on his stomach, her knee in his back with a gun pointed at his head.

“Raleigh Samson, you are under arrest for kidnapping and attempted murder,” Cass snarled at him as one of the officers cuffed him. She continued reading him his rights as she stood up, yanking him up roughly.

The smugness on Samson’s face fell when he noticed Cullen. “You’re getting more than two weeks for this you shit,” Cullen smiled as Cass dragged Samson off.

“Detective Rutherford,” one of the younger recruits ran up to him, “this way sir, we found her.”

Cullen couldn’t seem to run fast enough, following the officer to where he could see the paramedics starting to run down the same hall. He entered a room to find her awake, sitting up on a bed that she was handcuffed to.

“Maker, Cara.” Cullen fell on his knees in front of her. It was obvious she’d been hurt, bruises covered her arms and one on her face. But she was alive, he said a prayer of thanks. “It’s ok now. We’re going to take you home.” He gently pushed some hair back behind her ear.

Cara just stared at him, as if she didn’t even see him, didn’t notice him at all. “Someone find the key to the cuffs,” he barked out, and someone shoved the key at him a moment later. He uncuffed her hand, massaging the wrist once free. “Cara, look at me honey. It’s Cullen. It’s over, you’re safe.”

She still just stared off at the wall, not responding.

“What’s wrong with her?” he asked the paramedic who had started looking her over.

“She appears to have been drugged, Detective,” the woman answered. “She’s showing signs of dehydration as well. We need to get her to the hospital, they’ll be able to determine with what.”

Cullen helped lift her, placing her gently on the emergency stretcher. He squeezed her hand gently, even though she didn’t seem to notice.

“Good work, son.” Blackwall slapped his back. “Go on, follow them, we’ll take care of evidence here.”

Cullen looked to the door where Cass had just walked in. “Come on, partner, I’ll drive you,” she offered.

***

Cullen stood quietly watching as the doctor examined her, collecting what evidence they could from her fingernails. As Blackwall sat along the far wall and looked over what they had so far. The doctor, Finn he’d said his name was, took a chart from a nurse when she entered and looked it over.

“The tests show that he injected her with midazolam,” Dr. Finn looked up from the chart, “not lyrium.”

Cullen let out a sigh of relief. “What does that mean for her?”

“She’s going to have withdrawals, someone should stay with her full time for the next week. She most likely will experience hallucinations. Insomnia and anxiety are common too, but given what she’s been through, she’d probably have those anyway,” he explained. “But there should be no long term side effects given the amounts in her blood.”

“Is that why she’s awake but not responding?” Cullen asked, holding her hand as he spoke.

“Exactly. When she regains consciousness she won’t remember anything that happened while drugged,” he explained. “Detective, we still need to…”

“No, not until she’s alert. She’s had enough done to her without her approval,” Cullen glowered. Dr. Finn looked at Blackwall, who agreed to wait. Deciding it wasn’t worth arguing with the large, angry looking detective,  the doctor took to looking under the microscope at what he’d already collected.

Cullen looked down at Cara lying on the table. She had fallen asleep at some point, and he hoped it was a restful sleep. He held her hand in his, rubbing his thumb along the back of it hoping somehow she’d know he was there. He gently brushed the hair back from her face. She’d lost some weight in the past five weeks. She looked so tiny lying there making him feel even more protective of her.

His heart hurt, knowing that the only reason she ever crossed paths with Samson was because of him. Had he been a lesser man, willing to abandon a twenty year old girl he’d knocked up instead of falling for her, or had he not invited her to that police picnic six years ago she wouldn’t be lying on the hospital bed now, covered in bruises. He felt like he’d failed her in the worst way possible and he couldn’t understand how she didn’t blame him, at least a little bit, for all of this. Cullen pulled the nearby chair closer and sat, still holding her hand in his. He pulled it to his cheek and closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he softly told the quiet room and began his wait for her to awaken.

***

Something was beeping. A steady noise, as if a medical monitor. Cara groaned and wondered why it was so bright. She blinked, and the room that came into focus wasn’t cinderblocks, she closed her eyes and then opened them again to confirm that she was in fact somewhere else. Someone was holding her hand and she squeezed it gently.

“Cara?” _was that Cullen’s voice? She wasn’t sure if she was hallucinating or not._

“Cullen?” She looked around. She turned her head towards him, letting out a sigh of relief when amber eyes shined down on her. “You’re real?” she asked as she lifted her other hand to his face.

“I’m real. You’re safe, I promise.” He let her run her hand over his arms and chest as if to reassure herself he was there.

“Where...where are we?”

“We’re at Denerim General. They’re looking you over. I need to…” Cullen took a deep breath. “They want to examine you. Did he...were you ra…Maker. ”

Cara caught on to what he was asking and shook her head, feeling tears well up. “I don’t know. He kept drugging me and when I’d wake up I was in different clothes.”

Cullen nodded and squeezed her hand. “Ok sweetheart. They need to do what’s called a rape kit to make sure you’re ok. I’ll stay right here if you want.”

“Please.” Cara pulled his hand in both of hers and rested it on her chest, feeling the tears fall.

“Of course.” He bent down and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

***

Cara sat up with Cullen’s help and put her legs over the side of the hospital bed after the doctor had left. Blackwall walked out with the doctor after introducing himself to Cara and promising to keep her apprised of the investigation.

“Here, Evelyn brought these for you.” He handed her over a change of underwear, her favorite jeans and a shirt.

“Thanks,” Cara nodded and started to dress. Cullen blushed and turned away quickly. She was just too drained to care about modesty at this point. Besides it wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before years ago. “How could I live with him for years and not know he was like this?”

“He probably wasn’t like this back then. Lyrium screws up the mind if taken too long, and then makes it worse when someone stops taking it.” He explained.

Cara sighed and nodded, “Is Meg ok?”

“We told her you were on vacation. She misses you but she’s fine,” he answered, his back still to her.

“And Fergus?”

“I told him everything, I didn’t want him reading it in the paper. I’ve been visiting him to keep him updated. I called Wynne on the way to the hospital, so he knows you’re safe,” Cullen reassured her.

“Thank you.” She knew he’d take care of her family, even when things looked bleak, she knew she could count on him. “I’m done, you can turn around.”

Cullen stepped closer and pulled her into a hug. “I missed you.”

“I missed everyone,” she sighed, finding comfort in his arms. “Cullen?”

“What is it?” He could pick up on her becoming tense again.

“What about the funeral? Did you go to that?”

Cullen tilted his head, the doctor had mentioned she may have hallucinations, maybe this was one of them. “What funeral?”

She started crying again, her voice barely a whisper when she did speak. “Nate’s.”

“His...” Cullen tilted her face up to look at him. “Cara he’s not dead.”

“But I saw…”

“It was touch and go for a while, we did almost lose him twice. He was in the hospital until last week, but I swear to you, he’s not dead. He’s sitting in the waiting room. He just couldn’t be in here during the exam because it’s part of an ongoing investigation,” Cullen gave her a reassuring smile.

“He’s here?” She couldn’t believe the words he was saying. Cullen said something into his walkie talkie and nodded to her.

A few minutes later Cass opened the door and stood aside. Nate walked in with a limp, a cane in one hand, but he was standing, he was alive, and he was giving her that smile that she loved so very much. Cara put her hands up to her mouth and cried tears of relief and joy so hard that everything blurred. She hadn’t lost him, he was there, right there. His arms wrapped around her and she dropped her head along his chest just taking in the scent of him and listening to his heartbeat.

“I love you,” he whispered low into her ear as he held her tight.

Cara’s sobs renewed as she heard the words she never thought she’d hear again in his beautiful voice. Her hands gripped the back of his shirt, afraid to let go. Cullen stepped out of the room to give them some privacy, offering to find the doctor to release her.

Nate tilted her head up to look at him, and she could see he was also crying. He kissed her wet cheeks and nose before pressing his lips to hers. He had been so terrified all this time. He had never felt so useless as he had when he was recovering in the hospital bed. Despite being heavily sedated most of the time so that he would sleep and heal, he thought of her the entire time. He hated that he was confined to a bed for a month unable to help look for her. He’d felt like an utter failure when it came to protecting her since Samson had taken her despite his efforts. Anders and Cullen stopped by often, but never with any promising news. It had only gotten worse when he was sent home last week. Never had his apartment felt so lonely as it had then. He couldn’t just pick up his phone and call her, he couldn’t go to her home and see her. Cullen had brought over Meg one day and that had cheered him up a little, but seeing her reminded him so much of Cara that after they left, he broke down on the couch and cried for an hour. He prayed, more than he ever had in his life, begging the Maker, Andraste and anyone else that would listen to return her to him. He was an empty shell puttering around his apartment, missing his heart. But she was here now, in his arms, safe and he had no plans to let her go anytime soon.

Cara sighed into the kiss. All her fears seemed to fall away with the press of his lips. It was sweet, gentle, but full of so much of the love and relief that they both felt. She opened her mouth and he took the invitation, stroking her tongue with his as his fingers wove into her hair. When he pulled away it wasn’t far, resting his forehead on hers. “I was so scared,” he admitted.

“I…” Cara started crying again. “I thought you were gone. I thought I’d never see you again.”

“I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I swear it to you,” Nate reassured her, pressing a kiss to her nose.

They both turned to see a nurse enter. “You ready to go home?”

“Please,” Cara nodded, wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hand.

The nurse reviewed the release notes with them, making sure that Nate understood all the precautions and what to look for with Cara for the next few days, including that she should not be left alone at all for the next week, and that she needed to make a followup appointment with her doctor to ensure she was alright.

Nate pulled out his phone. “Your place?”

Cara shook her head. “I’m not ready to go back there. Can I stay with you?”

“Of course you can,” he replied as he touched her cheek. He pulled up the app and arranged for pickup. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

Once they were back in his apartment he set her up on the couch with some pillows and a warm blanket and then gave her a kiss, promising he was going to be in the kitchen for just a moment.  He returned shortly with tea and some crackers for her as her stomach still felt bad from all the drugs. Cullen had said he’d call later that day with the results from her tests.

Nate let her snuggle in next to him and closed his eyes enjoying the feeling of her in his arms. “I have something for you,” he said as he nuzzled his nose in her hair. He chuckled when she held her hand out without saying anything.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his 9 year coin, putting it in her palm. “I won’t lie, this last week it was hard, not knowing where you were. I had to call Duncan multiple times a day. But I kept my promise to you.”

“I never doubted you would,” Cara answered snuggling closer to him and pressed a kiss over his heart. “I love you.”

He could feel her start to cry again and wrapped his arms tighter around her. “I’ve got you,” he reassured her as he ran his hands along her back and arms.

Someone knocked on the door a little while later  and he kissed her head as he got up to answer it. She could hear him talking in low tones but couldn’t make out what they were saying. Nate closed the door and walked back over to the couch.

“Anders is here, but if you don’t want company I can tell him to come back tomorrow.” He brushed back some hair behind her shoulder.

“It’s ok. I want to see him,” she nodded. Nate squeezed her hand and then got up to let Anders in.

The moment the tall blonde entered the apartment his eyes fell on her and you could see all the tension leave his body. He quickly strode to the couch, pulling her into a hug as soon as he sat down. Cara sighed, happily letting him squeeze her much too tight. Next to Nate and Meg, Anders was who she missed the most, even more than Fergus.

“I am so glad you’re home. I’m sorry, I know you’re probably wanting time alone, but I just needed to see you, to see with my own eyes you were really ok,” Anders loosened his hold.

“I don’t mind one bit,” Cara answered, pulling him back in for another hug.

They sat like that for nearly twenty minutes before Anders finally stood up and stated that he’d be back soon, and for Nate to take good care of her. Once he was out the door, Cara yawned.

“You ready for bed?” Nate asked her as he took her hand. She nodded and let him lead her to his bedroom. He gave her a shirt of his that was much too large for her to wear as a nightshirt, it came down nearly to her knees and he tucked her in. “Cullen called while you were with Anders. He said the tests came back negative.”

Cara let out a sigh of relief to finally have some good news. Nate bent down and kissed her forehead. “I hope that helps you sleep better.”

“You’re not coming to bed?” she asked.

“I’ll join you in a few minutes, I just want to lock up,” he soothed her.

Cara snuggled into the pillows, taking in a deep breath to bask in his scent. He returned a few minutes later and crawled in beside her, wrapping his arms around her and letting her snuggle into his side.

They whispered ‘I love yous’ to each other, kissing softly on cheeks and jaws and necks.  Eventually Nate started to fall asleep. Cara tried to follow but was unable. After tossing and turning for an hour while he slept peacefully beside her, she heard a noise. Something distant, her ears unable to make out just what. She rose from bed quietly, not wanting to wake him. She suspected he hadn’t slept well since she’d been gone given how quickly he fell asleep tonight, and she didn’t want to disturb him now.

Moving into the hallway, the noise became clearer, and once she was in the living room she could make it out, faint, but distinct this time.

_I finally found the love of a lifetime_

_A love to last my whole life through_

_I finally found the love of a lifetime_

Cara turned around quickly. She sat on the couch, feeling the leather and trying to reassure herself this was real. _Or you’re dreaming this and you’re still chained to that bed._

She pulled her knees up close to her chest and started to rock. She felt breath on her neck and turned but nothing was there. “No, he’s in jail. Cullen found me. I’m safe. I’m safe. I’m safe,” she repeated to herself quietly as she continued to rock. Hands slid down her arms and cupped her breast and she jumped, but again no one was there. She kept her eyes open, darting around the room, afraid to close them.

“Cara?”

She continued rocking.

“Cara?” Nate sat beside her, concerned. She was holding her legs tight to herself and rocking. Her eyes were darting all around, never settling on one spot, and he worried about whatever it was she thought she was seeing.

“Cara?” He touched her cheek and she jumped with a yelp. He pulled his hand away quickly not wanting to scare her further. “Cara, it’s Nate. Look at me.”

Her eyes finally focused on him and then she crumbled, her knees fell away and she lunged into his arms crying. He wrapped his arms around her and rocked gently while whispering soothing words in her ear, reminding her that he was there, that she was safe.

“Please be real,” she whispered against his chest.

“I am. You’re home now, he can’t hurt you anymore.” He ran fingertips along her back and through her hair to soothe her. “Why don’t you come back to bed?”

Cara sat up and shook her head violently. “No. I’m too afraid I’ll close my eyes and then when I open them I’ll be back in that room. I don’t want to go back. He was...he said,” she gulped and looked at her hands. “He said he was done waiting, that he’d make sure we had a child.” She wrapped her arms around herself and started crying again. “Please don’t make me go back there. I don’t want to feel him touching me anymore.”

She pushed away at invisible hands and his heart broke. She hadn’t talked about what happened to her, and he hadn’t wanted to push if she wasn’t ready, but it was clear she was reliving the nightmare Samson had put her through.

“Cara.” He took her hands and placed them on his bare chest. “Look, I’m real, you’re safe.”

She moved her hands over him and stopped when she came to his wound from the bullet on the upper left of his chest. She traced it with her finger and started to cry again. “You almost died because of me,” she shook her head. “Twice now. I should have kept you away. You were on the ground, bleeding and I couldn’t do anything for you. There was so much blood, because of me.”

Nate tilted her head up so she could see his eyes. “Look at me. I’m ok. It’s not because of you. Samson is the only one to blame, not you. Don’t you think for one more second this is in anyway your fault.”

Cara pressed a kiss to his jaw. “I thought you were dead and I wanted to die too. I couldn’t stand the thought that I’d never see you again. Please don’t make me sleep again.”

“You don’t have to sleep, it’s fine. Let’s find an old movie on tv and I’ll hold you if you want,” Nate offered as he leaned over to grab the remote.

Cara nodded and curled into his side. She was shaking and he once again felt as useless as he had lying in that hospital bed. He had no idea how to help her right now except to offer to just be there. About half way through the movie he could hear those tiny snores she made and let out a sigh of relief that she had finally fallen asleep.

“I love you. I promise I’ll keep you safe,” he whispered into her hair while his arm held her closer.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cara gets a much needed visit at Nate's.  
> She finally opens up to him about what happened during her captivity, and it isn't pretty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING - brief allusion to sexual abuse/rape. Nothing blatantly said, but strongly implied, but still want you to be safe if this is a trigger for you.

Cara awoke feeling stiff. Panic started to creep in at the thought that maybe she was back in that room, that the last day really had been a dream as she had feared. She squeezed her eyes tighter afraid to open them, afraid that the body she could feel next to her was Raleigh, that he’d held onto his threat and she had just blacked it out. A whimper fell from her lips even though she tried to hold it back, she was terrified and didn’t want to open up her eyes for fear of seeing just that.

“Cara, it’s ok. Open your eyes,” a voice that wasn’t Raleigh’s said quietly to her.  Hands rubbed along her back in a soothing pattern as a voice that meant safety, love, and calmness spoke to her in soothing tones.

She let out a timid breath and opened one eye. A pair of blue-grey eyes looked back at her, filled with nothing but love and caring.  _ Nate. _ It hadn’t been a dream, he was really here, holding her in his arms. Grateful tears fell as she relaxed and snuggled into his bare chest. 

“You’re here,” she sighed in relief. “It wasn’t a dream.”

“I’m here. Always,” he promised her as his lips pressed on top of her head and his arms held her tighter.

“I feel stiff,” she said against his chest, unwilling to let him go.

“That’s because we fell asleep on the couch,” he chuckled. “A hot shower will help you. Go take one and I’ll get us some breakfast.”

\----

Cara stepped into the shower a few minutes later, letting the hot water fall on her. It was the first one she’d had in weeks. She seemed clean before, which meant Raleigh was probably cleaning her. The doctor had explained that the drug she was being injected with actually wasn’t knocking her out, that she was more like in a trance where she was open to suggestions and directions. Despite Cullen’s assurances that she hadn’t been raped, she still felt sick at the thought of what Raleigh might have been doing to her while she was in that state. What he did while she was lucid was horrifying and disturbing enough for her. She started to feel panic well up as she was assaulted with memories of the last few weeks. She grabbed for the shampoo with tears in her eyes, her hands shook as she raised them towards her hair. She stopped as she caught a whiff of the shampoo. It smelled like Nate and she realized  _ of course it did _ , it was his shampoo after all. Just the scent of it calmed her, like being wrapped in his arms.

By the time she walked out of the bathroom, her hair in a towel, she was feeling better. She could hear Nate talking to someone as she walked across the hall to his room. She didn’t hear anyone else, so she assumed he was on the phone.

She changed into the clothing she kept at his place. She was just pulling up her jeans, still in only a bra when she felt hands touch her hips and lips on her shoulder. Cara jumped, turning around quickly.

Nate was standing where she had a moment ago, his hands held up to show he meant no harm. “Cara. Hey, are you…”

She threw herself into his arms before he could finish his sentence. Wet tears hit his shirt as she started crying, his arms wrapped around her. He ran his fingers over her wet hair, trying to calm her.

“I don’t want to be scared. Especially not of you,” she sobbed as she held him.

“Shh,” Nate soothed her. “It’s alright. You were through something traumatic. It’s only been a day, give yourself some time. It’s ok.”

Cara nodded and sighed as she listened to his heartbeat in his chest. The sound helped her relax, and she took a deep breath, her tears stopping as she held him.

“Why don’t you finish getting dressed. You need to eat and we have company coming,” he kissed her forehead.

“I don’t know if I want company,” Cara shook her head. “I just want to be with you right now.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He pulled one of his t-shirts out of his dresser and handed it to her. “And just trust me, this is a visit you’ll like.” He took her hand after she had put on the shirt. “Come on, I made coffee and eggs.”

Cara sat on the stool in his kitchen as he placed the eggs and a mug of coffee in front of her. Cream, no sugar just as she liked it. He always remembered these little things about her and it warmed her heart. She grabbed his hand before he could turn to get his own food and pulled him gently to her. His forehead pressed against hers as he put his hand on her waist. Her fingers ran through the hair on the back of his neck and she just relished the feeling of closeness with him-- simply  _ being _ .

Cara tilted her head and pressed her lips to his. The kiss was soft, but full of desire; of need to be close. Her fingers gripped his biceps as they kissed and she pulled him closer to her, opening her legs so that he could step closer still. Warm hands ran under her shirt, along the bare skin of her stomach.  Her legs wrapped around his waist, holding him in place as his tongue brushed against hers. His hips thrust forwards, pressing into hers and she moaned into his mouth in response.

Nate growled and stepped back from her, giving her a look of regret as he placed a hand on her cheek. “We have visitors coming, there isn’t time right now, love.”

Cara turned her head enough to kiss his palm. “What if we just send them away?”

“You won’t want to. I’m not permitted to return to work for at least a few more weeks, so you have me all to yourself until then, a few hours won’t hurt.” He stepped closer, his breath hot on her ear when he spoke softly to her. “I promise I’ll wear you out later.”

Cara whimpered, turning her head to capture his lips once more. This time he remained in control of the kiss, keeping it from moving too far.

She sighed and turned back towards her breakfast. “Meanie,” she gave him a fake pout.

Nate chuckled and gave her a kiss on her forehead to soothe her.

“Oh, Maker,” Cara moaned. “I have missed coffee.” She sighed and took another sip as Nate raised an eyebrow and gave her a smirk.

“I aim to please,” he teased.

“Oh, you most definitely please me, Howe,” Cara blushed and looked back down at her eggs, finally digging in.

Nate watched her as she ate. It was a simple thing, her sitting at his kitchen eating breakfast just as she had done many times before. But this felt different, more significant because until Cullen had called him yesterday to tell him they had finally found her, he worried that he would never have this again: a lazy day to spend with her alone. But she was here now, and it made all the suffering he’d been through in the last month worth it, to watch her sit in his kitchen and eat eggs.

Nate took the plate from her as she finished her food. “Let me clean up. Go take your coffee and relax in the living room.” He placed a kiss on her cheek and sent her on her way.

Cara sat on the couch, her knees up near her chest as she listened to the sounds of Nate cleaning up from breakfast. She looked at her hands and images from that room came back to her--of what he made her do with those hands. She pressed her face into her legs and tried to calm her breathing and think of anything else besides that.

She looked up when she heard a knock at the door and watched as Nate went to answer it, giving her a wink as he did. Cara gave him a half smile in return. Nate opened the door and then peeked around the door to her. “This should make you smile for real.”

A moment later Meg ran past him and threw herself into the arms Cara had opened when she saw her. As he predicted, Cara was smiling wide, pressing kisses all over the face of the girl as she held her.

“I missed you, Mama. I’m glad you’re back,” Meg pressed a kiss on Cara’s cheek.

“I missed you too, Peanut. So very much,” Cara rocked Meg in her arms. “Tell me everything I missed.”

Cullen watched as Cara and Meg reconnected on the couch and then followed Nate into the kitchen. “How’s she doing?”

Nate sighed, “Last night was rough. She was having some hallucinations for sure. I’m have to not make sudden movements, or just reach for her or she jumps. I think she only got a few hours of sleep.” He frowned and looked at his feet, wishing he could take away her pain and hoping that time with Meg would help.

“Has she talked about what happened yet?” Cullen asked, taking the water bottle Nate offered him.

“No. I don’t want to push her. She seems to be having trouble just realizing she’s not back there anymore. I just wish I could do more for her right now.” 

“I think you just being around is helping her,” Cullen reassured him. “The house will be ready for her in a few days for whenever she’s ready to go back.”

Nate nodded trying to think back to that night. He remembered arriving at her house, and then nothing more until he woke up in the hospital a few days later with an officer asking him questions he couldn’t answer. The doctors told him that was normal, that people’s brains had a way of protecting them from trauma sometimes.

They joined Meg and Cara in the living room where Meg was telling Cara about the art project she was doing for school and her trip to the park the week before with Anders. The four of them talked for nearly an hour about all the things Meg had been up to.

“When can we go home?” Meg asked Cara.

“Soon, not just yet,” Cara tried to keep up a smile.

“Why?” Meg sounded disappointed..

“She needs to help take care of me,” Nate jumped in with an excuse and Cara gave him a grateful smile.

“Because you got hurt, right?” Meg asked.

“Right. I need some help so your mother is helping me for now,” Nate hoped she was buying it. It seemed it was working.

Cullen could tell Cara was getting tired so he spoke up. “Meg, we need to leave soon. Can you say goodbye to Mama and Nate and then go visit with Fenris? I need to talk to them for a few minutes.”

Meg wrapped her arms around Cara’s shoulders and gave her a huge hug, which Cara returned. “I love you, Mama.”

“I love you too, Peanut. More than anything else in the entire world,” Cara kissed the girl’s forehead, watching as Meg gave Nate a hug and then left to head downstairs to see Fenris.

Nate moved to occupy the space that Meg had been in beside Cara, and they both turned to the chair Cullen sat in.

“How are you doing?” Cullen asked her.

“Sometimes fine, sometimes I feel like I’m barely holding it together. Thank you for bringing her, it helps,” Cara gave him a contented smile.

“That’s what I hoped. Until you’re ready to have her again, just know that you can always come to our place to see her any time or have Fenris bring her here. She was bouncing off the walls all morning waiting to see you,” Cullen smirked.

“What did you want to talk about?” Nate asked as he took Cara’s hand and interlaced their fingers.

“The bail hearing is set for tomorrow afternoon,” Cullen frowned. “I wanted to give you the chance to be there if you want, but it’s not required. Also, the District Attorney assigned to the case will be reaching out to you both for testimony for the trial.” Cullen reached in his pocket and handed Nate a business card. “Miss Dalish will be calling soon. That’s her information if you want to talk to her first.”

“That was quick,” Nate put the card on the coffee table.

“Well to put it bluntly, it’s an election year, and Cara being a Cousland makes it high profile. You may not have the family money anymore, but the name still carries weight in the public eye.” Cullen gave Cara a sympathetic look knowing how much she hated that aspect of her life.

Cara fidgeted with her shirt, “So I have to...I need to talk about it in court?”

Cullen leaned forward and took her free hand, his thumb ran along the back, “I know you’d rather not, but just remember this is going to help convict him. It’ll help them lock him away for a long time so that you and Meg will be safe.” He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, “You have Nate, and me and Ev on your side, so you’re not alone in this. We’re all here for you.”

Cara nodded and leaned against Nate’s shoulder, “It’s going to be all over the tv.”

Cullen let go of her hand and sat back in his chair. “That’s the other thing. I think we need to talk with Meg. I’m managed to keep it all from her so far, but once the trial starts, I don’t think we can. Kids at school may say something, or she may see it somewhere.” Cullen ran his hand over his face and continued, “I can do it alone if it’s too hard right now.”

“No, I…” Cara gulped, feeling her throat tighten.

Nate squeezed her hand, “We’ll be there. Would you rather do it before or after court?” he asked as he looked at Cara.

“After,” she sighed not wanting to dump that on Meg and then leave for court.

Cullen nodded and stood up, “I took the day off to go to the hearing, so head on over anytime after it’s done. Also, Hawke and Fenris are going to get your car later today and bring it over, so you’ll have that.”

Cara and Nate also stood and Cara wrapped her arms around Cullen and leaned against him in a hug. “Thank you, Cullen.”

“I’m here if you need, night or day,” he gave her one of his hugs where he just surrounded her in protection. When she stepped back, he shook Nate’s hand, “Same goes for you. Call if you need something.”

Nate walked Cullen back to the door as Cara sank back on the couch.  She closed her eyes and tried to calm her breathing as she grabbed one of the throw pillows and clutched it to her chest. They were both going to hate her. Cullen would probably take Meg away for good when he learned the truth and Nate would leave her, tell her to leave his place and never return.

“Cara?” Nate sat beside her, watching her clutch a pillow with tears falling down her face. He didn’t reach for her, afraid it would make her jump again. His heart was pained watching her, not knowing what was hurting her right now or how to help her. “Can you look at me, love?”

Cara moved her eyes up to his but maintained her pose on the couch.

“Please tell me what’s wrong. I love you, we can get through this together,” he spoke softly, trying to reassure her.

Cara shook her head, “You won’t.”

“I won’t what?” Nate reached for her hand.

“You won’t love me when you hear me tell the court what I did,” she said as she put her head back down on her knees and cried.

Nate tugged gently on her hand and pulled her to sit between his legs. Once there, he wrapped his arms around her and ran a hand along her back. “Cara, I have loved you since I was seventeen.  There is nothing you could do that would make me stop loving you. Talk to me, I promise you it’ll be ok.”

Cara pressed her ear to his chest and listened to his heart beating. The scent of his cologne filled her nose and she snuggled closer to him, wanting to just spend forever in his arms. The thought of losing this scared her. She felt his lips press to her forehead but he said nothing, he just held her and waited for her to talk to him.

“He told me if I didn’t do what he said, he’d kill me,” Cara said quietly, still pressed into his chest.

_ “Open your mouth,” Raleigh ordered as his hands moved to his belt. _

_ “Please, don’t do this,” she cried. _

_ “Do it or I’ll kill you,” he glared. _

“But I didn’t care if he killed me,” she sniffled.

“Oh Cara,” he hugged her tighter.

“You were dead, and I knew Meg would be ok with Cullen and Evelyn. I didn’t see any way that he’d ever let me go. Death was a way out,” she explained. “He must have figured that out, because he stopped threatening me, and started threatening Meg.”

_ “Good girl,” Raleigh praised her. His fingers suddenly tightened on her jaw, “If you dare bite me, they’ll never find Meg’s body. Understand?” _

_ “Yes,” Cara nodded, tears falling down her face as she closed her eyes not wanting to see what was going to happen. _

Nate’s arms squeezed around her tighter and he pressed his lips to her temple. He was torn, sickened and angered by what she was telling him, of what was done to her, while also feeling a strong need to hold her tight and protect her from any dangers. She continued talking for the better part of an hour telling him what she could remember from the past month. So much of it was worse than he had feared when she was missing.

“I’m sorry,” she cried, clinging to his sides with her hands in tight fists in his shirt.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, love,” he said softly, his lips close to her temple still. “You did what you had to in order to keep you and Meg safe.”

“How can you not hate me? I hate me,” she pulled away from him slightly to look up at him.

“I will never hate you. I love you, more than anything,” he tilted his head down and kissed her lips softly. “I think maybe we should find someone for you to talk to, so you can forgive yourself and understand none of this was your fault.”

Cara leaned back to his chest to listen to his heartbeat again and nodded. “Nate, I’m sorry. I know before I said I wanted…” he could feel her gulp, “I just can’t…”

“Shh, it’s fine Cara. We don’t have to do anything unless you’re sure you’re ready. I’m fine just holding you, that’s enough for me,” his arms tightened around her again.

That sat in silence for most of the day, Nate eventually found some old television shows for them to watch as she stayed in his arms, reluctant to move. He only got up when the Antivan takeout he ordered showed up for their late lunch.

“I missed so much,” she sighed at one point. “I missed new years’ and your birthday. And the beautiful jewelry you gave me, I don’t know what he did with it. It’s probably gone forever.”

Nate’s arms tightened in a hug around her as he kissed her temple. “I don’t care about any of that. This, holding you, is all I care about. You and Meg are what matter most to me. All the rest of that is a distant second.”


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bail Hearing  
> Cullen and Cara talk with Meg about the trial and later Cullen has some news to share  
> Fergus is feeling playful

Cara parked her car in the parking garage and closed her eyes, keeping her hands on the steering wheel. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“We don’t have to go in if you don’t want,” Nate reassured her from his seat.

Cara opened her eyes and smiled at him, taking his hand in hers. “No, I want him to see he hasn’t broken me and that I’m here to make sure he pays for what he did.”

Nate squeezed his hand gently, “If it gets too much, just tell me and we’ll leave ok?”

Cara nodded and leaned over to kiss his cheek before getting out of the car. She waited behind it for him to join her. Due to his injuries, he was moving slower than her, even with the help of the cane. She stopped walking and looked up the stairs at the courthouse. The last time she had been here with him was for his father’s trial. The emotions from then, combined with today, felt nearly overwhelming to her, and she was sure he was feeling some of that too. She was pulled from her thoughts by his hand squeezing hers. She took another deep breath and started climbing the stairs. The climb up to the courthouse was slow going for him; Cara staying by his side the whole time.

Once they were at the top of the nearly thirty steps, Nate chuckled, “I feel like I should do that victory pose from ‘Rocky’.”

Cara laughed quietly, appreciating him trying to lighten the mood. She laced her fingers with his and they walked into the courthouse. Once past security, they found Cullen talking with a tall, blonde, elven woman.  He nodded to them both when he spotted them.

“Cara, Nate, this is the Assistant DA, Velanna Dalish,” he introduced her.

Nate shook her hand, Cara just nodded. While she appreciated that this woman was trying to convict Raleigh, she was still apprehensive about needing to testify.

“Miss Cousland, Mr. Howe,” the no-nonsense looking female elf nodded. “I will be fighting for no bail for Mr. Samson today. With your testimony at the trial, we have a strong case to see that he is incarcerated for a long time.”

Cara simply nodded, wrapping her arms around herself. She’d told Nate she wanted to be here, to show Raleigh that despite everything, she was stronger than him and would survive. Now that she was here, however, she found that she was feeling less certain of all that.

“My office will be in touch with you.” The lawyer then turned to head down the hall into court.

“You still want to stay?” Nate asked, noting her apprehension.

“Yes,” Cara sighed leaning into him and looking up at Cullen.

“I have something for you,” Cullen dug into a pocket in his suit jacket. He pulled out a phone and handed it to her. It wasn’t her old one, but something newer. “They have to keep yours for evidence. I put in Nate, Mine, Evelyn and anyone else’s number I had.”

Cara gave him a hug, “Thank you, Cullen.”

“We should probably get in there,” Cullen indicated with his arm once the hug broke.

Cameras flashed as the reporters standing outside the courtroom realized who she was. Nate’s hand squeezed her’s to remind her she wasn’t alone. Cullen held up an arm, keeping as many of them away as he could. Cara and Nate had experience something similar at Rendon Howe’s trial and had been prepared, but this was Cullen’s first experience with the press jumping at her. She’d been lucky enough up to this point to remain fairly anonymous and forgotten about by them over the years since Rendon’s trial. She was grateful that she had asked Fenris to help get a few people set up at Fergus’. The last thing her brother needed was reporters bothering him.

“Where do you want to sit, front or back?” Nate asked her as they approached the doors.

“Front. I want him to know I’m here,” Cara summoned up every ounce of courage in her, having Nate and Cullen beside her helped her do so. She let out a deep breath as the door closed behind them, leaving the questions and camera flashes on the other side.

Samson turned as if sensing she had entered. She held back the shiver she felt in response to seeing him, instead squeezing Nate’s hand tighter; his thumb ran along hers to reassure her he was there. Samson’s face turned into disbelief as they fell upon Nate by her side, and Cara gave a smug smile.  _ ‘That’s right you bastard, you didn’t take him from me. You didn’t win.’ _

They walked to the front and sat behind the prosecutors; Cullen on one side of her, Nate on the other. Her right arm was linked with Nate’s, their fingers interlaced. She could feel the glower off of Cullen. Looking at him confirmed her suspicions. His eyes were boring a hole in the back of Samson’s head. Cara took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, which he returned, but kept up the intense stare just the same. She knew he was pissed that Samson had apparently been tracking Meg in addition to her, so she didn’t try to calm him.

Cullen hadn’t had time to prepare her for what they had found in their search for her, so some of it was shocking. She knew he had been in her house from his own confession during her captivity. But to hear he’d installed cameras around her house, that he’d been spying on them. She gave Nate a sideways glance and wondered if he was thinking the same thing as her at that moment; how many times had he been watching them when they’d been intimate? The thought made her want to get sick. She had to close her eyes and calm her breathing when they talked about the attempted murder of Nate. 

_ He’s right here, holding your hand, he’s fine, he’s fine. They wouldn’t have let him out of the hospital if he wasn’t. _ She kept reassuring herself even though she kept hearing the gunshot go off in her head. She tried to remind herself it was an illusion from the drugs.  _ It’s not happening now, I’m sitting in the courtroom, Cullen on my left, Nate on my right. I’m safe, they will keep me safe. _ She kept repeating that last sentence to herself.

“Do you need to leave?” Nate whispered in her ear, sensing her tension. 

Cara shook her head. She could hear her father’s voice in her head.  _ The Cousland family has been around since before the Towers Age. We are proud and strong and we do not back down from a challenge. You have centuries of Couslands behind you. There is nothing you cannot overcome, Pup. _

Cara sat up straighter and held Nate’s hand a little firmer. She would overcome this, she told herself.

Before she knew it, the bail hearing was complete. Raleigh hadn’t looked at her again once he saw Cullen and Nate beside her. Based on the evidence given, he was denied bail and a trial date was set for five weeks ahead. Cara felt a weight lifting from her shoulders knowing he’d be locked up at least through the trial. The walk back to their cars was just as harrowing as the walk in, although this time the reporters seemed to give them a wider berth when they saw the glare on Cullen’s face directed at them. Cara wondered if it was the same look he would give his subordinates years ago in the military. Rylen had told her once he could be pretty intimidating. Well, where ever he learned it from, it was working now.

“How are you doing?” Nate asked her once they were sitting back in her car.

“Better. Knowing he’s locked away for at least a few months is reassuring,” she leaned over and gave him a kiss on his cheek. They left the heaviness of the upcoming trial behind them as they drove to Cullen’s. Nate told her about Lena and Del coming to see him in the hospital, and Lena singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to him while sitting on his hospital bed. He said how much it had brightened his spirit to have the girl visit. Before they knew it, they were pulling into Cullen’s driveway just as he was getting out of his truck.

Cara was immediately tackled by Meg when they entered the house, Evelyn followed and pulled her into a hug. The three of them headed into the kitchen to get some tea and talk.

“How is she doing?” Cullen removed his tie as he and Nate walked into the front room.

“Right now, better. Last night was rough, but not as bad as the night before,” Nate explained. “She thought Oren was in my kitchen and was having a conversation with him. Seems night is worse for the visions.”

Cullen nodded, “The doctor said those should lessen as the week goes by. Did she open up at all about the last five weeks?” He didn’t feel the need for details, but wanted to be reassured that she was talking to  _ someone _ . For years it had been him, but he liked Nate, and hoped she was learning to lean on the man.

Nate’s expression changed to a scowl. “She did. It was bad, what he did to her...If I wouldn’t go to jail for it, I’d kill him with my bare hands for what he did. It was as horrific as we feared. She’s going to find someone to talk to. She needs it.”

Cullen sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as he nodded. He realized it was too much to hope for that she hadn’t been abused during that time, and a large part of him felt responsible for not having found her sooner. He looked up as he heard the others enter, carrying trays with tea and cookies for everyone. Meg was glued to Cara’s side, clearly happy to have her mother home.

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad she has you. You are exactly what she needs right now to help her through this,” Cullen said quietly. Nate didn’t reply but felt grateful for what Cullen had said. He knew that despite their romantic past, Cullen saw his role as Cara’s protector, a combination of big brother and father figure. For him to say what he had carried a lot of weight.

They sat at the dining room table to talk and catch Cara up on what she’d missed in the last month. Meg insisted on sitting in Cara’s lap, and Cara was more than willing to accommodate her. It was a relief, and a balm to her hurt to have her daughter in her arms again. Meg told Cara about a school play that was coming up that she was going to be a nug in and asked if she and Nate would come. They both assured her they would be there.

“When can I come home with you?” Meg asked her.

“Soon, I promise. I miss you too,” Cara kissed her daughter’s forehead.

Cullen decided this was as good a time as any for their talk. “Meg, Mama and I need to talk with you. Let’s go sit in the backyard.”

“Ok,” Meg got up from Cara’s lap and walked with them to the back.

Nate helped Evelyn clean up after they had left. The two of them had spoken over the last several months, but this was the first time they had really been alone. He carried the lighter of the trays to the kitchen, only being able to use one hand, needing the cane more today than usual due to the steps at the courthouse having worn him out some.

“So I know everyone’s focused on Cara, but how are you holding up?” Evelyn asked as she packed away what was left of the cookies.

“Better. I have PT in a few days, but they seem happy with my progress. Having her back definitely helps.” Nate leaned against the countertop as he spoke. “If anyone was going to shoot me, I would have thought it would be her father after he found out we’d stayed in a hotel after her prom,” Nate smirked.

“Clearly you survived him,” Evelyn chuckled.

“Only because of Cara. Bryce Cousland was a good man, but you definitely didn’t want to get on his bad side either,” Nate laughed. “But seriously, I’m good. It’s a bit frustrating not being able to do things like drive my car, or walk far. Or work. I never thought I’d miss work.”

“What do the doctors say about all that?”

“They said within three months I’ll be back to normal, able to do everything I could before. Some I’ll be able to do sooner, others will come slowly. I guess it’s the part about having to be patient. That I’m not so good at,” Nate smirked.

“Trust me, I understand that. It did go from engaged to married in a few months after all,” Evelyn smirked. She looked out the back door from where she stood in the kitchen. “How do you think it’s going out there?”

Nate shook his head. “I have to imagine it’s not an easy conversation for any of them right now.”

Evelyn nodded. “I just hope now that she’s back, Cullen will get some rest. He’s been running himself ragged trying to find her. I worry about his health; he’s been having withdrawal symptoms again. His headaches and nightmares have been getting worse, and his hands shake sometimes now.”

“It’s probably the stress triggering it. I’m sure he’ll feel better soon. Although, maybe don’t watch the news tonight, he’s sure to be in some of it.” 

“The press was that bad?” Evelyn asked. She had never thought of Cara as a celebrity before, she was a second grade teacher after all, but it seemed like everyone in the bakery the day before was buzzing about her from the employees to the customers.

Nate nodded and then looked over as the back door opened, Cullen, Cara and Meg entering all looking a little somber. Meg made a beeline for Nate and tugged on his arm to get him to kneel down. Once he did she wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug.

“I’m sorry Papa hurt you,” she said softly as she continued to hold him.

“I’ll be ok,” Nate returned her hug. “I have your mother to take care of me.”

Meg leaned back, but kept her arms around him. “But you take care of her, too.”

“Yes, I take care of her too. You also,” Nate gave her another hug and then pulled himself back up.

“Daddy, can I go ride my bike?” Meg asked, still looking a little sad.

“Put on your helmet, and stay where we can see you,” Cullen answered, Meg was halfway to the front door before he had finished the sentence.

“How’d it go?” Evelyn asked as she leaned into Cullen’s side, and he wrapped his arm behind her, his hand resting on her waist.

“She’s more upset about Nate and Cara getting hurt than anything. She’ll be fine though. We made it clear she can come to any of the four of us with questions or if she hears anything at school about the trial that upsets her,” Cullen explained.

“Turns out she likes you,” Cara teased Nate as she stood next to him.

Cullen leaned a little closer to Evelyn and whispered in her ear. She nodded to whatever he had said.

“We had something to talk with the two of you about now that Meg’s outside,” Evelyn beamed.

“Oh?” Cara smiled having a good feeling.

“We plan to tell her later tonight, but we wanted you to know first. We had a secret guest at the wedding.” Evelyn smirked. “I’m four months pregnant.”

“Oh, Evelyn!” Cara clapped her hands together, “That’s wonderful news.” She quickly pulled her into a hug. After that she pulled Cullen in for one as well and then laughed. “You look less panicked than last time.”

“Well, I’ve had a few months to get used to it,” Cullen smirked, and reached over to take the hand Nate offered in congratulations.

“This wasn’t why there was a rush to the altar, was it?” Cara asked.

“No,” Evelyn shook her head, positively glowing. “By the time we found out, we’d already set the plans in motion, it was just a coincidence. How do you think Meg will take the news?”

“I think she’s going to be over the moons. She has wanted to be a big sister for a long time,” Cara reassured them as she leaned along Nate’s arm. “Congratulations again. We needed some happy news around here and this is very happy.”

Cullen looked at Evelyn with a very content look on his face.

***

“Ok, let’s work on the heavy bag,” Nate’s physical therapist, Oghren, instructed.

Nate nodded and stood before the bag. It hadn’t been the gunshot that had weakened him, but the four weeks in a hospital bed. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before he swung. Hitting the bag felt good, not because it was building strength in his arms, but because it was releasing the tension he’d been carrying inside but trying to keep hidden for several days now. Ever since Cara had opened up to him about her captivity, he’d felt the anger sitting like a stone in his gut. He’d felt some satisfaction seeing the shock on Samson’s face in court when he’d walked into that courtroom. His focus on therapy had changed in the last week. No longer was it just about getting his life back. Now it was about getting stronger to be Cara’s rock, to be her protector. With every punch of the bag, he imagined it being Samson. He wanted to hit him for every hurt the madman had done to her. 

On top of that, he was starting to get his memories back from that night, and it only fueled his anger.

Oghren, oblivious to the driving force behind Nate’s punches, smirked next to him. “Keep going this way and you’ll be driving again in no time.”

Nate put on his headphones, “Hair of The Dog” played as he pummeled the heavy bag.

***

“You really need to stop hugging me at some point so I can, I don’t know, breathe!” Cara laughed.

“Nope, you’re never leaving my sight again,” Fergus answered, adding insult to injury by running the knuckles of one hand over the top of her head.

“Ouch, what’s next? A wet willy?” She playfully pushed him off of her while Fergus laughed, finally taking his seat.

“I saw you on the news last night exiting the courtroom. You clean up nice,” Fergus commented, taking a cookie from the tea tray on the table. “Cullen looked like he was going to stick a sword in those reporters though.”

“Yeah, he may have gone into Captain Military for a while there,” she smirked. “Speaking of, he and Ev are expecting. Meg’s over the moon about being a big sister.”

Fergus took her hand and squeezed it. “What about you? Any plans for you and Nate to maybe have one?”

“I doubt he has much interest. He’s never even mentioned marriage. I think what we have now is it, but it’s enough. I’m happy.” She shrugged.

“Then I’m happy for you.” Fergus shoved a cookie in her mouth before she could answer. Cara couldn’t help but smile at his playfulness today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Hair of the Dog](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyXz6eMCj2k) by Nazareth.
> 
> I know the song isn't about fighting, but the chorus always pumps me up and makes me ready to face asshats, so I imagine it doing the same for Nate.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cara's first day back at school.

Nate woke up from having fallen asleep on his recliner to a pair of amber eyes watching him from behind the arm of the chair.

“Are you awake?” Meg whispered.

Nate smirked, “I am.” Cara had told him that Meg would be coming over after school until Evelyn came to pick her up after dinner. He realized he must have slept longer than he thought if she was here now. “How was school?’

“Good; it was art day.” She ran off towards the front door. Nate put down the leg rest on the chair and stretched. When he opened his eyes Meg was back with a piece of construction paper in her hand. “I made this for you.”

She proudly handed over the paper. On it were other pieces of paper cut to look like the sun and grass, along with a tree. Crayons drew in several people, along with what he assumed was a halla, given that it was Meg’s drawing.

“This is me and Mama, and you and Daddy and  Màthair. And that’s a halla running in the field and we’re watching it while having a picnic,” Meg explained as she pointed at each part of the drawing, sounding pretty excited.

“This is wonderful. I love it, Meg,” Nate smiled at her, giving the girl a hug with one arm.

“Do you have anything to play with?” Meg asked him.

“Sure, come on.” Nate rose up and led her to a corner of the living room where a leather and wood ottoman-looking box sat. He lifted the wooden cover and motioned for her to look. “These are Lena’s but feel free to play with them.”

Meg beamed and dug in to look over the dolls and other toys in the cube.

Nate entered the kitchen to find Cara preparing a snack for Meg. He’d learned that if he announced that he was in the room before getting too close to her, it made her less jumpy. “Hey,” he said from the entryway.

Cara turned around slightly and smiled at him. “She didn’t wake you, did she?”

Nate shook his head as he walked to the fridge, putting Meg’s artwork next to drawings from Lena. “No, she’s fine. I gave her some of Lena’s toys to play with.”

“You’ll be in trouble if Lena ever finds out,” Cara smirked.

“How did it go today?” He slid his arms around her waist from behind her and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

Cara leaned back into him slightly as she returned to the task of slicing up an apple, “It went well. I like this therapist, Tabris. It feels safe talking to her.”

“Good,” Nate gave her a hug. “I’m proud of you.”

“I just want to get better. To have my life back,” Cara sighed and leaned against him further.

“You will,” he reassured her.

***

_ Cara sat on the couch in her father’s office, trying to pay attention to her Physics book, but failing miserably. She looked over at him sitting at his computer while silently reading through a report. _

_ “Dad?” _

_ Bryce looked over to her, “What is it, Pup?” _

_ Cara nibbled at her lower lip nervously. _

_ “Did you have a question?” He turned to now face her fully. _

_ “How do you know if you’re in love? How do you know if someone loves you?” _

_ Bryce smirked, “This is about Nathaniel then.” _

_ Cara shrugged, “Just, how do you know?” _

_ Bryce leaned back in his chair and looked at his youngest for a few minutes. “You know if you are when you can’t imagine anything but a life with that person. When you’re willing to make any sacrifice just to see them smile.” _

_ “How do you know if someone loves you? Even if they don’t say it?” _

_ “You’ll know when they put your happiness before their own. When they do the little things that they know will make you smile without having to be asked,” Bryce answered. _

Cara stretched and turned off the alarm on her phone. It was still dark out but the moonlight lit the room through the window. Today would be her first day back at work. It had been two weeks since she’d been rescued and she felt it was time to start grabbing up some normalcy; her therapist agreeing. Even though it was Friday, she had wanted to get back to the school, even for only one day. She missed her class, missed her desk and the hallways and even Principal Solas a little.

The hallucinations had thankfully gone away after the first week, just as the doctor had said, and her follow-up exam had gone well. She looked beside her and could see Nate still in a deep sleep, the moonlight illuminating his face and his bare chest. Through everything he’d been there for her; her rock. He’d held her when she cried, but also seemed to know when to give her space, lest he frighten her by reaching for her. She hated that--jumping from his touch. It wasn’t fair to him, and it wasn’t fair to her, given that his touch was what she wanted more than anything. But not once did he lose his patience, even though she’d invaded his one bedroom apartment, leaving him with no privacy. It hadn’t been lost on her the way he would look at her when he thought she couldn’t see. He clearly wanted  _ more  _ than just a few kisses, yet he didn’t push, didn’t even try. He was giving her the space and time she needed to deal with everything.

She didn’t understand how he was still here when anyone else would have run away screaming by now. He’d nearly died, twice now, because he was with her. But instead of doing the wise thing, getting as far from her as he could, everything that had happened seemed to only make him want to be closer to her.

Her fingers brushed along the hair on his chest. He was starting to get his definition back, a bi-product of the physical therapy. The round scar from the bullet wound wasn’t as ugly and angry looking as before, fading to a white circle. Cara pressed her lips to it, and felt his arm wrap around her.

“Mmmm,” he hummed, his nose pressing against her forehead, followed by his lips. “Stay.”

“I have to get ready for work,” she answered, leaning up on her arm, and then bending down to give him a proper kiss on the lips. His fingers wove into her hair as he held her to him, deepening the kiss, his tongue wrapping along hers. She finally pulled back from it, feeling slightly breathless. “I love you.”

Nate smiled wide at her proclamation, his eyes still closed. “I love you, too. Just a few more minutes?”

Cara leaned back down, and snuggled into his side, “Just a few.”

***

Cara felt a feeling of warmth walking into the office of the school. It suddenly felt like it was just yesterday that she was here. This place, these walls, felt like another home to her. After several hugs and handshakes from the office staff welcoming her home, she was told the Principal was waiting for her.

Cara entered the office and was surprised to see a brown haired dwarf sitting in the principal’s seat. She looked up when she noticed Cara enter.

“Ahh, you must be Ms. Cousland,” the dwarf smiled warmly, motioning to the open chair. “Come, sit, sit. I’m Principal Lace Harding.”

“Just Cara is fine please,” Cara nodded taking the seat, “and where is Solas?”

“Well that would be the million dollar question. He resigned and left unexpectedly just before winter break. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Cara.” Principal Harding shook her hand. “I’ve heard lots of good things about you from the staff and the students. Everyone is very happy to have you back and safe.”

“Thank you.” Cara played with her hands in her lap, suddenly feeling nervous due to the change. She had been counting on things being the same as before.

“Is everything alright, Cara?” Harding asked with a look of concern.

“Just nervous,” she replied.

Harding nodded with a small grin, “Let’s get you to your classroom, see if that doesn’t cheer you up.”

Walking down the hallway did in fact have a calming effect from the familiarity. As they walked past the art room she noticed Merrill look up in time to give her a bright smile and wave excitedly. Cara can’t help but smile in return, Merrill was always so sweet and upbeat.

“After you, Ms. Cousland,” Harding gave her a suspicious smile as she opened the door.

No sooner had Cara stepped through the door when all twenty of her students yell out together, “Welcome back, Ms. Cousland!”

Behind them was a brightly colored banner with the same thing on it, clearly made by her students. They all quickly rushed up to her and surrounded her with hugs. Cara couldn’t help but tear up as all the kids start talking over each other to tell her how much they missed her. Cara looked over in time to see Principal Harding give her a wink and head out of the room, closing the door behind her.

It took a while to get the kids to settle down enough to begin their lessons, but she was happy to indulge them this once by letting them each take a turn in telling her what they did during winter break or what she had missed while gone. It was clear most of them weren’t aware of  _ why _ she was gone, which was just fine with her.

They were on their last lesson before lunch when the Principal entered the classroom again, this time carrying a large bouquet of about two dozen roses, mixed with a few andraste’s grace, all in a large glass vase.

“These just arrived for you, Ms. Cousland. I thought I should bring these down to you before the ladies in the office started getting too jealous,” Harding chuckled, placing them on Cara’s desk.

“Ooooo,” the students commented. 

“Those are pretty, Ms. Cousland.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“My daddy gets those for my mom when she’s mad at him. Were you mad at your boyfriend?”

Cara chuckled at their enthusiasm. She was feeling grateful now that her therapist had recommended she return to work; her students were helping without even realizing it. She pulled out the card from the florist and read it silently to herself.

_ “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem. I have faith in you. Love, Nate” _

She smiled at the quote from Winnie-the-Pooh and at his sweetness with the flowers.

“What does the card say?” one of her students called out.

“It says it’s time for lunch. After that we’ll talk about the fifth blight. Everyone line up and we’ll head down to the cafeteria,” she instructed as the sound of twenty chairs scraping back sounded in the room.

***

“So, how was your first day back at school?”

“It went a lot better than I thought it would. You were right,” Cara smiled as she handed over a card. “My kids gave me this.”

Dr. Tabris looked at the card filled with the uneven writing of children all praising Cara. “This is sweet.”

Cara nodded and continued, “And Nate sent a large bouquet of flowers. I was worried I’d been away too long, but once I started in on the lessons, I just fell right back into the routine.”

“And how did that feel?” Tabris asked.

“Really good. Like something…” she paused searching for the right word.

“Normal?” Tabris offered.

“Yes, normal,” Cara nodded. “Like a missing piece fitting back into my life.”

“That’s good,” Tabris smiled. “Before we start getting into the deep stuff again, I want to give you your assignment for this week.”

Cara fidgeted but nodded in agreement.

“I want you to go back to your house, just for a day, you don’t have to move in yet. But you need to take back your home, it’s important,” Tabris waited for the objections she knew were coming.

“I don’t know if I can do that,” Cara looked down at her hands. “Especially knowing he’s been in there recently. What if it’s too much?”

“You don’t have to go alone. Your boyfriend sounds very supportive-- bring him with you. It’s just a house, it won’t hurt you; and Raleigh’s in jail, he can’t hurt you either. You need to do this to get back what was taken from you, one step at a time,” Tabris instructed. “You were scared to go back to the classroom and you see that worked out ok, so just trust me alright? You have my phone number if you feel overwhelmed.”

Cara sighed knowing that her therapist was right, even if she didn’t want to hear it. 

“I gave you that first on purpose. Let’s talk about how you’re feeling about going back to your home…”

***

Cara entered Nate’s apartment feeling drained, not just from the long day, but from the heavy stuff they had talked about during her session. Nate was in the kitchen pulling a water from the fridge. He turned when he saw Cara enter and gave her a smile. She walked straight to him and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his chest. Nate hugged her and ran a hand along her back.

“Long day?” 

Cara nodded, and lifted her face up to kiss him. “Thank you for the flowers. They make me smile whenever I look at them.”

“That was the idea.” He gave her another soft kiss, his lips caressing hers, loving how he could feel the tension leaving her as he did so.

Cara leaned her head back against his chest. “She wants me to return to the house, just for a few hours. Will you go with me?”

“Of course,” Nate reassured her, running his hand through her hair to soothe her. “I think it’ll be good for you.”

“I’m scared. What if it triggers a flashback,” she bit her lower lip as she spoke.

“It’ll be ok, and if anything happens I’m there with you. You don’t have to face any of this alone,” he reassured her.

Cara sighed and nodded, still holding on to him.

“Come on, let’s go sit on the couch and you can tell me about your day.” He took her hand as he untangled himself from her hold and led her to the living room.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cara has a rather intense therapy session.

“This is a mistake.” Cara stood in Nate’s kitchen and crossed her arms over herself.

“It will be fine, I promise,” he tilted her chin up to look at him. “I’m going to be right there with you.”

Cara bit her bottom lip nervously, but said nothing.

“Your therapist wouldn’t have told you to do this if she didn’t think you were ready.” He ran his hands up and down her upper arms to reassure her.

“You almost died there. I thought you did, right in front of me,” she said so softly he could barely hear her, but he could see and feel her shaking.

“But I didn’t. I’m right here,” Nate pulled her into his arms and let her rest her weight against him. “You’re safe, and I’ll keep you that way.”

Cara sighed and nodded, resigning herself to having to do this.

An hour later, Nate put his car in park in her driveway. Ever since being given the green light to drive again last week, he’d taken every opportunity to be the one to drive - even driving her to work one day just because he could. He picked up her hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. “You can slay this dragon.”

Cara smirked at him and appreciated that, once again he was trying to lighten her mood. “I love you,” she said, needing him to know just how much his being here meant.

“I love you, too.”

Cara opened the car door and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before walking up to the sidewalk. In her mind she could hear her screams of agony, she could see him lying prone on the ground, his blood everywhere, including on her as she tried fruitlessly to stop it from leaving his body. She opened her eyes, and was surprised to see no trace of it on the concrete; not even a little dark stain. Cullen had told her he had prepared the house for her, but she hadn’t expected this. This small thing, a clean sidewalk, suddenly made it a little easier to breath.

Nate’s hand held hers as they walked up to the front porch. “This is your home. Don’t let him take that from you,” he said as he kissed her temple.

Cara nodded, unlocking the front door and taking a deep breath before stepping over the threshold. She led them through the front hallway to the living room where she stopped shocked. Standing there waiting for them was Leli, Isabela, Anders, Karl, Hawke, Fenris, Morrigan, Solona, Oz and even Alistair. Behind them all is a banner that says ‘Welcome Home’. Cara put her hands over her mouth, a smile forming behind them as tears fill her eyes.

“What are you all doing here?”

“I wanted your latest memory of your home to be a happy one,” Nate said softly as his hand ran along her back in a soothing pattern.

Cara turned slightly to look at him. She hadn’t thought it was possible to love him even more than she did, but somehow now she felt as if she did. “Thank you,” she whispered. She then turned to the others, “Hi.”

They all laughed and broke from where they stood, walking over the greet her and offer her hugs and affection.

“It’s so good to see you,” Cara held her hug around Alistair’s shoulders a bit longer.

He kept his arms around her but stood back just enough to look at her. “One of the perks of owning your own jet is being able to fly in to welcome a dear friend home. I’m so glad you’re back.”

“I am too. I understand you helped Anders with funding his search for me. Thank you,” Cara hugged her friend again.

“I just wish there had been more I could do. Your being home safe is worth every silver spent a hundred fold,” Alistair whispered in her ear and then stood back again, letting the hug drop this time. “Let’s go check out the food, I hear there’s another of Evelyn’s cheesecakes here.”

Cara chuckled and followed him. The next few hours were spent reconnecting with her friends. Even though she’d seen Anders several times, the rest she hadn’t really talked with, including Hawke and Fenris even though they had been just downstairs from Nate. She hadn’t realized how much she’d cut herself off from everyone else until she was faced with them again. Talking, laughing, eating with them all lifted so much weight off her shoulders that she didn’t even know she’d been carrying.

While everyone mingled in the front room, Cara walked back to her bedroom. It felt so odd to walk into her own room after so long. Everything looked tidy, put together. The only sign that the room had been torn apart by the police in the search for her was a single patch of replaced drywall that Cullen had said he’d come back to paint. Hearing footsteps, she turned and smiled when Nate appeared in the doorway; he walked towards her.

Cara took his hands and wrapped them around her waist, wrapping her own around the back of his head, one hand playing softly with the hair on the nape of his neck. She looked into his eyes, knowing her smile was wide but being unable to help it. “Thank you. This was exactly what I needed.”

Nate placed his forehead along hers and closed his eyes, “Good. I wish I could say the idea was mine. I called Dr. Tabris to ask how I could help you best today. She suggested making it a happy memory. I just thought, well, you always are happiest when surrounded by your friends, so I called Leli, and she got everyone else.”

Cara pressed her lips to his and stepped close enough to feel the warmth of him. “I love you--more than I know how to say.”

“I love you, too. I’m glad you’re happy, I’ve missed your smile,” Nate said as he brushed his thumb gently over her lips.

“You two aren’t having sex during the party, are you?” Isabela’s voice called out to them from the front of the house, followed by the laughter of the rest of the guests.

“We better get back out there,” Cara smiled. “I’m not ready just yet to move back in, but soon. Thank you.”

Nate took her hand and gave it a squeeze before leading her back to the front room.

***

“You are testifying in a week, how are you feeling about it?” Dr. Tabris watched her from over her glasses.

“I’m scared,” Cara answered softly, looking at her hands in her lap.

“Why are you scared?”

“For one, Raleigh,” she fiddled with her fingers.

“That’s understandable. But he’ll be under watch from the officers there. It’ll probably be the safest you’ve been around him in the last year or so. Anything else?”

Cara shrugged.

“This only works if you talk to me. Remember that this is a safe, judgement free environment. I’m only here to help you,” Tabris reassured her.

“Cullen is going to be angry.”

“About what you say when you testify?”

Cara nodded but still didn’t look up.

“He probably will be. He cares about you. Hearing about someone you care for being hurt would make anyone angry.”

“That’s not…” Cara sighed and brushed some hair behind her ear. “When he hears what I did, he’s going to be angry at me. He’ll take Meg. I mean he already has her, but he won’t let me bring her home.”

“Do you remember us talking about this? Nothing that happened was your fault. Cullen is smart and he’s a police officer. He’ll know that,” Tabris spoke in her usual calming tone. “I think it would help if you talked to him before you had to testify, so you can see he’s on your side.”

“I don’t want to make him mad,” Cara looked up for the first time in nearly ten minutes.

“He might be, but I don’t think it will be directed at you. This isn’t the first time you’ve tried to avoid conversations. What makes you afraid to tell your friends things?”

“I want everyone to be happy,” she answered.

“You deserve to be happy too. Your friends, Nate, Cullen, Anders, all of them-- they care about you just as you care about them. What do you think will happen if you told them the truth about how you felt instead of just trying to keep them happy?”

“They’d leave. Just like...just like…” Cara looked over at her therapist with tears in her eyes and a large lump in her throat.

“Like your family?”

Cara nodded.

“Cara, what happened with your family had nothing to do with you. It was because of someone that was selfish and sick. Rendon Howe is responsible for taking away your family, no one else. Your friends, they want you to be happy. Anyone that really cares about you will not leave you just because you say you’re unhappy with something.” Tabris handed over a tissue.

“I’m scared,” Cara sniffled.

“Would it help if you brought Cullen here and talked to him with me in the room?”

Cara sighed and nodded.

“Ok, I’ll tell you what. I had a cancellation tomorrow afternoon. Why don’t you text Cullen now and see if he can come at four,” Dr. Tabris gave her a kind smile.

 **To Cullen:** Can you come with me to the therapist tomorrow at 4?

 **From Cullen:** I’ll get someone to take my shift. I’ll be there, just send me the address.

Cara felt an odd combination of affection at how quickly he agreed without any hesitation or questions along with tension at what their conversation would be like the next day. “He said yes.”

“Ok, I’ll see you both at four then. Until then, just go home and relax.”

“No homework this week?”

“I think your talk tomorrow qualifies, so no, nothing else for this week. You just get yourself ready for the trial, and if you find you need extra appointments to get you through it, you call. I’ll let my assistant know to make you a priority and fit you in, alright?”

“Thank you, doctor,” Cara wiped at the tears in her eyes with the tissue.

“We’ll get you through this,” Dr. Tabris assured her.

\---

Cara sat on the couch in the waiting room of her therapist fussing with the shirt she was wearing - one of Nate’s that she had confiscated to give her courage. It wasn’t working. When the door opened she knew it was Cullen without having to look up. She couldn’t; she was filled with an unreasonable worry that somehow just by looking at her he’d _know_.

He sat down next to her and reached over to take her hand in one of his, hers looking so small in comparison to his. He squeezed her hand reassuringly. “Whatever it is, it’ll be ok.”

Cara didn’t take her hand away, but nibbled nervously on her lip, wanting to tell him how wrong he was. When the door to the therapy room opened, she took her hand back and walked into the room and onto the couch without a word. She could hear Dr. Tabris and Cullen talking but still was too afraid to look up.

“You must be Cullen. Thank you so much for coming today,” Dr. Tabris offered him her hand as she spoke.

“Of course, anything to help Cara,” Cullen nodded as he shook the doctor’s hand. He looked at Cara on the couch, her knees pulled up to her chest. He hadn’t seen her look so afraid since she told him she was pregnant with Meg. He hoped that whatever was going on now, he could make it ok for her, just as he did all those years ago.

“Please, take a seat and we’ll begin,” the doctor indicated the couch with her hand as she moved over to the empty seat herself. She waited until they were both seated to begin. “Cullen, you were asked here because Cara has some things she needs to tell you before she has to testify. Before she does though, maybe you could begin by telling Cara why you agreed to come today.”

Cullen looked over at Cara as he spoke, “Because it’s clear you are hurting, that you need help. I care about you. You, Meg and Evelyn are the most important people in my life, and if there’s anything I can do to help you, I’ll do it. You will always have my support. You should know that by now.”

“Cara, how do you feel hearing him say that to you?” Dr. Tabris tried to get her out of her shell.

“I want to believe that, but I’m afraid when I tell him…” Cara looked up at the therapist’s face for a moment and then down again. Cullen watched her, and wanted to pull her into his arms and reassure her, but he wasn’t sure that would be welcome right now, so he sat still. He wondered what he could have done to make her afraid of him.

“Cara? Is this about what happened when that bast...” He took a deep breath to calm himself. His police training taught him that getting upset would not help her, “..when Samson had you?”

Cara looked up at Dr. Tabris again who nodded to her. “Go ahead, I’m here.”

Cara took a deep breath, and pulled Nate’s shirt into her fists as she looked at Cullen’s shoulders, still unable to meet his eyes. “I did things.”

“While you were captive?” He momentarily exchanged a look with her therapist as he spoke.

Cara nodded. “I didn’t want to, but I didn’t say no either. He said if I didn’t, that he’d hurt Meg.”

Cullen’s hand tightened into a fist at the mention of their daughter, but still he kept his voice even. “Nothing that happened was…”

“You don’t know,” she interrupted him, finally looking at him for the first time since he’d arrived. “I mean I used to do things like that with him willingly. Maybe I wanted it and didn’t realize.” Now that the floodgates were open she started to tell him what she had done while in the warehouse.

Cullen listened quietly as she spoke. The more he heard, the more he understood Nate’s comment about wanting to tear Samson limb from limb with his bare hands. It was clear from how she was talking that she wasn’t sure she was the victim, but instead seemed to think she deserved all this, which only angered him further.

Cara wiped a tear from her face as she looked up at him again. “Please don’t take Meg.”

That pulled Cullen from his anger quickly, unsure where that statement had come from. “Cara, I would never do that. Why would you think I’d take her from you?”

“Because of what I did, because you won’t want her around me anymore now that you know.” She wrapped her arms around herself.

Cullen reached out and gently tugged on her until she moved close enough that he could put his arms around her. “She belongs with you. Every night before going to sleep she asks me when she can go home with you. I love her, and I’m happy to have her but I love you too, and I would never do something like that to either of you.”

“Why don’t you hate me?” she asked against his chest that she had buried her face in.

“Cara, what happened...you’re not to blame. It was rape, you shouldn’t be punished.” He tried to catch her eyes but she remained buried in his side. He looked up at her therapist who only nodded to him and tilted her head to encourage him to continue.

“But I didn’t say no,” she sniffled.

“Only because you couldn’t. You said yourself that if you did he’d hurt Meg.”

“It wasn’t sex,” she countered.

“It was still rape,” Cullen said with conviction. “You’re not to blame in this at all.”

“But you’re angry.”

“Yes, but not at you. Not even a little bit. I’m angry at Samson for what he did to you. I’m angry at myself for not doing more to protect you, for not being able to find you sooner. But I promise you Cara, I’m not angry at you.”

Cara silently cried against him, but didn’t answer.

“Cara, I want you to see where you are,” Dr. Tabris spoke softly. “I want you to see that Cullen cares for you. That it’s ok to say to him what you’re feeling and he isn’t pushing you away for those feelings, but instead he’s pulling you closer because you opened up. It will be the same with your other friends. You don’t need to keep everyone else happy to keep them around. Cullen told you what you said made him angry, but as you can see, he’s holding you and protecting you, not pushing you away.”

Cara looked over to the therapist and nodded, but still didn’t move from Cullen’s arms.

“Cara, I want you to see that you aren’t losing him. That you were able to tell him you were afraid he’d take Meg and he’s still here,” Dr. Tabris reassured her. “You won’t lose those that care about you.”

“We’re family. I’m here through thick and thin,” Cullen tried to reassure her.

“I want you to try telling people when you feel upset about something. Don’t sugar coat it. If you need to, ask Cullen or Nate to be there with you, but you can’t protect people by hurting yourself,” Dr. Tabris explained.  “I’m going to give you both a few minutes alone. We’re all set for your next appointment, so just leave the door open when you leave. Thank you again for coming, Cullen.”

“Of course,” he nodded watching the doctor leave the room.

“Hey, look at me,” he nudged her slightly.

Cara wiped at her eyes and sat back up, looking at his face this time.

“I want you to know you can always tell me anything. I don’t care how scary it is, or how much you think it will hurt me to hear, you can tell me. I promise nothing you ever tell me will make me leave you,” Cullen wiped the tears from her face, now understanding that so much of her refusal to tell Meg things, or to keep things bottle up until she exploded had to do with losing her family. Had he understood that so many years ago, things may have gone differently in their relationship, but he found he couldn’t feel regret over that, having found Evelyn. “I hope you figure out soon that you were the victim here, that none of this is your fault. I meant it when I said we’re family, Cara. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Thank you, Cullen,” Cara wiped her tears again and took the tissue he offered her.

“You’re going to be ok. And whenever you’re ready for her, be it your current house or a new place, Meg will be home with you again. I promise.” Cullen brushed the hair back from her face. “Are you ready to get out of here?”

Cara nodded and took his offered hand, walking out the door with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this came across as realistic and that it helped to explain some of her (frustrating) behavior earlier in the story <3


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cara finally testifies in court.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW in the beginning.

The hot water from the shower beat against his back, soothing the muscles that were still feeling sore from his workout yesterday. Nate closed his eyes and just relished the feeling of the warmth. The visit to Cara’s house had gone as well as he’d hoped, the impromptu party seeming to lift her spirits just as he had hoped it would.

He heard the rustle of the shower curtain and opened his eyes in time to see Cara step in wearing nothing but a smile. She said nothing, licking her lips as her eyes roamed over him. She stepped close enough that their bodies were pressed together and gently pulled his head down to crush her lips to his. He hadn’t seen her nude in nearly two months, and to have her be such now, and sliding her wet body against his was arousing him quickly. His arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her so that she could feel how hard he was already starting to become. Nate turned them so that she was between him and the shower wall, their tongues battling a war in her mouth as he moaned loud and deep.

One of his hands reached up to cover her breast, squeezing it gently; she whined in response. His fingers soon found the nipple, plucking at it until it was a hard peak. Every whine and moan from her caused his cock to wiggle between them. He bent his head, flicking the tight and hard nipple with his tongue and smiling as he heard Cara moan loudly, her fingers tugging on his hair as he pulled more of her breast into his mouth and began to suck.

“Nate,” she moaned. Her hand wrapped around his stiff cock and started to slide up and down it, pulling sensations from him that made him feel dizzy. 

Nate released her breast and stood up, resting his forehead on hers while one hand supported himself against the shower wall, the other along her hip. Her hand sped up and he moaned loudly, quickly nearing his end. 

“Come for me.”

Nate closed his eyes again, feeling the pressure build, until he exploded, stars bursting under his eyelids. He leaned his forehead against the cool tile of the shower wall, his mouth hung open, trying to catch his breath as he slowed down his pace along himself, feeling his cock already starting to soften as he removed his hand. He opened his eyes and stepped back to let the water wash away his seed spread across the tiles on the wall. He took a deep breath and hoped he hadn’t been as loud as he’d feared. He didn’t want Cara to hear him, knowing she wasn’t ready to resume the physical aspect of their relationship. So often he was aroused around her, and so often he had to find an excuse to head off to the bathroom to take care of things so as to not make her feel uncomfortable. Falling asleep next to her each night, having to be mindful of where he placed his hands was the true test, one he’d been passing so far. He closed his eyes, rinsing off his face in the shower and tried to let the images fade from his fantasy, not needing to stoke the fires constantly burning in his gut. 

He turned off the shower and stepped out, grabbing a towel to quickly dry of. He put on his boxers and jeans and headed off to the kitchen to grab some coffee.   
\---   
Cara watched from the couch as Nate walked from the bathroom, fresh from his shower, wearing nothing but jeans. He was in an upbeat mood, having been given the approval to return to work on Monday. As he headed into the kitchen she admired his physique. He was in physical therapy three times a week and the results were firm muscles and a toned chest. She couldn’t help but ogle him. She’d heard him moaning in the shower and felt guilty that she’d been too afraid to do more than share a chaste kiss with him. It wasn’t that she didn’t desire him, just the opposite in fact. Seeing him without a shirt now as he smirked at her from the kitchen, she thought about him pressing into her body with his, of her sinking into the bed from his weight pressing into her. She dreamed of his mouth covering her body in kisses. But fear kept her from pursuing what she knew he’d freely give. So instead of acting, she just watched him as he joined her on the couch, a coffee for each of them in his hands. Nate picked up her feet and placed them in his lap after she took her mug from him. He began to knead the bottoms, causing her to let out a long sigh and lie back, letting him pamper her as he joined her in watching the show on the television of people winning backyard makeovers.

***

“I can’t believe you still have this!” Cara pulled out a photo album covered with glitter from Nate’s bookshelf.

“What’s that, Mama?” Meg looked at the book Cara held with curiosity. 

“This is something I made for Nate many years ago. Let’s go sit on the couch and I’ll show you,” she walked there as she spoke. She sat beside Nate, who put his arm around her shoulders and Meg climbed into Nate’s lap.

“That a lot of glitter on the cover,” Meg whispered in awe.

“I believe that’s what I said when she gave it to me,” Nate chuckled. It had hardly fit his ‘bad boy/tough guy’ image back then, but the look of excitement she had when she gave it to him kept any objections unspoken.

Cara playfully elbowed him, to which he chuckled again in response. “This is a photo album.”

She opened up the first page to a photo of three boys and a girl. The eldest boy looked to be about 12 with bright red hair, the two younger boys had jet black hair and were clearly brothers and the girl was a blonde. 

“Who are they, Mama?” 

“Well , this is Uncle Fergus,” she indicated the oldest boy, “and that’s Nate,” the second oldest, which Meg looked at and then up at Nate who gave the girl a squeeze with the arm that was around her, “and this is Nate’s brother Thomas, and that’s me. I think this was taken during a festival in Highever.”

“Wow, you look different,” Meg bent closer to look at the photo. “Uncle Fergus’ hair is  _ really  _ red!”

Cara laughed, “Yes it was very red then.”

She flipped through other photos, pointing out to Meg who everyone was. Meg was fascinated by them, even spotting who Leli and Alistair were in the photos without having to be told.

“You look pretty, Mama,” Meg pointed to the picture of Nate and Cara at her senior prom. Nate’s arm tightened around Cara’s waist, where he was now resting it, as he looked at the photo.

“Thank you,” Cara tousled her hair.

“Are there any pictures of Daddy in here?”

“No, this is before I knew your Daddy or Uncle Bran.” Cara explained. The final picture she flipped to was their formal engagement photo. Cara ran her finger along the side of the photo but said nothing. Nate could tell she looked a little sad, perhaps remembering how everything fell apart soon after that had been taken.

“I think it’s time we started taking pictures to fill up another album,” Nate purposefully tried to steer things to something positive, “ones that have pictures of you,” he continued smiling at Meg.

“Yeah. We should do that. Can we Mama?” Meg pleaded.

“Of course, Peanut,” Cara tapped the girl’s nose.

***

Cara sat at the kitchen island in the apartment flipping through a website. She was testifying in two days and Nate could feel the anxiety coming off of her.

“What are you looking at?” he asked as he wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned his head against the top of hers.

“Houses. I just don’t think I can live in that one anymore. I appreciate that you tried to make it more positive, but there’s just too many bad memories there, I want someplace that isn’t filled with flashbacks.” She pulled up a few homes she had bookmarked. “Much as I hate to admit Cullen was right, maybe living near him wouldn’t be so bad. Meg would get to see him more, maybe even ride her bike over when she gets a little bigger. What do you think?” She looked up at him, meeting his eyes with hers.

“I think whatever you need to do to feel safe is good.” He kissed her temple. “Looking at houses might give you something besides the trial to focus on too.”

“Will you go look at them with me?” She leaned against him.

“Absolutely.” He leaned his head on hers as she picked up the phone to call the real estate agent listed for the houses she had picked. He had liked having her here with him, the idea of her moving out filled him with sadness, but he wanted her to have her life back, so he kept that to himself.

***

Nate looked over at the couch watching Cara fidget yet again with her skirt as he stood in the kitchen drinking his coffee. Even without that telltale sign, he could sense she was nervous about testifying today. He had hoped that her opening up to Cullen would have calmed those nerves, but it seemed to have no effect. He picked up the small box beside him and walked into the living room, taking a seat beside her.

“Hey,” he kept his voice soft, taking her arm gently when she looked up at him. He kissed her wrist and then clasped something to it.

Cara looked and saw it was a gold bracelet with the Cousland family crest:two crossing laurels fashioned out of small diamonds on a flat oval gold piece.

“Nate, this is too expensive…”

“What’s the point of making obscene amounts of money if I can’t use it to spoil you?” He put his hand on her face and caressed her cheek with his thumb. “I want you to have that for today, so that if you get scared you can look at it and remember that, like your father said, you have a long line of strong people in your family and that you are one of them. You also have my love to keep you strong. You can do this. I’ll be right there supporting you.”

“Why are you doing all this? It’s more than you need to,” she asked, still looking at the bracelet.

With his hand on her cheek he brushed his finger behind her ear. “I lived nearly a decade without you. I promised myself that if I ever had another chance with you, I’d do anything I could to show you just how much you mean to me. I promised I’d do all the little things I was too  _ cool _ to do before that you deserved - giving you flowers, make you breakfast in bed, buying you pretty things or just holding your hand when we’re out. I like doing these things for you, because I love you.”

“I love you too, Nate,” she leaned into his side and let him wrap his arms around her, taking in the feeling of safety and holding onto that feeling for later today.

“Have you eaten?” He asked, knowing the answer even before she shook her head. “Ok, let’s find you something. You can’t battle evil on an empty stomach.”

Cara sat at the kitchen island and watched as Nate cooked up eggs and toast for her while in his suit. She leaned on one elbow appreciating just how good he looked in a suit, and wishing they didn’t have to go to court today so she could maybe get him  _ out _ of the suit. She had once tried to tell him that he didn’t have to cook, but he explained how he liked cooking for her--that it was one of the ways he could show her how he cared for her. Since then she just appreciated it for what it was and got enjoyment watching him do it.

They arrived at the courthouse two hours later, her stomach full from breakfast, which did, in fact help her feel a little better. She stopped up short when she entered the courthouse. Cullen and Evelyn she had been expecting, but in addition there was Solona, Oz, Hawke, Fenris, Leli, Isabela, Anders, Alistair, Branson, Morrigan, and, much to her surprise, Zevran.

“What are you all doing here?” Her voice sounded in awe.

“We are here to support you, Bella,” Zevran answered for the group, as he pulled her into a hug. “I am only sorry I had not been able to travel back sooner. News from Denerim does not reach Par Vollen quickly.”

“It’s good you are here,” she answered softly as she returned the hug.

“Ok, distraction time,” Alistair winked at her before walking off towards the courtroom. Cara looked at Nate in confusion, but he only shrugged in response.

It became clear what he meant as they turned the corner in the hallway and the reporters were all swarmed around Alistair, clearly hoping to get a quote from the orphan turned billionaire. As Cara was wondering how she could sneak by without being noticed, her friends all surrounded her, but in such a way that it looked natural-- like just a crowd of people. Cara sighed a happy sigh as they all walked into the courtroom together; not one single reporter or camera noticed her at all. Her friends dispersed, finding seats where they could, and Cara noticed Cullen and Evelyn near the front, appearing to have spots ready for her and Nate.

“You’re going to do fine today,” Cullen whispered reassuringly in her ear as he hugged her. Cara squeezed her arms tighter around his shoulders, trying to absorb some of his confidence. 

Once seated, Nate took her hand and held it to his lips for a moment before giving it a squeeze. Cara returned the squeeze and took a deep breath to steady her nerves. By the time the prosecutor called her up as a witness she was feeling calmer. Already Cullen and Anders had both been called to testify, as had Officer Justice. Cara had spent that time watching Anders closely to make sure he was ok with his brother in the courtroom. Leli appeared to be talking to Anders softly and whatever she was saying seemed to be helping him.

“The prosecution calls Cara Cousland to the stand.”

Cara took one final look at Nate before rising and making her way to the witness stand. She could here some murmurs from the crowd in the seats, but those were quickly silenced by the judge. She sat in the witness seat feeling confident. All that shattered when she looked up and saw Raleigh’s face for the first time in over a month. He must have noticed, as a smug look appeared on his face, suddenly sitting up straighter, looking so self assured. His tongue darted out and licked his bottom lip and she shivered. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t stand up to him. She was so stupid for thinking she could. Cara wrung her hands, feeling just as nervous as she had that morning. Her breath felt short, and she started clinging to her own arms.

Nate watched from the seat as she started to fall apart up there. He could tell her breathing was getting faster, and she wasn’t looking up. Even though Samson’s back was to them, so Nate couldn’t see what the man was doing, he was certain he was doing something that had unnerved her. He wished he could go up there and help calm her. Seeing her in distress hurt. Cara’s eyes finally met his and he pointed to his wrist while giving her what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

Cara looked down at her wrist and saw the bracelet she had forgotten was there in all her worry. The Cousland family crest beamed up at her and she felt her parents presence beside her in that moment. It almost felt as if her mother was there, whispering in her ear and her father’s hand was on her shoulder, each giving her strength. She took a deep breath and sat up straighter. She  _ could _ do this. She was a Cousland.

Nate saw the moment her confidence returned and felt his own nerves for her fade away. He had no doubt at that point that she could do this.

Cara worked her way through her testimony, her eyes glued to the Assistant DA, Ms. Dalish, the entire time. She feared she’d lose her nerve if she saw any of her friends or Raleigh, given the nature of what she was discussing. They went through her relationship, and the break up. The stalking and harassment after. 

The judge called for a recess and Cara walked back to where Nate waited for her.

“You’re doing great, I’m proud of you,” he said quietly to her as he wrapped her in a hug. As before, he managed to sneak her through with the crowd exiting the room, keeping the reporters from spotting her. They found her friends down near a food truck outside.

Cara sat at a picnic table beside Anders, her friends taking up the same table and a few around her, all talking, some catching up with each other. Nate sat next to her and handed her a hot dog, placing a drink between them to share.

“You’re doing really well up there. There’s no way they’re going to let him go now, especially when you talk about him abducting you,” Branson smiled at her.

Cara gave a half smile and looked uncertainly at Nate. He and Cullen were the only ones she’d shared the details of her ordeal with and she was terrified of what everyone’s reaction would be once they heard it today. She had little doubt that she was going to lose some of them today when they found out, despite what Dr. Tabris had said. 

She was feeling so nervous that she barely touched her lunch. Nate knew she was worried, and spent the lunch trying to reassure her by squeezing her leg under the table and whispering supportive comments in her ear. They did little to help though.

“I like the bracelet,” Solona pointed to it as she spoke.

“Thanks. It’s from Nate,” Cara smiled a little warmer, thinking about the jewelry instead of her testimony. “This is the Cousland crest.”

“Nice job on the bling,” Oz smirked at Nate.

Nate didn’t answer, instead just giving Cara a squeeze of his arm around her waist and a kiss on her temple.

Once recess was over, Cara was called back up to the stand to continue her testimony. Finally, in painful detail, she began talking about her kidnapping and captivity, starting with Nate being shot. She couldn’t prevent the tears when she recounted that, her mind replaying him bleeding out on the ground in vivid color. She then started talking about what happened while in Raleigh’s control for over a month. That testimony was the hardest part for her, knowing all her friends were hearing the details now, which was somehow worse than the strangers in the courtroom hearing it all.

Cara glanced at the clock as she stepped down from the witness stand. It had been over three hours since she’d first taken the chair. She had survived the defense's questioning. They had tried to paint her as the ex-girlfriend trying to get revenge for his cheating, then as someone that was confused because of the drugs  _ he _ had dosed her with. Thankfully the DA had prepped her in advance for the fact that those accusations would be coming, so she did not falter in her resolve, still able to feel her parents there with her, supporting her and loving her.

Nate put his arm around her and leaned close when she sat beside him. “You did wonderfully,” he whispered in her ear. He felt her relax beside him and she rested her head on his shoulder, her hand resting on his knee.

Once the judge called recess for the day, Ms. Dalish turned around from the prosecutor’s table to face her. “We won’t be needing you any further today if you want to leave. You did very well.”

“Thank you,” Cara nodded. When she left the room with Nate, Cullen and Ev, she could see her friends waiting for them at the end of the hall. All except Anders. Cara squeezed Nate’s hand and held back her tears. Perhaps it had been to much to hope he wouldn’t be angry with her.

“Everyone is heading back to my  _ estate _ if you feel up to it,” Alistair said the word ‘estate’ in a faux snooty voice.

“We’ll be there,” Nate answered, not letting her back out of it. He had a feeling she was still ashamed of what she talked about in court, even though she had no reason to be. He was hoping that by being around all those that loved her would help her see that no one was to blame but Samson.

“Where’s Anders?” Cara asked Solona.

“Not sure. He left while you were still up on the stand,” she shrugged.

“Oh,” Cara replied softly, heartbroken that he had left and assumed that he was done with her. “Let’s go before the press finds me,” she turned to Nate who nodded, saying goodbye to the group with promises to see them at Alistair’s.

Nate stopped up short as they walked through the parking garage. Cara looked at him, confused as to why. “Tell him he better not damage the paint job,” Nate smirked and nudged her towards his car.

Cara looked over and saw Anders leaning on Nate’s car, looking at the ground, appearing to not have noticed them. She turned back to look at Nate. “Go talk to him,” he nudged her again.

Cara’s hands pulled nervously at her skirt as she approached Anders. He looked up when she was about a foot away. She was about to speak, but before she could get a word out of her open mouth, he had pulled her into a crushing hug.

“I’m sorry. I had to leave or I was going to set him on fire, laws about magic use or not,” Anders sighed as he leaned his head along hers. “Are you going to be ok?”

Cara shrugged and leaned further into his hug. She felt relief and tears as she realized how foolish she was to think she’d ever lose Anders. Just like Cullen had said about himself: they were family, bonded and there for good and the bad.

“You lean on me then until you are ok,” Anders told her pulling back from the hug. 

“I thought you left because you hated me,” she replied.

“Then you’re a dummy,” Anders smirked at her.

It was then that Cara noticed his hand, wrapped in his tie, and looking bashed, “What happened?”

“I may have punched a wall. Turns out they aren’t as soft and forgiving as they look,” Anders shrugged.

“Should we bring you to a hospital?”

Anders shook his head. “It’s not broken, just needs to be cleaned up. I’ll be ok,” he put his hand behind her head and pulled her closer to kiss her forehead. “What’s the plan now?”

“I guess we’re all going to Alistair’s. Will you come?” She took his free hand.

“Of course. You two have to give me a ride over though. I came with Leli.” he looked up to catch Nate’s eyes and nodded in greeting. Nate took that as his cue that it was safe to approach and pulled out his keys to unlock the door.

“In the back, Blondie,” he smirked.

The three of them chatted about nothing in particular on the drive to Alistair’s, but Nate could tell the more Cara and Anders bantered back and forth, the more relaxed and more herself Cara became. She told Anders about two of the houses they had looked at, one being less than two blocks from Cullen. She was debating about that one. She wasn’t sure she wanted to live in a gated community, but she did like the idea that, once a few years older, Meg could walk on her own between the two homes to see her father whenever she wanted.

Alistair’s estate was just what one would imagine a multi-billionaire’s secondary estate looked like. It was a large, twenty room mansion surrounded by exquisite, well manicured gardens, all protected by a large stone fence with an iron gate. Walking inside, however, was not what most would expect. He’d turned what had, at one point, been the library into a gaming room with a full size pool table- which Alistair, Branson, Isabela and Cullen were currently playing on. On another area was a foosball table -which Anders made a beeline to when he returned from cleaning his hand in the bathroom, pulling Oz into a game. A huge flat screen television with a gaming console attached had attracted all but Fenris to play a racing game on that screen. Fenris was standing on his own near the wet bar talking on his phone. Cara wondered if Maric would be horrified to see this room now, so casual instead of formal. It definitely fit Alistair more, as did other subtle changes he was making through the house.

Nate headed over to watch Anders and Oz, and Cara walked to the bar to join Fenris. He hung up his call just as she arrived. “All’s quiet at your brother’s. A few reporters showed up, but the security I hired kept them off the grounds.”

“Thanks, Fen,” Cara smiled, pouring herself some red wine from the decanter.

“How are you holding up?” Fenris raised an eyebrow as he took a sip from his drink.

Cara shrugged. “Fine.”

Fenris gave her an appraising look and then turned towards the bar, so that others in the room could not hear him. “If you need someone to talk to, someone that understands…”

“Fenris?”

He sighed and turned his head to look at her. This was something he’d never talked to anyone besides Hawke with. “Do you know much about how elves are treated in Tevinter?”

Cara nodded. She’d heard of the slavery there--it was the main reason her father refused to do business with any companies in Tevinter. “But you were military there, right?”

Fenris shook his head. “That...is just what I tell people. My skills were obtained as the slave and bodyguard of a powerful magistrate there. It was pure luck that I escaped during a visit to Ferelden and was able to gain asylum.”

Cara reached over and touched his arm, “Fen. Thank the Maker you did. You are braver than I realized.”

“No,” Fenris shook his head and put a hand on hers. “You are the brave one. When I had the chance to face Danarius, to tell the courts what he had done...I couldn’t do it. What you did today, that was brave and I admire you for it.”

Cara felt tears in her eyes at his words. “But you seem ok now.”

“That would be all due to Hawke,” Fenris said, looking for a moment at the man on the couch. “His unwavering support and love got me through it all. You have a good man in Nate. Lean on him, he will help you.”

Cara sighed and nodded. “I know I do. I’m just afraid to, you know…”

Fenris gave her a look of understanding, “I found I just had to decide I was ready, and then talk to Hawke. Tell him what I was worried about, trust in him that he wouldn’t push me more than I was ready for. Trust that he would take care of me and make me feel safe.”

“And how did it go?”

Fenris smirked, “It made me wish I hadn’t waited so long to make a move.” He then left her to go sit beside Hawke.

Cara smirked and pondered what he said while she looked at Nate: he was laughing at something Oz was saying. He had removed his tie and jacket, but Maker, did he still look good in a dress shirt and slacks. She remembered the night of the class reunion and felt a little hot at the memory.

She sat nursing her glass of wine while thinking back to how he’d been with her since reuniting. From day one he’d been patient and understanding, he’d been comforting and caring, and so very sweet. She remembered him showing up to just hold her when she was missing Meg who had been on vacation with Cullen. She thought back to all the times he’d cooked for her, and how he’d always find some small thing that Meg could do to help with it. She remembered how he’d treat Meg, reading to her, playing with her, and helping her with homework. 

She thought back to the past almost two months, and how he’d been nothing but her rock. He asked for nothing from her in return, simply being there when she needed him. Holding onto her when she’d cry, making sure she’d eat when she was anxious, encouraging her to face down her demons and to lean on her therapist and him when she needed. She wasn’t stupid, she knew he had his own needs, not just carnal, but just basic things like needing to be held, reassured, loved. But somehow he’d put all that aside to take care of her instead. She had no idea how she’d managed to deserve him, but there he was, and she loved him so much for all that he’d done.

As if knowing she was watching him, he looked up from the table where he was now playing against Oz and gave her a wink.

“Leli,” Cara said as she approached the couch. “I need your help. Any chance you’re free to do a little shopping this afternoon.”

“Always. Anything in particular?” Leli asked, scooting over to make room for her.

“Lingerie,” Cara whispered, to which Leli nodded and smiled wide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 more chapters left. I'll be posting them Wednesday and Thursday so that I have gotten it all in this week as they'll be inducing sometime next week.
> 
> Thanks you all for your comments -- I love them, be they long or short, seeing my inbox filled brings me so much joy, so keep them coming <3


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much NSFW all around

Nate sat on his bed, leaning against the headboard as he read a book on archery (something Cara had teased him about being dull). He tried to not fret about how long she’d been in the bathroom. Since testifying yesterday she seemed to be more relaxed, more like her old self. Now that the pressure of having to speak in open court about everything was behind her and seeing that her friends still stuck by her, she appeared happier. She even said her therapy session that morning had gone very well. But she’d been in the bathroom nearly half an hour and he was starting to worry that she had relapsed and was hiding from him. He wanted to support her, but wanted to give her space too, so he tried to distract himself with his book.

He looked up when he heard her enter the bedroom and as soon as he did, all the blood left his head and pooled lower in his body. She was wearing...well not much of anything. It was a sheer red babydoll styled lingerie. Only her breasts were covered and the thong on the bottom didn’t cover much at all. Nate gulped trying to restart his breathing.

“Sweet Andraste,” he moaned.

Cara blushed in response. She worried that it had been too long, that maybe he would reject her, but the slack-jawed look on his face now, and his comment washed away all that worry. He was sitting on the bed wearing nothing but a pair of boxers, looking just as sexy as ever. He tossed his book aside without looking, and she giggled as she walked towards the bed. His eyes kept roaming up and down her body, getting more heated the closer she came. She climbed onto the bed and straddled his legs. Nate’s hands found her waist as he seemed to come back to himself.

“Hi,” his hands gently squeezed her hips.

“Hi,” she blushed. Leli had outdone herself yet again. She had told her friend she wanted to melt Nate’s brain when he saw her, and it clearly looked like that mission was accomplished.

“Maker you are beautiful,” he whispered as he looked up at her. Cara leaned her head down and captured his lips with hers. She couldn’t miss the fact that he was erect and hard against her leg; feeling it added to her own arousal. “Are you sure?”

Cara nodded, “There’s some things I can’t do though,” the fingers of one hand ran through his hair while the other gripped his bicep.

“You tell me if I do anything you don’t like, I’ll stop--no questions asked,” he promised, one of his hands leaving her hip to weave under her hair to the back of her neck. He pulled her down for another kiss, this one more full of desire, his tongue finding its way into her mouth. She settled down along his legs and he arched his hips slightly to rub his hard cock, still trapped in his boxers, along her abdomen. Cara whined feeling him so close to where she really wanted him.

 

 **Art from[phoqingart.tumblr.com](http://phoqingart.tumblr.com):**  


 

Nate leaned forward, holding her close as he continued moving until she was flat on the bed; him over her. Heated lips found her throat as he pressed kisses to it, his right hand massaging a breast through the fabric covering it. 

Cara moaned and arched into his touch, reaching for him.

“Let me take care of you, love,” Nate leaned up on an elbow looking down into her eyes as he pulled her hand from his boxers and put it up by her head. She nodded and let him continue.

He resumed his path with his lips and tongue along her neck and down to her chest. Soft fingers gently pulled down the strap of her top along her right arm slowly exposing a breast to him. He pressed heated kisses to the top of it, feeling her breathing speeding up. He looked up just enough to make sure she wasn’t panicking. Her eyes were closed, her mouth open in an ‘O’, and the look of pure bliss on her face told him he was free to continue. He flicked at the erect nipple with his tongue and smirked when she moaned and her fingers gripped his hair. 

He had missed the taste of her skin; the erotic sounds she would make when they made love; the smell of her lotion; the sight of her in ecstasy. She was filling his senses, causing his neglected cock to jump and demand attention, but he ignored it, meaning it when he said he wanted to concentrate on making her feel good. His lips wrapped around her breast and he suckled. Her hand held him close as she arched into him.

“Nate,” came a breathy moan. His left hand slid down the silkiness of her top, finding it’s way beneath the small piece of fabric covering her. He ran two fingers along her slit, pulling the wetness there up to her clit, which he began to tease while still sucking on her breast. She began to moan nonsense words, her hips lifting, trying for more of him and he knew she was close. He let go of her breast and kissed his way back up to her ear. He pressed a thick finger into her, finding and teasing the soft spot inside of her. 

“Come for me, Cara,” his voice was little more than a hot breath. She whined and moaned, reaching for his biceps as her hips moved quicker. She cried out his name at the same time he could feel her grip the finger inside of her, her wetness covering his hand.

Cara’s eyes opened and looked at him as a smile fell upon her beautiful face. She tilted her head towards him to kiss him--which he happily did. She began to reach for his cock again but he moved his hips out of the way. “I’m not done with you,” he teased, sliding down her body.

He pulled the thong off of her, down her long legs, his lips pressing kisses along her thighs as he followed it down off of her. Once free, he placed a hand on each of her ankles and pulled her legs apart. He pressed kisses and the occasional lick alternating between the two sexy limbs as he moved his way up them to his goal. He put those silky smooth legs over his shoulders as he moved.

“Nate, ohhhh,” she moaned. He had barely started and she was already so close to another climax.

His tongue ran along her slit, tasting her, causing him to moan himself. He had fantasized about this exact act this morning; the reality caused him to throb in his boxers. His nose pressed into her clit while his tongue entered her, teasing movements in out out of her hot sheath. 

“Fuck, Nate, please, please,” she practically sobbed in response. He pressed her hips down with his arm and then flicked his tongue inside of her. Unable to move her hips, she whined. Her fingers found his hair again, and she pulled as she continued to moan. It hurt, but he didn’t care, only willing to stop if she told him to, and the sounds she was making told him she did not want him to.

He pulled his tongue out of her and began to flick at her clit with it, while pressing two fingers into her. He continued alternating between flicking and flattening his tongue against her clit in a pattern that he’d learned before drove her insane. Looking up her body he could see the hand not in his hair was in hers, her elbow in the air as her head was thrown back, her torso arched as she continued to say nothing but his name and a series of “please”.

He continued pumping his fingers while devouring her.

“Maker, Nate, please, please, ahhhhhh.” He lapped at her as she came, tasting her juices. 

He couldn’t wait any longer; needing to be inside of her, to feel her around him. He sat up, pulling his boxers from himself, his cock standing erect along his stomach, fluid leaking from the tip already. He climbed over her and she grabbed his head down into a passionate kiss as soon as he was close enough. “Please Nate,” she begged him so wonderfully that he could not deny her.

He pressed into her and they both moaned at the feeling of him being fully sheathed in her; it had been months for them. Her legs wrapped around his hips, her nails in his shoulder blades told him that he wasn’t the only one that had missed this sensation.

“I love you.” His skin shone with sweat as he began to move inside of her.

“Oh Nate, you feel so incredible,” Cara sighed as her eyes locked with his. “I love you so much.”

Nate closed his eyes, pressing his lips to hers, kissing her deeply, their tongues battling for control as he held her hand with his right hand, his left holding her hip as he slowly found a rhythm that had them both moaning into the other’s mouth.

Her fingernails scraped along his back, no doubt leaving marks that he’d proudly wear. The slickness of her lingerie pressing along his torso added to the sensations.

“Nate, I’m going...too much, I’m going to …” she cried.

“Let go,” his voice husky from desire.

Her insides gripped him tight as she arched up against him, her nails digging in and her legs tightening, pulling him closer as she orgasamed; her falling apart pulled him rushing to his climax as he groaned. His balls tightened and his cock throbbed and a moment later he exploded, filling her with his seed. His eyes clenched shut as he moaned loudly into her hair.

He laid on top of her as he came down from his high. Her legs and arms still wrapped around him told him she didn’t want him to move anymore than he did, so he remained there inside and on top of her. He pressed soft kisses along her neck and cheek, anywhere he could reach really.

He pulled up onto his elbow just enough to look at her, pressing the sweat soaked hair from her face with one hand, which then ran along her cheek. She watched him with a satisfied look on her face. Maker, she was just so beautiful. It almost hurt to look at her from how hard his heart beat.

“Marry me,” he said, rubbing his nose along hers.

“What?” her look turned to confusion.

“I want you to marry me,” he repeated.

Cara’s face fell, not at all the reaction he was expecting. “Cara?”

“You don’t mean it. You’re just on a high from what I’ll admit was mind blowing sex.” Her suspicions were confirmed by him climbing off of her and the bed immediately. Her heart clenched, worried this was something that they wouldn’t recover from. She sat up, turning herself around so that her head was now by the top of the bed, pulling the covers up to cover herself, suddenly feeling like an idiot.

She watched as Nate returned to the bed beside her, ready for him to tell her the damage was done. He took her hand in his and pressed a kiss to it and then, much to her shock, slid a ring over her finger. She stared down at the diamond that must have cost more than six of her monthly house payments.

“If the last few months have done anything, they’ve reinforced that my life is empty without you. I’ve had this for a while, just waiting for the right time to give it to you. I’m serious Cara, I want you to be my wife.” He watched her with hopeful eyes.

“And lying on top of me right after making love seemed like the right time?” she asked in a teasing tone.

“It may not have been my first plan, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Sooooooo,” he raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, Nate.” She started to tear up, not only from the proposal but from relief that things weren’t ruined. Also from happiness that he really did want more than what they already had. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

Nate’s smile was the largest she’d ever seen. He slid his hand through her hair and kissed her as if his life depended on it. When he pulled from the kiss, he kept his forehead on hers. “I swear to you to be the best husband I can be. I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” she sniffled, unable to hold back her tears anymore. Cara was going to get Leli the most expensive set of shoes she could afford.

Nate climbed under the covers and wrapped an arm behind Cara, pulling her close and lying down with her. “I love you,” he repeated, kissing her forehead.

“And I, you,” she told him as she nuzzled close to him, sleep soon finding her. It was her first night uninterrupted by nightmares since she’d returned home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more left :(


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrapping it all up in a pretty bow

“Look at the size of that!” Isabela grabbed Cara’s hand. “You must have been a very good girl, or very very bad!” Bela purred the last part of that sentence.

“He really didn’t pull any punches with a rock like that, did he?” Leli chuckled.

Cara smiled wide, sitting in a semi-private area in Bela’s coffee shop with the two of them and Anders. She had only been able to contain herself for about two minutes before she had blurted out that Nate had proposed.

“So, how’d he ask?” Anders sipped his coffee.

“It was very intimate,” Cara answered and blushed.

“Intimate?” Anders raised an eyebrow.

“What? Did he ask during sex?” Isabela teased and then noticed Cara blushing again and avoiding making eye contact. She slapped her own leg and laughed, “Oh Maker, that’s exactly what it was, wasn’t it?”

Cara smiled wide, “Leli, I owe you an expensive pair of shoes.”

Anders laughed hard while Leli smirked. “Well that hadn’t been the goal of our shopping trip, but it appears to have worked out just the same.”

“Happiness looks good on you,” Anders squeezed an arm around her in a hug.

“Thanks,” Cara leaned her head on his shoulder as the conversations turned to wedding plans.

***

Today was the big day, the culmination of three months of court; sentencing.Cara sat in the same seat she had through the entire trial--front row behind the prosecutor, Nate on one side, Cullen on the other. They all stood as the judge entered. Sitting back down, she held Nate’s hand in her right, Cullen’s in her left, hoping they could help settle her nerves.

She prayed that her testimony had been enough. She worried that the defense had made her look like she’d made things up in revenge for his cheating. More so she worried what it would mean if they released him today. There was no way he wouldn’t seek revenge. She’d been having more nightmares the last week, each time it was either Meg or Nate that was the target of his revenge. Every night she’d woken up crying, sometimes screaming, and Nate would wrap his arms around her, whisper soothingly to her and rock her until she fell back asleep. She was in therapy daily at this point from the anxiety.

She held her breath as the jury foreman stood, preparing to read their ruling. She felt Anders’ hand squeeze her shoulder from where he sat behind her along with Isabela, Branson, Leli and Alistair. Hawke and Fenris were in the room somewhere too, but she was unsure where, as was Delilah.

“Madame Foreman, what is your verdict?” 

“In the charge of violation of an order of protection, we the jury find the defendant...Guilty.”

Cara squeezed Nate’s hand. That was the easy charge.

“In the charge of Attempted Murder, we the jury find the defendant...Guilty.”

Nate pressed a kiss to Cara’s cheek. They both knew that charge would carry a decent sentence.

“In the charge of kidnapping, we the jury find the defendant…”

Cara held her breath.

“Guilty.”

She released her breath, feeling like she could feel so much weight leaving her shoulders. 

The spectators began to murmur. The judge banged his gavel to quiet them and then gave his thanks to the jury before turning his eyes on Raleigh.

“Raleigh Samson, the evidence presented to this court showed you have a grave indifference to the value of human life and the safety of others. That you are a former police officer only demonstrates that you should know better. It is the opinion of this court that you are a danger to Ms. Cousland, her daughter and Mr. Howe should you be released. Due to the seriousness of these charges but also the testimony of Ms. Cousland, I hereby sentence you to the maximum of 60 years, of which you will serve no less than 40. Bailiff, please take Mr. Samson to his cell.” He banged the gavel and stood, all those in attendance also standing.

Cara turned and looked at Cullen, tears welling in her eyes. “It’s over? It’s really over?”

Cullen pulled her into his arms, his mouth near her ear. “It’s really over. He can never come after you again. He’s going to be a very old man by the time he gets out, if ever.”

Cara gave him another squeeze before turning to face Nate, letting out a breath of relief. He put both hands on her face and kissed her soundly. Neither needing to say what they were feeling, instead holding each other, relief that the nightmare was over.

Once in the hallway, Anders, Branson and Alistair each took their turns picking her up and spinning her in a large hug. First Nate’s proposal two months ago, and now this. 

It was over, really and truly over. She could breath, she could live her life without looking over her shoulder any more, she could just  _ be. _ She could finally just be happy.

***

Cara watched as Nate and Anders carried in one part of her L-shaped couch, Hawke and Fenris carrying in the other piece and setting it down in her new living room.

“Lunch is ready in the kitchen,” Cara told her workers and they all smiled, letting out a sigh of relief and heading towards the promised food.

“So, is it starting to look like home?” Nate asked as he wrapped his arm behind her and pulled her close.

“Almost,” Cara leaned up and kissed him. “But it’s still missing one thing.”

“There’s nothing left in the truck. Are you sure?” he asked looking around.

“I mean you,” she reached up and tilted his head to her. “I’ve gotten used to waking up next to you. I want you to live here with us. I don’t want to wait until the wedding.”

“Yes,” Nate smirked and bent down to capture her lips in another kiss. He’d been dreading being apart from her after living together for over three months. Cara felt like she was floating, like everything in her life was finally falling into place.

“Really?” She leaned her head against his chest and sighed.

“Of course. I like waking up next to you as well,” he reassured her as his hand slipped down to her ass and he pulled her flush against him. He nibbled on her ear lobe, his hot breath just above a whisper when he spoke next. “But let’s go have some lunch for now.”

Cara playfully smacked his chest for teasing her before stepping back and leading him to the kitchen.

Cara smiled through the first meal in her new home with her friends. Everyone talked happily, Anders was planning a trip to the south soon with Karl, a romantic getaway that he was clearly excited about. Fenris discussed career options now that he would no longer be a nanny to Meg, and Hawke made some lame joke about how Fenris could guard his body, to which Fenris just rolled his eyes. She watched them all with affection, their banter already making this feel more like home. She could already picture everyone gathered around the table for card games.

“I wish we could stick around to help more,” Hawke said as Fenris gathered their coats, “but the twins are due in town in a few hours.”

“You’ve done plenty. Go have fun playing big brother,” Cara hugged him tight. “We’ll talk soon.” She waved to Fenris as he nodded a goodbye, leading Hawke out.

Nate pulled her over to him. “I’ll head out too. Just to pick up a few things at my apartment. We can start packing it up after I talk with the landlord, but for now I can grab up enough things to stay here,” Nate leaned down and gave her a quick kiss as his hand rested on her biceps. “I won’t be long.”

“See that you’re not,” Cara smiled. “Meg will be here in a little bit, I know she’ll want to see you.”

Nate smirked at her as he left.

“I have nothing going on, so put me to work,” Anders offered as he leaned against the wall.

“Very well,” Cara nodded, “come this way.”

“I know it’s not exciting, but this bathroom needs to be unpacked. It’s going to be Meg’s slash guest bath. I’m not sure which room she’ll want for hers yet, but we can at least start on the bathroom while I start in the living room.”

“Aye aye, boss,” Anders teased her as he shooed her out to start unpacking.

Cara had the entertainment center unpacked and half the bookshelf done, deciding to leave the other half free for Nate’s things, when she heard Cullen call out a hello as he entered. Meg came running in ahead of him.

“Walk,” she could hear Cullen correct the girl and she smirked, knowing some things never changed.

“Wow, is this our new home?” Meg looked around with big eyes.

“It is,” Cara nodded, bending down to give her a hug.

“We walked here from Daddy’s. It’s really close!” Meg smiled wide. Cara stood up to greet Cullen and Evelyn as they entered the living room. Evelyn had the cutest little baby bump showing at five months along and she practically glowed. Pregnancy looked good on her.

“That’s the point. Now you can see him and Evelyn a lot more. When you get a bit older you can walk there on your own, but for now I or Nate can walk you over,” Cara reassured her.

“Where’s my room?” Meg bounced excitedly.

“Well you need to choose it. Uncle Anders is down that hallway. He’ll show you. Let him know which one you picked so we can paint it for you,” Cara pointed down to where the rooms were.

“So what can we help with?” Cullen asked after Meg had run off.

“You I’m putting to work unpacking the kitchen,” she told Cullen and then faced Evelyn. “And you are doing no unpacking. Once Meg has a room picked I was hoping maybe you could take her out back, show her the swing set that came with the house.” Evelyn happily agreed.

Fifteen minutes later, with a room picked, Meg was out back playing - very excited to see that she had a swing set, and Cullen was working his way through boxes in the kitchen. Cara walked back to see how Anders was fairing and was surprised to see that he was done already, just busy folding down the now empty boxes. He’d even hung up Meg’s shower curtain that was covered with kittens and puppies.

“It’s looking great,” she smiled, loving how quickly it was really becoming  _ home _ .

“Once I’m done here, I can go get the paint from the store if you know what color you want for her room.” 

Cara nodded and handed him a paint chip she had designated. “I’m going to miss having you within walking distance.”

“You’ll still see me just as much. It’s a quick drive over. We can even have breakfast Sunday if you want,” he squeezed her hand in reassurance.

“I’d like that,” Cara squeezed his back.

“Alright, get out and let me finish in here,” he teased.

Cara walked back to the front to see how Cullen was doing. “How’s it going in here?”

Cullen looked at the unopened boxes, “Still a bit to go. You may want to think pizza tonight.” Cara nodded, in response. “Where’s the fiancé?”

Cara looked at her watch and frowned slightly when she realized the time. “He said he was running home for a few quick things and he’d be back, but that was almost two hours ago.”

“He probably just lost track of time. Give him a call,” Cullen tried to reassure her. “Maybe he stopped to pick up something for dinner.”

Cara nodded, and hit the speed dial for his phone. Her worries didn’t lessen any when it went to voicemail. “I know I’m just being silly, but you’ve been gone a while, so maybe call, let me know when you’re headed back.”

She hung up and took a deep breath, and decided that starting in on her bedroom might help distract her. Anders poked his head in a little while later. “I’m back. Paint’s in the garage.”

“You can help me in here if you want,” she offered, checking her phone again to see if there was any missed messages or texts. There was not.

“Sure,” he walked in, picking up a nighty from the box she was unpacking and holding it up to himself. “Ooo la la.”

Cara snatched it from him and gave him a playful look. “You’re a horrible brother, you’re supposed to scream at the thought of me having anything like that.”

Anders shrugged, “Since when have I followed the rules. So what do you want me to start in on?”

“There’s some new nightstands there, maybe you could put them together? I put the toolbox in the closet.”

“On it,” Anders winked and set about opening one of the boxes.

“And follow the rules on that, I don’t want you to accidently build me a pool table,” she teased.

“So bossy,” Anders mumbled as he smirked.

Cullen walked back, having finished most of the kitchen. “Ev’s going to take Meg home, thought you might want to say goodbye.”

Cara nodded and walked up front to do just that. After they left, with a reassurance to Meg that she could move into her new room the following weekend, Cullen turned to look at Cara. “You ok?”

“It’s been over three hours, and nothing,” she bit her bottom lip.

“Do you want me to call Fenris, have him check?” 

Cara shook her head, “I already tried that, but he and Hawke are at the airport picking up Hawke’s brother and sister. They probably won’t get back for another few hours; said the flight was delayed.”

“Do you want me to go check?” Cullen offered.

Cara shook her head, “I’d honestly feel better if you were here. I’m sure I’m worrying for nothing. He probably got a call from a client or stopped at his sister’s on the way back.” She tried to ignore why that would equate to his not returning three calls.

“Alright, what say I help in your room. From the curses coming from there it sounds like Anders could use a hand anyway.” Cullen put an arm around her and led her to the back room.

As predicted, Anders was sitting on the floor, surrounded by night stand parts and giving the instructions a death glare.

“Anders?”

“I have a doctorate and a medical license and even I can’t figure these out.” He shook the manual in his hand. “You try.” He handed them to Cullen as he sat beside the mage.

Cara finished getting things in her dresser, leaving a drawer free for Nate until he could get his dresser here. By the time Cullen and Anders had the night tables done, she’d also gotten her closet set up. It had been two more messages and four and a half hours since he’d left. Her mind kept playing for her every bad thing that could have happened - car accidents, him falling down the stairs of his apartment building, maybe even a final revenge set up by Raleigh. Her stomach was in knots.

“Team work,” Anders laughed triumphantly as he high fived Cullen. “This calls for a beer, but since there isn’t any, let’s go celebrate with water.”

Cara heard the front door open and shut and pushed past them as they were heading to the kitchen.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Nate put down the suitcase in his hand and looked at Cara. “I have a good reason I promise.”

“Why didn’t you call?” Cara pressed herself into his arms and rested along his chest.

“I left my phone in the car, when I got back to it, it was dead. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.” Nate looked up and nodded at Cullen and Anders.

“What happened?” Cara asked as she stepped away, unsure if she was ready to forgive him now that the relief of knowing he was ok had passed.

The front door opened again, but she still just watched Nate.

“Don’t be mad at him, it’s my fault,” someone said as they entered the living room.

She turned to see who the voice was attached to and her mouth fell open. “Thomas?”

“It’s good to see you again,” he put down another of Nate’s suitcases and held out his arms. 

Cara pulled him into a huge hug. “It’s been too long. Have you seen Del yet?”

“This morning. That’s how I knew where to find my brother,” he looked up noticing the other people in the room. “I’m not intruding, am I?”

“Never,” Cara took his hand and brought him over to the others. “This is Cullen, and Anders. Guys, this is Thomas Howe.”

As they shook hands, Cara turned back to Nate who was watching his brother in awe.

“Hey,” she wrapped her arms around his waist.

Nate’s arms wrapped around her and he kissed her again. “I’m sorry for worrying you. When I got to my place, he was there in the process of leaving a note. I didn’t bring my phone with me. I had only meant to just run up, grab some clothes and run back. We started talking and I just lost track of the time. I’m sorry.”

Cara shook her head, “It’s ok, your brother is back.”

“Well not to stay. He lives in Kirkwall now, has a family of his own. He said his wife encouraged him to reach out to me and Del after he saw news of the trial on TV. Apparently he’s still stubborn given that it took him some time to do so, but here he is.” Nate was practically vibrating with the excitement of finally having Thomas back.

“I’m happy for you. He’ll be back for the wedding?”

“I’ve asked him to be my best man, so he better be.” Nate winked as he removed one arm from around her and walked over to where the others were talking.

“So I hear congratulations are in order,” Thomas smiled at her.

“And I hear you have a family? I hope we can meet them soon,” Cara beamed.

Thomas nodded, pulling out his wallet to share pictures.

“I think we’ll head out. You two come on over for lunch tomorrow if you can,” Cullen nodded as he and Anders said their goodbyes and left the three of them to catch up.

***

**One and a half years later**

Nate sat at his desk flipping through a case file, looking over the final details of a contract when his intercom buzzed.

“You have visitors, Mister Howe.” The child’s giggle in the background gave away the  _ who _ .

“Send them in,” he replied, getting up from his desk. 

Meg came in, all smiles, holding a paper in her hand. “Look Papi, I got 80s and 90s on my report card! We came to surprise you for lunch to celebrate. Are you surprised?”

“I sure am,” Nate smiled at her as she hugged him around the waist. “I’m very proud of you.”

“I felt the baby kick today, too, “ she beamed pointing to Cara who had come in and sat on one of his chairs, her large belly covering up what lap she may have had. “Mama said brother will be here soon.”

“Another two months,” Nate ruffled her hair as he bent down to give his wife a kiss. “How’re you doing?”

“Good, just a little tired. Are you free for lunch?”

“Absolutely. We have a report card to celebrate after all,” Nate smiled as he offered her a hand to help Cara stand. “I know a good place around the corner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sigh* So now it's done. I always get a little sad wrapping up a story and saying goodbye to those characters.
> 
> Thank you all for coming along for the ride. I loved all the comments both here and on Facebook/Tumblr.
> 
> I'm off to start a new adventure - both in real life and on paper. Maybe even a prequel to this, who knows. Feel free to send me prompts for the prequel on Tumblr and Facebook. I may not get back to you on them right away, but I can use some of them for my prequel :) 
> 
> I've also had fun discovering that many of you are talented writers as well. Your stories are amazing!!
> 
> 'til next time :)


	37. Not the story. New little guy is here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll pull this down in a week or so but meet Nathaniel James. He has his daddy's blue gray eyes (James is my husband's name). 8 lbs 7oz at birth June 16 at noon exactly.


End file.
